Beyond Reason (4 page)

“I may or may not have reached out over the years. And yes, silence very well could have been what I heard back.” I twisted my mouth into a pile of contorted lips that no longer wanted to participate in this conversation.

I guess that was another little fact I failed to mention to Brandy and Gabby.

Ayden pushed his fingers through his hair and let out a deep breath.

“Well, I actually was going to bring someone, but—”

I slapped my forehead harder than I intended and yelped.

“Oh, my god. That was so selfish of me. I don’t know what got into me,” I stammered, feeling a blush creep up my face.

Of course, he was going to bring someone. He was gorgeous, wealthy, and available. The wine may have brought my feel-goods back being around the opposite sex, but it completely messed with my sense of reality.

“No. It’s not like that. It’s nothing serious. I hadn’t even mentioned it to her.”

For some reason, the word
her
made me nauseous and agitated.

Well, maybe it wasn’t the word.

“Ayden, you’ve done so much just by telling me what’s up. Don’t worry about it. That’s one of the perks you’ve got being a twin. I’ll ask Mason.” I winked at him playfully and felt my control slowly seeping back in. Keep everyone at a safe distance, and I would never get hurt. That always was my plan and always would be my plan.

“Nah, seriously. I don’t mind. I think it would be a lot of fun. I didn’t assume I’d become part of your plan, but I like the idea. I hate being the third wheel. That’s the only reason I was bringing someone. But if…” his voice trailed off.

“If what?” I prompted.

“If nothing, actually. I’d love the opportunity to punk my sister. And you never know, maybe this Austin thing will be good for you.” He smiled, but the look in his eyes didn’t match.

“Now you’re starting to sound like your sister,” I scoffed, crossing my arms in front of me.

He cringed and laughed as he grabbed the remote and began flipping through the channels. “Can’t have that.”

“You want me to make some popcorn?” I asked.

“That sounds nice. I think I could get used to making this a tradition when I’m in Portland.
And
you have expanded channels?”

His words sent a streak of happiness through me as I stood up and walked toward the kitchen.

“I have
all
the channels, premium too. Even though I’ve developed quite the reputation for going out, I enjoy staying home with a good book or movie even more. I just like to throw people off, keep ‘em talking.”

“Well, it’s working,” he muttered.

I grabbed the air popper and shook the kernels into the cup. I perched myself up on the counter next to the sink and filled a glass with water, gulping it quickly as the popcorn popped into a giant metal bowl.

As I sat comfortably on the counter, my mind began wandering to the issue at hand. What if everyone was right? What if meeting up with Austin turned out to be a good thing? So many things were left unsaid when I left him. I wasn’t ready to say them right after high school, so I did the logical thing and ran. The problem with my plan was that I never realized how stuck in the past that would make me. It was as if I had been left stranded in high school while everyone else moved on in life and grew up.

Instead of maturing, I replayed the images over and over again of the night that changed my life forever. The images that woke me up at night—that made me question what my purpose in life was supposed to be. And the one person who helped me through it all, I abandoned.

Austin was the only person who had gotten me through the most horrible moment in my life, and as a thank you, I ditched him. When I had finally reached out to Austin, it was too late. And that was when I began wearing my flaws out in the open, to protect myself. In college I went wild, or at least it looked like I did. What no one knew was that I was just searching for the one person to make me feel alive again, like Austin did. I wanted to feel that safe and happy again. And to this day, I hadn’t been able to find it.

It had all been an act and my best friends didn’t even see it. I wished it were different. That I’d responded differently to the pain I felt, but I didn’t. By all appearances it looked like my dating life was hooked up to a twenty-four hour revolving door.

The popcorn maker finished popping, and I melted some butter, drizzling it over the corn, and tossed it slightly before salting it. Now wasn’t the time to keep going down memory lane.

“Hope you like lots of butter,” I called to Ayden.

“How could a person not?” he asked, as I handed him the napkins and took a seat right next to him so we could share the popcorn easier.

Sitting this close to Ayden made me keenly aware of his movements and just his entire existence. I didn’t remember the last time when I noticed how a man smelled, but he was intoxicating, a mixture of soap and something woodsy, something Ayden.

“You okay?” he asked.

I laughed and felt completely insecure as he sank his fingers into the bowl and crunched on the first handful of corn.

“Perfection,” he said, his eyes meeting mine.

I wasn’t sure if he was talking about the popcorn any longer. Or at least I hoped he wasn’t.

“It’s one of my favorite dinners so I got it right a long time ago,” I said, grabbing a few kernels.

“You eat popcorn for dinner?”

“Some nights I do,” I confessed. “The hours I keep kind of make my options limited.”

His eyes stayed focused on mine. “You’re hard to figure out. I’m starting to think the Lily everyone knows isn’t the true Lily at all.” He grinned as if he’d cracked open some sort of age-old mystery.

I laughed. “Believe me. I’m not that complex. What you see is what you get.”

“I don’t believe it for a second,” he replied. “But someday, maybe I’ll get to know the real Lily. Until then, I’ve narrowed our movie selection to either the rom-com or a sci-fi movie for the night.”

