BFF Breakup (15 page)

Luckily I spotted Corrine quickly, and she waved me over.

“Hey,” I said, sitting across from her and her friend. “Hey, Lily,” I said.

“Hey, Brooke,” she replied. Turns out she was the petite squeaky girl who sat next to me in Foods for Living.

“I didn't know you and Corrine were friends,” I said, which was stupid because I didn't know any of Corrine's friends.

Corrine said, “You guys have some class together, right?”

“Yeah,” I said. “The class just before lunch. Foods for Living.”

“Cool,” Corrine said, peeling pickle off her bologna sandwich. “We heard about your thing with your friend, and figured as long as you're not friends with someone like Susanna Gilman then you can't be all bad. Although we may have to discuss why you were ever friends with her in the first place.”

I was surprised by that. Just a few weeks at school and I'd already made the gossip rounds. Who knew anyone cared about who I fought with?

“I was never friends with her. My friend Madeline was. Is,” I clarified. “What do you know about Susanna Gilman?” I asked. I tried my best but I couldn't help glancing over at her and Madeline eating lunch. Susanna was laughing with Natalie as Madeline poked her straw through a juice box.

“We went to elementary with her,” Corrine said. “Let's
just say, she has every line from that
Mean Girls
movie memorized.”

“She's not that bad,” Lily said. “I think maybe she was bullied when she was younger or something.”

“Oh, sweet, Lily,” Corrine said. She looked at me then and said, “Lily can't bear to think anything bad about anyone.”

“Well, I barely know Susanna,” she said. “You, too.”

“Lily, we went to school with her for six years!” Corrine said. “I think we know her well enough.”

Lily shrugged, and poked at her salad.

We finished lunch and walked out of the cafeteria together. Corrine said, “Sit with us again if you want.”

“Yeah,” Lily said. “It was fun.”

I went to homeroom feeling better than I had since . . . well, since I started junior high. Maybe making new friends was easier than I thought. Maybe all I had to do was try.

T
HE WEEKEND WAS AMAZING. WE ALL SLEPT
at Susanna's on Friday and stayed up until five in the morning. I'd never stayed up all night before. I didn't get tired once because the whole time we were laughing and joking, and then running around the neighborhood TPing houses. We
may
have gotten Derek Sampayo's house and we
may
have even knocked on his window and run away, but I would never tell.

Julia called a radio station and asked if she could
dedicate a cheesy love song to Derek, and when the bored overnight DJ asked her name, she said Susanna Gilman and hung up the phone. It was hilarious. We never heard the dedication, but that was mainly because Susanna turned it off and insisted on Internet radio where there were no DJs involved for the rest of the night.

We slept in until 12:30 on Saturday, and then we all hung out at the mall for a couple of hours before deciding to go see a movie. We ran into Derek and one of his friends, and I almost passed out with embarrassment when they went into the same theater as us, and worse, when Derek sat next to me. I couldn't concentrate on the movie because all I could think about was Derek's every move and every breath, and if he liked me or what he thought of me. Had he sat next to me on purpose, or was he just being casual and it didn't mean anything?

After that we decided we had to call an emergency meeting at Julia's house to discuss Derek and what had happened (or didn't or almost happened) at the movies. No way could I go home. I called Dad and asked if I could stay the night at her house; he didn't care. So we basically just moved our overnight operation to Julia's and did it all again. We discussed in detail the possibilities that Derek liked me, if I should like him back, and how to deal if he didn't like me in the first place.

It wasn't until Sunday night after I'd already showered and gotten ready for bed, that I noticed Mom wasn't home.

I found Dad in the living room with the lights turned down.

“Where's Mom?” I asked.

For a moment he didn't say anything, just turned and looked at me. It made me uneasy. “She's at her place,” he said, and the weight of that struck me. I knew she was moving out, obviously, but hearing that she was gone, that she had a home that wasn't ours, made me feel like I couldn't breathe.

“So that's it?” I asked Dad. “She's gone?”

“Oh, honey. You'll see her soon. As soon as she gets settled. Her, uh, place . . . it's not fifteen minutes from here. I'm—she'll call. Don't you worry.”

His attempt at comforting me was pathetic. His words were empty and meaningless, like he was just reciting something someone told him to say to comfort his sad daughter.

When I went to bed I tried not to wonder what Mom was doing or what her new apartment looked like. I thought instead of Derek's long lashes, and what it might feel like to have a boyfriend.

* * * *

“Why are you so mopey today?” Susanna asked while I waited for her at her locker before lunch.

“I'm not mopey,” I said. That morning, I'd noticed a picture hanging in the hall near the front door. It was of Mom and Dad from when I was little. Dad is kissing Mom's neck while she laughs hysterically. I'd passed that picture so many times over the years but never really noticed it. Today I did, and I wondered how my parents could go from that to two people who couldn't stand to be in the same house together.

“Oh my god, please. You're wearing the classic long face,” Susanna said as she looked through her bag for lip gloss.

