Bittersweet Symphony (The Damaged Souls series Book 2) (2 page)

Mouthing,
jerk
, Caylee chuckled. All I noticed was the way her lips moved and formed the word. It had me thinking of other ways I could use that mouth of hers.

“Well . . .” Rebecca drawled, taking Marty’s hand in hers. “I’m perfectly content with the wonderful guy I’m with.”

“But?” It was Caylee who prodded now. She had that same mischievous streak in her that I did.

“If I was to pick someone else . . .” She drew out her answer even further.

“
Stephen Amell
!” Caylee yelled, impatient. “You’d pick Stephen and love every second of it!”

“You’d choose him over me?” Yep, there was no denying it. Marty sounded disgruntled at being tossed aside for the popular actor. Even I knew who he was and that said something. Caylee and Rebecca had made sure to educate me the day their shirts came in—something about charity work and the word
Sinceriously
. I might’ve tuned them out a little, but there had been no mistaking how excited they were. They thought he was incredible, and when they said he was helping a cause called
Paws And Stripes
, I couldn’t help but agree.

Anyone who helped veterans had my approval. Hell, I couldn’t imagine living without Lola now.

“Face it, dude. You’ve failed your city,” I added, narrowly ducking the napkin he threw my way. “And if that’s the extent of your skill, no wonder. Man up.
”

“Fuck you,” he hissed, his feathers ruffled. “I could totally take him on. It’s all special effects and a stunt double. I’m all you need, baby.” He flexed his biceps, kissing each one before winking arrogantly.

“That’s cute, Marty, but just as an FYI, he kicked
Star Dust’s
ass the other weekend. He’s pretty legit.”

“Who the fuck is
Star Dust
?” he exclaimed, glancing at me. I shook my head in confusion. I had no idea, either.

“He’s a wrestler.” Preparing herself to explain, Rebecca took one look at her boyfriend’s face and thought better of it.

Good girl,
I thought, noticing that Caylee was watching the interaction between the two carefully. I liked Rebecca a lot and was grateful for her friendship with Caylee. The two were good for each other. Where Rebecca helped Caylee loosen up and have fun, Caylee helped balance out her roommate’s craziness and spontaneity.

In this case, I hoped she’d learned to temper her tongue. There was only so far Marty could be pushed before it went beyond good-natured teasing and his feelings were truly hurt.

“A wrestler? Well, that just proves my point.”

“But,” Rebecca interrupted, placing her finger over his pouted lips to silence him. “Even if I could be with Stephen, I would choose you. You’re my dream guy.” Whatever magic she was infusing in her words, I could see Marty softening like damn butter.

Fuck, she was good. Made me wonder what Caylee would sound like trying to talk me down.

Probably sexy as fuck.

“Hell yes,” he whispered as he abruptly stood, pulling her up with him. Before she could even register what was going on, he threw her over his shoulder, slapping her ass. “But I think you need a reminder of why I’m the guy for you. When I’m done, you won’t even remember this other dude’s name.”

All I could hear was giggling as he carried Rebecca away to her room, telling her everything he was about to do to her and how she needed to make it up to him. They were both freaks, but together they made sense. Glancing over at Caylee, I caught the wistful look in her eyes as she stared after them.

Is that what she wanted from me—some grand romantic gesture, or in this case, a display of caveman mentality?

The two left us behind in a wake of silence. Letting out a sigh, Caylee started gathering the dishes, piling them on top of one another, holding the utensils tightly in one hand.

“Well, I guess that means dinner’s over. Pity, I bet my fortune was pretty awesome.”

I hadn’t even looked at mine.

“Leave those for later. I’ll do them.” Taking the dishes carefully from her hands, I placed them back on the coffee table, scooped up our cookies, and crooked my finger. “Come with me, Miss.”

Something in my voice must’ve amused her because she didn’t argue. She simply took my extended hand and followed me outside.

“What’s on your mind, Cooper?” Caylee asked softly, still not resisting as I took a seat on one of her chaise lounges and patted for her to sit between my legs.

“You. Our future. These fortunes.” Spreading my knees so she could fit comfortably between them, I noticed her slight tremble as a cool breeze skated across us. The night sky was a beautiful inky black, the stars shimmering as the moon peeked out from behind some clouds. I’d spent a lot of time in the past staring up at this same view—marveling at how simple things must seem to others. It was hard to believe that life could get so twisted up, so brutal, so violent, when seeing the world from such a large perspective. It didn’t matter who the person was or what they were doing, the moon and stars still shone, lending their light to everyone.

