Bitter Fruits (18 page)

If I was afraid of Lilith before, now I’m petrified. Streams of light radiate from her, but they’re all wrong. In paintings of angels, the light looks safe, warm; on Lilith, it looks like annihilation. As she faces Henry, the glow intensifies until she is more light than flesh. “You can never understand. You don’t know what it means to make a difficult choice.”

“No, but I do.” Caleb takes his dagger and places it over his own heart. Alec turns to stop him and a scream shatters the sudden quiet. The air has grown stagnant and time appears to have halted. Only when I stop to breathe do I realize it is
me screaming. I rush Caleb and take the dagger. There is a small drop of blood where he began to pierce the skin. Lilith’s satisfied smile gives way to something else. Fear. I point the dagger at her but Alec stills my hand.

“Don’t,” he says.

“But-”

“If she dies, we die. Unless that’s what you want.”

I hold the dagger by my side but don’t remove my gaze from Lilith. “Would it even work on her? Is there anything that can actually stop her?”

“See? She
seems to understand what you do not,” Lilith says. “Submission is not always the worst choice.”

“I don’t want submission,” I argue. I realize that the only way to stop this, the only weapon against Lilith, is choice.
Free will. The one basic principle that we mortals prize so highly. This is what leads me to make the hardest choice I’ve ever faced. I hand Caleb the dagger.

“It’s your decision,” I say. He nods and faces Alec. I don’t know who will die, but the path is clear. It is what they have both never had - freedom to choose.

“Kill your brother,” Lilith commands. “Let fate take its course.”

“I no longer believe in fate,” Caleb replies and drops the dagger. It hits the floor and he embraces Alec. I don’t know what comes next, what happens now that they’ve done nothing. There will be no cycle, nor a breaking of the cycle. It is time for a new version of the story to begin.

“You’re foolish,” Lilith seethes. Despite the fact that my eyes never leave her, she somehow moves across the room and reaches Caleb. Her arms hold him and she turns his body so that his back is to the rest of us. She tears his shirt from him.
This seems like a terrible time to flirt
, I think. I don’t really get what she’s trying to do until her touch makes the scars and symbols glow; even the ashy center burns a low red. Mumbling in some language I don’t recognize, Lilith begins what can be nothing other than a ritual. Alec moves to his brother, crying out.

“No. Take me. I’ll go,” he begs. “Don’t harm him.”

“Too late,” Lilith says. I realize now what she’s doing; she’s readying Caleb as a weapon. His Mark was placed on him to destroy anyone who threatened him, but Lilith has found a way to use it to her advantage. I can see him resisting her, but her power is great; he is held tight to the flickering flames. I breathe deep and back up toward Scarlet and Henry. She’s crying, but Henry remains stony. I suppose I expected a little more emotion from him; it’s starting to look like we’re all going to die.

“You can stop it,” he whispers. I know I’ve always been Henry’s favorite student, but this seems to be a great deal more than writing a paper on myths. Alec is pleading with Lilith, but her attention is on Caleb.
I remind myself that I swore to die for them if it came to that and I step forward. In what may be the most foolish move I’ve ever made, I reach out my hand. It cuts through the veil of heat surrounding Caleb; my fingers reach the Mark and, although the light Lilith has been passing into him now reaches up my arm, I don’t die. I don’t burn or explode or suffer. In fact, as I press my palm against the Mark, I feel whole. Lilith pauses, processing the act. A sudden burning scorches my hand and then, whatever hold she had on Caleb snaps. He smiles, an arrogant, triumphant, earth-shattering smile.

Raising one hand, he points his palm in the direction of the vampire army that
has been gathered at the church door since the start. In an instant, the mass becomes a conflagration. Screams of roasting vampires echo through the church and drift out over the night. Lilith backs away slowly, but Alec reaches his arm out and holds her. I don’t think he’s actually strong enough to do so, but the effort mixed with her shock keeps her in place. When the immolation is complete, Caleb turns to me.

