Blackness Takes Over & Blackness Awaits (34 page)

“Pretty spot on actually.”

“So?”

“So what?”

“I don’t know. I feel like the ball’s in your court. I’m tryin’ really hard to do this girlfriend thing the right way, but I have no clue what I’m doin’. I’m not gettin’ rid of the boys and you seem doubtful at my ability to commit. We seem to be at an impasse,” I huff. I stand up and start to pace around the room a little. This sucks! “I did ask you to fucking move in with me, if you forgot that part of this.” I throw my arms up. I’m getting pissed off now. I put myself out there and look where that gets me. This is why I don’t do relationships.

“I know you did. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” I sneer. Thank you? What the fuck? I didn’t just offer him a napkin.

“I’m gonna go back out there and check on the guys. You obviously need time to figure out if you want me or us or whatever and I get that. My life is complicated, but I love it and I’m not changing it for you or anyone else. I love you so much, Kel, but my life has been changed enough without my consent.” I lean over and kiss his cheek before leaving. I go into the living room and find my family: loud, laughing, shit giving, loving family. If this is all the rest of my life gives me I’m okay with that. I’ll miss Kel though, I thought he fit here.

Taylor comes up beside me and nudges me with his shoulder.

“Tough day at the office?” he snarks.

I burst into laughter. I needed to laugh even though I need to square shit away with Taylor. I’m all talked out right now though. I walk away from Taylor while he heads back upstairs. I curl into Kavy’s lap. He cuddles me into him and I watch some football, trying to pretend this day never happened. None of the boys have asked me what started this and I don’t want them to. I never saw Kel leave but he could have gone out the front door without me seeing him.

I decide to go up to my room and take a bath to soak the sadness away that’s building in my chest. I kiss Kavy on the cheek, thank him and the guys for everything today and make my way upstairs. I walk into my bedroom with my head down going through emails on my BlackBerry, hoping to see a message from Kel (nothing). I get halfway in my room and look up, stiffening when I see Kel sitting in the chair in the corner.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he apologizes.

“It’s okay. I thought you left. You want some help packin’ up?” I try to be nice.

“No.”

“Oh, okay. Well I’ll leave you to it.” I turn to leave the room and try to figure out where to go to hide out until this awkward experience is over.

I’m almost to the door when his arms encase me from behind crushing me to him. I freeze. Is this a good bye hug?

“I don’t want you to help me pack because I’m not leavin’,” he murmurs into my hair. “I’m sorry about earlier. You put yourself out there, and I threw shit at you that you didn’t know bugged me. I knew what I was gettin’ into when we met, it was a package deal. I’m not asking you to give up your family…I will never ask you to. I want to live with you
and figure out where I fit. I want to fit.” I spin in his arms, grab his neck and jum
p up in our usual pose. He grasps my ass and we gaze into each other’s eyes, reflecting a feeling of adoration.

“You fit right here,” I whisper. He smiles and crushes his lips to mine. I know that has to hurt with his busted lip, but he doesn’t show any signs of pain. Kel leaps onto the bed with me still wrapped around him, smashing me a little. I let out an
oof
and we both laugh into each other’s mouths.

“Test tube babies…really?” he says into my mouth. I laugh out loud and throw my head back. He’s stuck on test tube babies.

“I’m not having test tube babies, Kel. That’s your psychosis not mine,” I blow out. “I always figured I’d adopt. If you don’t have a man that’s usually how it works. Sperm banks freak me the fuck out. I would surely end up gettin’ some serial killer’s sperm. And I would never procreate with those idiots downstairs. I don’t know how their mothers raised them…I don’t wanna try.”

“But you have a man now,” he glances up at me sheepishly from my chest he’s buried himself in.

“Yeah, one I’ve had for a couple months. Little early to be gettin’ knocked up,” I snark.

“I’d knock you up right now if you’d let me!” he growls into my tits.

“Really? You wanna get me pregnant after knowin’ me two months? I think you need your head checked!”

“I know I want you. That’s not changin’. I’m not sayin’ I want kids tomorrow, but when I think about my future…it’s with you and our family, crazy motherfuckers downstairs and all.”

“Well let’s go to City Hall Monday morning and just get it all finalized then,” I scoff. He can’t be fucking serious with this shit.

“Okay. What time?” he deadpans.

