Beyond Varallan (6 page)

“No”—he started coming at me again—“thank you.”

“Well, I could use a server of tea.” He knew I was stalling and knew I knew he knew. My thought patterns were beginning to degrade. Fast. “Did you know on Joren they brew some varieties of saltwater vegetation and—”

“Cherijo.” His hands touched me again. This close, I could smell him. Clean, masculine, familiar. Human. “Calm yourself.”

There wasn’t a system in my body that was functioning normally. “I'm calm.”

“I am not,” he said. I could feel his heartbeat accelerating just above my left shoulder blade.

“You, Reever?” Humor was my last resort. Panting ruined the effect, though. “You’ll ruin your reputation.”

Too late. His hands bracketed my wrists. “Link with me.”

“Are you sure about the drink?” Frantic to prolong the inevitable, I began babbling. “You haven’t tried my Terran blend. Do you like rosehips and camomile?” I felt the intimate sensation of his mind reach out to me, and closed my eyes. “Maybe some coffee—”

“Joey.” His thoughts flowed over the edge of my consciousness. “Let me in.”

I had never liked this telepathic thing. Reever somehow completely incapacitated my will as he connected my mind to his. He took me in his arms, and swept me into a waltz as Miles Davis’s trumpet played like angels crying.

He was making me dance.
You can’t waltz to jazz
, I thought.

Why not
? His voice spoke inside my head.
It is music, is it not
?

It wasn’t like I had a choice.
Okay, maybe we can
. I moved closer to the warmth of his body.
Why did you want to link with me first
?

Duncan pressed his cheek against the top of my head.
Your thoughts were turbulent. I thought it would calm you
.

I lifted my gaze.
You can read me without a link
?

His lips briefly collided with mine. Shock made me stumble. Reever boosted me over his feet with a fancy twirling motion.
Just dance with me, Cherijo
.

We danced for some time, while Reever did something to settle my thoughts. What thoughts I let him have a peek at. I had learned early on to block him from the parts of my mind I didn’t want him snooping around in. I'd only reached into his mind voluntarily once during the epidemic on K-2. I wondered if I would ever get the nerve to do it again.

The jazz recording came to an end. Duncan twirled me one last time down the length of his arm and back, until our bodies pressed together.

I want to be with you
. His hand stroked my hair.
In all ways
.

I could think of one particular way.
End the link, Duncan
.

Of course.

We stood in the center of my quarters, locked in a close embrace. For the first time I wondered how much control Reever’s mind had over mine. Had we really spent the last hour just
waltzing
!

We’d been doing something. I was perspiring freely. My respiration was rapid and shallow. He showed similar signs of arousal. His arms tightened around me. I felt his heart hammering against the swelling mound of my breast.

“Thank you.” His breath warmed my mouth. My thighs clenched against the subsequent inner throb. He broke off the airy kiss and let go of me. “I will leave—”

Leave? I grabbed him and pulled him back to me. “I don’t think so.” My fingers tangled in his light hair and brought his head down to my level. My mouth did the rest.

A Terran kiss was a curious thing. I could understand why some offworlders found it extremely disgusting. When Reever kissed me, however, revulsion wasn’t an issue. Neither was any other coherent thought. Our lips, like our bodies, matched perfectly. I wanted more. So much more.

Beneath my fingers, his hair felt silky and alive. I pushed one palm over his chest, irritated by the garments that kept our skins from touching. His kiss deepened until my throat arched. My fingernails dug into his shoulder. His arms pressed in, removing the last small spaces between us.

“Cherijo.” He wrenched his mouth from mine.

Oh, no, I thought, grabbing his head and pulling him back down. We were created for this. Male, female. The two sides of wanting. And I needed my other half. Now.

Something bizarre and ferocious instantly ignited between us. I heard fabric tearing. Felt the coolness of air on my exposed skin. Then his hands. Oh, God, his hands.

“Duncan.” I clutched at him, dizzy, desperate. “Please.”