“Nora,” he says. “If there was any other way-” He grabs me and kisses me, the heat still pouring
off of him. It is a brief kiss, but there is a lifetime of passion in it. I’m distracted by his touch and don’t notice Alec lifting the dagger until it’s too late. He raises it high and I call his name as he plunges it down deep - into Lilith’s neck.

“No!” They have abandoned me, left me alone in the world to mourn them. I fall to my knees and Henry and Scarlet are by my side. A thin misty veil encircles Lilith and Alec; I don’t see anything but I hear the dagger clang to the ground. In moments, it will all be over. Although we have been victorious, the loss consumes me.

“Why?” I ask. “What did I do to deserve to live without love?”

“Nothing,” Henry says. “You did what you had to do.”

I want to ask what he means, want to argue that I did nothing. All I did was love them. I reach for Caleb and he runs to me; I wait for him to fade, to disappear. Instead, moments pass and then he holds out his hands in front of him. He’s as surprised as I am that they are still solid. He should have died as soon as the dagger pierced Lilith’s neck. That surprise, though, is forgotten when the mist dissipates and Alec and Lilith are still there. The wound in her neck is gone. No one looks harmed at all.

“What-” Caleb starts but he loses the words when Lilith
approaches me. She lifts my hand and runs her fingernails over my palm. It is not a threatening gesture, although I wouldn’t say it’s pleasant, either. I look down and see that a smaller version of Caleb’s Mark has formed in the center of my palm.

“It wasn’t supposed to be possible,” Lilith says, but before I can ask what she means, she’s gone.

20.

Henry is only more than happy to explain, but with Lilith gone, Teresa dead, and the armies destroyed, sleep seems to take precedence. The explanation will come, but it will be tomorrow. We scatter - Scarlet and Henry to his place; Alec, Caleb, and I back to the cabin. Since the windows are still broken, Alec can
’t stay on the couch so he slips off to the spare room. He gives me a quick kiss goodnight, but says nothing. The three of us walked back from the church in silence. I’m not sure what to say; without certain questions answered, I don’t know what choices were actually made tonight. It’s okay, though. There will be time to make sense of it all.

I move to the couch, now that Alec is using the spare room. My legs feel like concrete and it takes whatever
is left in me to move them forward. I feel sleep calling to me, but before I collapse on the couch, Caleb reaches for my hand.

“Stay with me?” He asks.

I could say no, as my body doesn’t have enough left to make it down the hall, but the way he asks stirs my feet. His fingers explore the new mark on my palm, but we don’t speak of it. For the first time since I met both him and Alec, there is no thought of danger and there is no guilt when we touch. I’ve laid out all my secrets and we are all still here. I follow Caleb to his room and he locks the door behind us. My body is weary; however, as Caleb undresses me, I discover a whole new reserve of energy. Standing naked before him, there is nothing but us now. I feel no shame and I smile when he undresses; this is everything as it should be. We made it.
I
made it, safe and with the two men I love still by my side. I take in Caleb’s body, perfect even with the scars on his back, because they are him. His history is mapped out for me and I reach out to follow it.

“Your whole story is written here,” I whisper.

He takes my hand and kisses my new scar. “And here.
You
are my story, Nora.”

For a moment, we just stand there enjoying the sight of one another. Victory feels good. Caleb holds my hands in his and leads me to the bed. There is no rush, no need; we are together because we want nothing else.

“You saved me,” he says.

“It was a combination of things,” I reply. I don’t deserve all the credit. Besides, Lilith is still out there and I doubt she’s going to disappear forever.

He pulls me against him. “That’s not what I meant. Tonight, I realized that the only curse on me was thinking that there was nothing worth dying for; I would give up everything to be mortal with you for one night.”

He kisses my neck and moves down to my breasts, my torso,
my thighs. By the time his tongue finds me wet, I’ve fallen in love with Caleb all over again. I lie back on his bed, happy that we have finally found the right place for this. He fits his hands under my knees and brings me to orgasm with his mouth. I clutch the sheets as he teases me and I cry his name. Exhaustion has weakened me, but Caleb gives me a reason not to sleep. I watch his body slide along mine after I come, until he is positioned to enter me. I don’t want to forget him looking at me just like this.

