Between Two Worlds (22 page)

One of the first nights, barking woke us in our snow igloo; in the morning we saw prints in the snow like dogs’ prints. But they spread larger. Peary said, “Wolves. A few times on Ellesmere I’ve seen them in groups. Enormous, and snow-white.”

I’d not seen wolves since I was a child, on a hunt far away from Itta with my parents. As we continued our journey, I sat up and looked for them. When we stopped at a musk ox carcass, I noticed white hair and large prints around the chewed-over bones.

At last we came to the final stretch of steep, icy hills. The men untied the dogs and let them run loose. I took a few painful steps, then kept going. The men took turns hauling the sleds. Ten days after leaving the fort, we rounded a ridge, and the cliffs above the village came into sight. Just as the sun went down, we stood on an icy mound gazing at the distant, dark masts of the
Windward
and its tiny lights, twinkling like two stars. Fortunately, the ice in Payer Harbor still seemed firm in most places.

There was no moon, so we built igloos and made one last camp to avoid the dangers of falling through the ice. The next morning, I came out of the igloo to find that Peary had gone ahead. “He left well before sunrise,” Mauripaulak said. “To arrive at the ship on his own.”

“Peary likes to be first,” I said.

Mauripaulak laughed. “You’re right! Today, May sixth, is his birthday. Peary said he could smell the birthday cake Marie made for him.”

“Marie probably
did
make a cake for him.” I thought fondly of Marie mixing the cake, sliding the pan into the oven of Charlie’s big iron stove, a sweet aroma wafting into the galley. But for this worthless sweet food, she’d use up the last of Charlie’s sugar, canned milk, and flour. Eventually, we villagers might have to provide for those on the ship—and put our own survival at risk.

Other thoughts had come to me on the journey. I loved Duncan, and yearned for him. But he’d lied to me; he’d known about my parents all along. He was as much of a
qallunaat
as the Pearys. During the past few weeks at the fort, when we’d stayed in different cabins, our forced separation had been a relief. I had nothing left of myself to give, not even a smile.

Now, after packing up under a warm, orange sun, the rest of our party set out. As we neared Payer Harbor and the many islands of the sound, we divided into two groups. Mauripaulak, Duncan, and the two hunters took the sleds out on the ice toward the ship, while Angulluk, Bag of Bones, and I trekked toward the village.

Our people came out of their igloos and called to us. I managed a smile. How happy Angulluk was, and how the dogs barked to see him. Ally and Piugaattoq greeted us, lit the lamps to warm our igloo, and spread soothing seal oil on our raw faces. Tooth Girl and her family brought a
steaming broth. Soon hunters came with more food. I didn’t want their company, but I was pleased when Angulluk invited Bag of Bones to come inside our igloo to feast with us and to spend our first night home. The three of us slept deeply.

“The
qallunaat
were generous,” Angulluk said when he returned from the ship. “Captain Bartlett paid me thirty-six bullets. He gave Bag of Bones an axe.”

“Look at this,” I said, unwrapping a foot to show the peeling skin. “Touch it. Still cold. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to walk again like I used to. Do you think those payments make up for that trip?”

“You chose to go,” he said.

“You led us all onto the ice and risked our lives.” No answer.

I asked, “Did you tell them on the ship about my falling into the water? What did they say?”

“The captain said, ‘The gap you crossed means the ice will break up soon, and the ship will at last come free.’ Mitti Peary said, ‘I can’t wait for us to sail!’ ”

I gently touched where the largest of my blisters had been. “They didn’t care. She didn’t thank me for going? I hate her. I hate all the
qallunaat
.”

“Marie asked for you,” Angulluk said. “She was unhappy to hear you’d fallen.”

“I hate her, too.” I was lying.

“She wanted to come and see you. Her mother said it wouldn’t be safe.”

Not safe for Marie to walk on the ice, but of course safe for me
.

“Promise me you will not work for the Pearys again.”

Angulluk glanced down at my blisters. “Be reasonable, Eqariusaq. Mitti and Lieutenant Peary offer goods we need. Without guns and ammunition, we could die.”

