Billi Jean (34 page)

“Ah, fuck.” Eagle backed up a step, and she included him in her glare.

“That’s right, Eagle.
Ah, fuck
. As in, your buddy is a minute away from talking soprano. And then what would your new little toy do for fun, huh, Major?”

If Russell could have got scarier she didn’t know how, because suddenly she felt like she’d gone a bit too far. But the pain, the hurt was so big, so real and he was here, like he’d been before. But he wasn’t hers now. Big, warm Russell, with his dark hair and tough face and those bright grey eyes, wasn’t hers. He’d made love to another woman while she’d been here, waiting on him, hurting and worried.

“Sunshine, don’t ever threaten me again, because I’ll paddle your ass so hard you won’t sit for a month.”

His arrogance did it. It was his enormous arrogance that did it. She jerked her hand and he loosened his grip enough for her to pull free and smack his face with such force it hurt her hand. The crack sounded throughout the house like a shot. Then silence. He didn’t move. The slap hadn’t even made him blink, and he could have stopped it. She saw that. She knew it.

“That’s for thinking I’m a whore. And I’ll hit you again if you don’t leave, because I have never been a whore, Russell. And I’ve never lied to you. Not about us. Not about this. And you should have known it, asshole. You should have known. This isn’t about me. It’s about you. You don’t trust me. And you know what? That sucks. Because I thought you knew me. Knew me like no one ever had, Russell.” Her voice dipped down to a whisper at the end and she couldn’t stop the way her voice wavered, how her lips trembled and her eyes smarted.

She would not cry. She would not let him see her cry.

He met her eyes with such intensity a shiver raced down her spine. Reaching up, he touched his face, lingering over his lip where a drop of blood had sprung up.

Her stomach lurched again. She’d never hit anyone in her life. Never.

“I didn’t sleep with the blonde,” he gritted past a clenched jaw, then turned and walked out through her wide open door, his big shoulders back, his body filled with tension.

He was leaving. She knew it. She’d never see him again, she knew that, too.

He’d not slept with the blonde
.

Was that the truth? He’d never lied to her before. Not until he’d called that night and told her he was too tired to come by…then gone to a bar to pick up another woman.

The door shut quietly. The lock clicked into place, resounding through the house louder than the slap. And it hurt more. The ice around her heart was completely gone, so was Russell, and that hurt. Hurt all over again. Tears fell without her blinking, running down her face unheeded, and she didn’t even bother to wipe them off.

Eagle and Katya were gone, too. They must have left with the first shouting. Her house was empty, and she was leaving town in tears. Again. Turning, she barely registered the door opening again before she heard Russell cursing and his big arms around her, holding her to his big, Russell-scented body.

“I’m sorry. So fucking sorry. I didn’t let that woman touch me. Not for more than it took me to get her off my lap. Damn it, Susan, don’t do this to us. Don’t end this because I was an insecure idiot. A stupid fool.”

“A stupid fool
bastard
,” she managed around her tears. She was sobbing now, so hurt she wanted to be held, to feel him. To believe him. She was so weak.

“Yeah, a bastard, baby. A stupid, fool bastard.” With a heavy sigh, she felt him rest his cheek to her hair.

He always made her feel so small and safe, but being in his arms again felt like he was ripping her apart. She tried to stop her tears, struggled even harder to listen, but the pain filled her and there was nowhere for it to go. She’d reached her limits, she supposed. The tears hurt, but there was no force on earth strong enough to stem them.

Russell made a rough sound in his throat, like a groan of pain. “I love you. I love you so damn much. Shhh, don’t cry like this. It’s killing me. Sunshine, I’m so fucking sorry.”

She let him soothe her, his big, warm body hard yet so gentle with her. He murmured to her, holding her tight but stroking her back like she was fragile, as if she might break. And she felt like she would. She felt all the hurt, the pain, the fear building and flowing out of her. The past year, the attack, her father’s death, the running and then his betrayal all mixed until she couldn’t take it anymore. She needed him. Wanted so badly to believe he hadn’t gone to another that she felt the wish like an ache among all the others.