“Nora, I want you to be happy. There is nothing else for me. Tell me how to be the man you want me to be.”

I reach a hand up to his face and run the back against his cheek. His blue eyes, his dark hair, the beautiful body - they’re all just packaging. Caleb’s soul has wound itself around mine. Death and curses are physical threats to our connection, but if I were to die right now, I would find him in the next life, the next reality. There will never be an end to us. I drank from him to make that promise real, but it was true the first time he touched me. Sparks and heat linger on him as my hands navigate his body. He arches his back; no one has ever touched him like I do and no one else ever will.

“I don’t have to tell you. You already are everything I could ever want,” I say.

He closes his eyes, my hand still on his back, and slowly slips himself into me. Without something looming, he moves slow and lets me feel every motion as he goes in and out. My hand falls from his face as I tighten, the joy of him overwhelming. I remember how I felt the night of the party - seductive, beautiful, tempestuous. Now, in Caleb’s arms, I feel all of those things again without playing dress up.

“Nora, I would suffer for another eternity if it meant finding you at the end.” As he makes loves to me, the dawn arrives and, with it, new hope. We come together and then sleep take
s us, our bodies still tangled in his sheets.

****

The shortness of the coming winter days is to Alec’s advantage and, by the time Caleb and I wake, he has already made progress going over everything we have.

“Learn anything?” I ask.

He nods, but doesn’t elaborate. “I want to wait until Henry and Scarlet get here. Compare notes and such.”

Caleb
goes to the kitchen to make me dinner; it’s so adorable. He’s like a house husband, always cooking and cleaning and looking after me. I shake my head when he yells out to ask what kind of wine I want, a smile creeping across my face. I sit in the chair and watch Alec read through notes.

“Is this okay?” I ask.

“You and my brother?”

“Yeah.
And us. You and me.” I don’t know how to be in a relationship with both of them. I have to admit I didn’t really give any forethought to how this would work, but it’s the only solution I have. They’re both indivisible from my heart now.

“Is that what you want? I mean, if you-”

“I want you both.”

He pats the couch next to him and I lean into his shoulder. “Nora, you’re my future, whatever that means. You taught me to love my brother; there is room for both of you in what comes.”

Caleb comes out to the den with dinner, which only I eat. It’s unnerving having two men watch you eat. “You know, it’s really awkward sitting here eating like this. Talk to each other or something.”

They look at one another, but neither speaks first. I sigh and reach for the remote. There is a layer of dust on it about an inch thick and I wonder if it even works. It does, though, and I find ESPN. Caleb still pays for cable, despite never watching TV. There is cable in the woods. Some things never cease to amaze me. “Here. Talk about football or something. That’s what brothers do.”

I eat and they attempt to navigate a conversation about football, but I don’t think they understand the game at all. I can’t pretend that I do, but I’m almost positive the quarterback is not supposed to use his feet, as Caleb suggests. Watching them makes me content; it took all of human history for them to see one another as friends. It’s a relief that my love for both of them has brought them together rather than torn them apart. Maybe it’s because they’re immortal; I still find it strange but there is no other possibility anymore.

Henry and Scarlet arrive as I finish eating, which is perfect. The struggle for Caleb and Alec to converse, to act human, is too much; I’m starting to wonder if maybe I should have let them hate one another for the rest of time. At least it was less uncomfortable. Right now, I feel like I’m at a family holiday after someone just got a divorce.

Henry has his Lilith journal with him and he and Alec start comparing notes at the coffee table. I stand to clean up my dishes, although Caleb offers, and Scarlet follows me to the kitchen.

“So… now that we’re not in imminent danger, maybe you could tell me what the hell has been happening?” She pours herself wine and downs the glass in one gulp. I can always count on Scarlet to keep it classy.

“Lilith has been happening. The other stuff-”

“Let me rephrase. Which of those two absurdly attractive men are you dating? And don’t say you’re not because I see the way you all look at one another.”

I wash my hands, not because they’re dirty, but because it’s a distraction. My complicated relationship situation makes perfect sense in my head and maybe both Alec and Caleb understand, but saying the words to an average mortal? Well, it’s not really the same. The hot water pours over my hands and I stare at the mark on my palm. Under the water, it looks fluid.

