Bitterroot Crossing (16 page)

    He stood quietly listening to my rant. I moved past him and headed home without looking back. I wanted to get to the comfort of Nana’s arms and our cozy house and lock myself in for good.

Chapter 21

    There was no way I could attend anymore classes after seeing Jessie in the hallway. Her face had been just inches from mine, and I knew if I’d looked at her that would have been it. I would have broken the deal for sure. The disappointment in her soft voice when she spoke to me made my chest and throat tighten painfully. I could not shake off the hurt. School was the last place I wanted to be. I walked out of the building and headed to my bike.

    Some friends and I had built a makeshift bike track in an empty lot behind the bank two summers ago. Rain had washed most of it smooth but there was still enough dirt to get in some good jumps. I rode round the track again and again until my sore hand ached more and my forearms twitched with fatigue.

    The hard ride had not helped to erase the shitty way I was feeling. Ignoring Jessie was the hardest thing I’d ever done. So hard, in fact, the entire ride I’d tried to convince myself that Baxter was not my responsibility. If something happened to him it would be his parents fault for not keeping a better eye on him. I’d even tried to convince myself that the gang was not all that dangerous. They’d probably only scare him a bit. But I knew that was complete bullshit. They seemed more dangerous now than ever and seemed totally capable of hurting someone or even killing them. And if something happened to the kid, it would be my fault.

    The bank manager finally tired of my bike noise and came out to tell me to leave. I took off and headed home. Dad was eating a grilled cheese sandwich at the table. Sometimes I wondered if he sat there all day just waiting to be served his next meal.

    He looked up when I walked in to get a drink of water. “You’re school called. You were truant for the last half of school.”

    “Yep,” I said and tried to escape the kitchen but Mom met me in the doorway. She had that look of grave concern she always seemed to have lately.

    “Nick, you’re home.”

    “Yep.”

    “You’re so sweaty. Did you run home? Are you hungry?”

    “Nope and nope.” I tried to move past her but she took hold of my arm. “Did you hear about the town meeting tomorrow?” Suddenly her eyes glossed with tears. “They want us to leave town.”

    “Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad,” I said.

    Dad leaned back on two legs of the chair. “And where would we go? You’ve got some secret treasure we don’t know about?”

    “I don’t know where we’d go, but this town is starting to get pretty creepy. Leaving might be the best thing.” I said it confidently but the entire time all I could think about was leaving Jessie behind in this awful place.

    “This house isn’t worth the cardboard holding it up,” Dad said. “We’d have no money and no place to go.”

    “Maybe if you’d get out of that damn robe sometime and do some work around here the place wouldn’t look like shit,” I said.

    His face reddened but he looked tongue tied.

    “We’re going to the meeting tomorrow night,” Mom said in a forced cheery voice. “Your dad will straighten things out. We won’t have to move anywhere.”

    “Great, Mom, sounds like you’ve got it all under control.” I left the room and headed out the back door. I fished a joint I’d bought off Johnny out of my pocket. I rarely smoked weed because it gave me a headache and made me sleepy, but I’d been feeling so awful a good solid pot stupor seemed just what I needed.

    I headed to the tool shed that somehow managed to survive the garage fire and went inside. I sat on the gritty floor and leaned against the wall. Ten minutes into my smoke, Tina walked into the shed to join me. She seemed to have some kind of radar when it came to me.

    “Yummy, can I have some?”

    I raised the joint up to her, which she greedily grabbed from my fingers. She took a long hit, handed it back to me, and, without warning, straddled my lap.

    “What the hell are you doing, Tina?”

    She leaned forward and kissed my neck. “Has it been that long, Nick?” She giggled into my ear. “I mean what does it look like I’m doing?”

    Her lips trailed up my neck. My mind and body were numb at this point and her mouth felt good on me. When her lips reached mine, I let her kiss me. And I kissed back at first. Then something triggered a picture of Jessie in my mind, and I pulled my face away from hers. “Tina, I don’t want this.”

    She leaned toward me. “Of course you do, Nick.”

    I took hold of her shoulders and held her at arm’s length. There was hurt in her eyes but it had no effect on me. “I don’t want it, Tina. I’m sorry things are so crappy for you at home, but I can’t do this anymore. We are completely over. Go back to your quarterback. You two are better suited.” I looked down at her legs straddling my thighs.
“
You’re better than this, Tina.”

    She wriggled out of my grasp and slapped me. I could easily have stopped her hand, but it was a slap I no doubt deserved.

    “Sorry if I hurt you but you’ll get over it,” I said.

    She stood and scowled down at me. “Fine then, Nick. But you’ll be sorry. I’ll leave you to that deformed, little freak on the hill.”

    Tina turned on her heels and marched to the door.

    “Tina,” I said.

    She looked back. “What?”

    “I was wrong. You’re not better than this. You deserve everything you get.” She slammed the door so hard, Dad’s hammer fell off its hook. I sat there in the dark watching the glow of my joint dim. My head had already started to throb. I stretched out on the hard, filthy floor and fell asleep with the vision of Jessie’s sweet face lingering in my dreams.

