Black Moon (The Moonlight Trilogy) (32 page)

“And what if there isn
’
t?” Willa swallowed, her fear tightening her throat. “What if there isn
’
t a way to make it better? I thought knowing why would help, but look what happened. What if every turn he takes ends in hurt? Eventually, it will break him. It will ruin him.”

Wynter blinked. “Willa, I . . . oh, my dear, then we will do our best to pick up the pieces.”

Willa collapsed to the ground, sobbing freely, sucking in dry air.

He’s not coming.

Sun and moon, what happens if he doesn
’
t come?

Simon, where are you?!

Willa stood on the sidewalk in front of the Plate
’
s Place, arms crossed, eyes roaming up and down the street. They
’
d waited at the field as long as they could, but Simon didn
’
t come back. She
’
d have called him, but his phone sat on the desk in their room.

A nauseating sense of panic twisted in the bottom of her stomach; and, no matter how much she rubbed them, her hands remained ice cold. She
’
d tried to reach out through their connection, but she only got empty silence. He was either too far away or blocking her.

Koda was nowhere to be found either. Willa hoped the wolf had gone to find Simon, that at least he wouldn
’
t be completely alone. And that maybe the Familiar could bring him home.

Bring him home, Koda. If he doesn
’
t come back soon, I
’
ll lose him.

Willa
’
s mind filled with the scenes of the unbelievable things he
’
d done. She, Charlotte
, and Elliot had watched from the edge of the field, not speaking as they marveled at Simon
’
s abilities. Even when his leg had been crushed by the log, he wasn
’
t beaten.

Then the pit.

Darby and Cal with their unrelenting white flames.

“He
’
ll never beat those flames,” Elliot had whispered, his face pinched in concern. “They are too strong.”

When the irrigation ditch had run dry and the grass under their feet turned to dust, Willa
’
s worry became its own flame in her chest. That
’
s when she
’
d ran to the edge of the pit. Soon everyone gathered close, watching, like horrified spectators at a carnival freak show. Willa turned to Rowan, standing behind her, his eyes wide and body stiff. “You have to stop it, Rowan!”

He didn
’
t answer. Instead, he turned away from her and watched as a tree was sucked dry of all its moisture.

“Darby, Cal—
stop
!” They ignored her too, the same transfixed, fascinated look on their faces. She knew they
’
d keep pushing.
Just like when they
’
d buried her and Simon alive—they had to see how far Simon could go.

She dropped to her knees at the edge of the pit. “Simon!” Charlotte ran up behind her, grabbed her shoulders.

“Willa, get back before you get hurt!”

“No!” she yelled, shrugging her off. Before Charlotte could try again, all of them were suddenly doubled over in pain. Willa collapsed to her side, her throat burning with thirst. Inside her body, it felt like small hooks had caught onto her tissues, dragging them forward. When she opened her eyes, she watched in horror as tiny droplets of water beaded up on her skin and then flitted away through the air toward the pit.

“Simon,” she gasped, realization taking her breath away. Then, because her throat was sand paper, she used her mind in on
e last effort.
Simon!

Standing now, on the sidewalk, Willa shivered. She looked down at her arms, the memory of the water being pulled from her body a loud echo on her emotions.
Poor Simon.
His face when she
’
d told him what he
’
d done
, the heart-breaking realization, and the overwhelming shock. How could he not have known? What did that mean about his powers?

Willa exhaled.

The street was still empty, and Willa
’
s body ached to have a task, something to take her mind off the wait and wonder. She spun around and hurried toward the house. She still needed to pack their things for the early morning flight to Oregon. As she climbed the front steps, she gave herself a weak pep talk.
He
’
ll make it. Get things ready, and he
’
ll be here.

By nightfall, Willa had everything packed, but Simon had not returned. Mad with worry, sitting on the curb, huddled over her knees, her nerves became a jittery mess.

“Willa, it
’
s late,” Char said from behind her. “Come inside; eat something. I
’m sure he’
ll be here soon.”