“I’m gonna get Cally and we’re puttin’ you on a psych hold because you have lost your shit!” I squeal, as he starts to tickle me.

“I will marry you and have babies with you and grow old with you,” he says intently. “You just wait and see.”

“Okay.” I can wait and see.

“Okay.”

After some greatly needed makeup sex Kel and I head back downstairs to let him face the boys and for me to iron shit out with Taylor. The guys are still where I left them engrossed in the Army vs. Navy game. Kel clears his throat to get the guys attention. They all turn their heads toward him with impassive looks.

“I beyond fucked up today guys,” Kel acquiesces. “I feel like total shit about it and I can assure you, I’ll never let anything go that far again. I love Kid more than I can even tell you guys and I know you all love her just as much. I meant what I told Kav all those weeks ago. If I hurt her I’d deliver myself to you all willingly. I’m here and I deserve whatever you wanna give me. I was wrong.” Kavy stands up and moves toward Kel. He looks fucking pissed off right now and I’m a little worried about what Kel just signed up for. I keep my fingers interlaced with Kel’s, knowing Kavy won’t put me in the middle like I was earlier today. I’m watching Kavy closely, but see the other guys getting up from the couch and following close behind him.

“Kid go to the office and talk to Taylor,” Kavy orders without looking at me. Kel maintains eye contact with Kavy, not in a confrontational way…it’s respectful.

“Kavy,” I warn.

“Kid, we need Kellerman alone for a few minutes. You need to leave,” Sully orders, not looking at me either.

“Go ahead Kiddo. I’ll be fine,” Kel soothes, squeezing my hand before letting go.

I turn and start to walk away; knowing an ass kicking is surely coming for Kel. I need my guys to know that Kel is my future now as much as they are. I turn back around.

“Guys, I know this is a man thing that I’m not a part of. But you all are my family…Kel included. He’s my future now too guys. I’m no cake walk to be with, but he’s fightin’ for me like only you guys have. Think about that before you do anything stupid,” I beseech before I turn and walk away.

I walk in the office to see Taylor leaning over the desktop monitor, standing with his phone between his ear and shoulder.

“I’ll have to get back to you,” he says quickly and ends the call.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” I apologize.

“It’s fine,” his tone is soft.

“I think we need to talk about today. Can we sit down?” I motion to the love seat where I hashed shit out with Kel earlier. This is a scary kind of déjà vu. He sits next to me and gazes into my eyes, with a little fury flickering in them if I look hard enough.

“Today was my fault Taylor. Kel and I were havin’ a discussion that I was trying to avoid and things got outta hand. I’m sorry you felt the need to step in,” I say with sincerity.

“You don’t seem to know how much I care about you.” He shakes his head. “This isn’t just another job for me. You’re special.”

“I think your job with me is done, Taylor. It’s time for you to move on to your next job because that’s what I am, just a job,” I get a little stern. He needs to know I’m not feeling for him what he’s unveiling to me. If there was no Kel, there would be a Taylor and me…I don’t doubt that. Unfortunately for Taylor, he was a week late in my life.

“You’re so much more than a job, Shannon.” He reaches out and cups my cheek. I pull back and his hand and head drop immediately.

“Taylor, I’m with Kel and you know that. I love him. I asked him to move in with me.” I’m pleading with my eyes for him to get the picture. His gaze gets more intense, but he stands up and makes his way to the desk. I follow him with my eyes, confused as to what he’s doing.

“Are you familiar with a woman named Cassie Yates?” he asks as he grabs some papers off the desk and moves back toward me.

“No. I don’t think so.” I furrow my brow trying to think if I am.

“She used to date Dylan Kellerman in Seattle,” he says, as he hands me a piece of paper with pictures of Kel with a petite blonde hugging him. It looks like it’s from Facebook or something like that.

“Now that I think about it, he said his ex’s name was Cassie. So what?” I feel like he’s trying to stir up shit.

“That’s right they used to date,” he says airily. “The problem is she is now eleven weeks pregnant with Kellerman’s baby,” he deadpans. I look into his eyes, praying to see a lie seeping through, but I don’t.

“How do you know it’s his? She could be pregnant by anyone. Just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean it’s Kel’s,” I rattle off. I know how this shit works…family attorney and all.

