Black Hills (45 page)

Impossibly cute, Lil concluded. Then felt a hard, deep tug as Coop reached up to lift the girl out of the saddle.

She’d never really thought of him as a father. At one time she’d simply assumed they’d have a family together, but it had all been vague and silver-edged. Pretty dreams of “one day.”

She thought of all the years between. They might have had a little girl.

He let the girl stroke and pet the horse, then fished a carrot out of a sack. He showed her how to hold it, and put the frothy icing on the kid’s happy cake by allowing her to feed the pony.

Lil waited while he spoke with the parents, and saw him grin when the girl flung her arms around his legs in a hug.

“She’ll remember you for the rest of her life,” Lil commented when Coop came her way.

“The horse anyway. Nobody forgets their first.”

“I didn’t know you offered pony rides.”

“It just happened. The kid was dying for it. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about opening that area up. Low overhead, nice profit. The father insisted on giving me a ten-dollar tip.” He grinned again as he dug it out of his pocket. “Want to help me spend it?”

“Tempting, but I’m meeting somebody. You were good with the kid.”

“She made it easy. And yeah, I’ve thought about it.” When she lifted her brows in question, he laid his hands over hers on the top of the fence. “What kind of kids we might have made.” He tightened his grip when she would have pulled back. “Your eyes. I’ve always been a sucker for your eyes. I wondered what kind of a father I’d make. I think I’d be okay. Now.”

“I’m not going dewy-eyed over dream children, Coop.”

“This is a good place to raise kids, the real kind. We both know that.”

“You’re taking a lot of big leaps. I’m sleeping with you because I want to sleep with you. But I have a lot of things to resolve, a lot to think through before it can be anything more than that, and what’s turning out to be a tenuous friendship.”

“I said I’d wait, and I will. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to use whatever comes along to get you back. It occurs to me, Lil, I never had to work for you before. Could be interesting.”

“I didn’t come by to talk about this. God, you frustrate me.” She yanked her hands from under his. “I wanted to tell you Brad thinks we’ll have the security up and running by the end of the day.”

“Okay. Good.”

“I’m going to let everyone know we won’t need patrols. That includes you.”

“I’m there until Howe’s in a cell.”

“That’s your choice. And I won’t pretend I’d rather not stay in the compound alone at night. You can keep your drawer and your share of the closet. I’ll sleep with you. For the rest, I don’t know.” She started to walk away, then stopped. “I want to know everything Willy’s shared with you, because I know he’s kept you up on the investigation, the manhunt. I want to see those files you’ve been so careful to keep away from me. You want a chance with me this time around, Coop? Then you’d better understand I expect to be trusted and respected. On every level. Good sex and yellow tulips aren’t nearly enough.”

 

 

 

FARLEY WAS PACING a trough in the sidewalk in front of the jewelry store when Lil arrived. “I didn’t want to go in without you.”

“I’m sorry I’m late. I got hung up.”

“No problem.” The hands in his pockets jingled loose change. “You’re not late. I got here early.”

“Nervous?”

“Some. I just want to make sure it’s exactly the right one.”

“Let’s go find it.”

There were a scatter of customers and a lot of glitter inside. Lil raised a hand in a wave to the clerk she knew, then hooked her arm through Farley’s. “What did you have in mind?”

“That’s why you’re here.”

“No, just tell me what you think.”

“I . . . Well, it’s gotta be special, and kind of different. I don’t mean fussy or . . .”

“Unique.”

“Yeah, unique. Like she is.”

“So far, you’re exactly right, according to her best friend.” She drew him over to a display of engagement rings. “White or yellow gold?”

“Oh, shit, Lil.” And he looked as panicked as if she’d asked if he’d prefer cyanide or arsenic in his coffee.

“Okay, that was a trick question. Given her coloring and her personality—and her appreciation for the unique—I think you should go with rose gold.”

“What the hell is that?”

“Like this.” She gestured to a band. “See, it’s warm, and a little soft. Glows, I think, rather than glitters.”

“It’s still gold, right? I mean, it’s good—it’s not less, I don’t know, important? It’s got to be important.”

“It’s still gold. If you don’t like it, then I’d go with yellow gold.”

