Beyond Our Stars (23 page)

“Please…” was all I could manage before I felt unconsciousness taking me under again.

***

I was in a different room. That was the first thing I noticed and it sent me into a panic. Metal walls. I was in a hospital bed and the tubes in my arms were different.

My thoughts were still hazy. “Help!” I screamed.

Instead of a Local, this time familiar faces appeared. An engineer, a medic, and Chief Upton walked toward me. Chief looked worn, his shoulders sagging and bags under his eyes. I tried hard to process what was happening.

I vaguely became aware that I was wearing one of our navy blue hospital gowns. I was with Chief… I was back at the Site. Probably the hospital of the Reflection.

“Chance,” I said desperately. Instantly the image of his shattered body came back to me.

Chief's eyes were teary and bloodshot. He pressed his lips together and looked down.

“No, where is he?” I yelled at anyone. I threw the sheets off of myself and stepped onto the ground. But I couldn't support my own weight and I staggered back to the hospital bed. My legs felt weak and I looked down to find they were bandaged from heel to thigh.

I also had a sling around one arm. The skin of that arm was a raging red color, from what I could see outside the bandages. The side of my face felt wet and too cool, and I remembered the feeling of skin tearing away. I guessed by how everything felt that my entire body must be bruised and sliced.

But none of it mattered. “Where is he?” I demanded even as Chief rescued me from sinking to the ground completely. He pulled me upright and looked at me. I thought I saw regret in his eyes and I pushed at his chest.

“Where is he?” I demanded again.

When I heard Chief's voice it sounded different, as though I hadn't heard him speak in years. It felt too normal and completely foreign at the same time.

“He never came back, just you,” Chief said, putting his hand on my shoulder as he supported me with the other.

“What are you talking about?” I shouted. “How did I get back here? Where is he?” I needed someone to get me to Chance, right now. That was the only thing that would help me.

Chief shook his head. “They kept you for two days Hope. Weeks said they wanted to wait inside for you but they were forced out. When we started to think you were both dead they brought you to us, bandaged and broken, and you were unconscious for another day. Chance, he,” Chief got quieter. “Hope. They never brought him back. Only you. It's been three days.”

“I'm getting dressed,” I said. I tried to push away from Chief's arms but the room began to spin.

“You need to rest. The others told me about what happened, Hope? Why did you do that? You couldn't save him. Why?” Chief was watching me with concerned eyes.

“I go where he goes,” I said in a low voice. I forced back tears. “Get me clothes. Right now.” They stared at me. “Right now. Right now. Right now.” I repeated it until they started moving.

After a few minutes I was dressed and headed outside leaning on Chief's arm. It was a bright, sunny day that felt completely wrong. The brown, withered plants and grass crunched under my feet.

“Take me to the tunnels,” I said.

I could tell he didn't want to, but Chief obliged, carefully helping me walk. We made our way out of the Reflection, people slowly starting to trickle into a crowd behind us. I was amazed by the sadness in their eyes. And resignation. There was no hope left, not on one single face.

We exited the Reflection and walked to where I could glimpse my tree. The pile of weapons was gone.

I gave Chief a questioning look. “They were taken,” he said. “A field wrapped around all of them and lifted them out. We don't have a single thing left.”

“No food, no water?” He shook his head.

I took a shallow breath, feeling my chest tighten. “And Legacy?”

Chief pointed toward the tree. I couldn't see what he meant, and then I made out the shape of something sticking up from the grass. A black figure, isolated against the backdrop of the Stacks. A person, sitting under my tree.

“They left him?” I said, my heart thumping erratically.

Chief rubbed his throat and said gruffly, “Yeah. They left him. And he's been sitting out there ever since. I don't have the heart to bring him in.”

They didn't take Legacy, but they had taken the weapons. They sent me back, but not Chance. My shoulders started to shake involuntarily. A hard lump formed in my throat as I struggled defiantly to grasp onto a last shred of hope. Chief's eyes filled with pity as he watched me.

