Beyond the Horizon (The Sons of Templar MC Book 4) (9 page)

Asher nodded tightly.

Brock stared at him a second more, satisfied he clapped his shoulder and moved back.

Asher watched the whole thing woodenly. Some part of him found it fuckin’ insane that no one here, apart from the Sons, were wearing black. All of them were decked out in crazy colorful shit. Hippy shit. They were obviously Lily’s people. Surprised the shit out of him. Lily did not seem like she came from a free love household. Girl was as timid as a mouse, with everyone but him anyway. She wore fancy shit. Understated, as if she was trying not to draw attention to herself, but when you’re that beautiful, you’d have to don a fuckin’ sack to go unnoticed.

His entire body turned to stone when Lily got up, in front of the entire fuckin’ crowd and spoke in her soft and throaty voice, speaking beautiful words about a woman who was obviously her world. She spoke like someone who didn’t battle with crippling shyness, who wasn’t wrestling with the demon of death.

His heart swelled with pride, admiration, and need. He couldn’t go without her anymore. Couldn’t let her go through this shit alone. During her speech he had realized the reason for those dead eyes, that dismissal years ago. The reason why she’d quit the store, near dropped off the face of the earth—her mom. And he knew Gwen and the women had been oblivious to the fact her mom was even sick. He knew Lily would have some fucked up reason for that shit. Not telling people, not looking for help or support.

His gaze narrowed at the man who yanked her into his embrace when she finished.

First, he needed to eliminate that fuck.

We arrived back at the cemetery that was illuminated by the rising sun. The place where my mom was buried. The thought chilled me. But the morning sun shining on the place where she rested filled me with some warmth, even with the crispness of the morning air. She was surrounded by beauty. I was the one who had to live with the ugliness death left behind. Asher stood with me as I regarded the scene silently. He didn’t seem to find it uncomfortable, he didn’t press to speak. Just stood there silent and sentinel, watching me, giving me strength. I forgot about that. The comfortable silence I’d enjoyed with him. I had gone over the words I hadn’t realized how the silence was just as important. It was only someone special you could be silent with. Once in a lifetime special.

“I’m going home now,” I croaked, motioning to my car.

He nodded. “I’ll follow you, babe,” he declared as if it was some kind of foregone conclusion. As if my protests before were inconsequential.

I turned to fully face him. “No, you won’t,” I told him firmly.

He frowned at me, pushing off his bike, which he was leaning on. Leaning well I might add. He stood in front of me, not touching me, thankfully.

“I thought we’d discussed this,” he said quietly.

I glared up at him. “We hadn’t discussed,” I snapped. “You did the whole ‘I’m hot and alpha and my word is law’ thing and expected me to obey. I don’t obey,” I informed him. Some strength, some backbone had emerged from God knows where. Maybe I had changed with the darkness that entered my soul. There was no reason to be timid and shy when I’d already realized my worst fears and lived them.

Asher’s face turned dark. “You obey when I tell that tight little pussy to clench around my dick,” he replied roughly.

I jolted. Both with shock and arousal. “We’re in a cemetery, you can’t say things like that,” I chastised him, feeling redness creeping up my cheeks.

He grinned. “Babe, there’s no one living here to hear us,” he teased.

I flinched at his words and he immediately saw his mistake.

His hands grasped my hips. “Fuck, sorry, flower,” he muttered softly.

I blinked away my tears, gazing at him through my lashes. “I need you to give me space. Time,” I whispered.

Asher frowned, stroking my cheek. “That’s what I’ve been doing for three years, babe. Gotta say, I’m not fond of givin’ you more,” he grumbled.

I opened my mouth to argue, but his finger on my lips silenced me.

“Said I wasn’t fond of it, not that I wasn’t gonna give it to you,” he continued.

I let out a breath of relief. As much as every fiber of my being wanted him, I knew I couldn’t handle the complications. I needed to sort myself out. Figure out how to pick myself back up, rearrange my life around the gaping hole that was left in it.

“One condition. The boyfriend is out on his ass,” he growled.

I sighed. “You don’t get to dictate that,” I told him quietly. I didn’t have the energy to snap anymore. As quickly as the fire started, it burned out, leaving only the ashes of me left.

He opened his mouth, his jaw hard.

This time I was the one to silence him. “I’m going to be breaking up with
Aiden
,” I enunciated his name, “because it’s not fair to him. Because I don’t need nor want a boyfriend right now,” I said firmly, hoping my point came across.

His eyes softened slightly. “Good thing I don’t wanna be your boyfriend,” he stated flatly. “What I am is your man.”

He kissed me firmly, silencing whatever weak protest that would’ve come from my mouth. I sank into his body as his arms went around me and his lips worked their magic.

When he released me, my brain was free of the troubles that been plaguing it.

He brushed my hair out of my face. “I’m givin’ you time ‘cause you need it, babe. Don’t need too much of it, though, okay? We’ve got three years to make up for,” he said softly against my mouth.

I didn’t respond. I was still recovering from the kiss.

He smiled slightly. “You need anything, I’ll be there. In a second, just a phone call away. Don’t hesitate,” he ordered.

He waited for my nod and when he got it, he kissed my head softly.

“Get in the car, babe,” he ordered.

“Okay,” I murmured and turned to walk toward my car. Halfway there, I turned back. Asher was still in the same spot. “Thanks, I needed ... you,” I told him, my stomach dropping at the declaration, and the truth behind it. I hadn’t let myself think about it during my grief, but I had been craving him, yearning for him to be my port in the storm. It was that yearning that stopped me from even entertaining the idea of calling him. Needing someone that much, meant heartbreaking agony when they were taken away. That’s what scared me about this. No, terrified me.

