Black Number Four (16 page)

I cringe inwardly at that thought but try my best to hide it. My heart is racing, beating hard against my chest like a trapped animal. I swallow and focus on taking deep breaths. “Okay, sounds like a plan.”
No, it definitely does NOT sound like a plan. I’m not ready, not yet.

But I don’t have a choice.

Erin nods once, sort of smiling, before sitting back down on the couch. There’s nothing on the television, which lets me know she’s not okay. All I want to do is go up to bed, but Erin is my Big, and no matter what’s going on right now, I love her.

I sit back down on the couch and pull her under my arm. She hesitates, but finally rests her head on my chest and I lean my head on hers. “You okay, Big?”

She sighs. “No. I’m stressed the fuck out. Being president is amazing, but it’s a lot of work. I’m falling behind in class already and I feel like my social life is consumed with meetings and philanthropy work. I’m happy, but, I don’t know…”

“Can’t you take a break? Let J-Love and Lei handle some of the weight for a while? I know you like to be in control, but maybe just let a few of the smaller things go so you have more time.”

“Yeah, I guess I could,” she says. “You know how I am, though. I just feel like if I don’t do everything, it’ll all get messed up.”

I laugh. “I know, Big. But trust me, the girls know what they’re doing. Your G-Little is pretty smart, too. You should ask her to help.”

She leans up and looks at me. “Really?”

I nod, thinking of my Little. “Seriously. She’s amazing. I really hope you two can get to know each other more.”

“I do, too,” Erin replies, smiling. She tucks her arms under her thighs and looks down at her toes. “Do you hate me for what I’m making you do? Be honest.”

Yes.

Please don’t make me do it.

“No,” I lie, letting out a long breath. “I mean, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me to play him this way, but I want to be president. I want to keep our Greek line tradition. And I know that you would do the same thing for me. It’s about sacrifice sometimes, and I’m pretty selfish all of the time, so it’s a good lesson.” It’s only half a lie. I hate playing this game, but I’m serious about our traditions. This sorority has been the one constant in my life for the past two and a half years. These girls woke me up from a coma I didn’t know I was in. They helped me discover who I am, to break through my insecurities and become someone I’m proud to be. I want to lead these girls, even if it takes a heartbreak to get there.

God, I hope it doesn’t hurt as much as I feel like it will.

Erin smiles, her eyes watering a little. “Ugh, sorry. I’m such an emotional wreck right now.” She laughs and wipes away a tear. “You just make me so proud, Little. You’re going to be an awesome president. I love you.” She wraps me in a hug and I lean my head on her shoulder, her touch feeling strange now that Kip’s hands have been around me. He’s ruined my skin.

Great.

“I love you, too.”

She sniffles, pulling back from our hug. Her eyes pause on my pants. “What are you wearing?”

A laugh bursts from my lips. “It’s a long story.”

I sit with her a while longer before finally retreating to my bed. Jess wants all the details but I promise her we’ll talk tomorrow and force myself to close my eyes for a few hours. I want to sleep, I’m exhausted, but it’s pointless – my body won’t rest. I feel Kip’s touch everywhere – on my skin, my lips, in my hair, in my soul. It’s suffocating. I check my phone for the time, but the first thing I see is the date. It’s just past three in the morning on February first.

I only have two weeks left with Kip.

It’s early as fuck and I’m exhausted. I wiggle my toes in the wet sand and stare out at the water, noting how the pinks and purples of the sky reflect off the deep blue of the ocean. The wind is still softly blowing in, just like it was last night when I kissed Skyler in the Ferris wheel. I don’t know why I did it, I’m not sure what I’m doing with her, but in the moment I didn’t care. I’m supposed to get close to her, right? Last night I just took it a little too literally.

Oh hell, who am I kidding. I want the girl. Desperately. I know where this is going and I know in the end, we’re both going to get hurt. The smartest thing right now is to just stay friends – I need to be there for her for poker, but nothing else. I need to focus.

No kissing today, Kip.

“Sorry I’m late.” I turn and see Skyler walking toward me, paddleboard in tow. I picked mine up this morning at the surf shop. My original plan was to just rent one, but then I figured I’m going to be here for another three months. Might as well buy.

She’s dressed in a light blue tank top that says MIAMI BEACH on it and short jean shorts. Her hair is still in the same messy bun from last night, but most of her makeup has been washed away. Her skin in the rising sun may just be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“Yeah, you better be sorry,” I say, turning toward the sunrise. “It’s half past early as fuck and we agreed to meet at the ass crack of dawn. Way to make me wait.”

She offers a sleepy smile and shrugs, dropping her board by mine and stripping off the tank top she’s wearing over her swim suit. Just as quickly, she shimmies the small shorts off her hips and lets them fall, kicking them to the side.

Well, that’s one way to start the morning.

She turns and catches me staring. Amused, she lifts a brow and bends over to grab her board. “You just going to stand there and ogle my boobs all day or are we doing this?”

“Can’t I do both?”

She shakes her head and starts toward the water without me. I quickly pull my shirt over my head and grab the new board, jogging a little to catch up.

