Blackbirds & Bourbon (14 page)

I run up the slope ahead, stumbling more than once in the deep drifts, but before I’m halfway up I hear a roar. One full of anguish and rage.

Stephen.

Please, no.

When I finally get to the top of the rise, shaking and wet, I look down onto a horror scene, trampled snow streaked and splotched a black-red in the light of a rising moon, nearly full, illuminating the bodies of werewolves in various stages of dismemberment strewn about in a wide circle. And in the middle…

No.

Another roar from Stephen brings down the snow off the pines, drifting over a thick mane of golden brown hair I’ve run my fingers through a hundred times, dusting sightless, once-warm eyes that are fixed on the sky.

The king is dead.

Stephen
won’t stop looking at me.

Even now. It’s been an hour, or maybe several since we found what was left of Georg. I should be freezing in my jeans and long-sleeved tee under my pink winter parka, but instead I’m numb. The rest of the bruins have been here for a while. Stephen called them from my phone, but Syana is at the Den with Aggie. Ajax refused to let her come and in a way, I’m glad. If I saw my bestie right now, I’d lose it. As it is, I’m not doing too well. I keep gulping like a fish out of water but I can’t seem to get any air, and what I do get feels too heavy, like it wants to crush my lungs from the inside out.

“This is not your fault, Seph. It’s not.”

I don’t move, still staring at the blood-splattered snow. The twins already wrapped the pieces of Georg’s body in linens they brought with them. Stephen lifted the heavy bundle into the truck by himself, his blue eyes filled with tears. But those eyes are clear now. Clear and hard. As if he can pierce right inside my head, to the hopelessness there. A hopelessness that tightens the words that force their way past my numb lips.

“How can you fucking say that? He made a vow, which he broke for
me
. This is totally my fault.”

“This is the werewolves’ fault. And that bastard Cerunnos.”

Stephen grilled me about the phone call several times before the others shoved up, then again in front of the rest of the bruins after they put Georg’s body away. There were dark looks and muttered curses from the twins, but Stephen got quieter and colder with every word. There’s a look in his eyes right now that reminds me eerily of Jack.

“But the vow—”

“You ever think maybe Georg broke it just as much for Carly? And Sy? You think he’d have let them die once he knew what Owen was really up to? It’s not all about you, Seph. You can’t take this weight. It’s not yours.”

I shake off the hand he puts on my shoulder. “Tell that to Aggie.”

God, Georg’s aunt is going to be after my head, and the way I feel right now I’d let her take it. Stephen flinches at her name and I know he’s dreading facing her. Telling her what happened tonight—delivering Georg’s body. I shudder hard.

I want to reach out, to comfort him, but I can’t. I’m entirely too fucked up myself.

Seeing Georg like that, ripped literally to pieces… The wolves made damn sure he couldn’t come back. His head was barely attached to his body. I shove the heels of my palms into my eyes, biting back a scream.

“I need to get out of here.”

“You can’t drive right now. Come back to the Den. Sy will—”

“
No
. I want to be alone, Stephen.”

He looks like he’s going to argue. Then abruptly, he nods, reaching into his pocket and handing me a set of keys. “There’s a spare cabin over there.” He points to another rise west of the one I came over. “One we all use when we’re out this way. It’s not much, but there’ll be wood by the back door. I’ll have Dom grab your car. Somebody will be by to check on you in the morning.”

And if I know Stephen, someone will be checking on me throughout the night, too. But that’s fine, as long as they stay the hell back.

I’m about to snap and when I do, it’s not going to be pretty.

The knock comes around four in the morning. I’m up. I never went to bed. I glare at the door, trying to incinerate it with my eyes. I’ve been expecting him to show for a while now.

“Open the fucking door, Seph. Or I’ll knock it down.”

Let him. I don’t fucking care.

Two seconds later, Jack comes through the door, bringing a swirl of wind and snow with him into the sparsely furnished cabin. This is nothing like the sexy buildings the bruins use on a daily basis. It’s a glorified shed with one bed, a wood stove I never bothered to light and ragged, sun-bleached curtains covering the window. The pine floor is scarred from bear claws and boots and is gritty under the soles of my wet Uggs.