His frame tightened and his eyes blazed at my words. “I’ll always be here when you need me, Lily,” he uttered. “And I’ll always need you, too,” he said in a much quieter voice.

I gave him one last look, then climbed into my clunky car and drove off. I looked in my rear vision mirror. Asher stood watching my car until I turned out of sight.

The troubles he erased with his kiss came hurtling back, as soon as my eyes lost sight of him.

“Lily,” a frantic voice exclaimed as the front door slammed behind me.

Aiden rushed to me and grabbed my shoulders, a too little tightly.

“Where have you been?” he demanded. “I woke up to you gone, your phone still here, no note. You scared the hell out of me, Lil,” he declared.

“I told him, you were unlikely to be tied in a basement somewhere considering your car was gone,” Bex added from the kitchen, clutching a coffee and looking bleary eyed. “Most likely you just needed some
alone
time, since you haven’t had that in a while,” she emphasized the word “
alone”
staring at Aiden’s back—no, glaring.

She directed a softer look at me. A look of understanding. She knew me. Knew I needed my own space to process, and to sort my head. I didn’t do well with people living in my pocket. I liked my own company. Needed it. She’d been living with me for three and half years. She got it. Most people, like Aiden, didn’t get it.

Aiden ignored Bex.

“Where were you?” he demanded, rather sharply.

I squirmed in his grip. “Aids, you’re hurting me,” I told him quietly.

He looked down at his hands as if he was surprised they were there. He immediately released me and I rubbed my shoulders absently.

“Sorry,” he said quickly, frowning at his hands. “I was just worried. You disappearing, going through what you’re going through. I didn’t want you to be alone,” he added.

I inwardly cringed. I wasn’t alone. I was with the man who’d haunted my dreams for the past three years. I’d let him fuck me on his bike. Correction, I had done the “
fucking.”
Guilt washed through me, turning my stomach.

“Coffee,” Bex declared from beside me, handing me a cup.

I took it gratefully. She gave me a knowing look. Like she knew exactly what I was doing.

“I’ll be in my room, sleeping until a normal hour, now that we don’t have to call in
Liam Neeson
to retrieve Lily from a hostage situation,” she declared drily.

She moved in to kiss my cheek. “Here if you need me, Lils babe,” she said quietly in my ear, her eyes darting to Aiden in disdain.

I gave her a smile. “Love you,” I whispered, needing her to know how much her quiet support and even her snarky remarks helped.

“Ditto,” she winked, scowled at Aiden then walked to her room.

“Want to tell me where you went?” he asked softly.

I paused. “Let’s sit down,” I stalled, pointing to our floral sofa. It had a giant hole in the arm, which was covered by a printed pashmina. Apart from that, it was actually awesome. Covered in sequined cushions and fluffy throws. The perfect space to break up with someone. Not.

Once we were situated, with Aiden holding my hand, I spoke, “I went for a drive, just needed some time to think,” I started in a small voice. I wasn’t lying, only omitting the truth. “On my drive I realized that I need to have some space right now. Need to get my life back together.” The thought of doing that without my mom made me taste bile, but I focused on the task at hand. “I can’t do that to you. Can’t give you what you want the way I am now,” I whispered.

Aiden’s face was soft, he stroked my cheek. “It’s not about you giving me anything. I’m here to give you whatever
you
need, Lily. I’m here for the long run. I care about you, a lot.”

“You’re such a nice guy,” I whispered. “But I wasn’t in the right frame of mind when this started. I needed someone for comfort. It isn’t fair to you. We’re better as friends,” I informed him firmly.

Aiden sat back, his face blank. “You’re not budging on this,” he stated his eyes hard.

I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”

He nodded. “Yeah,” he muttered.

Silence descended. Unlike with Asher, it wasn’t comfortable. I fiddled with my fingers, my anxiety rearing its head. I didn’t do well in situations like this. Nervousness crawled all over me like hives.

“I guess I knew it,” Aiden said finally. “Knew you didn’t feel the same as I did for you. You’re so reserved. I never know what you’re thinking. It just makes you that much more intriguing. I wanted to be the man that opened you up, got inside that shell,” he sighed, “but I’m not that man, am I?” It wasn’t really a question, he was resigned to the fact.

I shook my head slowly.

He nodded again and leaned forward kissing my head softly. “This is not what I want, I’m just clarifying that now,” he told me quietly. “You change your mind, I’m here. But if not, I’m still your friend, okay?”

Such a nice guy.

I nodded and smiled. “You’ll find her. The one that’s right for you. It’s just not me,” I told him firmly.

He gave me a sad smile. “We’ll agree to disagree there.”

He stood. I stood with him, awkwardly walking to the door.

“You’ll call if there’s anything you need?” he asked firmly.

“Yeah,” I whispered, knowing I wouldn’t, not for a while anyway.

What I needed was my mom back. He couldn’t give me that. What I needed was solitude. That he could give me.

He gave me a sad look.

I sank against the back of the door when he was gone, letting out a breath of relief.

“Thank fuck for that, thought I’d have to flea bomb the place to get him out,” Bex exclaimed.

I glanced over at her. She was leaning against her door jamb and eating straight from a tub of peanut butter.

My eyes widened at her. “You were eavesdropping?”

She rose her brows. “Um … of course,” she replied as if I was crazy for even asking her this.

I screwed my nose up at the container in her hands. “Please don’t tell me that’s your breakfast.”

She shrugged. “Good protein,” she mumbled.

I shook my head, making my way to the kitchen to make us breakfast. I wasn’t hungry, I hadn’t been for weeks, but it gave me something to do. Idle hands were the Devil’s instruments. And with the Devil came the demons.