Bitter Sweet (18 page)

              “Brother.”

              “So unbelievable. You wouldn’t need to call your brother to tell him you have a boyfriend,” she pointed out, sounding disappointed.

              "I was in crunch time, sorry I didn’t think of anything better."

             
"I suppose random guy wouldn’t have worked out, so you did your best." Times like this I was so happy Sam was my bestfriend.

              "What are you working on anyway? You look a mess," I asked, adding the end as a small payback all the same.

              "An explosion model for a water pump; I’m trying to enhance it."

              "You haven’t slept, have you? And I bet that’s due tomorrow."

              "In 8 hours, actually.” I could hear the smile in her voice. “I will be done in less than two; I’m just doing a few simulations.”

              "You really need to lay off the frat parties," I told her, laying back and closing my eyes. I tried to listen to everything in the room to crowd out everything else in my head. Sam's heartbeat was slow and steady; it was a nice thing to focus on, but it was harder to keep track of it when it’s that normal. I had been used to the stronger senses and had forgotten about them. Over the past few days, I’ve put myself through so much that I didn’t notice them at all, but now it feels as if they were slipping away. I’m losing Alik in so many ways, I thought, and I didn’t want that. I wanted him close to me, but I can’t make him a lover. It made me so mad that I was making this as complicated as it was. Why couldn’t I just love him?

              "Want to talk about it?" Sam asked, spinning back around in her chair.

              "No," I sighed. "Maybe I could use a walk."

              "Take the Aston; the keys are on your nightstand."

              "I don’t drive like that and besides, Alik loves that car."

              "He loves nothing more than you. He left you the keys. Go try it and tell me it doesn’t help."

              I looked over at the keys sitting on the nightstand and took them even against my will. I grabbed a jacket as I headed out; I was trying to hold onto him anyway I could right now, and his car was a start. I went outside and saw the shiny car; its grill was grinning at me. I opened the door and got into the driver’s seat and started it up. The

hum of the engine was something I could focus on much easier than Sam’s heartbeat as its vibration was running through the car. It clouded out the stressful parts of my thoughts as I backed out gently and headed toward Cayuga Lake.

              In the past, whenever I got in a car, I was always focused on something else. I never took the time to listen to the engine’s hum. I stepped on the accelerator and closed my eyes for a brief moment. There was no one around for miles and I could feel where the road was leading without seeing it, just by what I felt from the steering wheel. When I opened my eyes, I was going one hundred mph. I eased the car back down and pulled over. I got out and looked out over the completely placid lake. I couldn’t hear the ants in the grass, and the birds were faint. The last of whatever Alik's blood had done to me left the moment I stepped out of that car. I picked up a rock and flicked it out over the water and watched it skip once and then sink. I watched the ripples spread out over the lake; I tried to listen to the sound they made as they spread out and for a moment, I thought I could hear it all again: the ants in the grass behind me, the birds in the trees, and even the fish in the water all sounded so clear to me, but it was clearly all in my head. I sat there for I don’t know how long, just flicking rocks into the water, as the tears grew longer I got better. Then I got one that made eight skips before slipping under the water.

              "That was pretty good," whispered Alik, making me jump. I was so intent on trying to hear the water that everything else had left me in a silent void. I wiped my tears away.

              "How did you find me?" I tried to keep my voice steady, but didn’t do very well.

              "I could find you anywhere in the world."

              "Vampires," I sighed

              "What’s wrong with vampire?" he asked, sitting next to me.

              "Nothing, I love vampires." New tears began streaming out.

              "I think I’m rubbing off on you."

              "How so?" I rubbed my eyes.

              "You’re driving expensive cars fast, you’re skipping rocks across the water to listen to the ripples..." Another tear slipped from my eye when I looked at him. "The virus died out, didn’t it," he asked.

              "Just now, yeah."

              "I thought... you were listening to the water so intently; I had been here for a while, but you never noticed."

              "I’m back to my fuzzy un-hearing human self," I said and another tear slipped from my eye.

              "I never knew anyone else who has even tried, but in short you do all of my stress relievers."

              "I guess I missed out right at the end." I smiled.

              “I like Phil; I think he would be good for you," he said, changing the subject.

              "You mean Phil is still alive?"

              "Well, he died in the game a little too often, but yes, he’s alive. I could get to know him a bit better."

              "Please do that."

              "Is that the best thing for me to do?"

              "I want you around. I’m losing you too fast. It can’t happen all at once." I was close to crying outright now.

              "Why do you want me around?" he asked.

              "I can’t tell you why, I don’t know myself, but it hurts when you’re not around now," I almost yelled, standing and angry at myself more than anything.

              "Maybe it would have been better if I had just let this slide and let you think it was all a dream." He mumbled more to himself. I looked down when he sat next to me and calmed down.

