Bite the Bullet (Bitten Book 5) (6 page)

“Then the sooner we do this, the better?” I asked.

Asher nodded.

“Okay, then let’s go.”

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I need to talk to you first.”

Shit, what now. “About?”

“This morning in the kitchen.”

I made a conscious effort not to tense up and to keep my mental shields in place. “Okay.”

“I shouldn’t have behaved that way,” Asher began. “I’m sorry if I upset you.”

I hadn’t been uncomfortable then, when lust was turning my bones to mush, but I sure as hell was uncomfortable now. Instead of shrinking away from the topic, I decided to be blunt. Facing one’s fears was the only way to conquer them. Or in this case, facing one’s object of hormonal obsession was the only way to deal with a touchy subject.

“You didn’t upset me. Well, that’s not entirely true.” I took a deep breath. “You didn’t upset me for the reasons you think.”

Asher’s mental block must have slipped because I felt his confusion and a thread of excitement hit me. “I don’t understand.”

“I, well, I…” I took a deep breath. “Uh, I find you very attractive,” I muttered, feeling a little ridiculous in the same way I felt like a complete dork in middle school.

To my complete shock, the stiff planes of Asher’s face relaxed into a slight smile. It disappeared almost as quickly as it came, but I saw it.

“I find you very attractive as well, Shannon,” he replied.

His words meant more to me than I wanted them to. In the back of my mind, I thought his withdrawal before meant that he wasn’t interested. Over the last few years, I’d been able to take or leave romantic entanglements. I hadn’t met a man who mattered enough to incite a reaction like this from me in a long time. If I was going to be completely honest with myself, I’d never felt like this before.

“I’m afraid this will complicate things a little.”

“It doesn’t have to,” I stated quickly.

“I’m afraid it does,” Asher disagreed. “I’ll have to bite you if we’re going to convince Cornelius that you’re under my control. Because of these feelings we share, the bite will take on a—” He paused and I could tell he was choosing his next words carefully. “A sexual nature.”

I managed to keep my mental blocks in place, but my heart thudded hard against my ribs. “I see.”

Asher smiled again, another quirk of his lips, but it was rueful rather than truly amused. “If this changes things—”

I shook my head. “No, no. We need to go ahead with the plan.” I stated adamantly. “I can’t continue living like this. I’m a prisoner. The cell and the company may be really nice, but I can’t get on with my life until this is all over.” As unsettling as his admission was, I couldn’t give up the chance to end this war before it spread much farther.

“Are you sure? I’m telling you because I want you to have all the information. In a situation like ours, trust must be absolute and honesty is necessary for complete trust.”

I nodded. “I understand and appreciate your candor. If it’s likely that Cornelius will show up tonight or tomorrow morning, we need to do this soon. Right?”

“Yes.”

I sucked in a deep breath and released it. If he was going to bite me, I wanted to get it over with. Speculating what it would be like and how I would feel would just make my anxiety worse. “Okay. I’m ready if you are.”

“I have some things I need to take care of first.”

“Oh.” I hadn’t expected that. I assumed he would share my eagerness to get this task completed so we could both move on.

“I’ll be done in a couple of hours. Why don’t you try to relax, maybe take a nap or something?”

I wanted to laugh in his face. Relax? There was no way I could. Still, I answered calmly, “That sounds fine. I’ll be in my room.”

He nodded and turned his gaze back to his computer screen, once again the cool, collected vampire. I wondered how in the hell he did that. I was barely hanging on to my composure by a thread.

It also made me wonder what it would take for me to get him to lose that iron control completely and what would happen after he did.

Unsettled, I left the office and headed upstairs. Inside my room, I stretched out on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. There was no way I would be able to sleep. I was so wound up by the direction this plan was heading. There were too many variables beyond my control.

The more I thought, the more the tension grew. I knew I had to calm down or Asher would sense my agitation when he bit me. He might rethink my part in the plan if he knew how nervous he made me.

I decided to meditate for a while in an effort to regain control. I closed my eyes and took a slow breath, focusing on the air filling my lungs and the way my ribs expanded. As I exhaled, I imagined the tension flowing out of my toes, then my arches, up to my ankles. Little by little, I thought of each muscle group in my legs relaxing.

The last thing I remembered was measuring my breath and moving my attention from my knees to my quadriceps.

*     *     *

“Shannon.”

My eyes flew open and I sat up, wide awake. “What time is it?”

Asher looked amused. “It’s a little after one in the afternoon,” he answered. “Do you always wake up like that?”

“Only when my life is in danger or I’m on an assignment,” I responded honestly.

The sparkle of mischief in his eye disappeared at my words and I realized he’d been teasing me. That was a first.

Unsure of how to undo the awkwardness I created, I ran a hand through my hair and asked, “Did you finish your business?”

“Yes.”

Great. That cold mask Asher had worn the last few days was still in place, the warmth and honesty he’d revealed earlier gone completely.

“Okay. Give me a few minutes and I’ll come downstairs.”

Without another word, Asher got to his feet and left my room. As soon as the door shut behind him, I flopped back onto the bed and sighed. I had no idea what caused his moodiness. His emotions were locked up tighter than mine most of the time. Very rarely did he let what he was feeling slip through his shields.

Obviously we had some communication issues to work out. We couldn’t continue this way and be successful in our plan to take down the Faction. If this were an assignment through the security firm, I would have insisted we abort the mission.

As I got to my feet and walked into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, I realized exactly what I needed to do. It was clear that he and I needed to get on the same page and our uncomfortable conversation in his office this morning hadn’t done it.

Time to try a different tactic.

