Beyond Shame (7 page)

The whole room could see her. Jasper's bulk might block some people's field of vision, but others would see everything. Her bare ass. Her—her
pussy
. Just thinking the word felt wrong, even with one man's cock under her tongue and another man pushing her panties down her legs.

Her cheeks burned, but the rest of her burned so much hotter that she prayed Jasper would touch her and put her out of her aching, frustrated misery.

He eased her legs apart, as far as they would go with the restraint of ruffled lace still around her knees. His touch strayed close, so close, to her throbbing clit...and vanished.

Then his palm descended on her ass with the sharp, stinging crack of flesh on flesh.

She couldn't stop herself from squealing. The cry escaped her lips, and she tried to throw her head back, but Dallas's hand tightened, holding her in place as she panted and squirmed.

Jasper's handprint was burned into her skin, but somewhere inside her the sharp pain had twisted.
She
was twisted, a dirty, wicked girl who wanted this crude mistreatment, who craved it.

Maybe if he spanked her enough, he'd purge all the shame from her heart.

Dallas tugged at her hair, forcing her to look at him. His lazy gaze drifted over her features, and his lips twitched up in a smile. "Ah, Lexie my love. Your kitten's a bad girl. You'll have to make sure she doesn't get distracted from my cock."

"Dirty old man," she muttered, sliding her fingers into Noelle's hair. "Take him in your mouth, honey, and trust me. Yes?"

"Yes," she whispered, savoring Lex's touch. Different than the men's. Softer but more direct, as if she knew just what it took to blur pleasure into pain.

She probably did. She probably knew everything, all that Noelle wanted so badly to learn. So she parted her lips and let Lex guide her head down until Dallas's cock pushed into her mouth, hard and hot and deliciously demanding.

It was a good thing Lex was showing her what to do, because most of Noelle's attention was focused on Jasper, on waiting for him to touch her again.
Please, please spank me...

But it was Lex's hand that drifted down her back and over her ass, her nails lightly scratching the reddened handprint Jasper had left behind. It sparked a squirming sort of pleasure, different from the fleeting pain of the slap.

Then she slipped her hand lower, over Noelle's swollen, wet pussy lips, and immediately pressed deeper. Searching.

Noelle moaned. Whimpered. Her hips shifted on their own, rocking desperately, and it was Dallas who groaned as his cock seemed to jump in her mouth. "Goddamn it, Lex," he growled. "I said keep her from getting distracted, not get her off."

"Oops." Lex moved her fingers, but only to spread Noelle's aching flesh wide. Opening her.

And then she whispered something that sounded like Jasper's name—a mere second before a beard grazed Noelle's upper thigh. A second before his tongue, warm and rough, rasped over her clit.

Her thighs trembled as he licked her, the sensation so sinful she couldn't concentrate on what she was supposed to be doing with her mouth. Every pulse in her body had centered on that one point, and she realized hazily that there must be more to pleasure than she'd ever known because this was what she'd always thought an orgasm felt like, but clearly,
clearly
there was more. Her body knew it. Strained for it.

Dallas hissed and jerked her head up with the hand still threaded through her hair. "Watch the teeth."

"Sorry, s-sorry—" How could the mortification make her hotter? "Let me try again, I won't—"

"Shh. Tell us the truth—have you ever come before?"

Were her cheeks as red as they felt? "I think so. Maybe."

Lex nuzzled the spot under her ear. "
Maybe
means no, honey. Definitely not."

Dallas reached down to rub his thumb over Lex's lower lip before doing the same to Noelle's. "You're gonna miss a hell of a show down there, Jas. Don't you want to see how big these eyes can get?"

Jasper locked his hands around her hips and lifted her off her knees. The world spun, and when she landed it was on her back, on the floor at Dallas's feet.

Only Jasper didn't slide down between her thighs again. Instead, he loomed over her, his gaze boring into hers. "I already know how big her eyes get."

He blocked out everything, became her entire world. Noelle raised a shaking hand to his shoulder, barely daring to touch him as she drowned in the darkness of his eyes. "Please. Show me what it feels like. I'm dying."