              "Maybe." I said, sitting back down and leaning over on his shoulder. "But if you had done that, I wouldn’t have moments with you

like this. This is much better than any dream."

              "How about I leave you the car."             

              "How will you get back to the city?"

              "Vampire, remember?"

              "What does that mean?"

              "That I suck blood..." He tried to make himself sound unsure.

              "No, I was talking about whether you can really make it back all the way to New York City on foot."

              "The car is for appearances, and to relax. Although I could probably run faster than the car," he said like it was nothing.

              "I see why you love them now," I said as I was still leaning on his shoulder, just enjoying the night air.

              "Can I ask you something?" he asked, his tone changing slightly.

              "Of course, anything."

              "How are you feeling now that your senses are completely human again?"

              "A little numb, and cold." He slipped his jacket around me before I could protest.

              "Did you like them stronger?"

              "They had become a part of me, a part of me that really wishes I knew that you were the one for me and that there wasn’t something else forcing me love you, but really wanting to love you."

              "You’re still not ready to be vampire now either, are you?"

              "No, not yet."

              "Would you like them back then?"

             
"How? Isn’t it..."

             
"Just a little of my blood would do it."

              "I don’t know if I could drink your blood so easily, I’m human after all."

              "There’s a way you wouldn’t notice."       

              "What..." I was cut off by his cool lips on mine, the chill that ran down my spine when he did that was overpowering and I was kissing him back. I could feel his hand on my back and cheek and my mind was flooded with pleasure. He must have bitten his lip because the taste from his blood was of my most vivid memory from the night he had saved my life. This time, the effect was even more intense: the sensation from his touch increased and was peaking, I moaned softly and wanted to pull him closer. Then he pulled away. I shook from the passion and wanted to pull him back, my hand moved of their own, inching toward him when I grabbed myself to get a hold of myself. "What was that?" I asked, trying to catch my breath, still holding myself.

              "A blood kiss, kind of self-explanatory."

              "Was that a Masteria thing?"

              "It is a tactic some incubi use to increase pleasure in their female victims for the foreplay before feeding on them. It also made the women stronger for what was to come next and the vampire would not have to 'hold' back."

              "I see what they mean."

              "I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have used that method. I’ve never tried that before. So I didn’t know completely how it could affect you."

              "Stop apologizing for things I do willingly."

              That night by the lake made for my fourth kiss with Alik, this one while I was dating Phil. “I shouldn’t be doing these things!” I yelled into my pillow once I was back in my room. I wanted to tell Phil what I had done, yet I told myself that I was sworn to keep Alik's secret, not that I would have to tell Phil that Alik was a vampire. I told myself that it

was still early in our relationship and it would be a bit rocky, but this wasn’t rocky; I was essentially cheating. I told myself “secrecy has its uses”, but I knew that was no justification for what I was doing. "I’m a horrible person," I yelled and just gave up thinking and went to sleep.             

Alyon Alik

Chapter 25.0

             
The saying goes, “keep your friends close, but your enemies closer,” but was Phil really an enemy? How could he be an enemy when I already considered myself to have won. Even so, I knew that I wasn’t playing fair, but “all is fair in love and war,” and this was war. I would use all I had and no matter how nice Phil was, nothing, and I mean nothing, was out of the question.

Vanessa Stanton

Chapter 26.0

              Alik had taken to playing video games at Cornell and online with Phil; Alik never lost of course. It got to the point where Phil spent more of his free time on his Xbox or with Alik than with me. This made me rethink Alik's calm, cool edge to all of this. It was amazing how something so trivial could reduce Phil, the passionate, outspoken, and sophisticated architect major to ‘Ah come on; that shot was impossible!’ or ‘Damn it, not again!’ while Alik sat there and grinned like an evil villain in a seventies movie. I just imagined him stroking a long mustache and cackling.

              The semester was ending quickly and soon, finals were a week away. In some strange ways, Alik helped me here, too. My memory seemed to work so much better that I didn’t need to study at all. I still spent hours in the library with Phil or Sam, quizzing them on their various other class materials until it was all over.

              "Times up," said my professor as I put my pencil down and leaned back in my chair. Alik would be here to pick me up tomorrow and I’d get to go home. Normally, this would be a cause for delight, but I found out one night that Alik had been speaking with my parents behind my back apparently. A thought of some minor annoyance

              "You know, your mom wants to meet Phil," Alik told me as we walked the campus by moonlight.

              "What did you just say?!" I said, pulling him to a stop.

              "Your senses shouldn’t be dulling so soon." He acted as if a lack of hearing made me question him and not the horror of what he just said.

              "No, it’s just, how does my mom know about Phil?"