“You need to leave.”

“No, you’re not going to be alone. Not tonight.”

“So you heard.”

“Of course I did.” I want to ask who told him, but if it’s who I think it was—

“Get out of here, Jack. I mean it.”

“Make me.”

I launch myself at him, teeth bared, nails out. He staggers when I hit him, but barely, which only enrages me even more. I want to see him flat on his back, I want to see pain and blood because somehow if I make Jack hurt badly enough, maybe this ache inside me will go away.

I kick at his boots, scratch at his leathers and scream in his face, magic crackling around us, warping the air, but Jack doesn’t let me go. He takes all my abuse without a word. It’s only when I’m limp in his arms, panting and sweaty, tears pouring down my cheeks in the frigid air, that he finally speaks.

“I’m sorry, princess.” He strokes my hair, his voice thick.

I remember the last time Jack said that to me. When he was delivering me to Georg. Maybe I should’ve gone back to the Den with the stupid bruin that night. Maybe then none of this shit would’ve happened. Maybe Georg would still be alive. I sway and Jack swings me off my feet and into his arms without another word.

He sets me on the edge of the bed before starting a fire in the old stove.

Once he’s got it roaring, Jack comes back to kneel on the floor next to me, peeling off my soaked boots and socks, rubbing my freezing feet in his big, warm hands.

My fingers dig into the thin coverlet. “I told you the nice stuff makes me twitchy.”

“Deal with it.” That hollow flexes in Jack’s jaw, his hands rubbing just a bit harder. I can hear his teeth grinding together.

“What?”

“Sometimes it gets to me. That I can’t do the simplest thing without you thinking it’s an act, or a ploy to get something.”

“Isn’t it?” I ask wearily.

He looks up at me, his eyes disturbingly blank, like glass. “You’re about to find out.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

He gets to his feet, grabbing a blanket from a shelf over the door I hadn’t even noticed in the hours I’ve been here. I don’t expect an answer, but he surprises me as he thrusts the blanket into my hands. “We’re running out of time, Seph. So I’m about to tell you some things. For all the good it will do either of us at this point.”

I wrap the musty blanket around my shoulders, as he goes back to the stove. “Like why you hide behind that asshole thing all the time, even though I don’t think it’s who you really are?”

“Oh, it is.” He pokes at the fire, broad back taut. “Believe me. I was one cold son of a bitch back in the day.”

“Was? What happened?’

He looks over his shoulder and smiles tightly. “You happened, Seph.”

“And I changed you? Yeah, right.”

Jack doesn’t deign to respond, only raises an eyebrow.

“Oh whatever, Jack. Is that why you ripped my heart out? Because I
changed
you? Bullshit.”

His lips twitch, but there is no amusement in his voice. “No. That was deliberate and you know it.”

“I know that I loved you, Jack. So. Fucking. Much.” The words spill out of my half-numb lips, and I can’t take them back. Not that it’s news to either of us. I told him as much the night he took me to his bed. He even said the words back to me. All part of his little act.

“I know.” To my shock, that lithe body slumps and suddenly Jack’s sitting on the bed next to me, his head in his hands. “Believe me, I know exactly what I did to you that day.”

“Tell me.”

He drops his hands, his voice steady but dull, as he stares straight ahead. “At first, the plan was simple. And it was
my
plan, Seph—all mine. When Cerunnos failed, I vowed to succeed. I was going to… stop you. Stop the prophecy from ever happening.”

His eyes meet mine, full of a grim darkness that makes me ache. “I had a spell that I knew would work, one that I could twist to my needs. I just had to be patient. Let you grow up. Then it would be easy. Seduce the virgin witch and break her heart. I figured it’d take three weeks. A month at the outside.”

Jesus. He was one cold bastard, wasn’t he? But something doesn’t add up. Jack and I were together over half a year before he made his move.

“Why drag it out so long? You could’ve had me anytime you pleased after the first couple weeks, and we both know it.”

“Because once I fucked you, it would all be over. At first, that’s exactly what I wanted, but…” He scrubs his face with both hands, sounding incredibly tired.

Slowly, it comes to me. “Did you… like spending time with me?”