"Not dying. Waking up." He kissed her, warm and firm, his beard brushing her chin and his tongue on her lips. She wanted to press them tight together so he'd lick them forever, but at her first gasp he was there, edging into her mouth, and she opened for him with a small sound that took all the air she had.

Her dress was rucked up beyond her waist, and the back of his hand grazed her stomach as he glided his tongue over hers.

More. She tried to say it, but it came out muffled against his mouth, a hungry noise that would have to be enough. No one had stopped her from touching him, so she slid her fingers down his arm until she encountered skin and edged one fingertip under his sleeve.

His muscles tensed, turning to steel under her touch, but his hand was gentle between her thighs as he explored, tracing the shape of her pussy, fold by fold, before delving deeper.

If her panties hadn't been tangled around her knees, she would have spread her legs like a true harlot, anything to encourage him. She needed it so hard she spoke, whispering her plea against his lips. "I'm so empty I ache."

He caught her lower lip between his teeth, caressing it with the tip of his tongue as he pushed one finger inside her, stretching untried muscles. Then he lifted his head with a groan. "Not empty anymore. Tight as fuck though, sweetheart."

Overwhelmed, she dropped her hands to her sides, whimpering as her fingertips scraped across the smooth wooden stage. Nothing to cling to, nothing to anchor her as he stroked over places that shouldn't feel this good, this
much
.

This had to be it. "I think I'm coming."

"Getting there." He moved his finger, twisting his hand so he could rub circles over her clit with his thumb too, and that was too much. Her back formed an arch as his touch sparked electricity, so sudden and wild she cried out and tried to pull away.

Soft hands, Lex's hands, gripped her wrists and stretched her arms over her head, holding her in place. Jasper rocked his whole body, thrusting his finger deeper—and grinding his denim-clad erection against her thigh.

Noelle's pulse expanded until her entire body was beating. A shudder welled up, shaking her as she clenched around Jasper's clever, wicked finger, and then she understood what Lex's words meant because all of that pleasure was a prelude to this. This moment where she screamed her relief because all the needing turned to hot, slick bliss.

Chapter Five

Noelle spent so much of the night drifting in and out of dreams where Jasper smoothed his hands over her skin and rasped dirty words against her cheek that at first she thought the familiar rumble of his voice was just another dream.

Lex's irritated reply wasn't.

Noelle jerked upright, clutching the sheet to her chest as Lex continued grumbling. "I'm going to take her myself. Later, when normal people are awake and moving. So fuck off, Jas."

He shook his head, ignoring the fact that Lex was yelling at him
and
stark naked. "No ink yet. Dallas says she goes with me or not at all."

"Do you mean shopping?" Noelle sounded breathless, but maybe they'd attribute it to sleepiness and not the way her heart leapt into her throat at the sight of Jasper's stern face.

"The market," he confirmed. "Meet you out front?"

A whole morning with him. "I'll be right down."

Lex shut the door and wrapped an arm around her bedpost as she watched Noelle scramble off the sofa bed. "No, that's okay," she said wryly. "I can make other plans."

Noelle froze, teetering on her toes. "I'm sorry. I just thought—if you want me to go with you, or if you want to come with us..."

"With you and Jas?" Lex laughed. "I think I'd rather eat glass than watch you two make googly eyes at each other, especially after last night."

Noelle's cheeks heated again, but she hurried toward the closet. "Last night was...interesting." What a confusing understatement.

"Yeah. If you're planning to talk to him about it, you might want to sound more enthused."

"No, it was amazing. It
was
." She wiggled into her borrowed pants and hesitated. "It's just that everything was so good, and then he stopped."

Lex arched an eyebrow. "You didn't expect him to fuck you the first time, did you? And at one of Dallas's parties?"

No one else had hesitated. Every surface at Dallas's party had been covered by naked bodies writhing together in pairs and trios and some tangles with too many limbs to easily count.

"I didn't know what to expect," she admitted, tugging on a shirt. "I still don't."

"Well, how did he treat you before last night?"

It seemed like weeks or months had passed since she'd nearly collapsed at his feet, but it had only been a matter of days. "He's been kind. Careful."

"Okay. So if he treats you worse after last night, kick his ass to the curb. You don't need that shit." Lex stifled a yawn. "That's not really Jasper's style, though."