There’d been many nights Owen and I had starred upward together and talked about home—about who was waiting for us and what we hoped to accomplish when we returned. We’d discussed the meaning to life and how we fit into the grander scheme of things. Sometimes we just bullshitted, spinning webs of fantastical stories as though the world was ours to conquer. I think it was our way of ignoring the job we were there to do, the horrors we’d seen. It was a way to keep from having the effects of war eating away at us, corroding our faith in humanity.

And here I was, doing the same thing with his wife . . . widow.

The memories twanged at my heart and for a moment, it was everything in my power not to break down and retreat. After all this time, some things were simply impossible to forget. I would never be able to look at any kind of sky—especially nighttime—and not think of my fallen brother.

“You disappeared on me.”

She’d noticed. She always did.

“Sorry, I guess I got distracted. Here,” I answered, shrugging out of some clothing. Caylee had commented on how much she’d loved my red plaid shirt earlier. As I handed it to her and watched her put it on, not bothering to button it up before leaning back against me, the sight of her in my clothes made me harden.

Everything about her made my cock hard. She was like a drug.

No, she was more than that. She was like air. Just her scent and I felt myself calm.

How did I ever survive before her?

How did I think I could live without her?

She tapped at my carefully constructed armor with one small chink and the damn thing crumbled.

“Better?” I asked, wrapping my arms loosely around her again, the fortune cookies in my hand.

“You take such good care of me, Cooper. Thank you.” It was such an honest response. Didn’t she understand it was the other way around?

“Do you want to read yours first?”

She paused for a moment, her fingers hovering over the two wrapped treats. I had no idea if these were the two we originally picked inside, but it didn’t matter.

“Let’s do it together, okay?”

With one remaining in the center of my palm, I maneuvered so I could still hold her and see what my fortune was. The plastic wrappers were quickly discarded and, while I didn’t eat the cookie, Caylee bit into hers. All I could think of was how she would taste if I kissed her that very second—probably a mixture of sugar and a sweetness that was solely her. Suddenly I didn’t give a shit about why we’d come outside. All I wanted was her . . . to be inside her. I would never get enough. Ever.

Caylee crinkled her nose as she read, finally speaking out loud. “So, mine says, Wise Man say: successful person is one who recognized chance and took it.” She straightened out the paper, brushing her thumb over the words. “I would say this is us to a tee. When I first met you, I knew that we were meant to be friends. I saw a chance and I took it.”

“And look at us now,” I added, loving the fact she saw us with her fortune. I’d been so against us hanging out in the beginning. I couldn’t even start to imagine what would’ve happened if she’d accepted defeat and walked away. I hadn’t made it easy for her. Lucky for me, she had a stubborn streak a mile wide and she’d pushed the issue.

“Yep, look at us now.” Caylee tiled her head back, offering me her mouth. Each kiss was different between us. It was something that constantly blew my mind. Nothing was ever the same with her. Just when I thought I’d figured her out and understood the connection we shared, she’d say or do something and I was left dazed. I was grateful for it. I wanted our relationship to be special—unique—different from anything I’d ever had with any other woman. I liked knowing she reached that part of me no one else had.

I just hoped she also felt the same because we both had ghosts in our past.

Breaking the seal of our mouths, I reluctantly peered at the paper in my hands, wanting to ignore it for the more pleasurable choice of making out.

“I guess you want to hear mine, huh?” I said, hoping she’d say forget it. Those two words would be all it took before I stripped her down bare right here for God and the world to see.

“Yes, please.”

Clearing my throat, I didn’t read it first in my head before speaking. “You have the capacity for enjoyment in life.”

And just like that, my mind was back in the gutter. Her’s must’ve landed there too, because she burst out laughing as well.

“In bed, Cooper. You need to add, in bed, to that fortune!”

“Well, if you insist, sweet Caylee.” I grinned, giving into the softness beaming back at me. “Who am I to go against destiny?”

She made an adorable squeaking sound as I moved too fast for her to adjust, almost dumping her on the ground in my haste to stand up.

“Cooper!” she cried out, her voice muffled by the blonde hair that covered her face. “What are you doing?”