“Baby, please, baby. Shhh, I swear to God, the only time I’ve lied to you was on the phone when I said I was too tired to come here. And, fuck, I was. Tired, hurt and, yeah, angry. It’s happened before, you know? Not that I cared a fuck at the time, but with you? Baby, you’ve got me. You’re all I ever wanted when I didn’t even know I wanted it.” His deep voice broke, and he wrapped his arms tighter around her. “You’ve got me, heart and soul, and hearing about you with two guys—”

Pulling back she covered his mouth with her hand, lingering over where she’d hurt him. “They were agents. Agents, Russell.”

Every muscle in his body tensed. She felt it. Under her hand, his face clenched and those grey eyes grew cold and hard. Slowly, he reached up and took her hand off his mouth. His eyes blazed with intensity, but he gently twined his fingers with hers. “Say that again, baby.”

She bit her lip, and he reached up and rubbed his other hand under her eyes, drying her tears gently with his fingers.

“I saw a hit. I wasn’t in an accident. I didn’t move here because I wanted to; I saw a member of the Russian mob kill a woman outside a club. It’s why the agents sent me here…only they needed me to identify the men that attacked me. That’s why I went to the hotel. They had it set up so I could see some photos.” She trailed off as he dropped his hand from her face and his other hand grew painfully tight on hers. “Russell, you’re hurting my hand.”

Immediately, Russell eased his grip but the tension didn’t change. He was angry. “And your name?”

And her
name
? Of all the things to ask her, that was it?

“Your name. It’s not Susan. Did you not trust me enough with that?”

Trust. How could she tell him how much she trusted him?
Had
trusted him? “I have always, from the first day, trusted you Russell. The agents didn’t. I was to tell no one. I shouldn’t—”

“Tell. Me. Your. Name.”

She nodded at the order. “Sarah. But everyone calls me Lacey.”

“
Lacey
.” He said it oddly, as if that pissed him off even more. She tried to pull away, but he wasn’t having it. He crushed her to his chest. “And when I said your name, when I said I loved you. When I made love to you. It wasn’t your name,” he whispered raggedly against her neck, his warm breath doing odd things to her.

“Russell.”

He pulled up to stare down at her. “Lacey.” His eyes were darker now, more intense as if he was considering something and hadn’t decided what it was.

“I liked Susan. It was a good name. It’s still my name. Sarah died. She didn’t survive the attack. If she had, she’d be scared.”

“Scared enough to sleep in a U-Haul.”

She nodded. “Yeah,” she answered softly.

The lines around his mouth deepened in displeasure. “What is it you think I do, Lacey?”

“Do?” She tried for dumb, but his frown deepened and he tightened his hand on hers.

“You were a SEAL. You do security now. Protect people.”

“Yeah, I protect people who don’t mean shit to me,
Lacey
. Men, women, children who will never know me, never matter to me. And the one person in this fucked-up world who does, doesn’t trust me enough to fucking—”

“Russell!
Stop!
Stop right there! How do you know I wouldn’t have told you? How do you know that wasn’t one of the things I was planning on telling you two nights ago?”

That seemed to break through the anger enough for him to at least blink at her. His face softened by the tiniest degree, and he raised his hand to wipe at her tears again.

He sighed heavily and cupped her cheek. “Damn it, Sunshine, what are we going to do with you? You’re enough to make a man consider tying you to the bed to keep your ass out of trouble.” His soft voice was in complete contrast to the words he was speaking.

She huffed a laugh and leaned her head against his chest, so tired she was more than willing to forgive him, simply because she wanted to sleep.

“Your hair is blonde,” he suddenly said against her hair. His erection was a hard, thick wedge between them, making her body tingle awake after so many weeks without him. “For me?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah, for you,” she agreed with a sigh.

“Sus—Lacey, look at me, baby.” He tipped her head up, cupped her neck, and he used a thumb to tip her chin up so she would meet his eyes. It was intimate, so male it had her heart racing. “I didn’t let her touch me. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I was…”—he closed his grey eyes and touched his forehead to hers—“a stupid bastard, but not that much of a dumbass.”

“I would never have done such a thing, Russell. You should have known that. You were my first. How would I go to another? Why? When you were on your way home, safe?” Her voice broke, and he grimaced like she’d hit him.

 “I know. Fuck, I know. I was jealous, baby, pissed, jealous and…yeah, hurt. It hurt like a son of a bitch.”

“I know. It hurt me, too. And pissed me off.”

