Bidding War (37 page)

"You can fix it later."

"Oh god."

She smirked at me.

We finished dinner and cleaned up. "What's the plan now?"

"Cuddle up in front of the fireplace with our desserts," she said. And so, ten minutes later, we were sitting on a sofa immediately in front of a fire, my legs draped over her lap, each of us holding a dessert.

We took turns trying to make the other one laugh while we ate our little desserts. When we were both done, she took my plate from me and set both of them on and end table to her right. Then we sat on the sofa and talked quietly. She began rubbing and caressing my feet, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the attention.

"I feel guilty," I said after several minutes. "I should be doing this for you."

"I like touching you," she said. "Relax and enjoy the attention."

I smiled without opening my eyes. "Yes, Moira."

"That's right," she said.

Her hands started roaming further afield than my feet. I received caresses on my arm and on my legs. When she slid her hands under my dress, still caressing my legs, I didn't stop her.

"That feels nice," I said dreamily.

"I thought you might enjoy it."

She continued to stroke and caress me, which both relaxed me and woke me up at the same time. I squirmed a little, then opened my eyes a crack. She was smiling at me.

"You're amazing," I told her.

"So are you."

I closed my eyes again for several minutes. Her touch was hypnotic, and I found myself growing very complacent. I finally asked her, "Are you going to seduce me tonight?"

"Would you stop me?"

"No."

She leaned towards me and caressed my face. "Do you want me to?"

I opened my eyes and looked at her, then nodded. She smiled.

"Close your eyes, Pamela," she ordered. I obeyed immediately.

"Leave them closed."

I nodded.

"Whatever happens, do not open your eyes."

"What if I want to watch you?"

"You are not allowed."

"Mmmm?"

"That's right."

She continued to caress me, and I was ready to let her do whatever else she wanted. "So nice," I said.

"We're going to go upstairs," Moira said. "You will keep your eyes closed. If you think you are unable to obey, tell me now."

"I will obey," I replied.

She slid my legs off her lap, stood up, and pulled me to my feet. Then she led me upstairs, and I knew she had drawn me to her room.

"Please kiss me, Moira."

She pulled me into her arms and kissed me very thoroughly. I moaned into the kiss, and I realized I wanted her desperately.
I wanted everything she represented. I wanted the dance, and the adventures, and the cooking together. I wanted a relationship that was easy, with someone who fit.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tightly to me, moaning into the kiss.

Then she broke the kiss and whispered into my ear, "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"We don't have to do this."

"Please, Moira. I want you." I paused. "Unless this is a one-night-stand. I don't want that."

"It's not," she said. "It's not."

I felt her fingers at the back of my dress. She found the clasp and the zipper, and then she slid it off my shoulders and it fell to the floor.

She kissed me again before she removed my bra. Then she slipped my undies and panties from my legs, and I stood before her, naked. She pulled me into her arms again.

"You are so lovely," she whispered. "I want you."

"Take me."

I heard her own clothing slither down her body.

"May I look?"

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"Please, why not?"

"I am old."

"No," I said. "You are perfect."

She pulled me into her arms and drew me to the bed, pressing me against the pillows. "I am going to blindfold you," she told me.

"Let me look first."

"I'll scare you."

"You don't really believe that."

"I am hideous."

"You are lying."

"If you open your eyes, I will be upset," she said. "I am going to blindfold you now." And then I felt something slide down over my eyes. She kissed me softly.

"Honey?"

"Shhh," she said, and she began stroking me.

"Let me touch you at least."

"Not this time," she said. "Hands at your sides." She pressed my hands where she wanted them, then she shifted, and she was kneeling over me. "If you move, I will tie you up."

I giggled.

"You think I'm bluffing?"

"No."

Then she kissed me, and her hand was on my breast. I arched my back, shoving my breast into her hand, and her lips took me in her mouth.

It didn't take long until I was squirming under her touch. Then, soon, her hands strayed closer and closer to my center, then a brief touch. She was kissing me, her hand resting over my vulva, pressing lightly.

And I thought about Gwendolyn.

I had let Gwendolyn do this to me, not Moira. I'd been dating Moira, but I'd had sex with Gwendolyn.

Or I was dating Gwendolyn, but I was letting Moira take me.

My heart rate went through the ceiling, and I knew whatever was about to happen, I had already either already cheated on Moira or was about to cheat on Gwendolyn.

"Oh god," I said. I started to cry into the blindfold. "Oh god. Oh god."

I was a big cheat and a tease. This was wrong, or last night was wrong.

"Honey?"

"I can't. Oh god, Moira, oh god."

And I pushed away from her, swiped the blindfold from my eyes, and couldn't look at her as I ran for my clothes. I didn't find them all, I didn't care, I pulled the dress on while hopping down the stairs, screaming, "I can't, oh god, Moira, I'm so sorry!"

And I was gone with my purse and my dress barely covering my shoulders, unzipped. I'd left my shoes, half my clothes, and the supplies I'd brought to cook.

And I left the woman I loved behind, the woman who must now surely hate me.

I got in the car and drove as fast as I could.

"I'm a cheat!" I yelled. "A cheat. Oh god!"