“Do I need to wax this sucker or anything?”

Skyler laughs. “What? No, silly. Like I said, it’s completely different from surfing.” She walks into the water until it meets her knees before letting her board go, guiding it on top of the waves with her hands. I follow suit.

“Holy shit!” I scream when I hit the water. “It’s fucking cold!”

“Well it is February, genius.”

I shake my head. “It’s just weird. It’s not cold weather, but the water is cold.”

“It gets pretty cool during our winter months, usually doesn’t warm up until April or so.”

I watch as tiny goose bumps break out along Skyler’s skin, marching in a parade from her thighs to her ribs, making her nipples pebble under the thin bathing suit top she’s wearing.

Good God.

“We’re going to guide the boards out a ways, past the waves crashing, and then we’ll jump on. Start on your knees and then when you get out past the big waves, you can stand. Use the paddle to steady yourself.”

I nod. “Straight down to business, aye Ella Mae?”

She shoots me a death glare mixed with a smile. “I’m tired. Some stupid boy with a paper ring kept me out too late.”

“Ouch.” I feign offense and clutch my heart. “I saved up three months for that paper ring, thank you.”

Skyler just shakes her head again before jumping up onto her board, knees bent. I do the same and we paddle out a ways before both standing.

“I’m proud of you. You didn’t fall,” she says, eying me.

“Was I supposed to?”

“No, but beginners usually do when we paddle past the big waves. Or when they try to stand. You did good.”

“Thanks, coach.” I wink.

It takes a while for me to find my groove on the board. The arches of my feet sting from balancing against the waves and eventually my arms follow suit. Overall it isn’t bad, though, and I follow Skyler as she takes us along the shoreline. It’s a peaceful thing to glide along the top of the water, letting my body work and listening to the early sounds of the ocean – the birds swooping down for breakfast, the occasional fish jumping, the boats humming to life in the nearby port. The sun is bright in the sky now, slowly rising higher over the city. Skyler is just a little in front of me, which makes for a better view than the sunrise, honestly. After a while, she pulls back and we paddle side by side.

“Want to go to that sandbar?” she asks, pointing toward a small patch of water that looks a lighter shade of blue.

“Whatever you want to do, captain.”

“First I’m coach, now I’m captain?”

“Would you prefer I call you babe?”

Her nose scrunches up and she sticks out her tongue. “Ew, gross. Don’t ever call me babe.”

We paddle out to the sandbar and Skyler jumps off her board, grabbing a bottle of water from a bag she strapped to the front of her board. I’m salivating at the sight of it, realizing I didn’t bring anything at all with me. She shakes her head and grabs a second bottle, tossing it to me.

“Aw, you thought of me? So sweet.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

For a few minutes we just stand and wade in the water, taking small sips from our bottles. I pretend I’m looking out toward the ocean, watching as a few boats sail by, but I sneak glances at Skyler mostly. I watch as her hair blows down from her messy bun and into her face, try to see what’s reflected in her sunglasses as she stares the opposite direction back toward shore. It’s interesting how the morning light plays on Skyler. She looks more radiant, even more beautiful than she does at night. It’s strange, but amazing at the same time. I haven’t met a girl whom the morning light favored before.

“So what’s your story, Kip?” she asks, tucking her water bottle back in the bag. I hand her mine, too, and lean back with my elbows on the board.

“What do you mean? My story?”

She shrugs. “I mean why did you move out here? Why did you transfer to Palm South of all places? Where are you from? What do you like to do? You know, besides lick tequila off strange girls.”

“Hey, that was definitely not my fault. And who’s worse off here – me or the strange girl?”

She laughs softly. “I think I got the better end of the deal.”

“And I tend to disagree,” I say, letting my eyes fall to her stomach. I imagine trailing my tongue along her skin now, tasting the salt of the water mixed with the sweet taste of her skin.

Skyler smiles, but doesn’t say anything else, waiting for me to answer her questions. Which I can’t do without lying. Which makes me panic. I have answers prepared, of course, because I figured this would happen – but now that I’ve gotten to know her, now that I’ve kissed her, that I’ve felt her pressed against me – well, it’s a little harder to lie. Thank God she’s wearing sunglasses. Those baby blues of hers would melt my resolve in an instant.

“Let’s see,” I say, looking up at the sky. “I transferred to Palm South because I wanted to get out of the Midwest. And because Palm South has a pretty decent screenwriting program, which is what I want to do with my life. It’s not the last stop by any means, but it’s a good transition. It also helps that I could get away from my dad,” I add, a little surprised that those words found their way out.

“Uh oh, Daddy drama?”

I let out a short laugh. “Well, he’s an Army Major General, if that gives you any idea.”

Skyler’s eyes go wide. “Yeesh. Sounds fun.”

“Yeah, real fun.”
If she only knew.
“I mean I love him and everything. He’s my dad, he’s a
good
dad in the sense of the word, but he just wants to live his dream through me and I’m over trying to be what he wants. It’s nice to be out here away from his constant glare of disapproval.”