“I do like it. It’s different, and it’s, yeah, warm. Kinda rosy. Rose gold, ha, that’s why.”

“Relax, Farley, it’s all good.”

“Right.”

“Just take a quick scan, pick the one that pops out to you first.”

“Ah . . . That one? It’s got that pretty round diamond in it.”

“It’s beautiful, but the trouble with that one is how it sticks up from the band.” Lil held her thumb and index finger a little apart to show him what she meant. “Tansy works with her hands a lot, with the animals. That’s going to catch.”

“That makes sense. So she’ll want something that doesn’t stick up so high.” He shoved up his hat to scratch his head. “There’s not so many with this color, but still a lot to figure from. That one’s nice, with the working on the band, but the diamond’s kind of puny. I don’t want to go on the cheap.”

As Lil leaned forward for a better look, the clerk bounced up.

“Hey! Do you two have something to tell me?”

“We can’t keep our great love for each other a secret any longer,” Lil said and made Farley blush. “How are you, Ella?”

“Just fine. So you’ve dragged Farley in here for your cover? If you see what you want, I’ll be glad to steer Coop to it when he comes in.”

“What? No. No, no.”

“Everybody’s just waiting for the two of you to make an announcement.”

“There is no announcement. Everybody’s just . . . off.” Flustered, she felt her own color rise. “I’m just here as consultant. Farley’s in the market.”

“Really?” Ella all but squealed it. “It’s always the quiet types who run deep. Who’s the lucky lady?”

“I haven’t asked her yet, so . . .”

“It wouldn’t be a certain exotic beauty I’ve seen you dancing with a time or two? The one who lives a couple blocks down, where your truck’s been parked pretty regularly these past weeks?”

“Ah . . .” This time he shifted his feet.

“Oh, my God, it
is
! This is huge. Wait until I tell—”

“You can’t. You can’t tell anybody, Ella. I haven’t asked her yet.”

Ella laid a hand on her heart, held the other up to swear. “Not a word. We’re experts at keeping secrets here. Though I may just pee my pants with this one if you don’t ask her quick. Let’s get down to business. Tell me what you have in mind.”

“Lil thinks this rose gold.”

“Oh, lovely choice for her.” Ella unlocked the case, and began to set a small selection on a velvet pad.

They discussed, debated, with Lil helpfully trying on each contender. After considerable time and worry, he gave Lil a pained look. “You have to tell me if I’m wrong. I like this one here. I like how the band’s wide—looks substantial, you know? And how the little diamond things ride up against the round one in the middle. She’ll know she’s got it on. She’ll know I put it there.”

Lil rose on her toes and kissed his cheek, as Ella stood behind the counter and sighed. “I was hoping you’d pick that one. She’ll love it, Farley. It’s just exactly right.”

“Thank the Lord, ’cause I was starting to sweat.”

“It’s beautiful, Farley. Unusual, contemporary, and still romantic.” Ella replaced the other rings. “What size does she wear?”

“Oh, well, hell.”

“Around a six,” Lil told her. “I’m a five, and we’ve traded rings before. Hers are a little bigger than mine. I wear hers on my middle finger. I think . . .” She picked up the ring and slid it on her middle finger. “This is about right.”

“Must be fate. If it needs to be sized, you just bring her in with it, and we’ll take care of it. Or she can exchange it if she sees something she likes better. I’m going to get the paperwork on it, Farley, and we’ll do the deal.”

Ella crooked her finger so he’d lean down. “And because I once let you kiss me behind the bleachers, I’m giving you fifteen percent off. You make sure you come back to me for the wedding bands.”

“I wouldn’t go anywhere else.” He looked over at Lil, his eyes dazed. “I’m buying Tansy a ring. Don’t do that,” he said when Lil’s eyes filled. “I’m afraid I’m going to water up myself.”

She put her arms around him, laid her head on his chest while he patted her back. Choices, she thought, and chances. Some made the right choices, and made the best of their chances.

23

Farley followed her to the farm, so Lil experienced the sweetness of watching him show off the ring to her parents. There was backslap ping, a few tears, and the promise to bring Tansy over for a family celebration once she’d accepted.