Willa rounded on her friend. “How do you know, Char? You don
’
t know anything about it!” Anger heating her cheeks, Willa turned away, feeling only a slight amount of remorse for lashing out at innocent Charlotte. “Leave me alone!”

Charlotte stood for a moment
, and then retreated to the house without a word. Willa was both sad and grateful. She didn
’
t need anyone hovering over her, trying to make it better. Better didn
’
t exist. But, oh, how she wanted some comfort! Some solid way to know that it
would
be okay, that Simon would be back, and that they
’
d find a way to fix everything.

But Simon wasn
’
t back, and with each hour that passed the likelihood of him returning decreased.

Willa looked down the dark, empty street. Silent tears slipped down her cold cheeks and fell into the gutter.

Midnight.
Willa
’
s hope wasted away,
sitting heavy in her gut, a shriveled chunk of garbage.

1:15 a.m. I
’
ll never see him again!

2:24 a.m.
Eyes like sandpaper, she allowed herself to lie down on the park strip grass, fighting the urge to let sleep erase the pain.
Stay awake! Stay awake!
The night was warm, but she shivered.

3:02 a.m.
Willa blinked up at the pattern of white stars, bright and mocking in their peaceful beauty. Then she rolled over and fell asleep, Simon
’
s name on her lips.

4:30 a.m.
Arms lifting her from the dewy grass. “Simon?” she said, starting to wake, her heart pounding. “
No, lass,
” Rowan answered. “Go back to sleep. I
’
ve got you.” She passed out again, partly from exhaustion and partly from disappointment.

6:50 a.m.
Willa woke suddenly, confused, disoriented. Instead of the park strip grass, she lay in their cozy bed, the quilt tucked up to her chin. She flopped over, hoping to find Simon lying next to her, but found only a lonely pillow.

Voices came from downstairs, and foolish hope churned in her gut.
Is that Simon?
She threw back the covers and ran from the room. Half way down the stairs, a flicker of instinct made her stop: something in the sound of the words being said, the frantic, almost whispered tone of the voices. She froze, ears straining.

“It
’
s too dangerous,” Darby said to mumbles of agreement. The whole Covenant sat together in the living room.

“We have to help him,” Wynter said. “We can
’
t just turn him away.”

Willa
’
s heart squeezed shut. She gripped the banister so hard her joints hurt.

“
But we don
’
t know what we
’
re dealing with,” Rain added. “His powers are wicked scary and obviously dangerous. What happened today was not some small accident, like being able to explode dirt or light candles.”

“He puts us all at risk,” Cal agreed. “Perhaps we jumped the gun, Binding the Covenant before we knew more about his powers.”

“I
’
m training him. I
’
m working with him,” Rowan defended. “He just needs time.”

“How can you train something you don
’
t understand, Rowan?” Darby asked softly. “His abilities are the result of a Dark spell gone wrong. Who knows what that might mean?”

“He
’
s not even a true Mind. He
’
s a Water, a Mind,
and
a Healer,” Cal said. “That throws off the balance of our circles. Maybe that
’
s why none of our spells work as well as they should. And why the Covenant magic is not as strong as it
’
s supposed to be. Maybe his condition has crippled the bond.”

Hot tears slipped down Willa
’
s cheeks as she silently lowered herself to the stairs, hugging her knees to her chest. She closed her burning eyes, dropped her forehead to her knees.
Are they right?

Wynter said in a strained voice, “There is nothing Dark about poor Simon. He
’
s as much a victim as Amelia and Solace.”

A tense, silent pause. A pause of doubt.

Willa held in a sob, her chest aching.

Finally, Charlotte said, “Even if his strange gifts are affecting the magic, he deserves our help.”

“But we are about to go after resurrected Archard,” Cal said. “It
’
s going to be bad,
really
bad. We barely survived the last fight. Is it worth keeping the Covenant together, knowing Simon may lose control in a fight and kill us all?” He scoffed. “Hell, he may do Archard
’
s job for him.”

Wynter gasped. “Cal! That
’
s not fair. How—”

Another voice cut in, and Willa
’
s head jerked up.

