Beyond Reach (21 page)

She giggles, reminding me of when we were about thirteen. “Well, the funny thing is that Alex actually started to act like he wanted to get back together with me. Not that we were really dating.”

“Seriously?”

“I think so. But I was just really sort of chill and aloof, you know. Not that I was being mean to him, I was just kind of, well, disinterested.”

“Good for you.”

“I was enjoying myself, just chatting with all those boys,” she continues. “It was pretty funny, me sitting there with four guys at my table.”

“Like the queen holding court.”

“I guess.”

“And how was Garrett? I mean, I felt sort of bad for abandoning him.”

“He seemed totally fine, Sam.”

“And when you dropped him home?”

“He really seemed okay. Of course, I didn't ask him if he was suicidal
or
homosexual
or
anything like that.”

“Duh. And what about Alex? Did you take him home too?”

She laughs. “I think he wanted me to give him a ride, but I hinted to Cameron that Alex didn't have a car and how they didn't live too far apart. So I assume Alex rode with them.”

“Too funny.”

She tells me some more interesting bits of trivia, and I glance at my watch and tell her that I should probably go check on Mom. “I just wanted to make sure that everything went okay. And I guess I was mostly concerned about Garrett.”

“I think you must be wrong about him, Sam.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I don't know. I just think he seems pretty normal. Although you're probably right about one thing—that guy does need some good friends. Oh, did I tell you that Alex actually invited him to youth group tonight? Can you believe it? Alex invited Cameron and Dirk too, but they said they had other plans, although that might've been an excuse. But Garrett said he'd think about it.”

“Cool.”

“So maybe that suicide vision really was about Jack…or maybe even Peter Clark.”

I consider this as I gaze blankly into the window of a video game store. “I don't think so…”

“Well, I'm sure it'll all make sense someday.”

“I hope so.” I'm about to tell Olivia good-bye, when suddenly I get that flash of light. At first I think it's just a reflection from the glass window I'm staring at, but then things change, and my eyes lock on to this poster advertising a
very sinister-looking video game. But the weird thing is, I can see Cody Clark inside the poster. It looks like he's trapped, like there's a glass window in front of him, making it so he can't get out. He's beating against it with his fists, and his eyes are frightened, and tears are streaking down his cheeks. I even notice the hole in the knee of his jeans.

“Oh, no!” I gasp, unable to say anything more.

“What? Are you okay, Sam? Are you getting mugged? What's happening?”

“I just had
one
, you know…” I lean against the stone column to steady myself, trying to calm down before I attract the attention of the security guard across the way. He probably thinks I'm on something.

“A vision?” she whispers.

“Yes.” I take in a slow, deep breath and consider the meaning of what I just saw. Cody trapped in a video game. Not so very different from my first dream about this kid, and at least he wasn't holding a gun to his head this time. So why was it so disturbing?

“He wanted out!” I say.

“Who wanted out?”

Olivia,” I say quickly, “do you have the latest
Final Fantasy
game?”

“What?” she sounds incredulous. “What are you talking about? Are you okay?”

“Do you have that game?”

“You don't even
like
video games, Sam. Really, are you okay? Should I dial 911?”

“No, I just need the latest
Final Fantasy
game—what number is it?”

“Final Fantasy VII?”

“Yes, that's right. You have it, don't you?”

“Sure. But what is going on with you? You sound like you're seriously losing it, Sam. And you're scaring me.”

“Sorry.” So I quickly explain my vision and how I need to borrow that game and how I could use a ride over to Cody's house too. “Can you help me?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks. Now I better go check on Mom. That is, if I eyen recognize her. She's starting to look like a whole new woman.”

“Fun.”

“Seriously, she looked about ten years younger just by getting her hair cut.” I want to reassure Olivia that I'm really okay.

“I can't wait to see her.”

“I'll call you when we get home.”

It's past two when Mom and I finally sit down for lunch. She's picked a pretty cool Italian restaurant downtown.

“Dad and I used to eat here sometimes,” she tells me after we're seated. “Back when we were newly engaged and I was still going to Portland State. This was one of our romantic spots.” She glances around the room and sighs like she wishes he were sitting here instead of me.

“I miss him too, Mom.”

She nods. “And I suppose you know what Paula says about that?”

“I'm not sure,” I admit. “Should I know?”

Mom smiles. “Paula says that we're lucky to have had a man in our lives who was such a good guy that it actually hurts to miss him. Not everyone gets that, Sam.”

Oh…”

“It just doesn't make it easier.”

“I know.” I smile at her. “Man, you look so great, Mom. Have you checked yourself out in the last few minutes?”

Her hand flies up to touch her changed hairstyle. “I almost forgot. Is it really that good?”

“It's excellent. And that lipstick color the salesgirl recommended for you is way cool. Seriously, you look like you're in your late twenties.”

She laughs. “Oh, go on. Tell me another one.”

“Okay, maybe early thirties. But very cool. I can't wait to see you in that khaki suit we found for you at Banana Republic.”

Mom shakes her head like it's something scandalous. “I can't believe you got me to shop there, Sam.”

“Lots of women your age shop at Banana. Even Mrs. Marsh shops there sometimes. And can you believe that suit was 20 percent off?”

“That
was
nice. But how about your birthday present?” Mom inquires. “Are you happy with what we got?”

“I totally love everything, Mom. Thanks so much!”

Mom bought me some awesome pieces from The Gap. The coolest pair of jeans—I only had to try on about fifty-eight other pairs first, but the end result was so worth it. And then I found this sweet little pale blue jacket and
matching T-shirt. And while we were waiting in line for the cashier, Mom insisted on getting these earrings and necklace that were absolutely perfect with the sweater. Altogether it's a very cool outfit that I can't wait to wear!