“What I should’ve done earlier.” Scooping her up in my arms, I took one last glimpse at the heavens, smiling at the brief flare of a shooting star.

Like the sentimental fool she made me, I offered up a wish—that how I felt right now would last forever—that as long as I had her, I could finally live and let go.

Maybe.

“Put me down.” She chuckled, slapping my chest hard. I tried not to laugh at how feeble her attempts were. I’d seen her swat flies with more determination and commitment. Caylee knew exactly where I was headed and she wanted it. “Seriously.”

“Protest all you want, darlin’. I’m not putting you down until I have you where I’ve wanted you all night.” There was no disguising the lust in my voice. She recognized it, judging by the way her features lit up with desire and she bit on her bottom lip. “Hold that thought.”

“And what thought would that be, Cooper?” She was as light as a feather in my arms. Nibbling on the smooth skin where her head met her body as I carried her, I almost tripped when she laced her arms around my neck, her fingers playing with the hair at the back of my head. Just her touch was enough to break my stride toward her room.

“I’m about to show you.”

The beauty of it was she proceeded to show me, too.

All night.

Chapter Two

Caylee

Crowding around Rebecca as she repeatedly flicked the lighter, there was no denying the riot of butterflies fluttering about in my stomach. I shouldn’t have felt nervous about the tiny surprise we’d planned to celebrate Cooper’s birthday, but that was the thing—surprise.

While it wasn’t anything loud and flashy, just a simple cupcake with a pink striped candle centered in the equally pink swirl of frosting, there was still an element of uncertainty. Marty had assured me he’d be fine—that perhaps Cooper even expected we’d been planning something, but I couldn’t stop overthinking.

Tight lines of stress etched Cooper’s features that day at Rock-A-Palooza, the only sign that the bustling mass of people was wearing on his composure. This was drastically different—the Wednesday crowd was much smaller and less rowdy than the usual nights we were here at Ruby’s bar.

There was about ninety-nine point nine percent chance I was completely worrying for nothing, but it was that remaining point one percent that niggled.

“Chill out, Caylee,” Rebecca murmured, her entire focus on getting the cheap candle lit so we could return to the boys. “He’ll be fine. I promise I won’t even sing with my usual obnoxious off-key splendor. We’ll quickly hum the tune, hand him his cake, and watch as he makes his wish.” Squeaking with excitement when the wick finally caught, my roommate offered an exaggerate eye roll. “Although, we all know what he wants for his birthday.” A sly smirk followed Rebecca’s sarcastic comment.

I rubbed my palms down the sides of my jeans. I didn’t need her to remind me how foolish I was being. Things had been going wonderful between Cooper and I—I just couldn’t help that persistent undertone in my head that wondered when it was all going to explode in our faces.

“I know . . . I know. Everything’s fine.”

“Exactly.” Rebecca turned and cupped the delicious treat in her hands, smiling. “If I were you, I’d be more worried about his reaction to all this fabulous pink. You do know I’m blaming you for the cupcake choice.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes and groan. “Then let’s get going before the wax melts and ruins it.”

“Maybe he can save the frosting for . . . after. You know . . . I heard food play and sex adds a little something extra to the bedroom.” My face suddenly felt like I was trapped in the middle of Hell with brimstone and fire heating my skin. “You know, if you want me to stop saying things like that, you need to make it harder for me to get a reaction from you.”

Ignoring her, I held the door open, the music playing over the jukebox growing louder. Between Rebecca and Marty, I was constantly in a state of blush. Whether it was inappropriate comments and teasing or impromptu displays of affection, these two were
killing
me.

“Caylee?”

“Hmmm?” I was already craning my neck to see where we’d left the boys over by the pool table.

“Harder.” One word and I all but moaned with embarrassment. Rebecca snickered. “Sorry. I couldn’t resist.”

What she didn’t know was that groan had nothing to do with the sexual innuendo and everything to do with what I knew would happen later tonight when Cooper and I were finally alone.

The cupcake was Rebecca’s idea.

The sexy red lingerie in the top drawer of my armoire at home was mine. There were many things I loved about my boyfriend—his hardness was definitely at the top of that ever-growing list.

There was nothing soft about him.

At least not when I was with him.

Now it was my own thoughts betraying me—causing me to sigh out loud.