He dragged me to my sleeping platform. Maybe I dragged him. I didn’t know. Didn't care. We got there. Now I wanted his body over mine. Needed it. More than I needed to breathe.

“Joey.” He didn’t appear indifferent anymore. He looked ravenous. Hard hands shoved me back on the mattress. He stood over me as his narrow blue gaze burned down the length of my body.

“Come here.” I held out my arms.

He moved so fast I didn’t have time to blink. Reever's weight suddenly forced me down, down into the slowly adjusting mattress. His hands were on my breasts, then his mouth. The rigid length of his confined erection pressed between my thighs. Yes, yes, that was what I needed. What I wanted more than anything. The way he felt, moving against me. He reached, pulled my face up to his. Sounds spilled from my throat, hummed against his mouth.

“Cherijo.”

I shook my head, caressing him with my lips. “Don’t… don't say anything.” I didn't need a cargo hold of words now. I was more than willing.

His head lifted. His long frame went rigid.

“What?” I was breathless, still moving under him. “What is it?”

Now he shook his head, as if to clear it. “No, Cherijo.”

I couldn’t have heard that right. “No what?”

His hands hurt me. “No more mindless seductions.”

Mindless? Seductions? My overloaded nerve cells made it hard to put the words together. They made no sense.

Then they did. He was referring to the only time we’d had sex. When the Core (by rendering him mindless) had forced him to take me. To rape me, however reluctantly. My lungs expelled a ragged breath. Reever was comparing this to
that
!

“Have you lost your mind?”

“Is this all you want? To have intercourse with me?” His voice was absolutely frozen. So were his eyes. I must have hallucinated all that heat before. Maybe he’d spiked my chicken noodle soup when I wasn't looking.

Wanton desire became cold-blooded fury. “Right now? Of course not, Reever. I thought we could discuss the League negotiations in the Tuyhui Quadrant. What the hell do you think?”

“What sort of stimulant did you program into the prep unit?”

I stared at him, aghast. He thought I’d spiked
his
soup. “None!”

“Then you merely want to have sex?”

Ah, I got it.
He
needed a bunch of words. “Yeah, I do.”

“Do you expect to find satisfaction in this?”

“Do you expect to be breathing in another five minutes?” I struggled. “Get off me!”

He kept me pinned beneath him. “Why me, Cherijo?”

“Good question!”

“Why not one of the Torins?”

“Take your damn hands off me.” When his grip loosened, I shoved him away and rolled off the mattress. “God, Reever, you know how to choose your moments.”

I stalked over the viewport and stared at the stars. I was trembling. Duncan Reever had me trembling.

“Why don’t we do this another time?” Never again. Ever. I'd commit suicide first. No, I'd kill him,
then
I’d commit suicide.

“What is wrong with you?” he said. “You are never like this.”

“How would you know?” I got snide. “The only time you had sex with me, an alien life-form had to take over your
brain
first!”

“I could do this.” He sounded cruel; another first. “I could touch you, take what you offer. I could use your body, Cherijo, until you couldn’t move from that bed from exhaustion.”

I glanced over my shoulder. Saw behind the mask of his face. All that passion simmering. Waiting. He denied me that.

I jerked my head back toward the viewport. Made my voice as nasty as his. “Promises, promises.”

“Cherijo. Look at me.” When I didn’t, he came up behind me and spun me around. “I could do all those things, but that is not why I came here.”

“Oh, really? Funny, I thought that was the whole idea. Why
are
you here?”

He only shook his head. “I won’t be used as a substitute.”

“As a substitute for
what
?” I pushed him away from me, and flung my hand toward the sleeping platform, “Do you see anyone there, Reever?
No
. Heard of me sleeping with anyone else? For your information,
I’m not
.“

“The Jorenian males remind you too much of Kao Torin.”

“Oh, for God’s sake!” I pushed a handful of loose hair back. “Jorenians bond for life, remember? No wedding, no sex. I get involved with someone, next thing you know, I'll be picking out names for our kids!”