“It
’
s okay, Wynter,” Simon said, his voice low and dangerous. Before she knew it, Willa flew down the stairs and into the living room, ready to throw herself at Simon. But the sight that greeted her brought her to a jarring halt. Simon
stood in the doorway
from the kitchen, face pale, hair a mess, shoes dusty and fists tight at his sides. Koda flanked him, wolf eyes bearing down on Cal. “Cal is right. This is all my fault. I
’
m making everything harder. So I
’
m leaving after we do this spell in Oregon.”

Chapter 37

Black Moon

July—Present Day

S
imon’s hands trembled, his mind a hurricane of the words he’d overheard.
Holy moon! What if they’re right?
It made sense. Cal’s logic was sound. His unnatural gifts were a mess. Of course they messed up the Covenant Bond, as much as the Covenant magic messed up his powers. The problems ran both ways.
All this time it was me.

The assault of negative emotions all centered on
him
turned his stomach. He’d been expecting it, but the reality of it almost knocked him over. He wanted to say something; he’d planned his apology, but now the words were lodged in his throat.
I shouldn’t have come back.

Willa stumbled around the sofas and grabbed his arm. Cal started to fumble out an apology. She jerked her head to him. “No, stop! No more. We will meet you all at the airport.” Without waiting for a response, she tugged Simon after her, up the stairs and into their room.

She slammed the door shut behind them with magic, rattling the objects on the mantel. She pressed her hands flat to Simon’s chest and then shoved him as hard as she could. “Don’t
ever
do that to me again!” she yelled, fresh angry tears running down her face. “Not ever! How could you be so selfish?!”

Simon stumbled backwards, met with the bed, and nearly fell. Startled but not surprised by her anger, he dropped his head. “I know. I’m so sorry. I just . . .”

She threw herself at him, pounding her fists into his chest. Simon let her, knowing he deserved it. “All night! All night I sat in the gutter waiting, wondering.” She punched harder. “How could you do that to me?” Her anger gave way to fitful sobs, and Simon hated himself more than ever before.

He trapped her wrists. “Willa, I’m so sorry . . .” Before he could complete his thought she pulled her hands free and threw her arms around his neck. Simon pulled her tight, burying his face in her hair. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I needed time to think. What I did . . .”

Willa sighed and drew in a wavering breath. “I know.”

Simon blinked and drew back. “You’re right though.” More guilt swelled in his gut. “It was selfish to stay away, and even more to come back like this.”

She inhaled sharply and pulled back, holding his eyes. “What do you mean?”

Simon couldn’t meet the intensity in her blue eyes. He looked away and said, “Cal is right. I’m messing up the Covenant bond, and I think the magic of the Covenant is messing with my powers. It’s all so wrong and screwed up.”

Willa sat silent for a moment. She moved off him and sat next to him on the bed. “You weren’t going to come back. You were going to leave us. Leave
me
.” Her body trembled.

Simon faced her. He reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. Emotions knotted in his chest. “Willa, I almost killed you.”

She slid off the bed and went to the window, her back to him. Koda had followed them upstairs and trotted over to sit as sentinel
at her side
. Her silence cut Simon
’
s heart in two. “Willa?” he said slowly.

“I didn
’
t know it was possible to hate and love someone at the same time.” Her voice was ice.

Simon
’
s whole body tensed. “
I don’
t want to take you away from everything you know and love.
That
would be selfish. I can
’
t stay. Don
’
t you see that? I don
’
t work in the Covenant, for so many reasons. I tried, Willa, but we can
’
t keep pretending it
’
s okay. I thought it would be best if I just disappeared. No one wants me here. I scare them, confuse them. I only came back to . . . well, I thought I could apologize before leaving. I thought . . .” He sighed and ran a hand back through his hair. “And I was scared of what I did, how I did it, and how it felt. Coming back was . . .”

“
Then I
’
ll go with you.” Willa said, her voice firm. Her words surprised him.