“So we still know how to have fun?” Mom asks as the waiter approaches to take our order.

“I think we do.”

Later as Mom drives us home, it begins to rain, and my thoughts drift to Cody and the vision I had today. I wonder if he's all right. And okay, for a brief moment, I feel guilty for having had such a good day. But then I have to ask myself, what's up with that? Just because someone else is suffering doesn't mean that I shouldn't have a good day sometimes. And really, having a good time with my mom was probably way overdue.

Suddenly I remember what Pastor Ken said about the need for balance in my life, and I decide that was exactly what today was about.
Balance.
Does that mean I don't need to be concerned for Cody? Not at all. But at the moment there's nothing I can do to help that kid. Except pray. And that's exactly what I do.

B
y the time we get home on Saturday, I have less than an hour before Conrad will be here to pick me up for youth group tonight, and I know that's not enough time to go see Cody Even so, I give his mom a quick call. I tell her that I was thinking about Cody and, if it's okay, I'll drop by the video game that I promised to borrow for him tomorrow after church.

Oh, that would be nice,” she says. “It might get his mind off things.”

Off what kinds of things?”

“He's been thinking about Peter a lot lately. Ever since you and Detective Hamilton were here. He seems very confused and easily upset.”

“Has he told you anything new?”

“No. Just that he misses Peter. He spends a lot of time in his room. Or playing video games. I wonder if he might be depressed.”

I want to say, “How could he
not
be depressed?” but she sounds so depressed herself that I hate to add to the misery. Instead I tell her that I've been praying for them and that I look forward to seeing Cody tomorrow. “But maybe you shouldn't tell him that,” I say. “I don't want him
to worry that I expect him to talk about anything, I just want to loan him the game he wanted.”

That's fine.”

Then I decide to put on the cool outfit I got in Portland today. I put on all the pieces together, including the boots Olivia got me, and I think I look pretty hot. Then I go down and see that Mom is wearing some new duds too.

“Wow, you look awesome, Mom.”

Thanks.” She smiles and does a turn that shows off her jeans. She told me that they are the first pair of cool-looking jeans that she's had since she was a teen.

“You really do look younger.”

“And you look great too, Sam. I love that color on you.”

“Conrad's picking me up for youth group in a few minutes.” Then I frown. “What about you? You're all dressed up and looking cute, but do you have anywhere to go?”

She shrugs.

“Why don't you call Paula?”

“Oh, I don't know.”

“Why not, Mom? She's single too. Maybe you guys could go to a movie or something. Just have some fun.”

“Well, I suppose I could try.”

I get the cordless phone and place it in her hands. “Here, Mom. Go for it!”

I can hear her talking to Paula as I get my jacket. It actually sounds like they might do something tonight. And it's fun to hear a slight lilt in my mom's voice, like she really does want to have a life. Well, this is a start. A very cool start.

I'm pleased to see that Garrett is at youth group tonight. Conrad and I get there a few minutes late, but I immediately spot Garrett with Alex and Olivia. He still has on his dark glasses, which are cute, but he definitely needs some serious wardrobe help. I wonder if he's open to suggestions. Conrad and I go over and join them at the snack table, and Olivia gives me a thumbs-up on my new outfit.

Youth group begins with what Nick, our youth pastor, calls “social hour.” We mostly hang and eat and drink, and some kids play stuff like Ping-Pong, pool, or the arcade games. It's pretty relaxed and a good way for kids, especially visitors like Garrett, to loosen up. Then we get together and sing. Sometimes Olivia helps lead the songs. But she seems to have the night off tonight. Then finally Nick gives a brief, but usually very good, message.

Nick is a cool guy. He's only been youth pastor here since last fall, but everyone seems to like him. I'm guessing he's around thirty, but he seems younger. He has a goatee and a tattoo. His tattoo is on his right forearm, a cross with a crown of thorns.

Tonight he's talking about forgiveness, telling a story about when he was a teen and how he got really angry when his parents got divorced. He thought it was his dad's fault, and for years he refused to forgive him. Then he discovered that his mom had actually been having an affair. So he got mad at her and refused to forgive her.

The funny thing was that I still considered myself a Christian during all this time,” he says. Of course, I couldn't believe my parents were still saved and acting the
way they were. In my mind, they had lost their faith when they lost their marriage, and I couldn't forgive them for any of it. But eventually my heart got so hardened against my parents that I totally fell away from the Lord too. I spent my college years messing around with all sorts of crud—you name it, I probably tried it—until one night I was so wasted that I thought I was actually going to die.”

He pauses for a sigh. “I think I actually wanted to die. Life had no meaning, no joy, nothing but emptiness and pain. And even though I wasn't living like a Christian anymore, I started ranting at God. Like it was all His fault. Like He was the One who'd messed up my life. I was in such a rage—and did I mention plastered?—that I put my fist through my dorm window.” He holds up the arm with the tattoo and points out a scar. “And I severed an artery and nearly bled to death before my roommate came to his senses and called for an ambulance.

“When I woke up in the hospital the next day, I was a mess. Not just physically either. I felt worthless and useless and hopeless. And I was just lying in that bed, wishing that my roommate hadn't called the paramedics and that I'd died since it seemed like the easy way out. And as I was lying there, mostly feeling sorry for myself and wishing I were dead, I suddenly got this very strong sense that I was
not
alone. My heart started pounding, and I knew that the presence I felt in the room was that of the Lord Jesus. I can't explain how I knew this, but I did.

“Anyway, I just closed my eyes, and in that same instant I heard Him say, 7
forgive you, Niok. And in the
same way that I forgive you, you must go and forgive others,”
Nick just shakes his head. “And that changed everything. I rededicated my life to the Lord. And I forgave both my parents, as well as a bunch of other people. But I -learned a powerful lesson about forgiveness.”