“Let me guess? Your mind just checked into the gutter?”

I nodded. “Don’t act so shocked. I’m not the one who owns prime real estate there, Miss I-Must-Describe-My-Sex-Life-In-Graphic-Detail.”

We weaved through the bar, around tables and chairs, the boys still unaware of our approach. Whatever they were discussing had Cooper laughing, his head tilted back as he kept a firm grip on the pool cue.

What I wouldn’t give to see that man laugh so freely all the time—like he didn’t shoulder the weight of the world.

It was Marty who first caught sight of us, his eyes going wide the second he did. He placed the beer bottle in his hand on the side table. Words were exchanged and I inhaled.

Show time.

“I hope he likes this,” I whispered quickly, my gaze never leaving Cooper. Even now it made me gasp just how intensely I loved him. Sometimes it was scary because of the tiny voice in my head that reminded me what happened the last time I surrendered my heart so completely. There was always a risk whenever you opened up to another person—a sense of vulnerability that left you standing on unsteady ground, the earth tilting on its axis, keeping you off balance . . . in a good way.

The sensation was exhilarating and addictive.

Loving Cooper wasn’t dangerous. It was the uncertainty of the future that kept me from throwing myself fully over the edge and hurtling head first into him.

He must’ve sensed me, that uncanny ability of his to know whenever I was close. His eyes widened as the corners of his mouth curled up into a smile, right before his gaze darted to Rebecca and recognition flooded his features. There was a brief second where I could see him visibly steel himself and his fingers tightened around the wooden stick until I worried it might snap from the pressure.

And then just like that, he exhaled and relaxed.

“Haaaaaapppppppyyyy,” Rebecca started and it was my turn to release a sigh of relief. She was true to her word—saving the insanely screechy tone she loved using for her early morning shower performances. “Biiiiiiirrrrrtthhhhhhday toooo yooooouuuuuu!”

Fluttering started up again in my stomach, one of the many ways my body reacted to Cooper. While Rebecca and her singing were the center of attention to those who’d stopped what they were doing to watch, there was no mistaking I was the only one in the room judging from Cooper’s heated stare.

I’d asked him once why he did that—why he acted as if we were the only two existing whilst surrounded by a crowd. He’d laughed and brushed it off, denying that he did, but he wasn’t the only one who could be relentless. Finally, he’d admitted I’d become his anchor—a way for him to ground himself in the situation—that I was his lighthouse and beacon. The confession had rendered me speechless for the simple fact that I hadn’t been prepared for such honesty and rawness from him.

I’d expected some off-the-cuff remark about him imagining me naked or something—anything but the stripped down and exposed truth from his heart.

Whatever the reason was for his focus tonight, I didn’t care. I would take it—take it all—and revel in it.

The bar erupted into a round of noisy applause as Rebecca’s tame rendition of the birthday song came to an end. I was proud of her. It wasn’t always easy to dial down her excitement.

“Thanks, guys.” Cooper chuckled and looked around our small group with an appreciative smile on his face. The moment his gaze left mine, I missed it. Damn this man was addictive. He took the cupcake Rebecca held out for him and dragged his finger through the top of the frosting. “I feel so special.”

I stepped closer. “That’s because you are.” There was no hesitation when Cooper offered me his sugary-dipped finger. Steadying his hand, I licked at the frosting before gently sucking the tip into my mouth.

It was difficult to know who reacted first—me, as the sweetness hit my tongue, or Cooper leaning in for a quick kiss.

“Hey! I slaved in a hot kitchen all afternoon to make that for you, birthday boy. Show a little respect!” Rebecca yelled, fretting over the cupcake precariously held in Cooper’s hand. Things were about to get messy. His free hand reached to cup my face and he crushed his mouth down on mine.

Somewhere in the background, I vaguely heard Marty’s murmur that his girlfriend was a liar, that they’d bought the treat at the bakery, and to leave his best friend alone. I didn’t care because all I could feel was the glorious sensation that followed any time Cooper touched me.

My whole body tingled—eager and responsive.

Greedy.

Gone was any trace of frosting as his tongue swept into my mouth, tangling with mine.  A pulsating wildfire burst through me and it forced me to grip the front of his shirt—whether it was to keep me from toppling over or to ensure Cooper didn’t move, I didn’t care.

All that mattered was
this
.

