Beyond the Pale: A Thin Veil Novella (The Thin Veil Book 3) (3 page)

He frowned and nodded slowly, but then dinner was announced and they proceeded to their places at the table. Many of the other Elders were in attendance, and the food and wine were sublime, but Kier hardly tasted anything. She listened in silence as plans for the wedding and the Departing ceremony were discussed and the Elders fondly reminisced about the Four Cities and their eagerness to return there.

Brogan tried to catch her eye several times over the course of the evening, but she didn’t return his gaze. Lorcan’s words were ringing in her ears:
Why didn’t you?
Could she? Could she reject the king and choose Lorcan instead? Part of her wanted to be reckless, to follow her heart. But two hundred years of training had drilled into her that her first responsibility was to her family. None of her noble ancestors had been chosen as High King. For her to be queen would bring everyone in her lineage great honor.

It’s the right thing to do
, she told herself. Besides, she had only been with Lorcan for a short time. Perhaps she could find the same happiness with Brogan if she tried. She lifted her eyes from her plate and saw that Brogan was still watching her, his gaze thoughtful. She managed a small smile this time, which he returned. But the memory of Lorcan’s devastated face flashed through her mind, and the look in his eyes drove her gaze to her plate once more.

* * *

Kier spent the next two days fielding visits from dressmakers, musicians, cooks, and winemakers. The royal family was taking care of all of the preparations for the ceremony, but each contributor wanted Kier’s blessing. She gave it robotically, without paying much attention to what they were proposing. This was her parents’ wedding, after all, not hers. Between these visits, Kier’s mother drilled her on what would be expected of her as queen. From what Kier could tell, it would mostly involve hosting a lot of parties and making every family in Tír na nÓg feel more important than they were. On the second day she was given a tour of the royal chambers in the Hall, which would soon be her home. As the queen-to-be, she had been assigned protection from the Royal Guard: two uniformed warriors who followed her everywhere.

She didn’t see her husband-to-be until the night before the wedding. She should have been sleeping, but her tangled emotions had drawn her out into the warm night air, where she sat beneath the swaying branches of the willow tree outside their home. It was a beautiful refuge, but a solemn one too. Each time a soft breeze shook the branches, a sound like the chimes of a hundred tiny bells filled the air. She waved her arms, and the tree parted its branches so that she could look up at the stars. Is this what the stars had foretold? That she should marry a man she didn’t love? How could that be? Perhaps there some greater destiny of which she was not aware. Or perhaps her life had no meaning at all.

She was startled out of her reverie by the sound of someone approaching.
Lorcan
, she thought, her voice catching in her throat. She had tried to visit him again, to beg his forgiveness, but his door had remained closed to her.

But it wasn’t Lorcan who stood before her in the moonlight. It was Brogan.

“Can’t sleep either?” he asked, sitting down next to her and leaning against the willow’s trunk.

“Your Majesty!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing here? I mean…” She looked around for his guards and saw none. Her own had left her to her parents’ care for the night.

“They’re easy enough to give the slip if you really want to,” he said with a wink, that seductive dimple appearing in his chin. “I wanted to talk to you before the wedding…and without a hundred servants and attendants around. I had a feeling you might still be awake.”

“Is everything all right, Your Majesty?” she asked politely.

“Kier, please, call me Brogan. We are about to be husband and wife.”

Kier felt herself blushing at the thought, but she nodded. “Brogan.”

“That’s better,” he said. “I know something has been bothering you. Is it…our coming marriage? Your parents told me you were pleased with their choice. But I have the feeling they may not have represented your true feelings. You seemed unhappy at dinner the other night.”

She tried to find his eyes in the darkness. Could she admit to him that her life had been going in one direction before being yanked in another?

“Are you concerned about the Departing? Do you fear you will miss your parents?” he asked.

“I will miss them, I’m sure,” she said. She paused before continuing. “And I will miss…others.”

“Ah,” he said slowly. He ran a hand through his dark curls, suddenly looking not quite so self-assured as usual. “Of course.”

