Black Halo (14 page)

The Akaneed hummed in the distance, its reverberating keen rumbling up onto the shore and scattering the skittering things. The waves drew in a sharp inhale, retreating back to the open sea and holding its frothy breath as it went calm and placid. Sound died, sea died and Gariath resolved to die with it.

In the silence, the sound was deafening.

He recognised immediately feet crunching upon the sand. The pace was slow, casual, utterly without care or concern for the dragonman trying to die.

An old enemy, perhaps, one of the many faceless bodies he had torn and crushed and failed to kill, come for vengeance at the tip of a sword. Or maybe a new one, some terrified creature with a slow and hesitant pace, ready to impale him with a weapon clenched in trembling hands.

Or, if gods were truly intent on proving their existence, it might be one of his former companions. One of them might have survived, he reasoned, and come searching for vengeance. He listened intently to the sound.

Too heavy to be the pointy-eared human, he reasoned; she wouldn’t attack him until his back was turned anyway. And likewise, the feet were too deliberate to be the bumbling, skinny human with the fiery hands. That one would just kill him from a distance.

He dearly hoped it wasn’t the tall, brown-haired human woman. She would likely come all masked with tears, demanding explanations in sobbing tones while righteously insisting that the others hadn’t deserved to die. If that were the case, he would have much preferred the rat. Yes, the rat would come and give him a quick knife in the throat; surely that would kill even a
Rhega
suffering from a severe case of irony.

It pained him to think that the feet might belong to Lenk. The death he so richly deserved then would never come from the young man’s hands.

The others knew how to kill. Lenk alone knew how to hurt.

The feet stopped just above his head. Gariath held his breath.

No blow, no steel, no vengeance. The shadow that fell over him was warm rather than cold. Even against the setting sun, the heat was distinctly familiar and embracing, heavy arms wrapped gently around him.

He hadn’t felt such warmth since …

Almost afraid to, he opened his nostrils, drew in a deep breath. His body jolted at once, his eyes snapping wide open at a scent that instantly overwhelmed his senses and the stink of the sea alike. He opened his mouth, drinking it in and at once finding it impossible that it filled his body.

Rivers and rocks
.

He looked up and saw black eyes staring down at him beneath a pair of horns, one short and topped with a jagged break. The snout that they stared down from was wrinkled and scarred, but taut, each twisted line a point of pride and wisdom. The frills at either side fanned out unenthused, crimson petals of a wilting flower that had not seen rain in a long time.

It was the eyes, alone untouched by age, that seized Gariath’s gaze. They were softer than his own black stare, but that softness only made their depth all the more apparent. Where his were hard and unyielding doors of obsidian, the eyes that stared down at him were windows that stretched into endless night.

The elderly
Rhega
smiled, exposing teeth well worn.

‘You know,’ he rumbled, the
Rhega
tongue deep and hard as a rock in his chest, ‘for someone who has such reverence for my stare, you could at
least
get up to talk to me.’

Gariath’s eye ridges raised half a hair. ‘You read thoughts?’

‘I don’t get much conversation otherwise.’ The elder returned the raised ridge. ‘Not impressed?’

‘I have seen many things, Grandfather,’ Gariath replied.

The elder considered him thoughtfully for a moment, then nodded.

‘So you have, Wisest.’

The elder scanned the beach, finding a nearby piece of driftwood half buried in the sand. Lifting his limp tail up behind him, he took a seat upon it and stared out over the setting sun. The light met his stare and Gariath saw the elder’s shape change as beams of light sifted through a spectral figure.

‘You’re dead, Grandfather,’ Gariath grunted.

‘I hear that a lot,’ the elder replied.

Gariath looked up and down the empty beach, bereft of even a hint of any other life.

‘I find that hard to believe.’

‘You would,’ the elder snorted. ‘The fact remains that you are the only one who has come by; you’re the only one who noticed. My point stands.’

‘Why aren’t you at your elder stone?’

‘I got bored.’

‘Grahta never left his stone.’

‘Why would he? Grahta was a pup. He would get lost.’

‘Ah.’

Gariath settled himself back on the sand, staring up at the orange-painted sky above. After a moment, he looked back to the elder.

‘Grahta,’ he said softly. ‘Is he …?’

‘Sleeping, Wisest,’ the elder replied.

‘Good.’

Another silence descended between them, broken only by the sound of the Akaneed’s murmuring keen rising up from below the waves. After an eternity of that, Gariath once again looked up.

‘Aren’t you going to ask me what I’m doing?’

‘Seems a bit unnecessary,’ the elder said, tapping his brow.

‘Then aren’t you going to ask me why?’

‘You are
Rhega
,’ the elder replied, shrugging. ‘You have a good reason.’

‘So, you won’t try to stop me.’

‘I might have a hard time with that.’ The elder held up his clawed hand to the light, grinning as it vanished. ‘What with being dead and all.’

‘Then why are you here?’

‘I thought you might like some company while you waited to die.’

‘I don’t.’

‘Oh?’ The elder looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. ‘Was it not you who was just wishing that his humans would come visit him?’

‘Those thoughts were private,’ Gariath snarled, glowering.

‘Then you shouldn’t have thought them while I was standing right here.’

‘It doesn’t matter.’ The younger dragonman turned his stare back up to the sky. ‘They’re dead.’

‘Possibly.’

‘Possibly?’

‘
You
didn’t die.’

‘I am
Rhega
. I am strong. They are weak and stupid.’

‘Bold words coming from a lizard hoping to starve to death so a snake will eat him.’

‘Can you think of a better way to die, given the circumstances?’

‘I can think of a better way to live.’