He tilts his head back and laughs, but the sound twists my heart. “Like it? Oh baby, I couldn’t think of anything else. You fascinated me from day one. God. After existing for so long, I
was
like ice inside. Exactly like they say. I hadn’t had an honest-to-goodness emotion since Rochka got hurt. Being with you was like sweet April air after a thousand winters. I’d forgotten what it was like to live.” My throat is closing, watching him. This can’t be for real, can it?

“You made me see things, feel things… Things that messed with my head, princess, that threw the game out the window and stomped on it.” His voice drops to a rough whisper. “When I finally did what I’d promised to, it damn near killed me.”

“It fucked me up pretty bad, too,” I say in a small voice. “And I think you’re exaggerating a bit about me.”

He gets to his feet and in my face so fast, I gasp. Jack leans over the bed, his hands on either side of my hips. “Exaggerating? Why do you think you have so many male 'admirers'? Why do you think an assassin sent to kill you let himself be captured rather than complete his job? Why do you think the king of the bears—one of the most powerful men on the continent, a man who definitely should've known better—couldn't see straight when it came to you?”

I blink, my throat closing at the thought of Georg, but I swallow and shove the pain aside. “I’m pretty cute, yeah, but I’m not all that.”

“It’s not always about the cute, Seph—and you are all that. Jesus, you’re everything. And you don’t have a clue.” He gives another bitter laugh. “You’ve never realized I’m further gone than any of them.”

The raw emotion in his voice slams into my gut, hard. I don’t need the truth stone to tell me Jack is being honest. In that instant, our fucked-up past doesn’t seem to matter anymore. Only that he’s here, right in front of me. And that I suddenly want him so badly my nails dig into my palms as I fight to keep my voice even. “There haven’t been so many. Not really.”

He’s shaking his head, getting to his feet and pushing away from the bed. “You’re a full-grown woman with a damn healthy libido. You’ve had lots of men, Seph, and that’s to be expec—”

I stand up and reach out a hand, flattening my palm on his chest. His heart pounds against my fingers. “That’s not exactly accurate. Really there's been only…one.”

Jack goes still. I don’t think he even breathes for a full minute. Then, “Say that again?”

I duck my head, unable to look him in the eye. Instead, I run my hands nervously up his chest, playing with the buttons on his shirt pocket. I shouldn’t tell him this, I know that. I shouldn’t give him this, but…

“
Persephone
?”

“I’ve played around. A lot, yeah. But I…that is to say…” Finally I raise my gaze to his. The intensity there takes my breath away. He has to shake me a bit to bring it back.

“What are you trying to tell me, princess?”

“You’re the only man who’s been inside me, Jack. Ever.”

Absolute silence. The temperature in the room plummets. Our breath fogs the air between us, air that seems in very short supply all of a sudden. His fingers tighten on my arms. “Not even Georg?” The rasp of his voice is so low I swear I can feel it, rough against my skin, raising goose bumps.

“No. Jack—”

I’m in the air, his name torn from my lips. Luckily, the bed is soft when I land because he’s not. Jack is over me before I can bounce. Pinning me down with that hard body. Hard all over.

“You shouldn’t have fucking told me that. Goddamnit, Seph. You give me more power over you than I deserve.”

I look into his face and wonder who those words give more power to because Jack looks shaken to his core.

I’m not.

I’m calm and sure when I pull him down to my mouth. But he tears the kiss from me, pushing my hands above my head, my body stretched beneath him, our fingers laced together as he takes what’s his. What’s always been his. His tongue dances with mine, hot, teasing little flicks. He’s hard as stone and I can feel the heat of him thick along my hip. I whimper, shifting in the bed, arching until he’s right where I want him. Jack groans and kisses me harder. I’m on the verge of coming, both of us fully clothed and barely started. 

“I can’t stop this now. I fucking can’t.” He tears his shirt over his head. My throat goes dry as he balls it in his hands, staring down at me, his hips pinning me to the bed.  He’s so beautiful. That lean torso above me is taut, every muscle standing out in rigid perfection. It hits me that he’s barely holding on. That Jack is as close to losing his shit as I’ve ever seen him.