Simon winced. “Willa, you can stay. I don
’
t want to—”

“No!” she snapped with surprising bite, spinning around to face him. “Don
’
t you dare! Nothing breaks us apart.
Nothing!
I will not let you pull away from me.” Her tears returned and each one broke Simon
’
s already-mangled heart. “If you go, I go. You are more important.” Her tears clouded her speech again. Simon reached out for her. She reached back, and he pulled her into his lap. Gripping her hips, he dropped his forehead to hers and deeply inhaled
her lavender scent.

“
Nothing
.” He whispered and then kissed her passionately, pouring all his love and all his hurt into his lips. She returned his fevered kiss, and he prayed that she felt his love, felt his devotion to her. He didn
’
t want her to ever doubt that. “Willa, I came back for you. I thought it would be better to leave, to remove myself from your life, but I couldn
’
t do it. I
can
’
t
do it
, even if it might be the safest, smartest thing to do
. And I don’
t know if that makes me even more selfish, or sad, or happy, or . . . a lunatic. The last thing I want is to ruin your life. More than I already have.”

When she drew back, her eyes were clear. She sniffed and inhaled. “
I don’
t forgive you for last night. Not yet anyway—or anytime soon. But I understand your fear, your logic of thinking you had to leave. But it was wrong,” she held his eyes, “a mistake. And if you
ever
treat me that way again it will be me walking away. Clear?”

“Absolutely,”
Simon said meekly.
“I
’
m so sorry.”

Willa nodded, took a deep breath, and then rubbed at the dust cemented in the creases around his eyes. “No one ever said you ruined my life. I don
’
t have a life without you, you jerk,” she whispered.

Simon gave a sad laugh. “When I started to go, to actually walk away, having made the decision, the pain was unbearable.” He caught her eyes and touched her face. “I could walk away from anything in this world, but not you.”

Willa half smiled and nodded. “Maybe this isn
’
t our path after all. Maybe we aren
’
t supposed to be a part of the Covenant. We
’
ve kind of been forcing it all along; I guess. We could go now, if you want. We don
’
t have to go to Oregon.”

He sighed and shook his head. “I feel like I have to go. It
’
s the only thing I can do to apologize for the awful thing I did to them all at the challenge. I can
’
t ever make up for it, so I
’
ve got to at least help them find Archard.” He looked away from her, over to the window and the clear blue sky beyond. A fresh surge of bile burned his throat.
How could I do that to them?
“But, after that, I have to leave the Covenant.” He swallowed his sadness. “It
’
s just too dangerous. I can
’
t risk being in the fight with Archard. Who knows what could happen?”

“Okay, I understand,” she whispered sadly. Tugging on one of his curls, she pulled his attention back to her. “We better get ready to go. The flight leaves in an hour.”

Simon nodded. “Okay.”

They fell into silence as they listened to the group moving around downstairs and then hearing the front door shutting as their coven-mates left the house. The cars rumbled to life and pulled away. The sudden quiet hummed with tension, and the air grew humid with the hot, sticky words that were not being said about what happened during the challenge, and about what would happen next. Willa bit her bottom lip, obviously wanting to say something more. Simon desperately hoped she wouldn
’
t; he didn
’
t know what else to say to her. She leaned over and kissed his cheek.

“You take a shower,” she said.

Simon exhaled, opened his mouth as if to say something, but then quickly shut it tight. Finally, he said, “I really am sorry it took me so long to come back. I promise I won
’
t ever hurt you like that again.”

Willa exhaled, nodded and then moved aside. Simon wanted to pull her back to him and kiss her again, but instead he left to the bathroom, guilt and cowardice following him.

The grand forests of Colorado
were reserved and economical. Every bit of growth eked out in a careful, steady manner, and toughness was paramount to survive the harsh mountain winters. But the forests of Oregon were wild, uninhibited. With an endless supply of moisture and nutrients, the trees, foliage, and moss grew out of control, tripping over each other to reach for the sky. Every inch of ground and tree burst with vicious beauty.

