Black Butterfly (20 page)

             
I raised an eyebrow at him curiously. “Oh, you know that huh?”

             
“I know it,” he said with confidence. “You’re in love with me woman.”

             
“I enjoy your company.” I laughed. I knew in my heart I was in love with him, but it was hard to admit it.

             
“That’s it?” He asked sounding very skeptical. “You just enjoy my company?”

             
I nodded knowing that if I opened my mouth the truth would flow like a river. Remaining silent I tried to make my eyes shield the truth too. Besides, the eyes are the mirrors to the soul. I wasn’t trying to bare my soul.

             
“I’m going to fix this denial shit,” Raheem said coming closer to me.

             
“It’s nothing to fix Raheem. I have feelings for you, but I’m not sure what they are. I’ve never been in love before, so how do I know if I am now? I don’t want to lie to you.”

             
“Have you ever felt the way you feel for me about anybody else?” He asked pulling me into his arms.

             
I melted into him. “No,” I said breathlessly. He literally knocked the wind out of me.

             
“Do you miss me and want to see me when I’m not around?” He stared into my eyes intensely. I’d never seen that look in his eyes before.

             
“Yes,” I admitted.

             
“When you think about me does your heart start beating fast and your body overheats with passion and desire?”

             
I bit my lip. “Mmm hmm.”

             
“And when I touch you does your pussy immediately get wet and you want to feel me deep inside you?”  His voice was lower and filled with passion. Our eye contact hadn’t faltered.

             
“Hell yeah. That’s how I’m feeling right now.”

             
Laughing he said, “That last one might just be lust, but I think you do love me.”

             
Part of me just wanted to let go and be with Raheem, but another part of me knew that I really couldn’t. Not only did I feel that my parents wouldn’t approve of him, but I didn’t want to give up my freedom. Being exclusive to him would mean I had to be faithful. I didn’t know if I could really do it.

             
“So if I say that I love you too then what?”

             
“I want us to be together.”

             
“So the rest is up to me? What if I agree to be with you and I fuck it up? I’ve never done this before. I mean I had boyfriends in high school, but I never loved any of them. I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want to end up hurting you. Shit gets complicated when feelings are involved. I don’t like complicated things. Life should be as simple as possible,” I said getting up to leave. This topic was just too much for me and I needed some air.

             
“Where are you going?” Raheem asked not wanting me to leave.

             
“I’m going home. I need to think.”

             
“ What the fuck do you need to think about Seantay? You already know if you want to be with me or not. You don’t need to think about it.”

             
I stopped and turned to face him. “I’m afraid. The thought of being committed to someone scares the shit out of me. There’s too much pressure and too many expectations. I don’t want to conform and compromise to make someone else happy. Shit, I’m spoiled and used to having my way. I don’t bend.”

             
“I know that you’re spoiled and so the fuck what. I want to spoil you even more. Let me do that baby. It’s all about you in this. I want to treat you like the pampered Princess that you are. I love that about you. I promise I will make you happy and I will maintain everything I do from this point as our relationship grows. I’m so in love with you woman. You’ll never be afraid of anything else in your life if you just take a chance on me. I promise I’m going legit. I’m done with that drug shit. All that other shit is behind me.” He looked into my eyes with such sincerity that I believed him.

             
I felt my heart soften. “Okay, but let’s take things slowly. I mean I have to adjust to this. Just thinking about it makes me dizzy.” I thought about Dean and realized that I had no feelings for him. He was fine, but he didn’t make my heart race like Raheem did.

             
“Dizzy?  Yeah, you love me,” he said flashing that Colgate smile.

             
“Since we’re on the topic of love,” I grinned slyly. “How about we make love. I’m sooo wet right now.”

             
He stared at me with those sexy ass eyes. “Mmm. You don’t have to tell me twice.” He kissed me passionately and then hesitantly pulled away from me. He held my face in his hands lovingly. “You’re so beautiful, and I want to make love to you for the rest of my life. As a matter of fact that’s how I want to go out. Inside of that sweet pussy.” He kissed me again.

             
“I love you too Raheem,” I finally admitted. “However, if you die inside me that would fuck me up for the rest of my life.” We laughed.

             
“That was all I wanted to hear baby,” he said picking me up. He carried me upstairs and made me his Queen in his king sized bed.

Chapter 14

Renell

             
It was a Friday and I decided to leave the office early. I hadn’t seen Ricky since we’d returned from New Orleans. Since we hadn’t spent much time together we’d decided to go out for dinner and possibly catch a movie afterward. He said he’d be at my door eight o’ clock on the dot. That was good timing because I needed to run a few errands. I had to get my mother a gift since her birthday was the following week. Seantay had told me about the car father had gotten her. She test drove it and said it was a smooth ride. I still was not really talking to Seandra.

             
When I got inside my apartment I kicked my black Via Spiga pumps off that went perfectly with the black Ellen Tracy power suit that I couldn’t wait to peel off. Before I could get my jacket off good the doorbell rang. I hurried to the door and was shocked to see Maurice standing there.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked after I snatched the door open in anger.
“How did you know I was here?”
“I followed you from your office. You’re looking really good.”