‘Live?’ Gariath’s snout split in an unpleasant grin. ‘I’ve tried living, Grandfather. I’ve tried living without my family, living without other
Rhega
and living without even humans.’ He sighed, chest trembling with the breath. ‘Living was fine for a time, but it was too full of death for my tastes. Maybe dying will be better.’

‘There is nothing worth living for, Wisest?’

‘There was. Now, I have nothing.’

‘You have me.’

‘Yes, I do,’ Gariath grunted. ‘One thing I never seem to lack is dead
Rhega
.’ He waved a clawed hand at the elder. ‘I do not need you, Grandfather.’

‘What do you need, then?’

‘It’s not obvious?’

‘Not to you.’

‘I need to die, Grandfather,’ Gariath sighed. ‘I need to rid myself of all’ – he waved a hand out to the sky and sea – ‘this. I don’t need it anymore.’

‘You’ve had plenty of opportunities to die.’

‘I haven’t found the right one yet.’

‘They all basically end the same way, don’t they?’

‘Not for a
Rhega
.’

‘Ah, I see.’ The elder scratched his chin thoughtfully. ‘So, the right way is to lie down here and wait to die while contemplating the existence of weak,
human
gods?’

‘It’s a way.’

‘Not the way of the
Rhega
.’

‘There are no more
Rhega
,’ Gariath growled in response. ‘I am the last one. I get to decide what the right way to die is.’

‘And what is the right way to die, Wisest?’

Gariath had an answer for that.

It was an answer that he had often dreamed of, birthed at the fore of his mind when he held two barking pups that seemed so tiny in his arms. That answer had grown along with those pups, nurtured by their experiences. When they had learned to catch jumping fish, to chase down running horses, to spread their wings and glide on the winds, that answer had grown to something that swelled with his own heart.

He would have very much liked to have that heart stop beating when they held pups of their own and watched red silhouettes gliding across the sky. He would have very much liked for them to have their own answers for the question.

Instead, two hearts had stopped beating instead of one. And with them, so did his answer die.

The elder stared at him with intent concentration, seeing it unfurl inside him. He shuddered as he and the younger dragonman shared the final thought.

An angry, agonised wail, offered to a weeping sky as Gariath clutched two lifeless forms in his arms. The same wail offered to so many wide-eyed, terrified faces as Gariath threw himself at them time and again, hoping for and being denied a righteous death.

‘That would be a good way to die,’ the elder said, nodding. ‘I would have liked to have left my family in such a way.’

‘How did you die, Grandfather?’

‘I didn’t,’ the elder replied with an enigmatic smile.

‘You are most certainly dead, Grandfather.’

‘In body, perhaps.’

‘Oh,
this
.’

‘What?’ The elder furrowed his ridges.

‘I’ve heard this before. Some vague philosophy about the separation of body and spirit, and it always ends the same way.’ Gariath made a dismissive wave. ‘Some attempt to be inspirational by suggesting the two can be resurrected alongside each other, maybe a little aside about raising spirits and being true to oneself. Then we all hug and cry and I vomit.’ He snorted derisively. ‘Humans do it all the time.’

‘Humans have had their points, Wisest. The difference between body and spirit is one they adopted, but it is not one they thought of on their own.’

‘It’s all greasy, imbecilic vomit, no matter who spews it.’

‘Is it? You’ve seen me. You’ve seen Grahta. Can you still deny the difference, knowing what death means to the
Rhega
?’

‘I wonder if I do,’ Gariath muttered. ‘
You
know what Grahta told me.’ He stared up at the sky, frowning at its endless orange and white oblivion. ‘I can’t follow.’

‘I know,’ the elder said, nodding solemnly.

‘Do
you
, Grandfather?’ Gariath turned his hard stare upon the specter. ‘You know death, but you know peace. You will know your ancestors, eventually, as Grahta did. You will know rest. Me …’ He sat up suddenly, brimming with anger. ‘I can’t follow you. Grahta said as much. I can’t see my family, my ancestors …’

They shared a shuddering cringe as they both felt his heart turn to stone inside him and pull his chest low to the ground.

‘I can’t see my sons, Grandfather … I can
never
see them again. I can’t follow.’

‘It is the way it must be, Wisest.’

‘
Why?
’

He leapt to his feet, the sand erupting beneath him. The earth trembled as he stomped his feet, curled his hands into fists so tight that blood wept from his claws. He bared his teeth, narrowed his eyes and fanned his frills out beside his head.

‘
Every
time this happens,’ he snarled. ‘
Every
time someone dies,
every
time
I
don’t, that’s “the way it must be”. Everyone sighs and rolls their shoulders and goes back to living. I’ve
done
that and I’m
done
living. If this is how life must be, then I choose death!’

‘It is that way for a reason, Wisest. You have duties to your ancestors.’

‘
More
excuses!
More
stupidity! Duty and honour and responsibility!’ He howled and stomped his feet. ‘All just excuses for not getting things done, for trying to excuse away life and all its pain! I have
served
my duty, Grandfather! I have
tried
to live the way the
Rhega
are supposed to. I have
tried
to be a
Rhega
when there are no more. I have
tried
and … and …’

His fist came down with a howl, splintering a hole in the driftwood beside the elder. He jerked it out with a shriek, wooden shards lodged in his fist that wept blood as his eyes wept tears. He collapsed to his knees, pressed his brow against the wood and drew in a staggering, wet breath.

‘It’s too hard, Grandfather. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I
can’t
follow.’ He punched the wood again. ‘I
can’t
kill myself.’ Another bloody-handed blow. ‘I just … can’t.’