I don't know how I made it. I could barely see, and I should have had several accidents on the way, but I arrived at Sam's, flying to the door, banging on it, yelling for her, sobbing.

The door opened, and I flew to her, sobbing uncontrollably. I felt arms around me, and I heard Suzanne asking, "What happened? Pamela, are you okay? What happened?"

"Where are your shoes? Pamela?"

And then we were on the sofa, Sam was holding me, and I was sobbing into her shoulder, screaming, "I'm a cheat, a cheat," and sobbing.

It took a long time for them to calm me down, barely, enough to say, "I slept with the wrong one. Oh god, Moira hates me! I left her like that, she hates me, she said she's hideous and wouldn't let me look at her, and then I realized I had cheated on her, and I slept with the wrong one!"

And then I was sobbing again.

I didn't register when Suzanne left the room. I clutched at Sam, who stopped trying to calm me down, she just held me while I cried.

Slowly, I grew numb. Moira hated me, she had every right, how could I have been so horrible to her? How could she want me when I was so horrible.

Slowly, Sam started asking questions.

"Did you physically hurt Moira?"

"No."

"Did she physically hurt you?"

"No."

She hugged me.

"Did she say she hated you?"

"No."

I got another hug.

"What happened?"

"We had dinner, and then we were cuddling, and she was stroking me. It felt so nice." I sniffled, and Suzanne was there with tissues. I blew my nose and dried my eyes. "I asked her to seduce me. So she told me to close my eyes and pulled me to her bedroom. She wouldn't let me look. She blindfolded me."

"Did that bother you?" Sam asked quietly.

"I don't know why she wouldn't let me look. She wouldn't let me touch, either." I looked at Sam. "She said she's hideous, but she's not. She's beautiful. Why would she say that?"

"That's for her to tell," she said. "She's not hideous. Then what happened, if you were okay with the blindfold?"

"She was touching me, and then she touched me. Um." I looked down in my lap.

"And you freaked out?"

I nodded.

"Why? You didn't freak when Gwendolyn made love to you."

"That's why!" I said, sobbing again and burying my face in her shoulder. "I made love to the wrong one! I cheated on Moira, or if I let Moira touch me, I was cheating on Gwendolyn."

"Oh, you idiot!"

It was Moira's voice. I looked up. Suzanne was closing the door. I stared at Moira.

"You must hate me," I said. "I'm so sorry."

"You stupid girl," she said, walking over to crouch down in front of me.

"I know," I said. "I'm so sorry, Moira." I turned to Suzanne. "Can you refund her money?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Moira snapped. "She will do no such thing. And you are going to listen to me."

Neither Sam nor Suzanne was moving. They were frozen while Moira crouched down in front of me, but I tried to bury my shameful face in Sam's shoulder. Moira reached out and pulled me off of Sam and made me face her, her hand firmly clenching my chin. "Look at me and listen to me, Pamela," she said firmly. "I knew."

"Knew what?"

"That you had slept with Gwendolyn. She told me."

"What?"

"This morning. She drove straight from your place to mine."

"Why?"

"Because she told you goodbye at your door."

I turned to Sam. "I told you!" I said, starting to sob again. "She needs me, but she doesn't want me. That's how bad I was."

"Oh for crying out loud," Moira said. "She came to me and told me how bad she would be for you, that she would crush your spirit, but that you might pick her because she needs help, and you think you can give it to her. She wants it so desperately, and she won't be able to be strong, but she would crush your spirit trying to fix her."

"She needs me," I said quietly.

"She needs therapy."

"You don't know what you're talking about!" I told her fiercely.

"Yes, honey, I do. She told me a story. She said she told it to you, and that you and I were the only ones she ever told. Do you know what story?"

I nodded. "She told you? All of it?"

"Yes. More than she told you. She also said she's going to get the therapy she needs. She knows it will take a long time."

Moira paused, watching me.

I looked away now, numb inside again, but she forced me back to look at her.

"I cheated on you," I said. "And then I was horrible to you."

"You were a little horrible," she said. "But now I understand why, and I can forgive that. But you're an idiot."

"I cheated," I said quietly.

She sighed. "Was I clear that I wanted you to have your last date with Gwendolyn before our last date?"

"Yes."

"And last weekend, when you were practically throwing yourself at me, did I stop you?"

"Yes."

"Do you know why?"

"No."

"Because I knew Gwendolyn would seduce you, and I knew I would be horribly jealous if you had sex with anyone after you and I
had. But you and I haven't yet. Until you stormed out of my house, everything since the auction has gone exactly how I would have wanted it to, Pamela."

I stared at her. "You don't hate me?"

"I'm a little upset with you, but I don't hate you."

Then I looked away, and she let me.

"Pamela," she said. "Did you like what we were doing?"

I turned back to her. "Yes."

"Is this confusion the only reason you left?"

"Yes."

"So if we'd had this conversation earlier, would you be in my bed right now, begging for me?"

I smiled wanly. "Yes."

She paused, took a breath. "You will never, ever, EVER leave me like that again. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Moira. I'm sorry."

"You will never flee when you should communicate. Am I understood?"

"Yes, Moira."

"Do we understand each other?"

"Why wouldn't you let me look at you?"

"Oh honey, I'm hideous."

"Stop saying that!"