Between the Lives (14 page)

T
o my surprise, Lucas was waiting for me after school and drove me, as promised, straight to the garage to collect my car. It was one of my favourite possessions. One thing Ryan, Lucas and I shared was a love of cars. Ryan loved how cool he thought he was in his vintage Porsche, Lucas loved the mechanics, and I loved the freedom that my new-model silver A1 gave me.

When we arrived at the garage, I couldn’t hide my excitement. I planned to inspect the car carefully, eager to see the new rims we’d ordered. But as soon as Frank, the mechanic, came out of the garage door to greet us, I knew the news wasn’t good.

Frank was short and thin, his wiry hair now completely grey, along with the forest of hair on his chest and arms. He’d been the family mechanic since before I was born and I imagined he would keep going until he literally couldn’t work anymore.

‘Sorry, darlin’. If I’d known you were comin’, I woulda called and told ya not to waste ya time. Those rims ain’t come in yet and next delivery’s not till Thursday.’ He pulled out a rag and started wiping his oil-smeared hands.

I opened my mouth to complain, but Lucas cut me off.

‘No worries, Frank,’ he said from behind me. ‘I’ll give you a call in a couple of days, see how it’s going.’

‘Best do that, Lucas. Sorry for ya troubles.’

Frank held out his hand to me. I shook it and tried to smile, but I felt deflated. And now dirty.

Lucas and I hadn’t spoken on the drive to the garage and the drive back was almost as silent. We both tried a few times, but our attempts were lame. What little I did say – like our thirty-word conversation about graduation, or our-less-than-twenty-word chat about how Miriam had invited me to go to the Hamptons over break – only seemed to infuriate him. For some reason, Lucas had decided that I was an inconsiderate brat and he wasn’t – as he chauffeured me around in his BMW, the car he used when he wasn’t riding his Ducati.

I didn’t know what his problem was, but he’d been like this for as long as I could remember. I’d always put it down to something to do with Mom and Dad’s divorce. The process had been relatively smooth from our point of view. Mom and Dad had followed ‘protect the children’ protocol and taken most of their arguments behind closed doors. I’m not sure what the final straw was, why Dad eventually packed up
and left – though I suspected it had something to do with the waitress at the restaurant he’d made us eat at three times a week in the months leading up to his moving out.

When he did, Lucas decided to go with him. I think he just figured someone had to, and since Dad, a highly regarded criminal lawyer, was always in New York for work, Lucas basically had the apartment to himself.

As we pulled up at the house I couldn’t stop checking my watch. The trip had taken longer than I’d planned. Everyone would already be at Mixons, and I still didn’t have my answers for Ethan.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ Lucas asked, noticing my agitation.

‘I’m meant to be at Mixons already.’

‘Let me guess, Dex?’ His tone dripped with judgment.

I wasn’t up for defending myself to Lucas. ‘Yep,’ I replied, not bothering to look at him.

He turned off the engine and settled back in his seat. ‘Go get changed, or whatever you need to do. I’ll drop you at Mixons.’

I looked at him, wide-eyed.

He just raised his eyebrows as if to say,
Hurry up before I change my mind
.

I raced up to my room and quickly changed into a little white dress that was perfect for the warm evening and pulled my hair into a high ponytail to accentuate my cheekbones.
After a quick touch-up of mascara and lip-gloss, I transferred a few things from my bag to a small caramel clutch and was back in Lucas’s car within ten minutes. Even he seemed impressed.

‘Thanks,’ I said, when we arrived at Mixons after another almost-silent trip.

‘No problem. I’ll let you know when your car’s ready.’ I smiled. ‘Sure, thanks again.’

He shrugged.

Inside, everyone was crowded around our usual booths at the back of the diner. I paused to check my reflection in the window, making sure everything was where it should be, before making my entrance.

‘Sabine!’ Miriam yelled from the far side of the diner, causing all eyes to turn to me.

I put my shoulders back, smiled coyly and strutted over to the booths.

Miriam and Lucy had changed outfits too. But tonight it was Lucy who had gone all out, sporting a daringly short bright-red dress. She looked amazing.

I saw her anxiously waiting for my approval as I made my way through our group of friends, saying hi and kissing cheeks.

‘Lucy, if that doesn’t get you on the ark, nothing will, babe,’ I whispered with a wink. ‘Where is the lovely Noah?’