When Farley asked Joe to take a walk, undoubtedly to ask for man-to-man advice, Lil sat down with her mother.

“My God, he was a boy five minutes ago,” Jenna said.

“You made a man out of him.”

Jenna dabbed at her eyes. Again. “We gave him access to the tools so he could make a man out of himself. If Tansy breaks his heart I’m going to kick her ass to Pierre and back.”

“Get in line. But I don’t think she will. I don’t think he’ll let her. Farley’s got a plan, some of which I imagine he’s running by Dad right now. She’s cooked.”

“Think of the babies they’ll make together. I know, I know.” With a laugh, Jenna waved a hand. “Typical reaction. But I would love some babies around here. I’ve got the cradle your grandfather made for me, and I used for you, in the attic, just waiting. And I need to put all that on the back burner and think about wedding plans. I hope they let us throw the wedding. I’d love to get my hands into all that. Flowers and dresses and cakes and . . .” She trailed off.

“I haven’t given you that.”

“I made it sound just like that, and I didn’t mean to. I don’t have to tell you how proud we are of you, do I?”

“No, you don’t. I had a plan once, and it didn’t work out. So I made another plan, and it did. Now? I’m in a strange and complicated place. I could use some input.”

“Cooper.”

“It’s always been Cooper. But it stopped being just that simple a long time ago.”

“He hurt you so much.” Leaning over, she cupped Lil’s hand in both of hers. “Baby, I know.”

“He took a piece out of me. Now he wants me to put it back, and I don’t know if it can fit the way it did.”

“It won’t. It can’t.” Jenna gave her hand a squeeze before she leaned back. “That doesn’t mean it won’t fit another way. A better way. You love him, Lil. I know that, too.”

“Love wasn’t enough before. He told me—took his sweet time about telling me—why it wasn’t enough.”

As she related the story, she had to push out of her chair, walk to the window, open the front door for air. Move, just move while her mother sat quietly.

“For my own good, because he had something to prove, because he was broke, because he felt like a failure. What difference did any of that make? And besides all that, I deserved to know the reasons. I was part of that relationship. It’s
not
a relationship if one person makes all the choices. Is it?”

“No, or not a balanced one. I understand what you’re feeling, why you’re angry.”

“It’s more than being angry, though. One of the biggest decisions of my life was made
for
me. And the reasons it was made kept from me? How can I believe that won’t happen again? And I won’t build my life with someone who’d do that. I can’t.”

“No, you can’t. Not you. And now I’m going to tell you something that may disappoint you. I’m sorry, so sorry, you were hurt. I hurt for you, Lil. I did. I felt your heartbreak inside my own. But I’m so grateful he did what he did.”

Lil flinched, jerking back from the shock. “How can you say that? How can you mean that?”

“If he hadn’t, you’d have given up everything you wanted—every passion you had—but him. If it had come down to him or your personal and professional goals, you were much too much in love to choose anything but him.”

“Who’s to say I couldn’t have had both? Damn it! Where’s the compromise, the working together?”

“Maybe you’d have made it, but the odds were so stacked against you. Oh, Lil,” she said with such compassion Lil felt her eyes burn and tear. “You, not quite twenty and with the world opening up for you. Him almost two years older with his world narrowing and harsh. He needed to fight, and you needed to grow.”

“So we were young. You were young when you and Dad married.”

“Yes, and we were lucky. But we also wanted the same thing, even then. What we wanted was right here, and that gave us a better chance.”

“So you think I should just shrug off the last ten years. All is forgiven, Coop, I’m yours?”

“I think you should take as much time as you need, and see if you can forgive him.”

Lil let out a long breath as some of the pressure on her chest lifted.

“And I think while he had something to prove to himself before, this time he has to prove something to you. Make him. And while you’re taking that time, ask yourself if you want to live the next ten years without him.”

“He’s changed, and who he’s changed into . . . If I’d just met him, if there wasn’t any history between us? I’d fall flat on my face. Knowing that is very scary. Knowing if I let myself fall flat, I’m giving him the power to rip another piece of me away.”

“Aren’t you tired, honey, of only getting close to men you know can’t?”