Between (38 page)

“How are you feeling?” I ask. I give him a moment to respond, and when he doesn’t, I fill the silence. “The apothecary said you’d probably end up with a pretty amazing scar. Is it very sore?”

Nothing.

I shift on my feet, staring at his face. I replace what I see now with an image of him from my head-laughing, silly Keiran, flirting with everything that breathes. I blink, and blank Keiran is back.

Our friendship is worth this conversation
.

“Listen,” I say, trying to remember the way I’d rehearsed this in my head. “I’m so sorry.”

Whalen was a horrid, evil person. I am certain that I, and every single person I love, am safer now that he’s gone.

Even Keiran.

Still, I took a life, and that always matters. Keiran’s father is dead because of me. Of all the misplaced guilt I’ve felt over the last few weeks, this one is absolutely correct. My actions caused Whalen’s death. Keiran’s life will never be the same, and that is one hundred percent on my shoulders.

It’s a sick feeling, whether Whalen deserved to die or not. I took a life.

Keiran doesn’t acknowledge my apology. Not that I expect him to.

“I didn’t have a choice,” I tell him.

Keiran may not want to talk to me, but I know he hears me. I walk around the bed, placing myself directly in his line of vision.

“It was us or Whalen. I couldn’t save everyone. I’m sorry I had to choose, but I want you to understand,” I crouch beside his bed until my eyes are in front of his, “I
had
to choose.”

His gaze flickers, the first sign that he’s aware of me at all, and he looks directly into my eyes. There’s no light in them, only pain, and my own eyes burn with tears. I lower my head and let them fall. I’ve given up trying to hold them in anymore.

“Charlie,” he whispers.

I lift my head, so happy to hear him say my name I cry entirely new tears. “Yes?”

Keiran closes his eyes. “Please leave.”

His words crush me, and it takes a moment to breathe again. There are so many things to say, but I hold them in. “Okay,” I tell him. “I’ll come back tomorrow.”

I wait, giving him a chance to tell me to stay away.

He doesn’t.

It’s not much, but it’s all he’s going to give me right now, and that’s enough. The hurt in his eyes is there because I put it there, but I know I can get him back. He needs time, and I can give that to him.

But I’m not giving up.

When I stop in the doorway and look back at him, his eyes are on me. We hold each other’s gaze for a moment before he turns his head away again.

I allow a few seconds in the hallway to collect myself before I dip my head inside Sam’s door. He’s still asleep, just like every other time I’ve been here, but I go in anyway.

I stand over his bed, soothed by the peace on his face. I can only imagine the things he’s seen and heard over the last several days. I can’t wait to replace those memories with new ones.

His eyelids flutter, and I brace myself.

Please be happy to see me
.

Please don’t tell me to leave
.

When his eyes focus on me, his lips lift in a tiny smile. “Hey.”

I want to pounce on the bed and hug the daylights out of him, but that sort of thing might be dangerous for head wounds. It would’ve been so much easier if Seth had been able to heal Sam and Keiran like he healed me, but in that moment we’d made a quick decision to tell absolutely no one about drinking my blood, and demonstrating his improved powers for either of them was too risky.

“I’m so glad you’re awake.” I take a seat on the edge of the bed. I’m not sure when I’ll be accustomed to having him in front of me again. I want to keep my hands on him, to assure myself that he is really here.

Sam lifts a hand to the wide white bandage wrapped around his head and winces. “I think I’d rather be asleep. Where am I, Chuck?”

“You’re in the apothecary center.” I hesitate before adding, “In Ellauria.”

The mix of disappointment and disgust on his face is fleeting, but I catch it. He has the wrong idea about Ellauria. He’s going to love it here. I know it. He just has to see it. He has to let go of the images Whalen put in his head. I shift in my seat, choosing my words carefully. “I know you spent a lot of time with Whalen, so you don’t really see things the way they actually are yet, but—”

Sam laughs, a quick, frustrated burst of air rather than anything joyful. “Along those same lines, perhaps your judgment has been skewed by your time with the Fellowship.”

I pout at him. “That’s not fair. Whalen hurt a lot of people.”

“Magic hurt a lot of people,” he replies. “Magic ruined my life.”

It’s like Seth said. Sam’s brainwashed, just repeating the things Whalen drilled into him for days. “Those are Whalen’s words, not yours.”

“Just because he said them doesn’t mean I can’t agree with them,” he argues. “I’ve lost everything. My mother. My sister. My home. My life.”

“You haven’t lost me,” I say quietly.

He shakes his head. “I don’t want any part of this. If this is what your life is now, I’ve definitely lost you.”

“You haven’t lost me,” I repeat. I can’t understand why he’s giving up like this. He’s not even trying to hear my words. He’s so convinced that he’s right, he’s not giving me a chance to show him otherwise.

“We should’ve let magic die,” he mutters. “I shouldn’t have left the bracelet for you to find.”