“We only had to cross it and we were there,” I said, out loud but to no one but myself. I couldn't see as the tears started to drown my sight. “Why would they show us and then take it away?”
They never wanted you to get there
, said a voice in my head.

I left Chief and walked carefully, stumbling slightly, making my way to my entrance to the Stacks. The crowd followed me.

“Let me in,” I said as I got closer. There was nothing. I said it again. Then I screamed it.

I put my free hand against the force field barring me from entrance to the Stacks. Chance's face swam in my vision. We were supposed to get there together. I couldn't stop the flood of tears. They exploded out of me like a bomb and my emotions splattered all over.

I sank down next to the tunnel, curling up into a ball and leaning into the sadness. My sobs shook my chest painfully and I put my hands to my head, trying to stop my thoughts. They killed Chance. It was supposed to be me. He couldn't be gone. I screamed and punched the ground under me.

“Go away!” I yelled. I knew there were people all around and I couldn't look at them. I'd brought my Specs into that session. They had followed me. Chance had followed me. “Go away!” I screamed viciously at the top of my lungs. I screamed until I heard people start retreating.

I cried into the dirt. Every time I thought the crushing sadness might stop, thoughts of Chance's soft brown eyes, or his hand over mine, grabbed hold of me.

I was a fool. Our lives meant nothing to them. What did I expect? We would all stay here, dying a slow death, eating dirt and dead plants until there was nothing left. We would waste away slowly, in front of each other, like the Earth had done in front of us.

I left my face buried in the dirt I had once wanted to smell so badly. But that was before. There was nothing left, now. No show of strength to make, no bargain, no plea, no nothing that would help us. I'd tried, and failed. It had been futile this whole time.

I turned my head to the side, my hair bunching around my neck. My tears were drying up, there were none left. I was left with aching eyes that felt heavy and swollen and a mouth that hung open even though the screaming had stopped. I stared across the grass, my cheek resting on the ground. The day was still bright, the ground underneath me, real.

There was someone I had to go and see.

I owed it to her.

I used my working arm and shoved my body up, dragging my legs in so I could stand. It was time to see Billie.

I hobbled back over to the Reflection. People stared. It was horrible, the horror and realizations and fear in their eyes. I hated myself.

I tried to turn to stone with every step as I got closer to Billie's quarters. People had already seen me weeping. I would let Billie weep this time. The only thing I was good for any more was to let her yell and scream.

I knocked on her door.

It swished open and Billie's small round face appeared in front of me and I reeled back a step. She looked too much like him.

As the pain returned I knew I
did
have more tears left to cry. But I struggled to force them back.

“Can I come in?” I asked.

Her eyes were red and I watched as several emotions swept over her face. But then she nodded and stepped to the side.

She looked like she'd been lying down, her hair was messy and slightly matted on one side. But the bed was perfectly made. She sat down on the floor and leaned her head against the wall, cradling her forehead in the palm of her hand.

I sat down on the ground with her, folding my arm around my knees. “I'm so sorry, Billie.”

She sniffled and picked her head up. “You don't have to be sorry. It would have happened no matter what,” she said with a hard edge in her voice.

I didn't know what to say. He'd followed me into a final session of cruelty and heartlessness. Chance would have sacrificed himself for me, for love, I had no doubt. But he was also willing to risk his life for whoever needed it. For someone weaker than him.

Billie had known something was going to happen. And she'd fought against it, trying to prevent it. She was right to have worried.

“You're brother would have fought, he would have done anything for anyone that needed it,” I said.

Billie's eyes filled with tears. “I knew from the moment they marked him. He was never coming back alive,” she said quietly.

I reached for her and wrapped my working arm around her as she gave in to sobs.

I held Billie like that in her room until the tears started to slow and she got tired. I persuaded her to lie down, and tucked her into bed, hoping that exhaustion would allow her a few hours of much needed rest.