Lucy blushed as red as her dress while pointing discreetly to her left and mouthing, ‘Shhh!’ Noah was a few feet away and looking in our direction, his trademark golden curls flopping over his face. He lifted a hand to wave at me. I returned the gesture with a knowing smile that made him quirk an eyebrow.

‘Have you spoken to him yet?’ I asked, turning my attention back to Lucy.

She twisted her mouth.

‘Sabine!’ Dex called out from the next booth. He had considerately saved the seat beside him for me. Before heading over, I threw a parting comment to Lucy. ‘Remember, you promised. And I have every intention of holding you to it.’

‘I know, I know,’ she whispered frantically, shooing me away.

I put my clutch on the table and settled into place beside Dex, reminding myself this was where I was supposed to be. I fit into this world, I had a future in this world, I could make something of myself here. I could matter.

Everyone was hyped up, excited that it was the final week of school. I went with the flow, letting Dex pull me onto his lap when Miriam squeezed in to sit beside me. As she did, she knocked my clutch off the table, sending its contents spilling onto her lap, which prompted Brett and Dex to give her a round of applause. Obviously Miriam had already had a few sneaky drinks courtesy of the hip flasks I could see circulating.
In fact, when I looked around, I noticed that most of the guys and a few of the girls were also glassy-eyed.

I glanced at Dex. He was staring right at me with a penetrating expression I hadn’t seen on him before. I adjusted my position on his lap, embarrassed I’d caught him looking at me like that. But he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he kept watching me with the same intensity.

Dex wasn’t the least bit glassy-eyed. He never drank. Not since the time he and some of the guys snuck a bottle of vodka out of his parents’ liquor cabinet in junior year. I’d never heard the full story; it was the one thing Dex didn’t like talking about. All I knew was that some out-of-town kid ended up in hospital that night. As far as I was aware, Dex hadn’t touched alcohol since.

I leaned over to take a sip of the drink he’d bought for me and almost choked. Just because Dex didn’t drink, didn’t mean he wasn’t willing to ply me with rocket fuel.

‘God, what is that?’

‘Rum and Coke,’ he said with a shrug, pulling me back against his chest.

‘That is definitely not nice,’ I said, even as I took another sip.

‘Sabine, what’s this?’ Miriam asked.

‘What?’ I spun around to her and froze. She was holding Ethan’s list. ‘Oh, um …’ I licked my lips.

Shit.

But then I remembered where I was –
who
I was. I sat up
a little straighter. ‘They’re just some stupid questions from a quiz my brother was doing today,’ I said, keeping my tone blasé. ‘I wrote them down and said I’d try to find the answers on the net tonight.’ My long history of deception ensured the lie came easily.

‘Ooh, cool,’ Miriam said, now studying the list. ‘Ha! I know this one!’ She jumped up. ‘I read an article about it the other day. The compound in chocolate that lowers the risk of cardiovascular disease is called …’ She looked to the ceiling, bouncing up and down. ‘What is it? What is it?’ Then a light bulb obviously went off. ‘Flavonoids! That’s it. Also found in such great things as berries and red wine.’ She curtsied.

‘Flavonoids?’ I repeated, unable to hide my excitement. Miriam nodded.

‘Does anyone have a pen?’ I asked urgently. As I looked around, I caught Dex staring at me strangely.

‘Here you go,’ Miriam said.

I turned back to her and wrote down my answer.

‘Hey, Dex, is that Latin?’ Miriam asked, grabbing the paper from under me and passing it to him.

I blanched. ‘No, it’s okay. Everyone doesn’t need to help me. It’s just a stupid quiz.’

I don’t know why, but all of a sudden I was terrified about the group trying to decipher whatever Ethan had written in another language. What if it was something that would give me away? Or, I don’t know … something else … private.

Pulse racing, I reached for the list, but Dex got there first. ‘I know some Latin.’

‘It’s probably not even Latin,’ I suggested, holding out my hand for the sheet of paper and trying to ignore my rising blush.

He took no notice and studied the list intently. When he paused and looked up at me, I was sure he knew what it said and that it was something terrible.

Shit.

Eventually he cleared his throat. I stopped breathing.

