Big Love (17 page)

“Yes, I was just dizzy for a moment. I must have gotten up too fast.” Her eyes were locked on Zing’s. She didn’t make any move to leave Zing’s embrace.

Finally, after a moment of awkward silence, Carol cleared her throat. “Well, glad you’re okay, Nell.”

That broke the spell. Nell moved toward the door, saying in a dazed tone, “I better go shower.”

“Do you want me to help you?” Zing asked.

Nell turned to her and raised her eyebrows.

“I mean I would be close by if you got dizzy again. But not like in the shower with you or anything.”

“That’s sweet, Zing, but I’ll be all right,” Nell said.

“Sure,” Zing said, trying not to do that blush thing.

While Nell showered, Zing, Miracle, and Carol watched Betty prepare the next stage of the cleansing. She laid out an intricately designed cloth on the coffee table in the living room. The cloth had widening gyres of color and a large tree in the center of a crimson full moon. Then Betty placed a tall glass and the white candle
on top of the cloth. She cracked an egg into the glass and set the shell aside. Next, she took a bottle of Fiji water and poured it into the glass.

Nell walked into the room just as Betty lit the candle.

“We shall begin the next stage,” Betty said.

Nell looked peaceful and clean. She sat down next to Zing and held her hand. “You saved me. You’re becoming an excellent guardian angel.”

“Thank you, but all I did was climb a rusty fire escape. Miracle did the rest. She found Betty.”

Betty said, “Now, Nell, I need you to gaze into the egg glass.”

Nell gazed as hard as she could.

Betty whispered something to the egg and it began to send out white tendrils.

“That’s interesting,” Carol said.

“It looks really weird,” Zing said as she watched the white tendrils grow.

Betty studied the glass. “Yes, this is good, very good, although I had expected that.”

“What do you see?” Nell asked, leaning forward.

“I see healing. Your spirit is reconnecting with your sense of self. You’ve let go of the distressing matter you’ve held onto for so long. You will no longer hide your heart. It will open up and much love will grow there,” Betty said. She blew out the candle and studied the trails of smoke as they drifted upward. “Yes, it is done. Your pain follows this smoke and when it ceases to be, all the distress and mistrust of love will vanish with it.”

“Well, I’ll be double damned,” Miracle said. She leaned back on the couch in serene repose.

Carol gulped more tea.

As soon as the smoke disappeared, Betty picked up the egg and water mixture and drank it.

Carol gagged. Miracle gulped. Nell stared, her mouth gaping. Zing watched with interest and then said, “That was gross.”

“Yes, but necessary,” Betty said.

“I won’t even ask why,” Nell said.

Betty gathered up her supplies and returned them to her Whole Foods canvas bag. “If you find you need another cleansing, don’t hesitate to call me.” She handed Nell her business card.

“Thank you so much. I feel much better already,” Nell said. She put her hand out to shake, but Betty pulled her into an embrace.

“May you find peace and love,” Betty said. She handed Zing another card. “Call me when you have need of the answer to your question and for goodness’ sake read the book.”

“I will. I’ve been trying,” Zing said.

“Get to the end, the answers lie there,” Betty said.

“What book?” Carol asked.

Betty’s eyes twinkled. “Zing knows what book I mean.”

Carol cocked her head and squinted one eye at Betty as if trying to sum her up. Zing thought she looked like a character in a western movie waiting to draw down on her opponent.

“Good bye,” Betty said. And just like that, she was gone. The women stood staring at the closed door.

“That was definitely weird,” Carol said.

“Do you really feel better?” Miracle asked Nell.

Nell hesitated. “I do. But I’m really tired now.”

“Maybe you should take a nap,” Miracle said, gathering up the tea things and carrying them to the kitchen.

“That sounds like a marvelous idea,” Zing said. “I’ve never had a nap myself, but I hear they’re nice.”

There was clattering from the kitchen. “Nell, do you want me to leave the green tea so you can have some later?” Miracle called.

Nell wrinkled her nose. “Nope. I’m not much of a tea drinker.”

Zing whispered, “Green tea’s not my favorite.”

“Me either,” Nell whispered back.

“It’s not that bad if you guzzle it,” Carol said. She picked up Miracle’s purse. “Dang, this is heavy. What does that girl have in here?”

“Probably everything, including the kitchen sink,” Nell said.

Carol grabbed Nell in a big bear hug and said, “I’m glad to have my friend back. I missed you.”

“Me, too,” Nell said. “Thank you.”

“You’re coming to work tomorrow, right?”

“Yes, I’ll be there with bells on,” Nell said.

Miracle reappeared and took her purse from Carol. “Okay then, we’ll leave you to nap.”

They moved toward the door. Nell stopped them by saying, “Actually, Zing? I was wondering if you would stay for a little bit?”

***

“Should I sit out here while you go take a nap?” Zing asked.

Carol and Miracle had left and now Zing felt nervous being alone with Nell.

“No, I want you to take a nap with me,” Nell said.

“Oh.” Zing stood rigid and still. She licked her lips and said in croaky voice, “Do I have to take off my shoes?”

“Yes, people usually do that,” Nell said.

Zing slipped off her Crocs and stood awkwardly. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Nell took Zing’s hand and led her to the bedroom. Nell had a nice bedroom. The walls were painted light blue and the bed had a bedspread covered in sunflowers and pale yellow pillows. The dresser and nightstands were painted bright yellow. The blinds on the windows were white louvers. The room made Zing feel like she was standing in a field of yellow flowers under a sunny, blue sky.

Nell closed the blinds on the windows and the room dimmed.

“It’s a very pretty room,” Zing said.