“Nora.” Scarlet’s impatient, so I turn off the faucet and brace myself.

“Actually, I’m dating… Um, I’m not sure if it’s dating, but anyway, I’m
with
both of them.”

“You mean you’ve slept with both of them?” She downs another glass of wine.
Great. She’ll be drunk in no time.

“It’s more than that. I’m in love.
With both of them.” It sounds foolish and I feel my shame rising. Why did I think this would make sense, that anyone would understand? If I can’t even explain it to Scarlet, imagine what my parents will think. I wait for her to respond, her eyes large and curious. She brings her wine glass to the sink, rinses it out, and dries her hands, not saying anything. I feel like I’m being interrogated and I definitely don’t have the right answers.

“They love you?” Scarlet asks, finally.

“They do.” Of that, I am absolutely certain.

“Well, then,
good for you.”

“Really?
You don’t think it’s-”

She smiles. “What I think is that it is obscenely unfair to women everywhere that you get
them both.”

I don’t know why, but her approval makes it all seem possible. The last month has passed around me, my old life fading in tiny fragments until this afternoon
when I woke and discovered there was nothing left. My life now is Alec and Caleb; I’m still not sure what that’s going to be or how long it’s going to last. This reminds me that they’re sitting with Henry, trying to answer that question now.

“Shall we go see what we’re going to do about Lilith?” I ask.

“I’m getting an actual sword this time if she’s coming back.”

The guys seem to have answered whatever questions they had. Scarlet and I sit, waiting for an explanation. They look at one another, each shifting in his spot, none speaking. The journals
are closed, although there are a few pages marked. Alec still has the laptop open and his eyes move to screen, as if there is a script there to tell him what to say.

“You’re going to have to say something eventually,” Scarlet points out.
“Just say it.”

“We know two things. Why Lilith is how she is…” Alec starts.

“And why Nora isn’t affected,” Henry finishes.

Caleb says nothing, only rubs his hands along his thighs; it looks like he’s trying to wipe away the truth, trying to irritate it out of existence.

“Okay, start with me.”

“Are you sure?” Henry asks.

“Obviously it bothers you or you think I’m going to freak out, so let’s just deal with it. Whatever it is.”

Alec clears his throat. “Well, for reasons that will become clear when we go over Lilith’s story, you were written into the curse. Okay, not
you
, but someone. Someone that turned out to be you.”

“As I have been trying to say for some time,” Henry continues. “There have always been several ways to break the curse. First, destroy Lilith.”

“Which meant they also died,” I say.

“Right.
Second, if Cain - sorry, Caleb - took responsibility for Abel’s death and showed true remorse, the curse would end.”

“True remorse?
Meaning?”

“Killing myself,” Caleb says. “Sacrificing myself rather than letting my
brother continue in agony.”

“Okay and the last way?”

“The last way was what you did. You risked yourself for them.”

“That’s it? I would have done
that weeks ago.” All this, the fight, Lilith, Chloe… It seems so pointless. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“To be fair, I tried several times,” Henry says.
“Although it never would have been more than a vague hint. The point was that you had to do it without knowing what you were doing. It was always about choice.”

“About free will,” I say.

“Right,” he says.

“Like in the Garden…” It’s starting to make sense to me now.

“There’s more,” Alec adds.

“Of course there is,” I reply.

“You needed to bind yourself to-”

“Like I did with Caleb.
By drinking from him.”

“Yes, but…” Henry refuses to meet my eyes.

“Just tell me, Henry. Please.”

“You needed to bind yourself to both brothers equally.
For eternity.”

“And?”
I ask.

“And nothing.”

“There’s no catch? No addendum that says I also need to sacrifice my first born to the keepers of Hell or something.”

Henry smiles.
“You’re young, Nora. You just gave away your life. Not to one man, but to two.”

“I gave away my life willingly well before last night. In fact, this is better than I could have hoped. I was so scared you would tell me
that I still had to choose, that this was immoral, unnatural.”

“Leave it to Nora to be excited to break a curse by being a slut,” Scarlet laughs.