Black Box (24 page)

That is what you wrote in the courthouse and sent to me via Zakheim. You did not add a word of your own. For seven whole years. Why have you returned now like a phantom to the window of my new life? Go away to your own hunting grounds. Go away to the frost of the stars in your black-and-white spacecraft. Go away and never come back. Not even in dreams. Not even in my body’s longings. Not even in the plaster of the walls and the creaking of the floors. Go away from the woodcut and the cowl. Why not cross the snowbound wilderness, knock at the door of the first hut, and ask for light and warmth? Marry your bespectacled secretary. Or any of your admirers. Take a wife and make a home. Make sure there’s a real log fire in winter. A little garden. Roses. A dovecote. Perhaps you will have another son, and when you get home from work in the evening you can sit down with him at your black desk, cut out pictures for him from the
Geographical Magazine,
touch his hair and mess it up with gum. Your wife will run her hand over your tired brow. Massage at night your neck muscles, strained from writing and loneliness. You can put a record on. Not Vivaldi or Albinoni—perhaps some pensive jazz. There will be a rainstorm outside. Water rushing in the gutter. From the next room you will catch scents of talcum powder and shampoo, bedtime smells of the child. You will both lie there in your bed, listening to the roar of the wind through the tight-closed window. Each reading a book. Or else you will talk to her, in a whisper, about Napoleon’s campaigns. Soon the light will go out and her fingers will start wandering among the curls on your chest. You will close your eyes. Then I shall come too and slip between you like a rustling. And in the darkness you and I will laugh together without making a sound. My genie and my bottle.

It is now almost six o’clock in the morning. I have been writing to you all night. I will have a shower, dress, and make breakfast for my little girl and my husband. There is happiness in the world, Alec, and suffering is not the opposite of it, it is the thorny path along which we have to creep on our bellies to that forest clearing, bathed in a fine lunar silver, which is calling to us and waiting. Don’t forget.

Ilana

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GIDEON MIDWEST UNIV CHICAGO

FOR YOUR ATTENTION ALEX LEGALLY BOAZ IS A MINOR AND UNDER HIS MOTHERS CUSTODY YOUR ACTION COULD BE INTERPRETED AS KIDNAPPING SOMMO IS CONSIDERING CRIMINAL PROCEEDINGS AGAINST YOU PERHAPS HE WILL RECONSIDER IF YOU AGREE TO SELL THE PROPERTY SUGGEST YOU CLIMB DOWN ZAKHEIM

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GIDEON MIDWEST UNIV CHICAGO

MY PARTNER IS EXERTING PRESSURE IN VARIOUS DIRECTIONS SITUATION DELICATE FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION ROBERTO DIMODENA

PERSONAL DIMODENA JERUSALEM ISRAEL

OFFER THE SOMMOS AND ZAKHEIM ANOTHER FIFTY THOUSAND IN MY NAME IN RETURN FOR AN UNDERTAKING TO LEAVE BOAZ IN PEACE IF YOU WANT ILL RELEASE YOU ALEX

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GIDEON MIDWEST UNIV CHICAGO

LET ME SELL THE PROPERTY AND ILL GUARANTEE BOAZ CAN STAY IF YOU REFUSE HE IS LIKELY TO GO TO JAIL DONT FORGET HES ALREADY GOT A SUSPENDED SENTENCE ROBERTO IS LEAVING YOU STOP PLAYING THE FOOL AND ACCEPT HELP DONT REFUSE YOUR ONLY FRIEND OTHERS ARE ONLY WAITING FOR YOUR DEATH AND THE INHERITANCE DONT BE CRAZY USE YOUR FAMOUS BRAINS FOR ONCE IF I DIE OF AN ULCER ITLL BE YOUR FAULT MANFRED

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PERSONAL ZAKHEIM JERUSALEM ISRAEL

FORGIVE YOU ON CONDITION YOU STOP NAGGING INSTEAD OF THE ZIKHRON PROPERTY AUTHORIZE YOU TO SELL YOUR CLIENT THE HOUSE AND PLOT IN MAGDIEL ILL KNOCK THE BREATH OUT OF YOU IF YOU TRY ANY MORE CLEVER TRICKS FINAL WARNING ALEX

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GIDEON MIDWEST UNIV CHICAGO

I HAVE RETURNED YOUR FILES TO MY PARTNER NO HARD FEELINGS ROBERTO DIMODENA

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GIDEON MIDWEST UNIV CHICAGO

EVERYTHING ARRANGED BOAZ IN MY DEVOTED CARE AM KEEPING SOMMO FED BUT ON A TIGHT REIN TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH MANFRED

