Bird Song (4 page)

Ah.
 
It wasn’t from embarrassment.
 
It was something else entirely.
 
I grinned at the cold stare she shot my way at my thoughts.
 
This was going to be quite interesting, indeed.

“Grace, dinner.”

I looked at the doorway of my little house and saw Janice standing there with her hand on her belly, my little brother nestled comfortably within.
 
How odd, to call him my little brother.
 
I had been an only child for so long; this entire experience should feel far more foreign than it did.

“I’ll be there in a minute, Janice!” I called out to her, and looked at Graham, knowing I didn’t even need to ask the question he had been waiting to hear.
 
Instead, I turned to Lark, knowing that though she had been quite lax when it came to keeping some things about her a secret from Graham, there was still the need to keep up with the pretense of her being absolutely normal, in the incredibly beautiful, Greek goddess sort of way.

“Do you want to stay for dinner, Lark?”

She shook her head, and winked at me.
 
“I’ve got to get going.
 
I have some things I need to do, and I needed to speak to mom about a few things.”

The general lack of specificity in her answer was meant to keep her from having to tell the truth, but I detected something different.
 
The void of details seemed like more of an…invitation?

“Hey, do you need a ride home, Lark?”

“Yes, actually, I do need one.
 
Would you mind dropping me off?”

I watched the two of them, once again forgotten; I was the hood ornament on the green rust bucket while the two of them existed in their own world.
 
It almost felt like I was standing outside of my own life and watching myself, only I was in Graham’s body.
 
His face held as much awe and interest as mine probably did when I had first looked at Robert.

“Um, Grace, could you, you know, get off my car?”

I stared into two green eyes and turned to see two pale gray ones.
 
“Oh, sorry.”
 
I scooted off the hood and stood on the sidewalk as Graham opened the passenger side door for Lark.
 
She stepped in gracefully, her lithe body sliding into the car like silk wraps around skin.
 
I had never managed to do something like that; I always ended up looking more like wet burlap falling into a bucket.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night, Grace,” Lark called out after Graham had taken his spot in the driver’s seat and started the car.
 
I was about to ask what she meant by tomorrow night when they pulled off.
 
She didn’t even answer my thoughts.

“Well, isn’t that interesting,” I muttered to myself and headed into the house for dinner.

Dad and Janice were seated at the little table in the kitchen.
 
I took my seat and picked up the fork, ready to dig into the mound of spaghetti and meat-like-balls that had already been plated for me.

“So, how was Graham’s vacation?”

I looked at the food in front of me and sighed.
 
I placed my fork down and raised my gaze up to dad’s.
 
“His parents are getting a divorce.”

Janice made a small moan of disappointment, while Dad’s expression was uncharacteristically morose.
 
“Did Ivy come home with Graham?” he asked as he looked at Janice’s distressed face.
 
I didn’t understand what the reason for the look they exchanged, but I was fairly certain that I would in a minute or two.

“No.
 
She’s staying in Florida.
 
She wanted Graham to move down there with her, but he told her no.
 
School is almost over, and he doesn’t want to switch schools for just one more semester,” I explained, thankful that I got to keep my best friend with me for just a little while longer.

“Well, that makes things difficult for him,” Dad muttered.
 
Difficult would be an understatement.
 
Graham had mentioned his father’s drinking, and it was something that we all knew he’d had an issue with, but with the sound of glass bottles being tossed out more frequently coming from next door, half the street knew how difficult things were getting.

“James, do you think Graham should be staying with his father, knowing how he’s been lately?”

I turned to look at Janice with my mouth hanging open in surprise.
 
What was she getting at with her question?
 
My head turned when Dad started talking.

“No, I don’t.
 
It wouldn’t be healthy for that boy to be staying with Richard when he’s not even taking care of himself.
 
What do you suggest we do?”

 
As though I were witnessing a verbal tennis match, my head snapped back to Janice, and waited for her response.
 
“I think he should stay here.
 
I mean, he’s over here most of the time anyway, we know he can be trusted around Grace, and it’ll only be for a little while.”

My eyes grew wide at the suggestion, and my head whipped back to Dad, curious to know what his reaction was.
 
He was actually contemplating it!

“I think you’re probably right, but Richard’s gonna be upset.
 
He’s just lost his wife.
 
I don’t think he’ll be so eager to give up his son, too.”

“James, Graham’s eighteen.
 
He can make his own decisions, especially about this.”

Dad sighed.
 
He did not relish the idea of hurting his friend…but not as much as he hated the idea of his friend hurting his son with his behavior.
 
“I’ll talk to Richard.
 
Grace, would you talk to Graham?
 
It’d come off more helpful than custodial if you do it.”

Pleased at finally being included in the conversation, I nodded, and finally dug into my dinner.

***

I waited out on the steps fronting my house until I heard the car grumbling up the street.
 
When Graham had finally put the car in park and climbed out, a strange smile on his face, I called out to him.

“Oh, hey Grace,” he answered, and smiled sheepishly.
 
“What are you doing out here so late?”

I didn’t know what time it was, but I knew why I was here.
 
I reached my hand out, and he took it, knowing that there was something I needed to talk to him about, and it required him coming inside out of the cold and away from the prying ears of any neighbors who might have been awakened by the sound of Graham’s return.