We started toward the cafeteria and I tried to remember a time when my parents hadn't fought, a time when they actually liked each other. There was a ski trip we took one year, and I remember Dad, Mom, and me riding a chairlift up while Josh snowboarded with some guys he'd met at the lodge. I sat between them, and at one point Dad leaned over me and kissed Mom's nose. I remembered how it made me smile to be squished between their love.

“There, you're doing it again,” Susanna said. “Totally mopey. You have to cut that out.”

“I'm not mopey,” I said again.

“
So
mopey,” Susanna said.

“Fine,” I said. “I'm mopey. Who cares?”

“I do,” Susanna said as we walked into the cafeteria. “It's bringing me down.”

Natalie and Julia were already at our table. Natalie instantly asked, “What's wrong, Mad?”

“See?” Susanna said, and I decided to quit trying to keep it in.

“My mom has officially moved out and it sucks, okay?”

There. I got it out. Saying it out loud made it seem more official or something, but I did it. Mom had moved out of our house. She no longer lived with us, and she never would again.

“Oh, poor Madeline,” Susanna said, rubbing my back. “Why didn't you say so?”

“I just did.”

“It's horrible, I know. You guys remember when my parents split?” she asked Natalie and Julia.

“She was a monster,” Julia told me. “She snapped at anything we said and all she would eat was Ring-Dings and corn chips.”

“Gross,” I said, managing a small laugh.

“Hey, I deserved a free pass for going through all that,” Susanna said.

“So where's my free pass?” I asked.

Susanna nodded. “Yes, you're totally right. When your parents split—”

“And your
mom
leaves the house,” Julia added.

“You get a free pass to act moody or jerky for . . . how long? A week? Two weeks?”

“That's definitely not enough time to mourn,” I said, liking how I was being distracted even though we were talking about the very thing that was upsetting me.

“That's more than enough time, especially for your friends to have to deal with you,” Susanna said.

“We'll deal as long as it takes for her to feel better,” Natalie said.

“Right,” Julia agreed.

“Oh, sure,” Susanna said. “Make me look like the jerk.”

“You
are
the jerk,” I teased.

“Ha, ha!” Natalie and Julia laughed, and then Susanna said, “That's it. You asked for it. Oh, Derek! Derek!” She waved her hand in the air toward Derek, who sat just three tables away.

“Shut up!” I said, my face instantly flushing and panic setting in.

“Oh, Derek!” Susanna called again, but by then they were all laughing so hard she could barely get a word out, and I started laughing too. I didn't realize until I got home that afternoon that I hadn't thought of anything
bad—parents or best friends of the former kind—all day. That had to be a good sign. Things were brightening up. They had to be. I thought that, from here on out, they wouldn't get any worse.

How wrong I was.

I
HAD LOST MY BEST FRIEND.

Aside from someone actually dying, I couldn't imagine anything worse happening to me. I had no one I could trust, no one to tell my secrets to—if I had any (I should really think about getting some)—no go-to person to do things with, no one to laugh hysterically with or watch animated movies with or sleep over with.

It wasn't one particular moment that I realized Madeline and I weren't friends anymore. More like
lots of little moments, and they all involved seeing her laugh so freely with Susanna and the other girls, or her making a grand effort to completely ignore me. Really, it was remarkable how she was able to act like I didn't even exist. I could stare at her all through class and she never once batted a lash in my direction.

At the end of the first full week of our not talking, Corrine invited me to go to the movies and get some food on Friday night with her and Lily. It was over greasy mall pizza after the movie that I told them some, but not all, of what happened with Madeline. I couldn't bring myself to tell them—or anyone—the things she'd said to me on the phone. Calling me a burden and telling me to get a life. I couldn't stop hearing those words in my head.

“Her friends and I just never clicked. I'm pretty sure they hated me, actually,” I said.

“They probably did,” Corrine said.

“Corrine!” Lily gasped.

“Well, I'm just saying. Those girls don't like anyone.”

“Yeah, well,” I said. “I didn't exactly like them either. They did seem to stick to themselves. Anyway, we were all talking in lunch one day and we kind of got into it. Then Madeline never stood up for me to Susanna and then she said something really mean and then . . . I guess that was it. We haven't been friends since.”

“That's really awful,” Lily said. “A best friend should always stand up for you. I'm sorry you had to go through that, Brooke.”

Her blue eyes were so wide and sincere and her words made me feel so much better. “Thanks,” I told her. Looking around the food court, I said, “I wonder if she's here.” Without meaning to, I'd been watching out for her all night. Every time I saw someone with her same color hair or same height, my heart would race. I wanted to see her but was afraid of what would happen if I did. She'd probably ignore me, but what if she said something mean to my face? What if Susanna was with her and they both said something? How would I react?

“What would do you if you saw her?” Lily asked.

I thought for a moment, picturing Madeline's face in front of mine. “I have no idea.”

“I'd give her a wedgie,” Corrine said, and we smiled. “I don't know what she said to you, but if she hangs around those OMG girls . . . oh, forget it, never mind. I don't want to say anything bad about your friend.”