“You do me great honor by choosing me.”

Brogan let out a huff. “Oh, Kier, enough of this standing on ceremony. You are beautiful and kind and clever, and I
want
to marry you—not just because your parents arranged it with my grandfather. I believe we are well matched, and that our marriage will be a happy one. But…” He looked at her carefully before continuing. “That does not mean we must completely abandon our old lives. There is no reason why the things that have made us happy in the past cannot continue to do so once we are wed.”

Kier felt her mouth open slightly. Was he saying…? Or was it just wishful thinking on her part? For the first time she registered the fact that this was an arranged marriage for him too. Did he also love someone else? She wasn’t sure how to respond, so she just nodded her head. “Thank you, Your—I mean, Brogan.”

“I hope we will be together for a long time,” he said, “and I am confident that once we get to know each other, we will be very happy indeed.” He glanced around, and then looked back at her with a grin on his face. “I know we are supposed to wait until the wedding, but…may I kiss you?”

Kier’s thoughts were still tangled up in his cryptic words, so she was taken off-guard by his request. As he leaned in toward her, her heart sped up and her breath quickened. “Um…yes, I suppose,” she stuttered, kicking herself for being so graceless.

His lips were soft and hungry, but he did not linger. Once they broke apart, he stood, still grinning. Then he bowed to her. “I know you have mixed feelings about tomorrow, Kier. Just remember—it’s my job to take care of you now. If you need anything at all, I will be there for you.”

She watched him disappear into the dark, and raised her fingers to her lips. What a kiss… Then she thought of Lorcan, and guilt stabbed into her like a knife.

Quietly, she got to her feet and crept through the darkness toward Lorcan’s home. If he refused again to see her, that would be her answer. She stepped inside the stones and, to her surprise, started to spin.

He was waiting for her in his living room, and her heart sank when she saw the hope in his eyes. Was she just wounding him more? “Have you changed your mind?” he asked breathlessly.

“No,” she whispered, looking imploringly into his eyes. “But I believe there is a way we can be together.” She told him of Brogan’s strange words. “I think he was telling me that we can still be with the people we love…as long as we are discreet.”

She was unable to read the expression on his face, but it was not one of joy. “Do you know me so little?” he said. “You think I want to be your occasional lover, whenever you grow tired of the king’s attentions?”

“No, I just thought…it was better than nothing,” she said, her words sounding foolish to her own ears.

“You thought I would want to share the woman I love with another man? To be the thankful recipient of his leftovers?” He grabbed her face in his hands and gave her a piercing stare. “Do you love me at all, Kier? Or was I just an entertaining diversion for you?”

“Of course I love you!” Kier cried. “That hasn’t changed. I must marry Brogan, but I don’t want to lose you.”

“Then you have made your choice!” he snarled, letting go of her face so fast her head snapped back. “You have no idea what it means to love someone. You think I am just a toy to be brought to the Hall with you, like another one of your trinkets. You act like this is all being forced upon you, but you are the one who’s getting married tomorrow.” Then his voice softened. “I can give you a good life, Kier. Greater than you could imagine. Let
me
make you happy. Not him.”

Kier had never before felt so wretched. She had thought her news would gladden him, but she knew now how wrong she had been. He was right. He had loved her before she had ever noticed him. And as soon as she had started to love him back, she had been taken from him…or had left. He was too proud, and loved her too much, to settle for anything less than all of her. He would not share her with anyone, not even the king.

“I’m sorry,” she said, not knowing what else to say.

“You will be,” he answered.

* * *

The next day, she was staring at her gold-spun gossamer wedding gown in a looking glass when her parents entered the room.

“You look radiant,” her mother said, and even her father looked proud. He cleared his throat.

“The Departing will take place immediately after the binding ceremony,” he said. “So we will say our goodbyes now.”

Kier nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She clasped hands with both of them and kissed them on both cheeks. “May the Four Cities welcome you, and may they be as beautiful as you remember,” she said.

“May your life be long and blessed, Queen Kier,” her mother replied.