Noelle tried to imagine a world where she would be capable of kicking a man like Jasper anywhere, much less out of her life. Impossible. Then again, a week ago she wouldn't have been able to envision a world where she could take advice from a naked woman as if nudity were a casual, acceptable thing.

She settled for a noncommittal, "I'll remember that. Do I need anything else?"

"To go shopping or to deal with Jas?"

"To go shopping." She knew she wasn't ready to deal with Jasper.

Lex grinned, leaned over to dig through her nightstand, and emerged with a handful of folded bills. "Don't let him pay for anything."

"Lex, I can't—" The other woman pressed the stack of money into her hand, and Noelle hesitated for a moment, struck by the novelty of holding cash. Actual bills, the tangible paper kind that her father never would have let her touch. All banking in Eden was electronic, with accounts tied to the bar code you were given at birth. But the rich and powerful kept paper money in vaults, along with stacks of gold bars and precious jewels, all the things they swore were unnecessary in a clean, digital world.

It wasn't the only way her father was a hypocrite. Noelle closed her fingers around the bills. "I'll pay you back."

"Are you kidding? Dallas wipes his ass with that kind of money. I'll get it from him."

"Thanks." She tucked the money into her pocket and smiled. "Go back to sleep. I'm sorry he woke you."

"Mm-hmm." Lex crawled back under the covers and dragged them up almost over her head. "Just be yourself, Noelle. You'll make out all right."

She would have replied, but Lex was already asleep by the time she slipped out the door. No one else was stirring this early in the morning—no surprise, not after last night—so Noelle navigated the twisted warren of hallways that led to the front entrance alone.

Jasper leaned against the front wall, a cigarette in one hand. "Walk or ride?"

"Is it safe to walk?"

"It is. Market's only about five blocks." He held out his hand.

She stared, caught up in the memory of him working those broad fingers into her body, stretching her as pleasure singed her from the inside out. Her nipples tightened as arousal crept through her, riding the moment when memory drifted into fantasy. In her dreams, he'd pushed his cock into her one agonizingly blissful inch at a time, making her beg for each thrust with obscene words she could only imagine saying in her own head.

Praying that he couldn't follow the path of her thoughts, she slid her palm against his, shivering as calluses scraped her skin. "Let's walk."

He folded his fingers around hers and pulled her toward the street. "Lex give you a hard time?"

"No, not at all. She's good to me."

"I know. I was teasing." A smile tilted his mouth at the very corner. "I'm bad at it."

She was gripped with the irrational urge to stroke his cheek, where a tiny dimple had almost formed. Maybe if she could coax him to smile wider, it would appear. "I need practice being teased. You should do it a lot."

"I just might."

"Maybe I'll even learn how to tease you back."

"Someone has to." Something oily and noxious had puddled on the cracked asphalt in front of them, and Jasper lifted her over it like she weighed nothing.

Even when he set her on the street again, she gripped his arms, dizzy from his proximity and the surreal moment of tenderness in a dirty, dark alley. "Thank you."

"Sure." He dropped his hand to the small of her back.

Hard-looking men were already filling the narrow gaps between buildings, but they averted their gazes as Jasper led her past, and the few stragglers still in the street melted to either side. One or two nodded to Jasper in recognition, but even those greetings were tinged with as much fear as respect.

Aware that her safety rested entirely in Jasper's hands—or in the ink curling above them—Noelle pressed closer to his side and lowered her voice. "Do you know most of these people?"

He shook his head. "Not really. I've seen them, and they know who I am, by the tats if nothing else. Once you have yours, it'll be the same."

It sounded more
when
than
if
, and she fought a smile. "So you think Dallas is really going to let me stay?"

He eyed her with puzzlement. "Don't you?"

"He seems like a complicated man. If he's letting me stay, I think it's mostly for Lex."

Jasper squinted at her. "It matters to you, doesn't it?
Why
, I mean."

"A little." If she lifted her gaze, she could just see the shining outer wall of Eden in the distance, the barrier that supposedly kept the city pristine. Like so many things about the city, the safety of those walls was an illusion. "I know I'm naive about a lot of things, but I was raised to know my value as a councilman's daughter. To his allies
and
his enemies."