He chuckled. She leant back to see a grin on his face. “Yeah, I noticed that. You’re quiet the angry kitten, baby.”

“You left.”

“Fuck that. I went to get my truck keys and bag.”

Glancing down, she noticed his duffel bag for the first time. She noticed something else too. Another bag.

“And I’m taking you to the ranch. No way are you staying here. If you went to ID some guy, don’t you think they’ll know you’re still alive? Still walking? What were those agents thinking—and how the hell did they get hold of you—?”

She reached down and wriggled her hand into his jeans. He stuttered to a stop when she cupped his erection, sliding her hand over the swollen length to the rounded head and thumbing the pre-cum all round the slit. His words died that simply. Completely.

“Ah, hell.”

“I want my makeup sex. I want my welcome home sex. I want my you’re sorry and you’ll never doubt me again sex. And I want it now. You owe me. Owe me for the lasering I had done. You owe me for sitting at a salon for hours to get the dye out of my hair, and you owe me for a dinner I made for you while you were out being a sorry bastard SEAL idiot and not trusting me. Now, enough talking, Russell Ryland. I want sex.” She squeezed him again for emphasis and was rewarded by a husky male groan and his erection jerking in her hand. He was thick, hard as steel, and she needed him inside her now.

“Fuck, Sunshine.”

“Yes, now. Fuck me, now.”

His grey eyes blazed and suddenly she was in his arms, his mouth crushing hers with a kiss that stole her breath with its intensity.

He pulled up just as suddenly. “I love you, no matter what your fucking name is, I love you.”

Before she could say the same, he took her mouth again. He didn’t just kiss her, he was laying claim. His mouth marked her with teeth, lips and tongue, letting her know exactly how much he’d missed her, needed her and, God help her, loved her. And she gave it right back, sucking on his tongue, eating at his mouth, sipping at his lips while she tugged his silky hair and tried to climb up his body.

The bedroom door slammed behind him.

“I’m going to fuck you so good, baby. You want that, don’t you? Hard and fast, so deep, so deep you’ll feel me for days. Then I’m going to claim that ass. It’s mine. You’re mine. All mine. Tonight, and from now on.”

“God, Russell.” The breath left her on a whoosh of lust.

“Ah, baby, you know you’ll love it. There’re not going to be any more trips, no more days without you, no more separation. Just you and me, until we don’t know where one ends and the other begins.”

Oh, God, that was so hot. So Russell. A shiver raced over her at his words. She knew he’d do exactly as he’d promised. He’d warned her before he’d left. His thick fingers had prepared her rear that night. He’d told her that he wanted her. All of her. And he would have her.

“Say it. Say it,
Lacey
, let me hear you say it. You’re mine. Now. Always. Mine. Say it.” He dropped her down on the bed and ripped her yoga pants off, with a heavy groan at the sight of her purple thong. He reached out with one big hand and cupped her, gently but firmly. Grey eyes pinned her in place, but set her heart racing. “Mine. This is mine. All of it,” he growled. His hand slipped beneath her thong and stroked back to her rear to cup her in between her legs. “This, too, this is mine. Say it, Sunshine. Say it.”

Her breasts tightened painfully, and she knew he felt the flood of moisture filling her as it wet his hand. He groaned low and rubbed his palm against her, his big fingers digging into her rear.

“Yours. Oh, Russell, now. I want you now.” And she did. She was soaked. Dripping wet for him. She wanted him. Anything and everything he could give her. Her pussy was empty and she wanted to be filled. She wanted him there, and she wanted that forbidden pleasure he’d promised he’d take. She’d give it. She wanted him wild. She wanted him so overcome with his desire he took her, claimed her like he’d never claimed another.

“Damn right, baby. Right now.”

“I want you. All of you. Everywhere. You’re mine, too, Russell.” She knelt before him and watched as he stripped, tugging his shirt off with a snap of buttons to reveal his firm chest and tight, muscled abs. She stopped his hands on his belt and tugged it free, unbuttoned his Wranglers and unzipped to take his straining erection in her hand.

Six weeks. Six weeks of remembering him and here he was. So huge. The thick head of his cock was swollen, dripping wet and the crest was flared red above the thick, pink shaft. And he wanted this in her ass?

“Will we fit?”

He groaned and reached for her face, cupping her cheeks, and bent to kiss her with such heat she nearly climaxed.