Authors: Shari Dare
"Then stay with me. We can run the Double Bar B and you could even become the sheriff here. I've heard the position is open."
He looked down at his boots and even before speaking, she knew what his answer would be. “I have to leave, Belle. There are things I need to do, and I have to do them alone. When the time is right, I'll be back. I'm not leaving because I want to, but because I have to. Please try to understand."
With one last kiss, he turned and walked away from her. The only thing she could do was to stand and watch as he mounted his horse and rode out of town with Ed.
Someone put their arm around her shoulder and she turned to see Roy at her side. “That wasn't right, it just wasn't right,” he said.
"It doesn't matter,” she replied, trying hard to keep the tears dammed up behind her eyes. “He never promised he would stay. His job is important to him. I would never deprive him of that."
"He would have stayed if you'd told him about the child."
"I don't want him on those terms. If he couldn't stay because of me, I don't want him because of the child. I planned to have this child alone, I just didn't think that watching him ride away would be so damned difficult."
"Are you certain this is what you want to do?” Ed asked once they were several miles outside of town.
"You know it's not what I want, it's what I have to do. There are things that must be done before I can ever go back to her."
"If that ain't the worst logic I've ever heard. You could give me your resignation right here and now and be back in her bed by nightfall."
"I could, but that ain't the only thing I need to do. Like you said, I need to see that specialist in Denver and then I have a few personal fences to mend."
Ed pulled on the reins and brought his horse to a halt, prompting Black to do the same. “What kind of personal fences? Until this morning, I ain't never heard you talk about anything in your past. What is so urgent that you're prepared to leave Belle in order to do it?"
"I never talked about family because it hurt too much. That letter you forwarded to me from Mexico was from my grandfather. When my ma was killed, I stayed with them for almost a year. When I left, I vowed I'd never return. I knew the life I led was nothing they would be proud of. Being here with Belle, made me realize that I needed my family so I broke my silence. In doing so I learned I have a son in Mexico. Not only do I need to see my grandparents, but I want to see the boy as well. I won't be telling him that I'm his pa, but I will be thanking the man who stepped in and took my place."
Ed looked at him, a puzzled expression on his face. “Why not tell the boy you're his pa?"
"Because he has a pa. Manuel is a good man, one he can be proud to call Papa. My grandfather has been helping them to give all their children a good life. Next year the boy will be going to the university in Mexico City. He, like his brothers and sisters, think my grandfather is a kind patron. I won't do anything to change their opinions. Let's just say I want to see what I could have been if I hadn't been so consumed by hate and the need for revenge."
"Do I have to ask if there are any other places you plan to visit?"
"I have money in a bank in Texas that I plan to get and then I'm heading east. I think there might be a little girl in a convent in Ohio who could use the love of her ma."
"Belle's daughter?"
Black nodded.
"Just how will you know her?"
"With luck, those nuns won't have changed her name. I doubt there will be a lot of little girls in that place called Laura Leigh. I'm also hoping she takes after Belle. Can't think of a better present to give her than to bring back the daughter that was taken away from her so long ago."
The train made its way east. Under the click-clack of the wheels on the tracks, Black thought of the past five months since he'd ridden out of Larson's Gap.
He'd left his horse, along with his badge, in Denver. Ed had promised that when he was ready to have the horse back, he would bring him to the Double Bar B.
After taking out the money he had in the bank in Denver, Black boarded a train for Texas. His first stop had been the ranch where his mother had given up her life. The man who had bought it had made many improvements, and the payments he'd promised to make had been deposited in the bank. After assuring himself that his money was safe, he told the banker that sometime in the future he would be sending a wire to have the money sent north.
From there he went on to Mexico, and the rancho of his grandfather. Instead of his black shirt and pants, he invested in clothes that said he was a prosperous man. He wanted his grandparents to see him not as a gunslinger, but as a man of whom they could be proud.
As he expected, his grandmother cried and his grandfather glowed with pride as he told them of his exploits over the years. When he mentioned Belle and the Double Bar B, they insisted that he give them enough warning so that they could attend the wedding.
He'd told them that he didn't know if she'd have him after leaving her the way he did, but they assured him that she must love him if she'd begged him for a child, even knowing he wouldn't be there to help raise it. He prayed they were correct.
After that reunion, he had gone to see Theresa and Manuel. As his father had written, Jose was a fine young man. Black could tell that Manuel and Theresa were concerned about what he would tell the boy, but he assured them he was no more the boy's father than anyone other than Manuel.
Now he was nearing the last stop on his journey to complete the assignments he'd given himself. He prayed that this one would be as rewarding as the others he'd made.
The train pulled into Cincinnati and Black found himself standing on the platform, waiting for the carriage that would take him to the best hotel in the city. Here he wouldn't be the gunslinger, Black Conley. Here he would be Phillip Conley, a rancher from Montana who had come to adopt a child.
The hotel was more than willing to rent him their best suite and directed him to the stable where he could rent a fine carriage.
After a good night's sleep, he asked directions to the convent where he knew he would find Belle's daughter. It was still early when he drove out into the country to the remote convent. Just seeing it in the distance made his blood run cold. How could Belle's aunt have sent her to a place like this when she'd been so young?
A sour-looking older woman met him at the door. “What is your business here?” she demanded.
"My wife and I are looking to adopt a child. She was brought up in a convent much like this one and told me to check into a convent while I was in Ohio on business. I asked around and was told that you have children who are orphans here. I was hoping you could help us make our family complete."
"Come with me and we will speak with Mother Superior about this. It is very irregular for anyone to come here looking to adopt one of these poor unfortunates."