‘Well, you’re in luck,’ he said. ‘It’s Latin, for sure.
Thesaurum
is “treasure”,
omnis
means “every” or “all”, and
vitae
is “life”. Pretty basic really.’ He held out the list and I had to force myself not to snatch it. ‘So what’s the quiz for?’

I took another sip of my drink and shook my head. Ethan must’ve thought his message was hilarious. My anger flared. Who was
he
to start spouting that kind of crap to me? At least it hadn’t given me away to Dex.

‘Sabine?’ Dex prompted, beginning to look annoyed.

‘Oh, sorry. I, um … I don’t know. Lucas didn’t say. Are you sure that’s the translation.’

‘Yes.’

I started to write it down.

‘If it’s just a quiz, why are you so upset?’

Only then did I realise I was still shaking my head. I stopped. ‘It’s just stupid. My brother can be such a weirdo,’ I said, trying to recover.

Dex knew how fragile my relationship was with Lucas. I hoped he’d buy my excuse as I pulled myself together. To my relief, he nodded. ‘It’s nice that you’re trying to do something for him. He’s not so bad, just the quiet type.’

I smiled and stroked his face. ‘Thanks.’ I gave him a brief kiss and we relaxed back into the night, sharing a plate of nachos and then disappearing into a corner to share a number of sub-ten-second kisses. I guessed if you added them all together, I was improving.

It was Lucy who interrupted us, pulling me away from a somewhat frustrated Dex.

‘So, I haven’t asked Noah to the graduation dinner yet,’ she told me and Miriam as we perched by the jukebox.

‘Why are you grinning from ear to ear then?’ I asked.

She squealed. ‘Because he asked
me
!’

If ever there was a moment for a group hug, this was it.

Miriam settled us down. ‘Look how perfect everything is. Me and Brett, Sabine and Dex, and now you and Noah. What were the chances of us all turning up to graduation with our dream guys?’

‘Totally! I can’t believe it!’ Lucy trilled.

I couldn’t quite muster the same enthusiasm, but I put on a good show for Lucy’s sake until I noticed the wall clock.

‘Oh, guys, I’ve got to go. I didn’t realise how late it was.’

My stomach turned over. How could I not have seen the time? It was already 11 p.m. and it was at least fifteen minutes home by car.

‘Is anyone driving?’ I asked, panicking when I remembered I didn’t have a ride home.

‘Sorry, Sabine. I came with Brett and we gave Lucy, Josh and Ollie a lift. It’s a full car. What about Dex?’

An arm snaked around my belly from behind. ‘What about Dex?’ he whispered in my ear.

‘She needs a lift home,’ Miriam said brightly. ‘You wouldn’t mind, would you?’

‘Of course not.’ He squeezed me a little tighter and I forced myself not to squirm.

‘Okay, well, that’s all decided then.’ Miriam threw me a coy look. ‘No all-night partying again tonight, Sabine. You need your beauty sleep.’ She winked suggestively before spinning on her heel with Lucy in tow.

Dex’s grip around my waist tightened to uncomfortable as we walked to his car.

‘What was Miriam talking about?’ His voice was rough. ‘Did you go out last night?’

‘No, no!’ I said quickly. ‘She was just teasing me because I looked so tired this morning. I didn’t go out, Dex.’

His grip loosened and I stepped away from him.

‘Are you sure nothing else is going on? You seem … different lately.’

Shit.

I needed to fix this. Now.

I smiled sweetly. ‘Different good, or different bad?’ And before he had a chance to answer, I stepped into his arms and kissed him like I’d never kissed him before. For the first time ever, Dex was the one to pull away, breathing heavily.

‘Promise me you aren’t seeing someone else,’ he demanded.

My hesitation only lasted a split second. ‘I’m not.’

Dex cupped the side of my face in his hand. ‘Kiss me again, Sabine. Like you did just then.’ Something about his tone made it seem as if he was daring me to refuse.

I didn’t.

I did everything necessary to assure both of us that Dex
was
the guy for me. The seconds went by; I tried not to count until he finally pulled back, satisfied with my response. As I opened my eyes, I was shocked by my feeling of disappointment – I’d been wishing to see someone else’s face.

Was it possible? Was that irritating, game-playing, cynical guy getting under my skin? Was that why it was so important that he know the truth?