“I like it.”

“I like it, too,” Zing said. She sat on the edge of the bed.

Nell climbed in on the other side. “Come, lie down with me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t have asked. Stop being so shy. You’ve known me my entire life.”

Zing eased back on the yellow pillows and stared up at the ceiling. She couldn’t look at Nell right now. She didn’t have the courage.

“I’ve wasted too much of my time on Dove.”

There was only the sound of their breathing and the ticktock of the clock on the nightstand.

Finally, Nell spoke again, “It’s you, isn’t it?”

Zing didn’t say anything.

“When you caught me from falling earlier, I saw it in your eyes. You love me.”

A tear leaked out of Zing’s eye. She brushed it away.

“You don’t have to answer. I knew it as soon as I looked at you. I guess I just had to get rid of Dove so I could see you,” Nell said.

Nell snuggled closer to Zing. “Hold me?” she asked.

Zing wrapped her arms around Nell and held her tightly. The room seemed to light up with Zing’s glow.

“You love me,” Nell said. “I can feel it.”

“I do.” Zing brushed her lips across Nell’s forehead.

“I feel so safe in your arms,” Nell said. “Hold me until I fall asleep.”

***

“Is she all right?” Miracle asked. She was cooking red beans and rice. Zing smelled the cornbread in the oven. Her mouth watered at the savory aromas.

“Yes, she was deeply asleep when I left her. I wrote her a note so she wouldn’t worry.”

“How’d you get home?”

“I walked.”

“That’s a long way.”

“Yes,” Zing said. She got a bottle of water from the fridge and gulped it. She choked.

Miracle pounded her on the back. “Whoa there, slow down. Did you learn that from Carol?”

Zing nodded, trying to get her breath back. When she could speak, she said, “She only does it when she’s nervous.”

“I’ve noticed that. When she’s relaxed, she sips.”

“Yes, like at the bakery when she’s making her fancy pastries. Baking makes her very happy and then she sips her coffee and makes yummy noises.”

“Are you nervous about somethin’?” Miracle asked. She peered in at the cornbread then pulled it out of the oven and stuck a knife in the middle of it. The knife came out clean.

“Why did you stab the cornbread?” Zing asked.

“To see if it was done. When the knife comes out with no batter stuck to it, it’s done.”

“And if it’s not?” Zing asked.

“If it comes out sticky, you bake it some more.” She looked at Zing curiously. “Kind of like life sometimes.”

“Like a clean knife means things are good,” Zing said.

“Yes.”

“Is your life with Carol a clean knife or sticky knife?”

“It’s mostly clean but there are still sticky parts. I think in matters of the heart there’s always a bit of sticky goin’ on.”

“Maybe Betty should use cornbread in her ceremonies instead of raw egg,” Zing said.

“You should suggest that when you talk to her.”

“Why would I talk to her?”

“Because I figured out how come she knows so much about guardian angels,” Miracle said. “And how she knew so much about you.”

“What do you mean?” Zing’s heart pounded.

“Because she is one. She’s a guardian angel, too.”

Zing shook her head. “But I would know.”

“Would you? You said yourself there are different departments at HQ. Maybe she’s in a different department.”

Miracle had a point.

Miracle continued, “Do you know every angel?”

“No. I couldn’t. There are billions. And we’re all over the place.”

“That proves my point. Maybe there are more guardian angels wandering around than we know.”

“Guardian angels don’t wander. They have specific purposes.”

“Exactly. Betty is a shaman angel. She cleanses people.”

“I’m confused,” Zing said. Tears leaked out of her eyes. She didn’t want to cry, but the tears came anyway. She couldn’t seem to stop them.

“What’re you confused about, darlin’?” Miracle asked. She sat down in a chair beside Zing.

“I don’t know my purpose. All I do is make donuts and love Nell.”

“Maybe that is your purpose.”

“Making donuts?”

“No. The loving Nell part.”

“Is that a purpose? I mean, is that enough?” Zing asked softly.

“I can think of no higher purpose than love, can you?” Miracle said.

***

Zing got out of the shower and was toweling her hair dry when she saw Annabelle sitting on the bathroom counter. The room was steamy so Annabelle looked like a small aurora borealis.

“You look good naked,” Annabelle said.

“Thanks, but it’s not like I chose how I look. I just became this when taking a human form.”

“I wonder what I’d look like.” Annabelle mused.

Zing pulled her white fluffy robe from the back of the bathroom door and slipped it on. She hadn’t noticed before but she felt sort of odd standing naked in front of someone else, even though it was Annabelle. “Would you like to be human?”

Annabelle knitted her brows in thought. Finally, she said, “I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” Zing asked. She leaned in and wiped a spot off the mirror so she could sort out her hair.

Annabelle scooted over. “Because being human is hard. You have so many emotions, worries, fears, and very little control over your life.”

“Well, when you put it that way,” Zing said. “Let’s get out of here. I’m feeling claustrophobic.” She led the way out of the bathroom and across the hall to her bedroom.

Annabelle continued talking, “You see? There’s even phobias—fear of small spaces, or open spaces, fear of spiders, fear of being afraid…”

Zing closed her bedroom door. “There’s one of those—fear of fear?” She put on her powder blue pajamas with the midnight blue piping.

“I don’t know for sure, but if not, it’d be a good one. I think I’d have that if I were human. The thought of fear scares me.”

“I wish I could be human longer,” Zing said. She sat on the bed and piled up the pillows against the headboard so she could recline comfortably. She was exhausted. It had been an emotionally tiring day.

“You’ve still got eight days left,” Annabelle said brightly.