             
I could tell he was high. “You didn’t answer my first question Maurice.”

             
“We need to talk Nell. Can I come in?” He asked with wide, glassy eyes. He wiped his nose and looked over my shoulder into my apartment.

             
I reluctantly stepped aside to let him walk in. I closed the door. “We don’t have anything to talk about, so I don’t know why you came here. You should’ve tried talking to me years ago.”

             
He sat down on the sofa and patted the space beside him. I decided to stand.

             
“Just hear me out. I know I stepped on your heart and treated you like shit. I’m sorry baby. It took me seeing you with Ricky at that party. Damn, that shit crushed me. You’re still so damn beautiful with those gorgeous, gray eyes. I have been thinking about how we used to be.”

             
“Yeah, that was all before you started fucking my sister. Get out of my apartment Maurice, before I call Seandra and tell her everything.”

             
He looked at me with wild eyes. “I’ve always loved you, but you always made me feel so inferior. You and your sister are complete opposites. She’s so needy and I’m a man. I need to feel needed. You never made me feel like you needed me.”

             
“I wanted you Maurice and I loved you. Wasn’t that enough?” I asked in confusion. “I couldn’t be somebody that I wasn’t. I’ve always been an independent woman. At first you told me that was what attracted you to me.”

             
“You have to understand Nell. Seandra’s passive and dependent. You were always all non-chalant. You acted like your shit didn’t stink. Being that you’re smart, successful and come from a rich family you always had your nose in the air. You had to be the man in the relationship too, but there is only one man in a relationship. Plus your sister will do anything in the bedroom. You never wanted to try new things,” he said turning his nose up at me.

             
“Well, if I was so damn bad why the hell are you here now telling me that you’re sorry? Huh? Why the hell did you continue to be with me sexually? Why did you keep promising me that you would leave Seandra? What the fuck are you trying to prove? I’m with Ricky and that’s all to it. I’m done sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Ricky loves me for me and he’s okay with being wanted. He’s a real man who does not have to be validated by a needy, clingy woman. Things are beautiful between us and I am finally happy. Like I said before I have shit to do, so if you don’t want Seandra to know I advise you to leave.” I picked up the phone and started dialing.

             
He stood up and walked to the door.  He opened it and said, “I guess you’re not trying to hear what I have to say.”

             
“I guess you’re right. Besides, I don’t want to deal with all of your bad habits anyway,” I said and slammed the door behind him.

*                 *               *

Seantay

             
Lately I’d been spending all of my time at Raheem’s. I was there even when his boys were there. He’d bought me clothes, underwear, shoes and everything else to accommodate me. I was being really spoiled. I knew that Raheem was a hustler when I met him. He wasn’t a big king pin, but he had been deep in the streets. It wasn’t because he had to be. It was his way of being a rebel. That was what attracted me to him. I guess I felt that he was like me. We were both rebels in our own way. We went against the grain because we liked doing what was not expected of us. He’d gained his respect in the streets and that shit turned me on.

             
I remembered he’d said that he was giving it up. He was spending big and was due to his money months later. I wanted to ask him if he was still hustling, or if he’d given it up already. He hadn’t brought it back up. It was early Saturday morning and after making love all night I snuggled close to my man. He opened his eyes and smiled at me.

             
“Good morning.”

             
I stared at him caressing his face. “Tell me that you love me again,” I whispered.

             
“I love you baby,” he said. “And I love when you look at me like that.”

             
“So if I ask you something you won’t get offended?”

             
“Ask me anything,” he said softly kissing my lips morning breath and all.

             
“Be honest okay?”

             
“I’ll be honest babe,” he said groggily. I felt him wrap his arms around me tightly.

             
“Are you still hustling?” I asked.

             
“I haven’t hustled in a while baby. I told you I was done with it. I was pushing kilos and sitting on a trust fund, plus I’m getting this money in a few months. I’m rich baby. Relax.”

             
“You’re spoiling me.” I rubbed his chest as I listened to the rhythm of his heart beat.  I felt his hands on my ass.

             
“So, you’re used to that. Why would you expect any less from me? If I take you away from your father I have to maintain your lifestyle. That’s what a real man does. You sexy as hell too, and I can’t resist.” He wrapped his arms around me again.

             
I softly sucked on his earlobe and that shit drove him crazy. He was squirming and moving around on the bed. “Damn girl,” he moaned.

             
“What?” I asked innocently.

             
“Damn. We just went to sleep. You got my ass tired as hell. Do you realize you be draining me?” He asked kissing my neck.

             
“I want some,” I whined

             
“Babe. I’m tired,” he protested.

             
“You’re refusing sex?” I asked. I was amazed. We had been going at it all night though.

             
“Give me a couple hours and I will tear it up. I promise.” He yawned and closed his eyes.

             
Refusing to be rejected I didn’t back down. I wanted to have sex all of the time with Raheem. I rubbed my naked body against him and cupped his semi erect penis in my hand. It didn’t take long to wake up completely.