“Plenty of us live without rifles. What makes you think the
qallunaat
will always be here to trade for more bullets?”

Again, no reply. He leaned toward me and rubbed noses, rubbed faces, before I pushed him away. I could see the compassion in his eyes. And I knew that his rifle had helped save not only us but other villagers from hunger and death.

“If you can’t promise me, then I’m leaving you.”

“Don’t talk like that.” He put his arms around me, gently, carefully, but I was so sore, I flinched. He drew away but patted me softly.

“If the
Windward
is still seaworthy, Peary will take us back to Itta,” he said. “Life will be better.”

“My feet may never be better. And all for that second rifle of yours and thirty-six bullets.”
I hate you, almost as much as I hate Mitti Peary
.

“Be thankful you’re strong. We did our best. You’re very lucky that you didn’t lose any of your toes.”

“I can’t walk without pain.” Even inside warm seal fur, my feet were cold or had no feeling at all. I also still felt a
chill and burning on my nose, cheeks, and ears and in the corners of my eyes. The furs and food in my igloo and the sight of the villagers comforted me, but something inside me had given up.

Angulluk watched my face. Then he said, “I can’t imagine you, of all people, Eqariusaq, feeling sorry for yourself. After all that has happened in your life, why are you now so full of despair?”

I gave a long sigh. A good question. “I hate the Pearys. All the
qallunaat
. And you, too, for sticking up for them. If you’d talked to Peary about the museum, you’d know the truth about—”

“Eqariusaq! Are you still thinking about that?”

His words cut like sharpened bone. “Yes. It happened, and I can’t understand why you don’t believe me.”

“The white people aren’t so bad. We went off to rescue Peary and
he
rescued us. At the fort, Peary and Mauripaulak took good care of you. They gave us their food. Today, Peary invited the village to the ship to celebrate his return. I told him we’d come.”

“I won’t go.”

“You will. Ally will go out. The whole village will.” He added, “Getting along with Peary is important. His ship can take us back to Itta.”

I let this last painful realization sink in. “For once, you may be right.”

The more skillful we could be in our dealings with the
qallunaat
, the better off our lives would be. I’d known that.
Avoiding them wasn’t the answer. So, later that day, I walked with Angulluk from the village out to the ship, determined not to limp, and studying the ice for breaks.

It was easy to spy Peary on the ship. What had his reunion with Mitti Peary and Marie been like? He had not seen them for nearly four summers. Now, senior crewmen formed a row and saluted him. In just two days, Peary had transformed himself. He was smiling, and his beard was shaved off, which made him look younger, the man I’d known in my childhood.

As Angulluk and I climbed on board, Peary was talking with the captain, wrapped in the white
nanoq
coat Ally had made him. Even with his limp now, and his red, raw face, he was striking, his sharp gray-blue eyes scanning the ship’s lines. Peary gestured to the captain, who turned to the sailors. “You’ve all carried out your duties well, and we made it through a hard winter! Tomorrow, have the men start stem-to-stern scouring. When the snow melts to the waterline, we’ll add details, scraping barnacles and scum.” Peary pointed aloft. “And we’ll fly the Stars and Stripes today and every day the sun shines! The ice will break soon, and the
Windward
shall sail out with colors flying—for home!” The crewmen raised a cheer.

Peary exclaimed, “Billy Bah!” and gave me a fierce hug before I could stop him. He acted as if we hadn’t been in the same fort all those days. He shook Bag of Bones’s hand. “Angulluk.” He grasped his shoulders.

The captain and crew beamed, lit by his spirit. How could I hate him? In courage and will, he was the most impressive
qallunaat
to travel to our land.

“Come into the forward saloon,” Peary said. “Join the celebration!”

He swung around and called,
“Hainang!”
to Ally, Sammy, and Piugaattoq.

Ally climbed aboard first, lifting Sammy on deck, and Peary swept her up, put her down, stroked her hair, and bent and kissed Sammy on the nose. He slapped Piugaattoq on the back.