‘Oh god, Sabine. I can’t wait for Monday night.’ Dex traced a line from my brow down to my bottom lip.

I forced thoughts of Ethan aside and fixed a sultry smile on my face.

‘Me either.’

I
was as ready as I’d ever been. Midnight was minutes away and I was sitting cross-legged and calm on my bedroom floor, surrounded by pillows. For some reason I didn’t want to be in my bed. Usually any deviation in routine upset me, but tonight I felt strangely empowered by the change.

When I Shifted, my composure came with me; it only took a few seconds to adjust to being in my Roxbury body. As the adrenalin faded, I faintly heard the end of the sentence Ethan had started before my last Shift.

‘… so sorry.’

I kept my eyes closed until I was ready, then I lifted my head and opened my eyes, taking slow, steadying breaths. The only way to manage this situation was to stay in control.

Everything was exactly as it had been when I left. I was
in the clinic. It was midnight. The clock lying on the bed now read 12.10 a.m. And Ethan sat wide-eyed and frozen.

I felt a stab of annoyance and narrowed my eyes, taking him in. His eyes were more shadowed than I remembered. He looked exhausted. His front teeth were firmly embedded in his bottom lip, moments from drawing blood. I glanced down at his hand, still holding his wristwatch mid-air. Was it trembling? He looked tired and worried, but it was more than that. He looked … sorry.

And he was beautiful.

I stared at him, his dark hair a messy bird’s nest, his full lips teasing me, his eyes showing a depth of soul I’d never seen in another person. Like he knew something the rest of us didn’t. A part of me began to ache.

As I watched, he glanced down at his hand. It was still shaking slightly. He lowered it to his lap. ‘Sabine,’ he whispered.

I felt an overwhelming urge to be closer to him. I cleared my throat. ‘It’s okay. I know it’s after midnight.’

‘Does that mean you …?’

I ran my hands through my shaggy dark hair, pushing it off my face. ‘Just listen before I forget. I’m tired, Ethan, and what you did to me … it …’ But I couldn’t even explain. I shook my head and went on, ‘Fifteen plus eleven equals twenty-six, and fifteen times eleven equals one hundred and sixty-five. The compound in chocolate that helps protect against
cardiovascular disease is called flavonoids. It’s also in berries and red wine. The language was Latin and the words translate to “Treasure all life” or something like that. Nice touch.’

Before Ethan could say anything, I threw back the sheets and stood up. ‘Stay in your seat, take it all in. I’ll see myself to the bathroom. I promise I’m not hiding anything sharp or dangerous, but I need to go throw up. And if you ever try to control me at midnight again, you and I are not going to get on at all.’

I held it together until I was just out of the room, then I slapped a hand over my mouth and bolted for the bathroom.

I was only sick once, but I stayed in the bathroom for a while, giving Ethan time to absorb. The odd thing was, I thought I’d be feeling smug, but instead I was just nervous. Would he be waiting with a syringe and restraints when I got back? Would he even be there?

When I couldn’t put it off any longer, I padded back to my prison cell. Ethan was standing by the window. I stayed by the door.

He glanced at me over his shoulder. ‘I’m sorry I betrayed your trust, Sabine.’

I sighed. ‘Call it even for the Digoxin.’

He rolled his eyes. ‘Not exactly a fair trade.’

I shrugged and waited for him to say more.

Eventually he turned to me and gestured with his hand helplessly. ‘This is a lot to …’

‘Look, if this is the part where you tell me you need some time to … think or whatever, save it. My father already gave that speech. Sharp needles followed.’

He tilted his head. ‘Actually I was thinking I could do with a drink.’ He half laughed.

I couldn’t help the small smile. ‘Yeah, well, I second that. We should hit the local bar – you know, dance up a storm while we’re at it.’

He looked at me oddly, like I was an abstract painting he was trying to decide if he liked or not. Finally he moved past me towards the door, a look of playful mischief in his eyes.

‘Ethan?’

‘Get dressed. I’ll be back in two minutes.’ He left the room, closing the door behind him.

I didn’t hesitate, shimmying out of my hospital gown. If there was any chance of ditching this joint, I was in. I didn’t think Ethan would actually take me dancing, but getting dressed at least meant going somewhere – even if it was just around the block.

