Black & Ugly (19 page)

"I probably did." She smiles since she senses he
wants recognition. "I'll write down my pin number for
you."

"Good. 'Cuz I don't want to hurt you."
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"Thank you," she says, appreciative that the possibility of living exists.

She writes the number down while he sits on the
couch and tells her to come over to him. He admires
how attractive she is, even though she's afraid. Her
tight jeans fit like a glove, and the waist-length jacket
shows the thickness of her breasts. He sees she isn't
moving then yells at her to come to him. This time she
does what she's told. To satisfy his sick, insatiable sexual needs, he makes her suck his dick. Not wanting to
do anything but save her own life, she complies.

He takes a few pieces of mail, promises to finish her
off if she ever says anything to anybody then leaves.

With the ATM card in hand, he goes straight to the
bank to take the maximum he can withdraw. Being
young and naive, he fails to realize that ATMs take pictures.

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15

Parade

SKY'S HAIRSTYLIST, CAROL, REALLY LAID my tracks.

I've never felt attractive until now. I wasn't even thinkin' about long weave at first, but I'm glad she suggested it. For two hundred and fifty dollars though, this shit better last. Men have been beepin' at me ever since I stepped out the shop. I even had a few girls ask me who did my hair, and that has never happened. I wonder if my mother will like it. I know my friends will, especially Miss Wayne and Daffany. I'm not sure about Sky, though, but for the first time in my entire life, I can hold my head up.

Miss Wayne was right about Jay giving me more money. I hate going somewhere with Sky paying for me only to hear about it later, especially when we are fucking the same man. But ever since I talked to him about it a few days ago, he's been hooking me up. He still reminds me that he doesn't have to do shit for me but at least he's doin' somethin'.

He went from calling me a whore every day to say-108

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ing it once a week while all I could think about was Miss Wayne's advice, "Don't no pussy grow on trees, including yours." It wasn't easy askin' him at first, but I don't want to be embarrassed in public when I hang out with Sky and them anymore. Remembering that day in the car was enough for me to put my foot down with him.

~~~~

"Parade, don't think you're cute just 'cuz you got that shit in your head. You ain't no better than nobody else. Trust me. Who paid for it anyway?"

"Why, Mamma?"

"'Cuz bills are due 'round here, that's why. And, if you got money to pay for your hair, you got money to pitch in."

"Mamma, the bills were still gonna be due even if I didn't get my hair done," I tell her as I walk toward my room, hoping and praying she won't follow me.

"Parade, nothing in here is free. You got to pay your way around here."

"With what, Mamma? I ain't got no job!" I yell.

"With the same money you used to get your hair done. It was a waste of time anyway. It doesn't even look real."

"Okay, Mamma. Is that why you're mad?"

"Is that what you think, Parade?" she says as she put her hands on her hips. "Anybody can put some shit in their hair, darling. Why do you think it was so easy for you to do it?"

"Mamma, why do you have to bring me down all
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the time? Why can't we get along? I love you but I wonder if you ever loved me." I look in her eyes, searching for anything that would convince me that she ever did care about me but see nothing.

"Stop whining, Parade. You my child so I have to care about you."

"No you don't, Mamma. No, you don't
have
to care about me. I'm starting to realize that's the case," I respond as I lie back in my bed with my feet on the floor while she continues to yell over my head.

"Parade, please. You just lazy and expect nobody to say nothin'. That's all it is."

"Mamma, what is it really?" I ask as I sit up and look at her. "Do you want me to be sad all the time?

'Cuz I am. There's no need to try to make me feel worse. Do you want me to hate myself, Mamma? 'Cuz I do. What do you really want from me? Why do you always have to put me down? Huh, Mamma?"

"I'm just tellin' you the truth, Parade. That hair and that makeup is not gonna change the person you are. I'm just being honest so when you go out there you won't get your feelings hurt."

"Why get my feelings hurt out there when you crush them in here?"

~~~~

I feel better as she leaves out my room. I close my door the moment her feet clear my entrance. I didn't mean to let her upset me, but it is hard not to sometimes. For once, I wanted her to tell me that she liked
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my hair and that I'm pretty. Instead, she tells me that she hates me even more.

I go from feeling beautiful to feeling like I'm walking around with shit smeared on my face. I decide it's time for me to get a job. One of the girls at the shop, Kristal, did say I can shampoo hair for her and she'll pay me under the table. I'm going to take her up on the offer because I can't absorb the hatred from my mother no more. I gotta get out of here.

~~~~

"I did not, Sky. Why in the fuck would I call the cops on you? I wouldn't hurt you like that." Is this the best day in my life gone wrong or what?

First my mother and now this.

"Well who else told the cops we went to the party?

I know you're probably mad because of what happened Sunday, but this is some bullshit, Parade."

"Are you even listening to me? I wouldn't do that to you just 'cuz we got into a fight. What did they say anyway?"

"Basically that they're investigating a few people about what happened that night and that next, they'll be talking to Miss Daffany."

"Miss Daffany?"

"Yeah ... so?"

"Sky, you know I'da never told them her name was Miss Daffany. They had to talk to Miss Wayne first. I'm sure they're questioning all of us, and I doubt he said anything either. Plus, he don't know nothing." She's quiet, and I know she feels dumb for overT. Styles

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looking something so major. Only Miss Wayne calls people Miss before their name. The cops probably thought he was givin' them our last names.

"Well ... I'ma call him then," she says and hangs up.

She makes me so mad sometimes. No "I'm sorry, Parade" or nothin', and all of this over me not letting her use my phone. I couldn't. If I had let her use my cell, she would have seen the words "
Secret Lover
" the moment she hit the send button. Pretty soon I'm gonna have to leave Jay alone. But right now, I don't know how.

~~~~

Speaking to Melvin earlier drained me. I don't want to be with him, but I'm afraid to let him go. Before I even started asking Jay for money, Melvin was paying for my cell phone and everything. But when he touches me, he makes my fuckin' skin crawl. I got to dump his ass.

"Parade, go walk to the store for your father. He needs some cough medicine."

"Ma, it's raining outside and I don't want to mess my hair up."

"I don't give a fuck if you got your hair done or not.

All you gonna do is fuck it up anyway."

"Can it wait till it dies down, please?"

"No. Go now."

I instantly cry. She knows I love my hair, and she wants me to mess it up on purpose. She doesn't want me to be happy for nothin'. Why? I would do anything
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