I knew where I was going next.

The sun was starting to go down, the evening light growing murky and giving my weary eyes a rest from squinting against the brightness.

Legacy still sat where the Chief had pointed him out to me before, but now there were more silhouettes under the treehouse. I knew those shapes, and I was glad they were there. I might have avoided them if I could, but my Specs were probably the only people who could understand.

Weeks turned his head to me first. “Hey,” he said. I sank to the ground, my injuries shooting pain through me. Weeks put an arm around my shoulder gingerly. “Glad to see you're okay,” he said. I closed my eyes and put my head against his shoulder.

Cairo and Marseille were sitting behind me and Cairo reached up and gave me a light squeeze on my free arm. The other Specs all gave me kind nods.

Pilgrim came and sat next to me and Weeks moved his arm from around my shoulders. I put my face against Grim's head and held him close.

I pulled back and looked into his eyes. “It's not your fault,” I whispered. He looked at me in misery. “It's
not
your fault. Just sit with me a while.” Then I met Legacy's eyes with a jolt of understanding. We had both failed. We had both destroyed lives. Legacy broke away first and looked up at the sky.

Grim reached up and grabbed my hand and silence fell over our little group. A tear slipped down my cheek and I wiped at it, then wrapped my arm around Pilgrim tighter and tried to focus on making him feel better.

We spent an hour watching the sky, and I imagined the world outside our reach, the green plants and all the land I had never, and would never touch.

I looked down at my feet. Then, as though I could feel the eyes resting on me, I turned to look at the Local standing there. A gasp escaped my mouth. The others turned.

Then another appeared, out of thin air next to him. And another. And another.

I struggled to my feet, holding Grim to my side. More were appearing. I looked toward the ships. We were all the way out at the acre of purple trees.

This time, I didn't think I should be taking matters into my own hands. “Run. Get everyone,” I said.

We took off toward the Reflection. I looked behind me. More gray heads appeared. Lots more. Maybe a hundred of them.

I ran faster. Once we had the attention of the survivors our group began to walk back toward the Locals. As Chief Up appeared next to me, I wanted to reach for his hand.

We didn't hide, we went towards our fate. And it made its way towards us.

There were more and more and more of them. So many. One alien went ahead of the rest, advancing toward us. The sky had gotten darker so the green and yellow lights in the sky were at their height of brilliance. I walked ahead of the survivors toward him, with Chief Up at my side.

The Local walked cautiously, slowing as he approached us. It raised its arm that bore the bracelet into the air and I felt a burst of fear. There were a few terrified cries.

But then something dropped from its hand. A strand of something silver and shiny. The Local walked toward us again, slowly, holding the dangling thing from his hand.

I narrowed my eyes at it, trying to figure out what it was. A long chain? With… a second later I knew what he held, and a pure, venomous hatred erupted in me.

“Where is he?” I screamed at it. Chance's necklace and my ring glinted under the lights. “Where is he?”

I wanted to kill them now. I wanted them all to pay dearly. This was sick.

The CR-3an walked up to where I was standing, holding out the necklace. I reached out to grab it, my hand colliding with a force field. “What have you done with him?” I slammed my fist into the invisible barrier. I didn't want confirmation that Chance was dead. I didn't want it.

“Why did you do this?” I cried at the CR-3an, shoving at the field.

“Give him back,” I yelled. “You give him back right now. Give him back to me,” sobs choked out any more words. I heard a weird noise coming from all around but I didn't care. I let out a feral scream and slugged the field again as hard as I could.

My hand fell through it and I stumbled three steps forward, almost colliding with the alien.

I steadied myself and looked at him in a daze. How had I done that? I looked back at Chief who was also staring at the Local.

The strange scraping noise was continuing and there was a collective gasp from the throngs of survivors. I heard people yelling things I couldn't understand.

I was standing in front of the Local, tears streaming down my cheeks. Now that this creature was close enough to touch I found I couldn't hit it despite my anger.