W
hen I came
downstairs, I found Asher in the living area, reading a book. His serene expression pissed me off even more.

I stopped trying to suppress my anger, freeing the emotion. I could almost see the moment when it hit him. His body tensed. The motion was so minute I would have missed it if I hadn’t been hyperfocused on Asher.

He put his book down and turned his head toward me. “Is something wrong?”

I moved around the couch to the coffee table and sat down on it so I faced him. “Yes, something is wrong.” My anger loosened my tongue. “Look, I’m sick of you shutting down and shutting me out if I say something you don’t like. I’m blunt, sarcastic, and I tend to make a joke out of everything. I realize that you may not be used to that, but we have to work together right now. If we don’t, this isn’t some project that will be ruined, it will be our lives and the lives of people we care about. I can’t tiptoe around you or rethink everything I say. I can try to tone it down, but this is who I am. Can you handle that, or should we consider scrapping this plan?”

He seemed taken aback by my abrupt question. “Yes, I can handle that.” He leaned forward slightly, engaging with me rather than withdrawing as he seemed prone to do. “But there are other issues.”

I bit back my sarcastic reply and I met the subject head on. “You mean what we discussed this morning?”

He nodded.

“So we’re attracted to each other. We aren’t children. We’ll deal with it.”

“We will?” he asked, his brows arching.

“Are you telling me you can’t?” I challenged.

Asher’s face froze and he began to lean back. I could almost see the air around him drop in temperature. Without thinking, I reached out and grabbed his hand, which was resting on his knee.

“Don’t do that. Don’t freeze me out,” I commanded. “Talk to me.”

He stared at my fingers as if entranced. “About?”

I squeezed his hand. “Don’t you dare shut down on me again, Asher Leroux. Tell me what the problem is. We might be able to work around it.”

His blue eyes lifted to mine, and the bleakness in them made my heart ache. I couldn’t feel his emotions, but seeing the pain in his gaze was enough.

“Since you asked, I’m not sure I can handle it, Shannon. I’m worried I might lose control.”

“Why?” I queried softly. I sensed I needed to tread carefully here. He was on the verge of locking my ass in the bedroom from now on. I could tell.

“Because I have before.”

Shocked, I released his hand. “What?”

His eyes dropped to his knee, where his fingers rested. “I lost control with a human once. I hurt her badly.”

“But I thought you fed from humans all the time.”

He sighed. “Yes, but I never feed from someone I also want to fuck. I haven’t had a human woman since.”

The bluntness of his words took me by surprise. I assumed his use of the word
had
was a euphemism for sex. Or feeding. Then again, it could mean both.

It didn’t frighten me as much as it should. There was a reason that I’d worked at the security firm for years. I liked the challenge and the rush. Ricki often accused me of being an adrenaline junkie. I never denied it, because it was true.

“When was this?” I asked.

“Three hundred years ago.”

I frowned at him. “Three hundred years ago?”

He nodded.

I hesitated, but decided to speak my mind. My honest words and reactions seemed to be getting through to him better than my attempts to be sensitive.

“That was a long damn time ago, Asher. From what I understand, vampires gain control as they age.”

“That’s true,” he agreed. “But I was almost two hundred when it happened. I wasn’t some newly turned vampire, overtaken by bloodlust. I was born this way, Shannon. I’ve had control since I was fully mature at seventeen.”

That did change things.

“Maybe you should tell me what happened,” I suggested.

“No.” The word snapped between us and I flinched at its strength.

Asher’s face paled at my instinctive response and he started to rise to his feet.

Once again, without thinking, I put my hand on his arm. “Wait.”

He hesitated before settling back on the couch.

I took a moment to choose my words. It seemed Asher did indeed have a lot of issues and it was clear I needed to take a different approach. If we couldn’t work this out, I would end up back in the safe house and we would be no closer to Cornelius. While his admission unnerved me, I wasn’t ready to admit defeat just yet.

“I want you to do something for me.”

“Shannon—”

“Are you ready to call this entire plan off?” I asked. “Because we either try to work this out or I go back to the safe house, let Luca or Duncan turn me, and find another way to end this.”

His eyes flared at my words. “What do you want me to do?” he asked stiffly, anger radiating from his body.

“I want you to take your past out of the equation.”

He scowled at me. “What?”

“I want you to analyze your feelings for me without factoring in what happened with the other woman.”

“Explain,” he demanded.

“You said that you’re worried you’ll lose control if you bite me, right?”

Asher nodded but didn’t speak.

“Well, when do you feel like you’re losing it? When I’m in the room with you? If I touch you?”

He seemed to be pondering my words. After a few moments, he shook his head. “I don’t.”

“Okay, then if you don’t bring your past into it, what makes you think you won’t be able to control yourself around me?”

The blue of his eyes brightened, radiating an unearthly light from within. Seeing it, my blood sang. There was a dangerous undercurrent building between us, one that I liked. It was a strange wildness that made me feel as if all my nerve endings were sparking.

Asher’s voice deepened as he said, “Because I never wanted her the way I want you.”

At his words, more than my blood started to sing. The way he looked at me, as if he were starving and I would provide all the sustenance he needed, made my skin tingle. His mental shields lowered and the force of his desire hit me. I realized that Asher’s desire for me unsettled him much in the same way my intense attraction to him disconcerted me. My emotions weren’t one-sided. Far from it. It was one thing for him to admit it aloud and another for me to experience what he was feeling first hand.

He wanted more from me than sex. He wanted to possess me. My suggestion of having Duncan or Luca turn me enraged him, because in his eyes, I belonged to him.