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SOMMO TARNAZ 7 JERUSALEM

HAVE DECIDED TO CHANGE MY WILL YOU RECEIVE ONE QUARTER AND THE REST GOES TO BOAZ ON CONDITION YOU AGREE TO LEGAL TRANSFER OF CUSTODY TO ME UNTIL HE COMES OF AGE YOUR DECISION SOONEST PLEASE ALEXANDER GIDEON

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MR. GIDEON MIDWEST UNIVERSITY CHICAGO

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT SIR BOAZ IS NOT FOR SALE HIS MOTHER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM AND I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR HER IF YOU DESIRE HIS WELLBEING AND ALSO PARTIAL ATONEMENT FOR YOUR TERRIBLE SINS THEN PLEASE BE KIND ENOUGH TO SEND ME A DONATION FOR THE REDEMPTION OF THE LAND AND RETURN THE BOY TO OUR SUPERVISION MICHAEL SOMMO

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GIDEON MIDWEST UNIV CHICAGO

HAVE SOLD MAGDIEL TO SOMMO REPRESENTING HIS PATRON MILLIONAIRE FANATIC FROM PARIS TO EXCHANGE WITH FRENCH MONASTERY AGAINST LAND IN WEST BANK MY SONINLAW IS IN ON DEAL TOO THEY ADVISE INVESTING YOUR READY CASH WITH THEM FOR PURCHASES IN TERRITORIES THATS WHERE THE FUTURE LIES YOU SHOULD LEARN A LESSON FROM YOUR FATHER IN HIS GREAT DAYS AWAITING INSTRUCTIONS MANFRED

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To Ilana Sommo
Tarnaz 7
Jerusalem

Beit Avraham
17.8.76

Dear Ilana,

Your letter saddened and hurt me. Who does not dream occasionally of taking off, flying away, and getting singed on some faraway flame? There’s no point in your making fun of me: I didn’t invent the fixed choice between fire and ashes—I have my own closed circle. Maybe I’ll tell you something. About half a year ago I was taking my turn at cleaning the clubroom. It was morning, and raining, and a young boy I didn’t know, a volunteer from Iceland or Finland, with glasses, dark skin, wet hair, wrapped up in his thoughts and floating on a cloud of cigarette smoke, was sitting by himself in a corner writing an airmail letter. Apart from “Good morning” and “Excuse me” we didn’t exchange a word. It was totally silent, with grey rain at the windows. I washed and rinsed and dried the floor even underneath his feet and emptied and wiped and gave him back his ashtray, and for an instant he smiled at me wistfully, sardonically, compassionately, as though he knew the whole truth. If he had said, Sit down, if he had waved his hand, nothing would have stopped me. I could have forgotten everything. But I couldn’t. On every side there lurked the giggles, the petty humiliations, the remorse, anxiety about smelly armpits, fear of the buckles, the embarrassment, the zip fastener, the wet floor, the buttons, the coarse string bra, the morning light, the open door, the cold, the curtains that had gone to the laundry, the smell of chlorine, the shame. Like a fortified wall. I haven’t told a soul apart from you and in fact I haven’t even told you and in fact there’s nothing to tell. And Yoash was away on reserve duty in the Golan Heights and at quarter to ten I had to take Yiftah to his appointment with the dentist. There was nothing at all except the pain of realization: like a fortified wall. Like an irrecoverable loss. That evening I painted the veranda furniture white, to surprise Yoash when he got back. And I made the children some homemade chocolate ice cream. And in the night I ironed and ironed, until the broadcasting shut down and the radio went on whistling and the night watchman went past my open window laughing and said, It’s late, Rahel. There’s nothing to tell, Ilana. Go and work part time in your bookshop, while Yifat’s at nursery school. Enroll in a correspondence course. Buy yourself some new clothes instead of the brown dress that I realize from your letter you really hate. Call me a hedgehog if you like. Don’t answer if you like. Yoash is working nights in the cowsheds and I’m tired and the sink’s still full of dirty dishes. I’ll stop here. Your sister,

Rahel

Actually I meant to write to you for another reason: to tell you that Yoash was in Zikhron yesterday for a couple of hours; he helped to fix wire netting in the chicken run, gave some agricultural advice, and came away with the impression that Boaz is doing very well in the commune he is setting up. Next time we’ll book a car in advance and take the children. There’s no reason why you and Michel and Yifat shouldn’t visit him sometimes.

Notes made by Prof. A. A. Gideon on little cards.

258. And all of them, each in his own way, begin by destroying the institution of the family. Plato. Jesus. The early communists. The Nazis. The militarists and also the militant pacifists. The ascetics and also the orgiastic sects (both ancient and modern). First step to redemption: elimination of the family. Severance of all the intimate connections between people in favor of total integration in the “Revolutionary Family.”

261. The self—the focus of suffering. Redemption—annihilation of the self. Complete absorption in the masses.

266. Crime—guilt feeling—need for absolution—dedication to an ideal—more guilt—another crime committed in the pursuit of the ideal—more need for absolution—redoubled attachment to the ideal—and so on and so forth. A vicious circle.