“What’s up?” he asked as I pulled him inside.
 
He followed me up to my room and said nothing as he sat down on my bed, watching me close the door as I did so.

When I was sure that we’d be left alone, I sat down on the bed facing him and told him of the conversation between Dad and Janice.
 
I knew he’d be slightly upset that I had revealed his personal problems with my dad, but what I hadn’t expected was the overall relief he expressed at not having to choose between either parent.

“You don’t know how good that sounds, Grace.
 
I didn’t know how I was going to deal with it tonight.
 
When I talked to my dad on the phone at the airport, he sounded so out of it.
 
It’s why I called the cab.”

I frowned; if Richard was that bad, perhaps he needed to get some help.
 
I silently prayed that he’d get it, that Dad would help him find it.
 
Graham didn’t need his father completely breaking down on in the middle of senior year.
 
The fighting had been difficult enough for Graham to deal with, and now that his parents were living in completely different states, I couldn’t imagine how he was feeling.

I could only relate to him on the level of losing a parent.
 
He would still be able to see them, of course, and talk to them…but no matter what he did from now on, one was always going to be missing from his life.
 
And if his father’s drinking became worse, well…one might be missing permanently.

I frowned again, because that option would involve Robert, and the thought didn’t sit well with me.
 
Graham and Robert were finally getting along, things were going well.
 
If Richard didn’t get help…

“Grace?”

I blinked at the voice calling my name.
 
“Yeah?”

He chuckled, “I lost you for a second.
 
You totally spaced out.
 
What’s up?”

I shook my head, dismissing the thoughts that had taken me away from our conversation.
 
“I was just wondering where you were going to sleep.
 
Janice and Dad have already turned that teeny room next to mine into the nursery, and Dad actually parks his car in the Garage…”

Where
was
he going to sleep?
 
Janice had said that they could trust Graham with me…she didn’t actually mean that…
 
“Oh please tell me no,” I gasped before jumping off my bed.
 
I raced to the door and flew downstairs to the kitchen, where Janice was cleaning.

“Grace?
 
What’s wrong?” she asked nervously, taking in my flushed face and my hectic breathing.

“Where’s Graham supposed to sleep?” I panted, the anxiety in my voice apparent even to me.

As the seriousness of the situation finally dawned on her she smiled.
 
“Oh Grace, he’ll sleep on the couch!
 
You didn’t think we’d meant for him to sleep in your room, did you?”

I giggled nervously, sheepishly; foolishly.
 
“Of course not!”
 
Of course I did.
 
She knew that.
 
But she didn’t know that the reason I did was because of something she wasn’t aware of; I didn’t want Robert to come into my room to see Graham sleeping in there.
 
Even though they were friends now, I didn’t trust what my boyfriend would do if he found another guy in my room in the middle of the night.

“Well, I’m done in here.
 
You know where the sheets and blankets are, Grace.
 
I’ll let you take care of things.
 
I’m going to bed.
 
Goodnight.”
 
I watched as she left the kitchen, her head shaking at my obvious overreaction, her shoulders bobbing up and down with her quiet laughter.

Sighing with embarrassment, I went back up the stairs to my room.
 
“Looks like you’ll be sleeping on the couch,” I said as I walked through the door.

Graham was sitting down on the corner of the bed, his hands holding onto something that appeared very fragile in his hands.
 
It was pink, and shiny, reflecting the light from the ceiling lamp.

“I thought you might have thrown this away or broken it or something,” he whispered as he rubbed an odd protrusion at the top of the largest part of the solid blob in his hands.
 
I smiled, for in truth I had broken it.

For a while, it had lain in pieces on the floor.
 
It represented, to me at least, our friendship…and me.
 
The little, deformed object in his hand was a ceramic whale that I’d made in the second grade.
 
It sported a large green dorsal fin, the remnant of his own whale, which had exploded in the kiln and melded onto mine.

I had thrown it against my dresser in a fit of rage a few weeks after he had ended our friendship; the head and tail broke apart cleanly, while other parts chipped and broke away, falling around it neatly.
 
It was our life, my life, obliterated in one swift movement.

After that day, I hadn’t thought about it.
 
I didn’t even try to find it after Graham had walked back into my life.
 
It wasn’t necessary, I had told myself.
 
And that worked for me…until Robert had fixed it.

When he had somehow repaired the whale, and told me that it was stronger now than it had been before, I knew that he had been right.
 
But I also knew that it wasn’t meant for me, but for Graham.
 
He was now the one who needed reassurances about the strength of the few ties he had to his friends, especially now that his family had fallen apart.

“Can I have it back?” Graham asked, never taking his eyes off the pink whale.
 
“I should have never gotten rid of it.”

“You’re right.
 
You never should have gotten rid of it.
 
But, I’ll let you have it back under the condition that when you use the bathroom, you put the seat back down after you’re done.”

He grinned at me, and I felt my heart skip—a faint reminder of just how much he still affected my flawed, human heart.
 
“I’ll try, but even Mom couldn’t get me to do that.”

“Come on, you gotta get home and talk to your dad, let him know what’s going on.
 
My dad went over to talk to him, but I don’t know what happened.
 
He didn’t tell me anything when he came home,” I explained as I pulled him up off the bed and out of the house.