Simon stood on the dirt trail inside the towering Douglas Firs and breathed in the unconstrained energy of the place. The thick air smelled of wet dirt, salt water, and life, as sweet as ice water on a hot day. He
’
d never felt anything so intoxicating. He wondered, if he laid down on the side of the trail, if the lush foliage would immediately grow over him.

Gingerly, he reached out and fingered the dripping feathers of moss hanging from the trees, as soft as Willa
’
s hair. His fingertips warmed at the touch, magic bleeding from the surface of every plant. Any space left between the trees filled with incandescent mist, somehow glowing bright despite the dying sunset light. Willa stood next to him, her head lifted to the sky, eyes big with wonder, searching for the distant tops of the giant trees.

It wasn
’
t just the forest. Simon could also feel the extra energy of the black moon
sizzling
on the air. The rare event of a second new moon in one month boosted the magic of everything around and inside him; it sharpened every edge and whispered of possibilities.

And thirdly, something about
him
made everything feel different. Once the emotion of what he
’
d done during the challenge wore off, he felt the energy of it. Similar to how he felt after the cave, the power still hummed just under his skin. But this time it was different, more intense. The pleasure of it had kept him away from Willa all night. It scared him; it thrilled him. It begged him to accept it, to open up to the possibilities of it. Like a small voice in his head, it tempted him to ignore the wrongness of what he
’
d done
, and instead marvel in the brilliance of it.

S
omething
had changed when he pulled the water from his coven-mates’ bodies; and it wasn’t just their opinions of him.

Willa reached out, took his hand; and sparks of energy moved between their palms. All her thoughts poured into his head. He gasped at how vivid they were, how dangerously intimate, even for him.

Willa lowered her chin and looked at him. “What is it?” she whispered.

Simon stiffly shook his head, his throat dry, as her memories of his challenge played in his head. When he saw the drops of water leaving her body, and felt the desert-dry panic she
’
d felt, he dropped her hand and stumbled away.

“Simon!” she hissed, reaching for him.

He held up a hand. “I just . . . There
’
s something about this place and the moon. Can you feel that?” Gripping the sides of his head, he inhaled the enchanting air, trying to clear away her memories. “I
’
m so sorry, Willa.”

She stepped closer but didn
’t touch him.
“For what?”

He looked up, eyes pained. “For what I did in the challenge. When you touched my hand I felt . . . I saw . . .” He wanted to be disgusted with himself; he
tried
to be, but fascination dominated his feelings.

She cut him off. “I know, Simon, but we can
’
t do this now. We have to catch up to everyone else.”

Something in her tone stopped any further apology. Nothing he could say would be adequate anyway. “Yeah, okay. Let
’
s go.”

Willa took off at a jog, hurrying down the winding path. Simon followed, dreading what was to come. He wanted to help, but things with the Covenant were an awkward mess. He and Willa had sat alone near the back of Darby and Cal
’
s private jet. Not even Charlotte and Elliot had spoken to them. And no one had looked him in the eye. His big mistake had excised them from the group, a swift cut. Now he had to stand in a circle with them and perform the spell, knowing that none of them were sure he should be there, and that all of them feared him. His attempt to apologize was turning out to be torture—
for
everyone.

After seeing and feeling Willa
’
s memories of what happened, he couldn
’
t blame them.

Dangerous freak.

They followed the
trail
downward, crossed a wooden bridge, and then the trees thinned. The sound of the ocean pulsing into the shore filled the air. Simon could feel the pull of the ocean in his stomach. The call of the water. He grimaced.

Sun and moon, what a mess! I
’
ve made such a mess of our lives.

Willa hurried down a set of
stairs
built with railroad ties, Simon behind her, and then they were standing on the beach. The cove curved away, a crescent of dust-colored sand, tucked in between the tree-covered cliffs. At the far north end, a waterfall cascaded down the rocks, out of the trees and into the ocean, water meeting water.

Simon thought that he had never seen a more mystical place. He stopped to gaze out at the gray ocean, ever moving and singing its constant song. As he stared at the white, foaming curl of a wave hurrying forward to kiss the sand, a thought hit him, one his frazzled mind hadn
’
t thought of yet.