He could tell she was looking at his expensive suit and the silver ring that his grandfather had insisted on giving him before he left Mexico. A similar ring was with his belongings at the hotel for Belle. It would grace her delicate finger once she agreed to become his wife.
It took an hour of intense questioning by Mother Superior for her to agree to allow him to see the children. “Adoption is something that comes at a high price,” she finally said. “If you are willing to pay for the privilege of having a child, I'm certain there were several boys who would be happy to go west with you. You will not be disappointed in any of them, because they all know how to work as well as to obey. You will be raising them in a good Catholic home, won't you?"
"I was raised Catholic, Ma'am, but there aren't a lot of priests in Montana. The child will be going to church on a regular basis and taught from the Bible. As for playmates, my wife runs an orphanage from our home and there are many children there to keep her company."
"Her? I thought you would want a son."
"My wife had a hankerin’ for a daughter, and I wouldn't want to disappoint her. Now can I see the children?"
Laura Leigh wasn't hard to spot. She looked exactly like what he imagined Belle looked like at her age. Even dressed identically to the other girls and her hair in desperate need of washing, her beauty shone through.
"This is the child I want to be my daughter,” Black said, as he put his hand on her shoulder.
"You can't be serious,” Mother Superior retorted. “Her mother was a common whore. There are other children here who would be much better suited for the life you're able to give them."
Black tired to hide his horror at the woman's words. “A whore, or a girl who found herself in trouble? I tend to think the latter. As I said, this is the child I want. Will you draw up the papers, or will I have to go to Cincinnati and hire a lawyer in order to take her home with me? If that is the case, then I will not be paying the convent one red cent for the privilege of calling this delightful child my daughter."
Greed eventually overcame the woman's indignation as she ordered Laura Leigh to go to her room and prepare to leave with the man who would become her father.
"You don't need to pack anything,” Black told her. “Once we get to Cincinnati, we will be doing some shopping, that is after you have a good hot bath and wash your hair. I don't know much about little girls, but I do know that they like to be clean and beautiful. I doubt if you're used to this, but you will see what it's like and I have not doubt you'll like it."
Laura Leigh gave him a smile that reminded him so much of Belle that he wanted to get out of here and back to Montana as soon as he possibly could. The smell of this place and the sight of the sisters who cared for these children was turning his stomach.
After an hour of waiting for Mother Superior to draw up the papers, Black left the convent with Laura Leigh in tow and one hundred and fifty dollars of his hard-earned money in the woman's hands.
"Are we really going to a ranch in Montana, or are you taking me to a whorehouse like Sister Caroline says?” Laura Leigh asked. “She told me that my mother was a whore and that's all I'm good for if I don't take my vows and become a nun."
Black reined the horse, drawing his rented carriage to a halt. “Do you want to become a nun?"
"No, sir, but I don't want to be a whore either. It's sinful."
"You won't be a whore, and neither was your mother. I'm taking you back to her and if we're lucky, she'll agree to marry me."
"But you said you were married."
"I told a small lie. I needed to be able to return you to the woman who loves you more than you'll ever know. She tries to hide it, but I could see through her. She was a young girl, not much older than you when she got into trouble and was sent to the nuns. When you were born, they took you from her. At the time, they promised you would have a good home with loving parents. I made some inquiries and found that you were still with the nuns. I knew I couldn't ask her to be my wife if I didn't do everything in my power to bring you back to her."
"Even though you paid a lot of money? Sister Caroline says that you would have to pay a lot to Mother Superior in order to adopt me."
"Money isn't as important as you are. Now, before we get to the hotel, we will go shopping and pick out a complete outfit for you to change into after you have your bath. When that is done, we'll go back to the hotel and have one of the maids help you wash the grime of your past life from your body. Our train leaves the day after tomorrow, and that will give us enough time to get you a whole new wardrobe so your mother will see what a beautiful girl you are."
"Am I beautiful? Sister Caroline says that whores are ugly, and since—"
"We'll have no more talk of that. You are a beautiful young lady, just as your mother is a beautiful woman.” As he spoke the words, he began to wonder if the child had any conception of what she spoke of. “Do you know what a whore is?"
She looked up at him with the innocence of youth. “Sister Caroline says they are vile people who are damned to hell for existing. I don't want to be damned to hell."
Black pulled her into a fatherly embrace. “Oh, my dear Laura, you couldn't be further from the truth. Whores are women who have no option but to be with men for money. Many of them are alone in the world with no other way to support themselves. Outside, they do what must be done to survive, but inside they are beautiful people. You have led a sheltered life and I can understand why you would believe what you've been told, but things will change and so will your opinion of the people of this world."
"Will I still be able to go to church?"
The fact that she had changed the subject told him she had no understanding of what he had said. Why should she? She'd been raised with the same conceptions since birth. A few words from him wouldn't change her perceptions of the world overnight.
"Yes, you will go to church. I'll even buy you your own Bible before we leave here. You can read, can't you?"
She lowered her eyes. “We weren't taught to read. That was for the boys. We were taught to pray, to keep the convent clean, and to cook."
"Well, then you're in for a great surprise. On the trip to Montana, we will start your lessons in reading."
"May I still have the Bible?"
"You may have anything your heart desires."
Once they arrived back in the city, Black stopped at the first store he found. There he purchased a complete outfit for Laura, along with paper, pencils and a book that the storekeeper assured him was one of the first books that the teachers in the school used to teach the children.
He could tell that everything in the city was amazing and yet frightening to Laura. It was evident she had never been outside the walls of the convent before.
At the hotel, he arranged for a tub with hot water to be delivered to his suite, along with a maid who could help Laura bathe.
"I don't need help to bathe,” Laura protested.
"Perhaps not, but it's always fun to be pampered now and again."