Beyond Hope's Valley: A Big Sky Novel (29 page)

Ben nodded. Annie had been firm, speaking with conviction. He had taken her words to heart. "You were right."

"Was I?" She shook her head. "I thought I was, but I was speaking outta turn." She rose and moved to the window, crossing her arms over her chest and looking out to the potholed gravel parking area. "I had to be so firm with my words because I was afraid . . ."

"For Marianna?"

A long sigh escaped her lips. "Afraid for myself. My heart. The questions I was asking myself and didn't want to answer."

"I'm sorry. You must be talking female or something. I don't understand."

"I'm talking in circles, I know." The older woman turned back and looked at him. "I'm talking about my feelings for Ike. You don't get to be my age and single without doing a good job of pushing people out of your life. Oh, I'm all nice and dandy until I find myself attracted to someone. It scares me. I long for love but my fear of rejection and a broken heart is far stronger."

"Okay, I get that. But what does it have to do with me? With Marianna?"

"Don't you see, Ben? If you could fall in love with an Amish person and have everything turn out okay . . ." She swallow hard. "If you and Marianna worked things out. If you could figure out your relationship and live in harmony with the community—and with the blessing of God—then I wouldn't have any excuse. I'd have to open my heart to Ike. I had no right to tell you to walk away and let her be. That was my own fears talking. I hate to think that because of my words you could have missed out on the love of your life."

"You think a little highly of yourself, don't you?" Ben chuckled and cocked an eyebrow. "The truth is you weren't just the only one who was telling me to slow down, to back away. God spoke the same to my heart and . . . well, as much as I respect you, Annie, He has a little more pull."

She opened her arms and wrapped him up in a quick hug. "I was so worried I'd ruined everything. I tried to call your cell phone a few times when you were on the road, but I didn't want to bother you with the concerts and everything. But well, Ben, after hearing the song on the radio and realizing it was yours . . . and that you were talking about Marianna, I've felt just awful."

"It wasn't just you, Annie, really it wasn't. God was getting His point across. He still is."

"Is He still saying to stay away? To let her go?"

"No." He sighed. "I feel Him telling me to be ready."

"Ready to go to her?"

Ben shrugged. "I'm not sure. I just figure that if God could create everything we see, then if He wants me to make a move—when He wants me to make a move—He's clever enough to figure out how to let me know."

R
uth sat at the kitchen table. The children were in bed and a gas lamp hung over her, casting light around the room. Abe stared down at the letter from Levi, and a smile touched his lips. He must be reading about their new grandson—his chubby cheeks and light hair. Abe was looking forward to seeing the baby with his own eyes—almost as much as she was.

It was only the second time she'd wished the Amish were allowed to take photographs. She would like to see Samuel's features, to see how similar he looked liked Levi when he was a babe. The other time she'd wished she'd had a photo had been after their daughters' deaths. If only she had one photo—just one to remember them by. Her memory was the only thing that held their captured smiles, and she hoped it never got to the place when those memories faded. The more the years passed, the more their faces had slipped away. And now there would be more changes.

Ruth spread her hand over the table. They wouldn't be in Montana for much longer. After the news of Samuel's birth last month she'd been waiting to hear when Levi and Naomi would have their wedding. Their oldest son had written her to say they'd like to marry in two weeks, and was that too short of notice for them to come? The returning to Shipshewana wasn't the problem. The questions came with what to do with the house there—keep it or sell it?

An even deeper problem . . . was Mark.

Her stomach churned. She could try to avoid him, but the area wasn't that large. If they were there for any length of time she was sure they'd run in to each other. Could her heart handle it? She'd had a hard enough time over the years keeping the emotions at bay. What would she do when she stared into his face? Looked into his eyes?

Ruth let out a sigh. "It seems that we should pack up as much as we can and bring it with us. I can't imagine us having Indiana as our home any more yet, don't you think?"

"Is this what you want, Ruth, to return? To pack our things and come back to Montana for good?"

Ruth picked up David's shirt from the table. He'd caught the sleeve on a tree branch. She pulled out thread and a needle to patch the hole.

"Sometimes I miss the house." The softness of her voice surprised her. "There are memories there. The girls sitting at the kitchen table, sharing stories of silly things back and forth. Looking out the kitchen winda to see their trees growing and stretching into the sky."

Abe nodded, and she could see a battle within his gaze. He had memories too. There were people in Indiana he cared for. He'd built that home, tilled the land. Yet his battle seemed to be for their family now. To plant them in a better place and show them a new way—a way Ruth still struggled to understand.