“You will bring our family great honor,” her father said. “Now, come. It is time.”

The wedding was simpler than she had expected. They stood on the dais of the courtyard of the Hall, where all public assemblies of note were held. The courtyard was crowded with the noblest of their people, but Kier’s back was to them. It was better this way, she knew. If Lorcan had somehow joined the assembly and was watching her marry another man, she did not know if her resolve would hold. She was grateful that his name had not even been considered for an invitation.

The Dagda, who had been the first High King of the Tuatha Dé Danann, bound their hands together with the soft young branches of an enchanted tree. Each of the Elders said words of blessing over them. And then it was over, and she was the queen of Tír na nÓg.

And she felt more powerless than ever.

Several months later, Kier was alone in the large chamber she shared with Brogan. She was sitting at the marble dresser in the corner of the room, brushing out her long hair. The light from a nearby window warmed her face, but she did not smile at her reflection. Brogan was on Ériu—again. She didn’t know what he did there, but she had her suspicions. She remembered his words clearly.
There is no reason why the things that have made us happy in the past cannot continue to do so once we are wed.
Apparently the thing—or person—that had made him happy in the past was living on Ériu. There was a feeling of discomfort in her chest, but it wasn’t jealously—though she had grown fond of Brogan, she could hardly say she was in love with him. Theirs was a marriage of companionship and shared ideals—both were motivated by the desire to see their people and kingdom prosper. They enjoyed each other’s company, laughed at the same jokes, and enjoyed the same tales. The sex was as good as it could be between two people who lacked a strong emotional connection. Perhaps someday their relationship would deepen into something else; she didn’t know. Could two people who had not chosen each other ever truly fall in love? So she wasn’t sure why she felt this way whenever he disappeared through a secret sidh to Ériu, sometimes for only one night, sometimes for days at a time. She often thought of Lorcan, but he had made his position very clear, and she did not attempt to contact him.

Be strong
, she told herself, straightening her chin and regarding herself in the mirror.
You’re the queen, do not mope about these men in your life.
As though to prove the point, she picked a delicate silver tiara off her dressing table and placed it on her head. The strands of silver wove together around her head, joining in a point that dipped down onto her forehead.
There. You look the part
, she said to herself.
Now act it.
She lifted her hands so that her palms were open in front of her, and allowed two small pillars of fire to rise from them. She had always found strength in her ability to create and control fire, though her parents had repeatedly cautioned her to use her talent only when needed.

“The crown suits you,” came a voice from beside her. Her flames shot up into the air and she opened her mouth to scream, but a leather-clad hand deftly wrapped around her mouth, keeping her silent. She recognized the glove and the scent that suddenly assaulted her senses. She extinguished the flames immediately.

“Lorcan,” she gasped, twisting out of his grasp. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you, of course,” he said, stepping back to take in the royal chambers. “It’s been far too long.”

“But how did you get in? How did you get past the guards?” She hadn’t heard any sign of a struggle.

“I’ve learned a few tricks,” he said. “Tell me, is our High King slumming it with mortals again?”

She stiffened at his words, but didn’t offer him an answer. Lorcan wasn’t waiting for one. In a second he was beside her, down on one knee. He grabbed her hands and pressed his lips to them. “
I
would never leave you alone like this, Kier.”

Her hands tingled where he had kissed them, and she longed to reach out and run them through his soft blond hair. Her heart was beating so hard she feared she might choke on it. Had he finally forgiven her? She pulled her hands out of his grasp and stood up. “Lorcan, what
are
you doing here? If they find you…”

“Shhhh,” he said, putting his index finger to her lips. “You are worth the risk, Kier. I’ve waited long enough.” He cupped his hand behind her head and kissed her, his lips pressing into hers with a desperation that forestalled her initial protest. As she reveled in the familiar sensation, she realized what it was she had been feeling before: loneliness. Her life with Brogan was content enough, but she was ever so lonely, especially when he was in Ériu, with his human mistress or whomever he went to see. Lorcan’s kiss was breathing new life into her, so she returned it with a passion she hadn’t felt in months.