“I had Kellerman followed when he was in Seattle.” I look at him, shocked as he hands me surveillance photos. “I did it to keep you safe, Shannon. You’d only known him a few days. It was important to know who he was and what he was up to,” he says softly. I look at the stack of photos he handed me, and feel my stomach turn as I look through photo after photo of Kel sucking face with the petite blonde. The photos are time stamped and Kel is wearing the same clothes he wore on the plane when he left in the first few, with less and less clothes on as they fall into bed. I keep thumbing through them, hoping to see something that doesn’t make this real, but it’s not there. FUCK!!

“Why didn’t you show me these in October?!” I seethe at him. “Why wait until now?”

“Because you’re an adult. I’m not your babysitter. My job was to keep you safe and out of harm’s way, not to figure out your love life,” he says clinically. “That changed though Shannon. I’ve fallen for you and I don’t want you to be with someone that takes you for granted,” he’s now full of emotion. The back and forth of his mood is throwing me but I’m trying to stay focused.

“Taylor you’re my friend. I care about you too, but I’m in love with Kel,” I sigh at the realization…that may be even worse right now.

“Do you really want to be with someone that would do that to you? Be a stepmother to a baby that lives in Seattle. He’ll probably move back to be close to his child. Are you gonna follow him? Leave the practice? Leave the guys?” he rattles off in an unbelieving tone.

I put my hand up to signal I need a break. Taylor grabs the photos out of my hands and pulls me into him. I let him hold me because I need it right now. He tips my face up to his with his finger under my chin and ever so softly presses his lips to mine. I let him kiss me. I want to feel loved right now because all I feel is betrayal. I let myself see a future and it was just ripped from me like I always fear.

Taylor grows more forceful pulling the nape of my neck and working his hand in my hair. Our mouths part and our tongues work over each other’s almost angrily. I’m fisting his shirt, trying to feel the fire in me that I get from Kel, there is a burn between us but it’s completely different to that of Kel and me. Taylor runs his hand up my shirt and hurriedly pulls my breast free from the cup of my bra. His hands are softer than Kel’s and smaller. I start to come back to the reality of what’s happening. I can’t do this. My heart is with Kel…broken but still with him in this moment. I pull away from Taylor and stand up to move back from him. He’s out of breath and panting at me.

“What’s wrong?” he breathes out.

“I can’t, Taylor.” I shake my head.

“Please, Shannon,” he pleads. When he calls me Shannon I remember his explanation about why he calls me that. My heart flutters at the memory and confuses me even more.

“Taylor, this is too much right now. I need to talk to Kel. I can’t just jump into something two seconds after my heart is ripped out. I think you should take a new job. I’ll get in touch once I have my head straight.” I right myself in my clothes and make my way to the door. I stop and look at him wanting to somehow make this better but I don’t know how. He looks away from me.

“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head. “I’ll wait for you, Shannon. You’re worth more than he’s giving you. But I’ll do what you ask. I’ll be gone tomorrow.” He gets up and makes his way back to the desk without so much as a glance at me. He’s hurt and rejected. The doorbell rings.

“I’ll just get that,” I say happy for the distraction.

“Goodbye, Shannon,” he says, giving me one deep look before gazing back at the monitor.

I make my way to the door and look out the peephole. All I see is a bunch of flowers. I open the door.

“Delivery for Shannon Kelly,” the voice of the man holding the arrangement says. I still can’t see his face, but can tell he’s wearing a uniform and hat.

“I can take that,” I say.

“You’ll need to sign for them,” he says, as he hands me the vase. The flowers are stunning all white: calla lilies, gerbera, freesia, eucharis, and amaryllis, intermixed with leafy greens. The vase and the arrangement are large and heavy so I just take them to the small entry table. I lean in, eyes closed, getting a good whiff of the intoxicating scent.

I know this fragrance…Daddy.

I bend over the small table to smell the pretty white flowers. I hate going to meetings with my daddy, but he promised this would be a short one. It’s a nice warm summer day outside. I would rather be playing in the sprinklers than sitting here in this room that smells like flowers. I’ve never been here before; usually meetings are at Daddy’s office. I’ve been waiting for a long time, but I remember my manners and sit quietly, waiting for him to come back for me. I wish I could go outside and play. There was a big fountain in front when we came in. I could just sit and watch the water flow. I can see it from the window next to me. There’s a lady in the middle with her hands cupped spilling water to her feet. She’s beautiful.