270. And so, suddenly or gradually, life is worn down, flattened, emptied. Esteem takes the place of friendship. Self-negation replaces respect. Obedience instead of participation. Subjection instead of brotherhood. Enthusiasm takes the place of emotion. Shouts and whispers substitute for speech. Suspicion instead of doubt. Torture instead of joy. Repression instead of longing. Mortification instead of meditation. Betrayal instead of leavetaking. The bullet instead of an argument. Slaughter instead of dissension. Death instead of change. Purging crusades instead of death. “Immortality” instead of life.

283. “Let the dead bury the dead”—the living will bury the living.

284. “Those who live by the sword shall die by the sword”—until the Messiah arrives with a whirling sword of fire in his hand.

285. “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”—at once, or we’ll fill you full of lead.

286. “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”—but if self-hatred has already eaten into you, this commandment is loaded with deadly irony.

288. And what of the promised resurrection? It is always without the body.

290. As for your soul, it will merge totally with the other souls. Be soothingly reabsorbed in the general reservoir. “Be gathered into the bosom of the nation.” Or into the heart of the departed forefathers. Or into the cauldrons of the Race. Or into the treasure chambers of the Movement. Where it will serve as the raw material of a new, purified casting. Anaximander’s
apeiron.
The Jewish “bundle of life.” The Christian melting pot. Peer Gynt’s button molder.

291. And the body? It is nothing more than a transient nuisance. A vessel full of fetid humors. A source of depression and infection. A cross we have to bear. A trial we have to undergo. A punishment we are doomed to suffer so as to be released from it in the “world which is all-good.” A block of present pollution interposed between the abstract purity of the past and the abstract brilliance of the future.

292. Stripping off of corporeality: to annihilate the body. Whether gradually, by self-mortification, or by a single redemptive blow, on the altar of some impending salvation.

293. Hence: “Dust unto dust.”

294. Hence: “Viva la muerte”—meaning “Long live death.”

295. And once again Pascal: All the evils in the world derive from the fact that we are unable to remain quietly in a room. Our futility comes and destroys us.

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Michel Sommo
Tarnaz 7
Jerusalem

Hi there Michel Im riting this to you from Zikhron. I dont mind if Ilana reeds it to but you reed it first. I expect your angry with me and think Im ungreatful and that you treeted me 100 percent right and I mukked up your plans and arranged thru America to be here in Zikhron. If your furious at me then just through this letter in the trash and dont reply only dont start preeching to me again. Your not G-d Michel and Im not youre fool. And anyway to spend your time telling each other what to do and what not to do in life is stupid. Thats my opinion sorry. But this letter is not to change you anyway Im against changing people. So what is it for? Its for Ilana.

Listen Michel. In my opinion Ilana is getting into trubble. We saw it in her when she came to visit. 100 percent normal shes never been, but now she dropped down maybe below 50 percent. My sudgestion is that she and Yifat should come hear to Zikhron for a bit and work around the house or in the vedgetable garden and have a rest from your relidgusness. Dont be angry Michel you no your a lovely good person the only trubble is youve got this obseshun that everyones got to be exactly the same as you and anyone who isnt like you you think their not really a human being. You think Im a hoodlum you think Ilanas a baby you think the arabs are animals. Im begining to be scared your going to think Yifats a little girl made of plasticine that you can bend and twist anyway you like, and then 90 percent sure Yifatll end up in trubble to and youll blame everyone except yourself. All the favors youve done to Ilana and me and the country Michel they arnt good enough unless you let evryone live there own life. Take Kiryat Arba were you sent me its a very nice place with a view and everything the only trubble is its just not the rite place for someone like me thats not relidgous and dont belive that what the state needs is to keep conkering the arabs and take their places away from them. In my opinion we should leave them alone and they should leave us alone. But thats not why Im riting to you. My sudgestion is that Ilana and Yifat should come hear for a while to have a rest from youre domination and from all the crazes in Jerusalem. Ive fixed up a really nice clean room for them with some furniture and all and Ive got six people working here to get things strait and Mr. Zakeim who used to interfere with me at first has improved, now hes arranged water and electricity permits from the council and out of the money from America Ive bought sprinklers and plants and tools and chickens and the whole business is starting to take shape including a telescop on the roof thats nearly finished. Let her come with Yifat shell be comftable here. 5 stars. We work all day then we go for a swim in the sea then in the evening we have a little sing then in the night Ill take good care of them for you. Weve got a big kitchin here and I dont mind having a kosher section for them if thats what Ilana wants. Ive got nothing against it. Free and easy. Its not Kiryat Arba hear evrybody does what they feel like as long as they work hard and treat each other OK and not be a nuisance and not preech.