I threw on the best of my limited supply of minis and the shortest of my T-shirts – it covered my bandage while still flashing a little belly skin – but then changed into a different one, chastising myself. Oh god, I was seriously crushing on this guy. I mean, he was basically my doctor and had done nothing
to make me think he cared for me more than … doctor–patient stuff.

But …
technically
he wasn’t a doctor. And it wasn’t like he was treating me for a condition I was actually suffering from.

I groaned internally. What was I doing? As far as he was concerned, the night before I’d attempted suicide.

But true to his word, Ethan came back in a few minutes, pausing with his hand on the door when he saw me. He coughed lightly, looking down. ‘You might be cold outside.’

I shrugged, enjoying the little swing in power. If you’re gonna wear it, you gotta walk it. ‘I’m good. Don’t have a coat.’

His Adam’s apple bobbed.

‘You okay?’ I asked, smirking.

He nodded and stepped inside, pulling the door closed behind him.

‘I thought we were going out?’

He smiled. ‘We are. That is, if you feel up to it?’

I flashed him a wide smile. ‘Definitely.’

With that, he dangled a set of keys from his hand and made his way to the window, first unlocking the security grilles and then the window, sliding it open fully.

‘After you,’ he gestured.

I raised an eyebrow. ‘Don’t you have to work or something?’

‘They have someone else covering my other duties while I’m monitoring you. No one will notice.’

‘Is this meant to be some kind of bonding thing? You pretend to sneak me out, but really three doctors and a couple of security guys are tailing us the entire time.’

He gestured to the window again. ‘
This
is me trusting you.’

I climbed out the window quickly so he wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes.

It felt strange walking the city streets after midnight. Unlike most teenagers, I was routinely asleep at that time.

We must have walked for nearly twenty minutes in silence. The strange thing was, it was comfortable. Calming. But Ethan was right: it was cold. When he offered me his jacket, as much as I wanted to, I didn’t refuse. And when I put my hands in his pockets and felt his set of keys, I was very glad I hadn’t.

We passed a twenty-four-hour convenience store and a few late-night cafés, but Ethan didn’t stop. When we came across a bar that was still open, to my surprise he headed straight towards it. I was even more surprised when no one stopped me for ID at the door. I doubted this was an all-ages bar.

Inside, things were in full swing. I guess that’s what happens in the places that stay open latest – everyone ends up there in the end. Ethan pointed to a free table in the back corner and we made a beeline for it.

I sat down, but he stayed standing. ‘I’ll get drinks. What do you want?’

‘Rum and Coke,’ I said, wondering if it would taste different in this life. Things often did.

He raised his eyebrows. I raised mine back.

‘You’re underage, Sabine.’

‘I think I’ve proven that may well be debatable, Ethan.’ I held his gaze. I didn’t want to be treated like a kid tonight. At least for tonight, I wanted to make my own choices.

When I saw the tug at his lips I knew I’d won. He didn’t say anything more, just disappeared into the swarming crowd. I hoped I wasn’t going to get a virgin drink and a lecture on his return.

I relaxed into my chair. The music was loud and I let myself sink into it, my body starting to sway to the beat. I liked this place. I wished I could get out more at night. The city really changed at witching hour, in a good way.

‘Sabine?’

I flinched, spinning in my seat.

Oh, mother of all things that wreck my lives.

Shit.

‘Davis! Hi!’ I said, completely freaked out. I hadn’t even considered running into somebody. I was such an idiot. I should’ve at least looked around before sitting down – and
Davis
, of all people.

I plastered a cheesy grin on my face. ‘How are you?’ I yelled over the music.

‘Shouldn’t I be asking you that? Capri called me after she
spoke to you. Said you were in hospital and she has to go visit your little sister tomorrow.’ Davis was tall and, unlike Angus, clean cut. He was a nice guy, but every time I saw him I thought of my father. The way he was always so neatly presented and careful with his words threw me. It was like he was crying out for approval. Some girls may look for a version of their father in a potential boyfriend – I was not one of them.

I stood up, trying to gain a little composure … and a plan.

‘I, um … Davis, it’s complicated.’

He took a step closer to me, taking in my outfit, then glancing at my broken wrist. ‘How? Are you sick or not?’

‘Well, they thought I was, but …’ I stammered.