              "I told her, of course. She calls me from time to time to see how I’m doing. She’s very sweet."

              "You've been talking with my mother?!" I was outraged.

              "I’ve been helping your dad with his investments as well; he might retire a bit early now."

              "I don’t care about that. Why did you tell her about Phil?"

              "She asked...” He tried to seem innocent.

              "You knew she would want to see him, didn’t you?"

              "A bit. She thinks him coming to stay during Christmas would be a good idea."

              “Your idea?” I sighed.

              “No, I’m not that clever.” He smiled. "Sam on the other hand..."

              "I am going to..." I started and he was laughing. "I don’t really have a way out of this, do I?"

              "Not really; Phil’s already agreed to it."

              “When was I going to be told?”

              “Now, I guess.”

              "You better hope I don’t become a vampire because I will kill you and Sam for this someday.

             
"Good luck with that," he said with a smirk as we continued to walk.

              In a little over a week’s time, I’d be going to pick Phil up and bringing him home to meet my mother. That wasn’t the happiest thought I had ever dwelled upon. Sam, on the other hand, was looking forward to it.

              "How else will I give you your present. So I'm coming over for Christmas," said Sam, laughing.

              "Thanks for the support," I glared as we waited for Alik and my parents to arrive. "Traitor," I mumbled.

              That’s when there was a knock at the door and I went to open it; Alik and, surprisingly, June were standing there.

              "Where are my parents?" I asked.

              "Your mother thought it would be easier without the hour wait for your father this time, so they agreed to let me come alone.”

              “Oh.” I looked toward June. “I remember you.”

              "Last time we met wasn’t under the best circumstances, so it’s nice to meet you on better terms," she said, giving me a surprisingly warm hug.

              "June, that is Sam," Alik introduced.

              "Hi," she said with a smile just as warm as the hug.

              "Hi. Is this your sister, Alik?" Sam asked as she walked over.

              "Yes."

              "She’s adorable." Sam smiled as she hugged her.

              "Thank you," June replied as she was being squished.

              "How are we going to get all this stuff back, Alik? It wouldn’t fit in the Aston."

              "I know, June brought her Range Rover."             

              "Oh well, I guess that would work. You wouldn’t happen to have a GTR or a 911 Turbo, would you?"

              "June has a GTR actually, and I think my mother just ordered that new 911, won’t come for a few months however.”

              "Oh wow, what do you think about the …" and she launched into something about cars.

              Sam didn’t give up having Alik list the cars he has owned and currently has as we loaded up the cars. Everything fit with ease in the big black SUV. I was going to be in the Aston with June while Alik took the Range Rover with Sam. This was a strange mix because it was weird how June wanted to ride with me. On the other hand, I wouldn’t have to listen to the mindless car dribble with Sam in the SUV. Even with my new fondness for the shiny black car, I didn’t need to know how they worked and an engineer’s point of view would drive me crazy. June asked if she could drive, so I gave her the keys and we set off.

              June and Alik's driving was scary; they weaved in and out of traffic like it wasn’t there in the first place. It took me a moment to trust June behind the wheel of a car as I did Alik and I didn’t notice the silence. I didn’t feel like I had to talk around June and that was comforting, I thought I would be nervous. We had been driving for about fifteen minutes before June spoke.

              "You know, you make him happy for some reason," June stated, her eyes on the road. At first, I thought she was referring to the fact that I was human.

              "Alik?" I said stupidly, as if she meant anyone else.

              "Yeah, I haven’t seen him this happy before."

              "I feel the same when he’s with me."

              "Then why are you dating that Phil guy?" Now it felt like she wasn’t pleased with my choice of Phil.

              "I’d answer that question if I had an answer," I sighed, laying the seat back.

              "Love is complicated," she also sighed, and she sounded much older than the young girl she looked like. I was happy she wasn’t blaming me for hurting Alik and she seemed to understand, even if I didn’t.

              "I don’t even know if it’s love I have for Alik. It could be something more or maybe something less. I can’t really define what it is between us. There are too many things I just don’t know."

              “Why not just ask Alik if he loves you; you would know if it’s true or not.”

              “It would be the truth to him, but that doesn’t mean it’s true. Everything would be coming from the eye of the beholder who thinks truth, but knows lies.”

              "Well, whatever you’re doing, don’t let it get too far out of your grasp. Vampire of Alik's caliber are rare; no human could ever care for you the way Alik does."

              "How do you know that Phil couldn’t do the same for me?"

              "I don’t know if Phil can or not, but has he ever given you his life?”

              “What do you mean?” I asked puzzled.

              “When Alik gave you his blood, which already went against his wishes, your refusal to believe that Alik was vampire was both a blessing and a curse."

              "He told me it was against the law, but Lilith said it was no big deal."