Ally held Sammy out. Peary swung him around and around.

“I am happy,” Ally said. “Sammy, this is your father. Pearyaksoah.”

Sammy looked up at him with wide blue eyes, as if remembering him.

“Look how big you are, Sammy!” Peary said, ruffling the toddler’s shaggy hair. “You’ve grown to be a little man.”

“He can run now, and talk. And he even knows how to say some English words.”

Peary said, “So! He’s smart, as well as strong. Handsome, too.”

Ally continued to boast, her whole body swelling with pride. For once, I was glad. I couldn’t begrudge her this moment of happiness.
Peary will never leave his wife
, I
thought.
One day he’ll return to America. Ally must know this and still she loves him
.

“Go out of the cold,” Peary said tenderly, giving Sammy to her. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

A strange wail filled the air. Then, loud singing.

Cin howled. Sammy cried and hid his face in Ally’s furs.

Peary said, “Sounds like Matt Henson got the gramophone working.”

I’d never seen the forward saloon so crowded, or heard it so loud. The gramophone sounds, which I’d all but forgotten, rose with the talking and singing. People from the village and the crew alike sat on benches, at tables, and on the floor, drinking tea, eating biscuits. Everyone except a few of our older people had come to see Peary. Mikihoq, round with a child, sat with her family.

Marie danced in a red dress that was now too short. I caught sight of Duncan near the galley door, drinking from a mug. My breath quickened. Marie pulled me toward Mitti Peary, who was pouring tea. I noticed how carefully she filled a cup for Ally, as if she wanted Ally to like her. It must have been hard for Mitti Peary, I thought, to meet Ally’s baby when her own baby had died. The
qallunaat
certainly knew how to mask their feelings!

“Tea?” Marie asked me.

“Later,” I said to Marie. With Angulluk following, I pushed through the crowd to Duncan.

Duncan grabbed my hand. He led me and Angulluk
into the privacy of the galley. The three of us were alone. We looked at each other.

Duncan said to Angulluk, “I want to trade for Billy Bah, for good, for the rest of my life. I want to marry her. Give her to me. In exchange, I’ll give you everything I own. My rifle and bullets, clothes, tools, wood. And more.”

So that was why Duncan was going on the hunts and the search party! He’d been acquiring goods from Mitti Peary and the captain so that he could use them for a permanent trade. For
me
.

In shock, I felt my heart stop for an instant. “Duncan, don’t say this,” I said. “We didn’t agree. You’re just like my husband. Making plans for me.”

Angulluk scowled. “You can’t have her.”

Duncan said, “Trade her to me for a month.”

“No trades!” Angulluk was jealous.

Duncan turned his gaze into my eyes. “Billy Bah, I’m asking you now. Divorce him. Come and live with me on the ship.”

I looked back into Duncan’s kind green eyes. He desired me more than I realized. Ever since the accident, I’d been pushing him away; this was the first time in many days that I was truly seeing him. Something in me wanted to go to him. But if Duncan thought I would go to America again, he was wrong. He should have known better.

“She’s mine.” Angulluk was firm.

“Say something, Billy Bah,” Duncan pleaded. “Won’t you say anything?”

I couldn’t seem to open my mouth.

Then Duncan said, “She came to me on her own without being traded.”

“You’re lying,” my husband countered.

“No, he’s not. I did go to him. Once.” Then I added, “But that was a long time ago. It doesn’t matter now.”

Angulluk’s eyes flashed. He wasn’t hearing me; he was only thinking of his own pride. I thought the men might break into a fight.

Instead, Duncan turned to me. “We can’t be private now. I don’t care. Billy Bah. Eqariusaq. Will you be my wife?”

Angulluk put his hands on my shoulders and moved me behind him. He set his feet squarely and faced Duncan. I couldn’t see his expression.

Looking around him at Duncan, I asked, “Do you mean, go with you to America?”

“Yes. In time, when you’re ready.”

“No, Duncan.” At that moment, I truly made up my mind. “I can never go there again. I’m sorry.” The words came out and I realized how deeply I meant them.