Right then, an arm slipped around my waist from behind. Warm tender hands splayed territorially across my belly and Ethan pulled me back against his chest, planting a solitary, knee-weakening kiss on my neck before resting his chin on my shoulder to look right at Davis’s stunned face. Heat poured through my body, every nerve ending suddenly alive.

When Ethan spoke, he made sure it was loud enough for Davis to hear. ‘I told you everyone would find out eventually, Sabine.’

His words flowed so easily, his voice taking on a liquid quality that made the hairs on my arms stand up. His own arms stayed wrapped around me and I couldn’t help but notice how different they felt compared to Dex’s. No, how different they made
me
feel.

The place where Ethan had kissed me fleetingly on the neck burned, and before I knew what I was doing, my body took over and I was leaning back into his arms.

Shit!

‘Sabine, what’s going on? Are you with this guy?’ Davis asked, staring daggers at the hands on my stomach.

This isn’t happening, I told myself. Maybe I really have gone insane and I’m imagining things?

As if on cue, Ethan started to play with the bottom of my T-shirt, finding a small line of flesh. It was all I could do to stay upright. How could such a small touch do so much?

‘Sabine?’ Davis prompted impatiently.

Ethan took over. ‘Look man, I snuck her out of the hospital for a few hours – she’s going straight back, no harm. Her parents won’t approve of us and we just wanted to have a bit of time together. You know how it is.’

Some part of my brain finally clicked into gear and I realised what Ethan was doing.

‘Davis, um … this is a friend of mine,’ I said, avoiding using his name in case it got back to the clinic – or my parents. I wasn’t going to let Ethan get into trouble for me.

‘Boyfriend,’ Ethan clarified, somehow managing to move us even closer together so that I could feel the full length of his body against mine.

Davis wasn’t happy. I knew that Capri had been trying to set us up, but until now I hadn’t realised that Davis had clearly
been in favour of the idea too. ‘I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.’

‘Oh, it’s new.
Really
new.’ Me? Breathless?

‘But when you know, you know, right?’ Ethan added unnecessarily.

I craned my head to give him a look, but the way he was positioned my lips were basically on his before I quickly spun back towards Davis. Pulled tight against Ethan’s chest, I could feel every breath he was taking and I was sure he could feel my heart hammering.

‘Why all the lies?’ Davis said curtly.

‘It’s not lies. I was in the hospital. I mean, I am. I just … I snuck out. You won’t tell anyone, will you?’ I asked nervously.

‘Like Capri? Your best friend.’

‘Davis, please don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry that you and I …’ I swallowed. Ethan stayed silent, still holding me. ‘But if my parents find out, they’ll go mental.’

Out of nowhere Ethan planted another, more lingering kiss on the base of my neck, his nose trailing a path up to my hairline. Was he smelling me?

My legs almost gave way, but I kept my eyes on Davis, hoping he wouldn’t lose it.

After a tense pause, he sighed. ‘Sure, Sabine.’

I smiled in relief.

Davis looked at me questioningly. ‘So, you’re with
him
, then?’

Ethan chose this moment to become impatient. ‘Yes, man. She’s with me,
then
.’

I elbowed Ethan, but he didn’t let me go.

‘Davis, I –’

‘It’s okay,’ he said, cutting off my apology. ‘I won’t tell anyone I saw you.’

‘Thanks, Davis. I’m … you know,’ I said, still fumbling with my words.

‘It’s all good.’ He nodded once to Ethan. ‘I was just on my way out.’ And with that he turned and headed straight for the door.

I spun around. Ethan dropped his arms and stepped back, retrieving the drinks he’d left on a nearby table. I sat down again and took a sip – rum and Coke.

I couldn’t look at him.

‘What was that all about?’ I asked, staring at my drink.

‘You were freaking out. This way you can tell your friends you snuck out of hospital with a secret boyfriend and they’ll leave you be. At least about
why
you’re in hospital.’

‘And when they expect to see you and me walking hand-in-hand afterwards? What then?’ I blushed, thinking of how nice that would be.

When I glanced up he was looking at me, his expression tinged with sadness. ‘It won’t be a problem.’

‘What does that mean?’

He shrugged. ‘It means you’ll think of something.’ After a pause he smirked. ‘You can tell them I turned out to be a loser.’

‘That won’t be hard, I suppose.’ I returned the smirk.