"We came because of Levi choosing the way of the world . . ." Abe turned to the window and eyed the snow. "That's not the case any longer."

"It would be good to be near Levi now. And Marianna." She bit her lip. "To see the grandbaby would be nice, but the boys seemed to be settled here. They have good friends and love the trees and mountains." But in truth, as she thought about returning, it wasn't the boys that worried her. They'd transition back soon enough. Instead . . .

Ruth's head started to ache. There were so many voices in Indiana, each stating their opinions. There were so many eyes, watching her, watching Abe, watching her kids. Accountability was good, no doubt, but thinking of going back was like picking up a sack full of rocks she hadn't realized she'd been lugging around until she got to this mountainous place. Then one day, as she walked through the pines, she realized she was no longer carrying that burden.

Abe nodded. "Ike said the owners will let us rent here as long as needed, and I would like to experience West Kootenai as summer nears."

"Another year wouldn't bother me so, but if we think we'll be here at least that long, I would like my things. My fabric and patterns are back there. All my dishes and gardening supplies. I miss my own bed and some of my books. If we could afford it I would like to pack up and bring all of it."

A smile slid onto Abe's face, and she realized they had their answer.

He rose, took his jacket off the hook and slid it on, then put on his hat without a moment's hesitation. "I'll go call to Ike and see what he suggests. He talked before about finding a driver."

She didn't say anything about Abe using a telephone. She just nodded and smiled.

"
Gut
." Ruth rose and smoothed her skirt with her hands. And at this moment it felt as if her sturdy shoes walked on a floor of clouds.

The truck pulled up and Ruth eyed the trailer on the back. It was bigger than she expected and she figured it was large enough to carry her things. What she didn't bring she could, of course, give to Marianna to start her own house.

The door to the large brown truck opened and a sinking feeling settled in the pit of her gut to see Ben Stone climb from the driver's seat. Without calling out her typical welcome, she turned and stomped back into the house.

"Abe!" Ruth hurried past Ellie, whose eyes were still filled with tears. Joy and the older boys were going with them, but the younger kids were staying with the Shelter family. It would be too much to care for the little ones while packing up the house too. "Abe!"

She gripped the oak handrail and then hurried up the stairs, her heart pounding. She found him in their small closet, zipping up the suitcase with their things.

"I'm here, Ruth. Don't know what you're all worked up about. It's a long drive yet and leaving on time isn't a problem when one's going to be riding for thirty hours."

"I'm not going. We're not going." The words shot from her mouth.

"Why's that?" He turned, his eyebrows
v
-ing. Though he asked a question, his words were more like a statement.

"I cannot believe you did this. He cannot go. Ben Stone cannot go to Indiana."

"Of course he can. He's been touring with his music, but he's back now—you knew that. Says he's always wanted to see Indiana, best part is he's not charging us. He even got a friend to loan him the truck and trailer for free."

She clenched her teeth, attempting to hold back angry words, but they refused to be dammed. "I don't care if we have to pay twice the money. Ben cannot drive us."

Abe took a step toward her. "And why is that?"

"You know why."

"Are you worried about our daughter, Ruth?"

"Of course I am. This . . . seeing him . . . Ben being there can change things."

"If Marianna loves Aaron and wants to marry him as she claims, we should have no worries. Besides, Ben's good company to talk to. More than once we've gotten together to discuss the Bible. He's been patient with all my questions."

The angry feeling that had been rumbling inside Ruth calmed, but just slightly. "Abe Sommer, in all my years I'd not remembered once when you went to the bishop, asking questions about the Bible." She perched a hand on her hip.

Abe rose, carrying the suitcase down the stairs. "That should tell you something, shouldn't it? Sometimes ya don't know how hungry you are till you see a man with a big ole' steak, mashed potatoes, and a generous piece of strawberry pie."

Marianna tucked Samuel's blanket around him as they walked into Davis's Mercantile in Shipshewana. Levi and Naomi had some shopping to do in town and she'd asked to come along. With her Montana quilt finished and shipped to Annie, she needed to get fabric to start another. Naomi was buying groceries, and Marianna thought it would be easier for her to hold the baby while looking at fabric squares than for Naomi while loading up a grocery cart.

Samuel's mouth was slightly open as he slept, and Marianna was sure she'd never seen such a precious face. She headed to her favorite store, A Stitch in Time, when she noticed Mrs. Zook exiting. The woman paused as she saw Marianna approached, and she tipped her lips up in a smile.