Him.

I knew he felt the same. You couldn’t kiss someone the way he did and remain unaffected. I didn’t mean physically, either.  Anyone could move their mouth over another’s, perfecting the mechanics of the act.

No. There was more to what we shared. It wasn’t just a kiss. It was more. It involved hearts, and minds, and the romantic in me screamed it was the perfect opportunity to bare the soul.

Part of me warned that I was being delusional, that guys didn’t think that way—that for whatever reason, they weren’t made to be soft and wistful. Women often spoke about how society weakened them, but that wasn’t what made my heart ache.

It was the unrelenting pressure for men to never show their emotions. Somewhere, over time, this mistake was adopted as truth, stripping away the very thing that made them strong—disguising it as a weakness that needed immediate crushing and obliteration.

There was nothing weak about how Cooper made me feel, whether in this brilliant moment or others. I savored everything—whatever he felt brave enough to show and give me.

This kiss.

This glorious kiss.

This spoke volumes of who he was and who he believed us to be. It spoke of tearing down the walls he’d erected out of protection and being okay with it.

Each kiss—whether they were the languid ones after our tender lovemaking or like this, the
just because I need to
—was another piece of himself he was offering.

I didn’t hesitate to take them.

Whether this was all in my head and I’d create something more fanciful out of his affections, it didn’t matter. I wanted it all, every last touch, smile, and whisper. He was mine and I would never complain, even if it meant drowning in the sweet heat of his mouth, surrounded by a bar filled with strangers while our friends waited impatiently for us to stop.

I was selfish when it came to him and I would never apologize for that.

It came with the territory of being head-over-heels in love.

“Wow,” I murmured. I felt a little dazed as Cooper traced his fingers one last time over my cheek. Gazing up into his stubbled features, it helped knowing I wasn’t the only one affected. He might believe he was a master of control and hiding his emotions, but I’d discovered a way to see beyond his façade. It was all in his eyes. “Why do I feel like I’m the special one?”

“Because you are, darlin’.”

“And so are we . . . blah, blah, blah,” Rebecca blurted out. She earned a groan from Marty. “Are we this annoying?”

Cooper and I exclaimed in unison. “Yes!”

“I’m afraid so, love,” Marty answered. He softened his response with a kiss to the side of her head, his arm around her shoulders. “We’re just more endearing.”

Rebecca huffed, her wide grin revealing her good-natured motives. “I’m all for a good display of public affection, but seriously, did you have to kill the cupcake, Cooper?” The instant she finished the sentence, Rebecca knew she’d screwed up. “Shit! I’m so sorry.” Unshed tears were already filling her eyes.

I felt it in the way his arms involuntarily tightened around me, his posture stiffening. I’d become so sensitive to my boyfriend that I swore I could feel his heart thudding heavily in his chest.

Please be okay. Please don’t freak out.
The pleas echoed over and over in my mind. We never knew when the triggers were coming—when an accidental slip would set him off.

“It’s okay.” Cooper released me from his embrace and crouched down to where his birthday cake had unceremoniously fallen, frosting first, the candle extinguished. “I’m not fragile, guys. I can handle a joke.” He picked it up, wiped away the remaining frosting with the pad of his thumb and then peeled back the paper wrapping. “This looks delicious, Rebecca. Even if it was pink.” To prove his point, Cooper took a large bite, his tongue darting out to capture the stray crumbs.

I guess he believed in the five-second rule considering it had been on the floor.

“I didn’t mean—” Rebecca stammered, her tears finally falling. “I didn’t mean to be thoughtless.”

“It’s okay, I promise.” Cooper handed me the rest of the cupcake before walking over to where Rebecca stood, mortified. “Shit happens. You’d be surprised how often I shove my foot in my mouth.”

“All the damn time,” Marty added, hoping to ease his girlfriend’s worries “So, no harm, no foul.” Marty exchanged glances with Cooper, who nodded in return.

“I’m sorry,” Rebecca whispered. “I just wanted to do something fun. Not offend you.”

It was my turn to speak up. I felt bad for my roommate. She always had the best of intentions, but sometimes things went a little wonky.

“How about we have a round of birthday shots?”

“Good idea.” Cooper smiled. “Nothing like a mouthful of tequila to remind us why we’re here.” He winked and Rebecca laughed, the moment passing.