“You obviously don’t know the real me at all, because if you did, you’d know sci-fi would win every time,” I said, snatching the remote from his fingers, clicking the okay button on
Alien
.

“You’re right. I wouldn’t have guessed that one.”

“
Alien
it is,” I said, noticing he wrapped his arm around me as I held the popcorn bowl tighter.

“You know, I’m really happy my sister gave me an excuse to drop by,” he said, and my stomach literally dropped to the floor. “Scheming and chilling with you is kind of fun.”

He gave me a quick squeeze and took his arm away. We were clearly still in the friend zone and that was okay. That was how it should be.

As the movie started, I felt my body relax against his, and my mind escaped to a land far away from the one we lived in, filled with creatures and exploding things. Just how I liked it.

Nothing too deep.

I was at the office this morning by seven o’clock. The weekend went by in a flash, and I’d spent most of Sunday sketching out some ideas for the new client. I always got lost in a fantasy world when I created campaigns, which was why I loved doing it so much.

It’d been nice to hang out with Ayden. There were no expectations or disappointments. Plus, he accepted my whiskey behavior without judgment, and for that, I was extremely grateful. I didn’t remember all of the things that may have slipped out of my mouth, but I knew he wouldn’t hold any of them against me.

By Sunday, the idea of seeing Austin again began to creep into my mind, and it was kind of intriguing. As foolish as it sounded, I’d never been able to shut out those emotions and feelings that he conjured when I had been around him in high school.

High school!

And I’d been spending the start of my adult life trying to replicate them with men who looked the part but didn’t fit with me. Something needed to change!

I never received a text from Brandy or Gabby so either they’d had second thoughts or they were ensuring their story had no holes, which might take some extra time. Either way, I couldn’t wait to mess with them once I got the official invite.

“Have a nice weekend, Lily?”

I looked up from my laptop and smiled at Tori. She worked in the graphics department and her outfit matched that profession. She had purple eyeglass frames that could be spotted a mile away, and she generally wore layers and layers of clothing that were all mismatched, yet somehow went together flawlessly. If I tried out the look I’d either look like Bobo the clown or a hobo from the 1920’s. And I’m deathly afraid of clowns.

I smiled at Tori and nodded, bringing my attention back to her. “Really great. I had an unfortunate little date, but a friend from out of town came over and made it all better.”

Her eyes narrowed as she carefully examined me for something more.

“What?” I asked.

“You look different somehow. Like you’ve met someone. Are you sure the date was a disaster?”

I started laughing. “Positive.”

Maybe the idea of seeing Austin again did breathe new life into me.

“Well, whatever it is, keep it up. My weekend was absolutely horrid. I spent all of Saturday and Sunday redoing all of the artwork from last week’s meeting with Telly’s Ale. One minute they want old-school vibe and the next sleek and modern.”

“Oooh, that sucks,” I replied, noticing Rob walking off the elevator.

Perfect! Just the man I wanted to run into.

Tori followed my gaze and chuckled. “Gotcha. He finally wore you down, huh?”

I shivered and she caught my reaction, which resulted in a chuckle-snort from her mouth and a glance in my direction from Rob.

“Sorry,” she whispered. “Hard to believe something that can look that good on the outside can be so god-awful on the inside.”

“So you—”

She nodded. “I made it to date two and couldn’t handle it any longer. But luck was on my side, and a new hire came on board that distracted him enough to make my getaway painless.”

“Who?” I asked, leaning into the desk.

Rob had trundled off to his office so at least I was safe for a while.

“Cindy,” she uttered.

I absolutely loved office gossip as long as I wasn’t part of it!

“No way! She’s so—”

“Prudish?” Tori responded, smiling.

“Exactly.”

“Just know it happens to the best of us. I’m impressed you held out so long.”

“The date imploded before dessert was even served,” I confessed.

Her brows fell in disappointment, and I knew it then…she’d had sex with him.

Poor soul!

“Lucky,” she hissed, and turned around, making her way through the sea of cubicles.

For once, I was thrilled that I wasn’t the one doing the march of shame.

My phone buzzed, and I saw a new email had come over. This was it, had to be it! The message was from Brandy and the subject simply read ‘Ski Trip’. I chuckled as I opened it up and read through it.

Grab your cute sweaters and furry earmuffs! We’re headed to the mountains of Utah. Plans are set and there’s no getting out of it. Gabby, Jason, and Aaron are coming. And my brothers are coming too! We’ve got a great place rented for all of us. You can bring your board or skis or rent whatever. I’ll send the deets over this week, but put in for December 26
^th
-January 1
^st
so you can get the time off. We’ll show this New Year who’s boss and maybe you’ll even bump into Mr. Right!

Hugs and smooches,

Brandy

I felt absolutely giddy as I hit the reply button. I was so grateful to Ayden for spilling the beans.

You always know the right thing to do! Can’t wait! And guess what, girl? I’ve even got a guy to bring and ring in the New Year. How perfect is that?