“A Torin would expect you to bond with him.”

Was he deaf? “Yes. Yes!”

“So to avoid commitment, you chose to take me as a lover instead.”

That wasn’t the case at all. So why did my jaw drop open?
Had
I chosen Reever because I’d feel no obligation? Because he was human, not Jorenian? No. He was twisting my emotions to suit his perceptions. Obviously this was the wrong approach. Maybe reason would work better than screeching.

“Look, Reever, we’re adults. We can make this work—”

“Based on what?” Reever folded his arms. “You have no feelings for me.”

I could have lied, but I didn’t. “I—care about you.”

“You don’t
know
me.” He walked to the door panel, then paused. “Notify me when you are interested in more than my physical convenience.”

It was a great exit line. Out he went.

I was unexpectedly, absolutely enraged. An empty server flew at the door panel, but it had already closed. I picked up another server and tossed it anyway. The crashing sounds they made were music to my ears.

I wanted to tear something apart. I wanted to hammer something into dust. I wanted to—

Sit down and figure out why the hell I had completely lost it.

I reached for my scanner, sat on the edge of my sleeping platform, and ran an initial series on myself. My heart, pulse, and respiratory levels registered well over normal range. I was angry; it could be due to the sympathoadrenal response.

Or maybe I
had
been drugged.

The prudent thing to do would be to go down to Medical and run a blood series on myself. Only the Omorr would immediately stick his nose in what I was doing and want to know why. No, forget that. I’d run the series when he went off shift.

Why would anyone want to drug me, anyway? The Jorenians had adopted me, welcomed me, practically smothered me in friendship.

I fell back on the mattress and thought about Reever. This had to be another of his telepathic manipulations. Only he didn’t want me without the words. Why hadn't he just
made
me say them?

Eventually I calmed down. Memorized the swirly patterns on the upper deck. Closed my eyes.

I floated in a sea of warm, black fluid. An intricate web held my body suspended. I liked it here. It was warm and safe. Much better than how Reever had left me.

Unexpected light pierced that eternal night. I closed my eyes against it. Pain shimmered through my curled limbs as one of the strands pulsated, and something entered my body. I felt myself changing, emerging from the safety of the darkness. My mind formed its very first conscious thought.

This is wrong.

As if in response to my thoughts, more strands flexed, and agonizing jolts bombarded my small bones.

Small. I was so small. Helpless. The pain I felt, it was shaping me. I would fight it. Defeat it.

Another chamber. Here the dim glow to the air was soft gold. I was myself again, and breathed in relief. What a nightmare.

What was that?

I wasn’t alone. I couldn't see the presence in the dream with me, but I knew it was there. The nightmare hadn't ended, but had somehow… shifted.

“Here. I am here.”

The low voice whispered, offering comfort to me. I inched toward the sound. Was it Reever, come to taunt me here as well as on the other side? Let him try to link with me. I’d knock a hole through that enigmatic brain of his.

“I can help you.”

The sound of that voice was determined. Dangerous.

The words swirled around me as it chanted my name, over and over. I should have been lulled into acquiescence. The first nightmare was too fresh, though, so I remained on guard.

Hands reached out, touched me
—

I jerked out of sleep with a shriek. Sweat made dark patches all over my undershirt. Dread curled in my stomach. Throwing up had enormous appeal at that moment. I rubbed my eyes and breathed deeply. Reever had to stop doing this to me.

No. It wasn’t Reever. I remembered now.

The hands in my dream had been six-fingered.

CHAPTER THREE
HouseClan Call

«
^
»

I
threw myself into my work after the confrontation with Reever. Even ran a series of blood tests the following morning, but nothing unusual showed up. Which proved nothing except that I hadn’t been drugged with any identifiable chemical substance.

Reever avoided me. Whenever I saw him, I merely turned and walked into an available gyrlift. We were being very civilized. It was a big ship. Both of us had plenty of responsibilities in our respective positions. We could do this all the way to Joren.