Chapter 22

    Nana did not pry too much about my tears after I’d reached home the afternoon before. I’d gone to bed early without eating and had decided to skip school the next day. I woke with numb feet from Jasper sleeping across them all night. Anna had curled up next to my cheek on the pillow. I picked her up and tucked her under my chin. She purred instantly. This was all I needed. There was no room in my life for boys. They were nothing but trouble and heartache.

    I slipped from my downy quilt and was shocked by the cold air in the room. The temperature had dropped so suddenly, Nana and I had not been ready for it. I put on a robe and hurried down to the kitchen. The pets followed. The smell of fresh cinnamon rolls greeted me along with Nana’s smile. The oven had warmed the air in the kitchen and Nana had started our wood burning stove. This was all I needed I told myself again. If only I could melt the icy stone that had grown in my chest overnight.

    “I’ve been thinking, Nana, I already know more than I can learn at that silly school. I’ll just take the test for my diploma and be done with it. Then I can stay here with you forever.”

    Nana placed a plate in front of me and sat down. She reached up and placed her warm palm on my cheek. “There is only one flaw in that plan, my dearest. I’m not going to live forever. You’ll be all alone up here on the mountain. There will be other boys, Jessie.”

    “I don’t want there to be others. I don’t want to feel wretched like this ever again. I won’t be able to trust any of them anyhow.” I took a bite of cinnamon roll, but realized my stomach was not really in the mood for anything, even Nana’s delicious rolls. I dropped it back onto my plate. “Boys are just trouble. Look what they did to Great-great grandma Rebecca.”

    “True, but love stories do not always end in tragedy. You can’t base your own decisions on her life.” She finished her tea and got up from the table. “I’m riding Mandy down to Ruby’s house to pick up our mail. Will you be alright here alone?”

    Anna jumped into my lap and licked cinnamon from my finger. “I’m not alone. I’ll be fine.” I had no appetite, so I showered, got dressed and curled up in Nana’s chair with my needlepoint. Sadness seemed to weigh down my limbs as if heavy bricks were tied to my arms and legs. I stabbed the needle through the fabric absentmindedly then had to remove the shabbily done stitches. Obviously I wouldn’t be finishing Jasper’s portrait today.

    I walked to the window and pushed back the curtains. No Zedekiah. I’d said some terrible things to him yesterday, but it was hard to know how much hurt a spirit was capable of feeling. It didn’t seem possible that he’d feel any. At least that’s what I told myself for reassurance. I might very well have scared him off for good. That thought only added to my sadness.

    Sitting inside was not helping my mood. I grabbed a sweater and headed outside with my book. There was an exceptionally soft patch of grass just outside of the pasture fence and just outside of Mandy’s reach. I sat down and leaned back on my elbows to soak up the sun. The air was cool around me but one could always count on the sun’s heat. I thought about my decision to stay home today. It was probably a cowardly thing to do. The last thing I wanted was for Nick to think I’d stayed home because of him. Then I decided let him think what he wanted. It felt right sitting up here alone and away from all the cruelty down below.

    A faint noise startled me as I felt something drop next to my leg. I glanced over. It was a green and pink lollipop. Then a small bag of gumdrops dropped from above, a wrapped chocolate followed, and lastly a caramel sucker.

    I sat up. “We do get some odd weather up here on the mountain.” Zedekiah appeared leaning languidly against the fence.

    “And I suppose you didn’t steal these?”

    “Sure did. Serves the shop owner right for putting her candy baskets outside her store.”

    “Well, I’m not in the mood for anything, Zedekiah.” I surveyed the sweets surrounding me. “Except maybe this caramel sucker.” I grabbed it up. “And maybe this wrapped chocolate.” I grabbed it too. “But that’s it. You can just take the rest back.” I unwrapped the chocolate and popped it in my mouth. “I have already decided, I’m staying here on this mountain for good and never leaving again.”

    He kicked at the dirt and sent a mini tornado swirling across the ground. It smacked into a tree and disintegrated. “Being stuck here on this mountain isn’t so bad. After all, I’ve been here over a hundred years and it hasn’t hurt me any.” Now he picked up a rock and threw it. It flew like a missile into the nearby trees. “Course, I have no choice. I’m stuck here.”

    I leaned back on my arms again with the caramel pop sticking out of my mouth.

    “You are a lovely sight, Jessie,” Zedekiah said. His voice when it was deep and thoughtful like it had been just now was soothing. “It would be a shame for you to hide on this mountain your whole life. Mind you, I’d be fine with having you all to myself up here, but I don’t think it would bring you the happiness you imagine.”

    I pulled the candy from my mouth. “It was all just an act. Nick pretended to like me.” I shaded my eyes and looked up at Zedekiah’s tall figure. “The funny thing is I don’t know why he bothered. He didn’t seem the cruel type. None of it makes sense.”

    “Love never makes sense, Jessie. If it did, it wouldn’t be so much fun. And it wouldn’t hurt so much either.”

    I stood to and walked to the garden to see if any late summer tomatoes were ripe. Zedekiah followed.

    “Zedekiah, why are you still on this mountain? You and the gang?”

    He floated up and perched on top of the scarecrow’s head. “This has to be the strangest looking scarecrow I’ve ever seen,” he said. “Not completely sure, but I think it’s the swamp. It’s holding us here.”

    I picked two ripe tomatoes. “When did you give Rebecca the locket?”