That bracelet is the reason we were reunited. Without it, we wouldn’t be together right now. He’d rather have gone on without me?

“You understand that if magic dies, I die? I
am
magic, Sam. It’s in my blood. Whalen wanted me dead because of my connection to magic itself.”

His head falls to the side, staring at the wall. “But all of this would’ve come to an end,” he says. “There’d be no Fellowship to dictate lives. There’d be no threat to any of us.”

He’s not making any sense. “There wouldn’t be anything to dictate. None of us would exist. We’re all magical. We’d all die,” I say.

Sam swallows. “And this would all be over.”

I close my eyes and exhale. I’m losing him. With every single second, he’s receding deeper and deeper into whatever reality Whalen put in his head. Whalen is dead, but he’s still ruining my life.

“You don’t mean that, Sam. You can’t really feel that way.”

His gaze flickers to me. “You have no idea what I feel, Chuck.”

Seth’s sitting on the front steps of Artedion, and he waves when he sees me coming. He waits until I’m close enough to hear and says, “Sorry. That didn’t seem to go well.”

“Watch it,” I tell him, looking around to be sure no one overheard him.

The increase in his range of empath abilities is the biggest change we’ve noticed since he drank my blood. He doesn’t have to be near me to feel my emotions. It’s my least-favorite side effect of his enhanced powers. All I need is to be even more of an open book to him. Still, without my blood, he wouldn’t have been able to heal my necrolate poisoning before we came back to Ellauria, so I shouldn’t complain. Much.

He smiles at me. “Relax. We’re fine.”

If Principal Command, or anyone in the mystical realm, finds out he drank muralet blood, he’ll be banished. They won’t care that it was the only way to save me.

Seth won’t talk to me about it. I tried to ask how he feels, but I think he’s putting on a strong front for me. We both know the Fellowship is his life. Even if he’s starting to see its flaws, he can’t be banished.

His secret is as much mine as it is his. It may have been his final decision to drink my blood, but what else could he have done when I was lying there, dying, pressing my wrist to his lips?

I’m worried enough about how I’m going to find ways to kiss him as often as I want without being separated from him and assigned to a new Aegis. The idea of being separated across realms is a little more stress than I can handle right now.

“You ready to go back to the Between?” he asks.

Alexander wants us to meet him there to get an idea of the work we have ahead of us. A large portion of the Between has been demolished, thanks to Whalen’s presence and our showdown with him a couple days ago. It will need to be rebuilt, and the strength of the Source returned, in order to ensure magic’s stability throughout the realms.

“Sure,” I reply. Might as well find a way to stay busy since two of the three people I love most aren’t speaking to me.

“Hey,” Seth says, tilting his head. “They’ll come around. We’ll keep talking to them. Keiran will understand why Whalen had to die, and Sam will see the good we do here. It’s just going to take some time.”

I nod, swallowing a ball of emotions.

“Come on,” he says. He opens his arms, and I step inside. They close around me, and we disappear.

The crash of water is like a train roaring through the Between, and the murky green Source looks nothing like the waterfall I remember. The withering of the Between has stopped since Whalen’s death, but the damage done up until then still needs to be reversed. Seth and Alexander stand behind me, allowing me to study the Source.

I’m the key to creation. Somewhere inside me, I have what it will take to fix this.

“Be here,” Alexander reminds me.

I close my eyes.

Be here. Peace curls around me, until all I hear are the steady beat of my own heart and the gentle whoosh of my breaths, in and out.

When I open my eyes, I see every atom of every cell of every single thing around me. It’s different from the first time I saw them. The brilliant lights I saw last time have faded to only a fraction of the glow they once had.

I turn in a circle and see Seth and Alexander, a million tiny dots filling their shapes. There are outlines of tall, majestic trees and abundant growths of flowers—memories of what the Between used to be.

No. More than memories.

It’s a blueprint. The edges of the outlines shine. They’re filled with empty space, rather than the glowing orbs that make up the tangible objects around me.

This is her design. Right here, laid out in front of me.

I just have to find a way to create it.

I blink and the lights are gone, replaced by the sad, desolation of the new Between.

I still don’t know a thing about creation. Seeing the building blocks doesn’t mean I know how to control them. I need someone to show me how to find that power within myself. It’s not one that Alexander or Keiran or anyone will be able to show me.

I need Marian.

I’d thought she would return to Ellauria now that Whalen is dead, but there’s been no sign of her since we left the Between. I look around, hoping for a glimpse of her here and finding none.

“You’re sure I can do this?” I ask, turning to look at Alexander.

Alexander gazes upward, studying our surroundings. “Muralets were built for creation. You create magic where it’s needed, and you enhance the power and strength of others. There’s no question. This is who you are. It’s why you exist.”

Alexander can never just say “yes.”

A
CKNOWLEDGEMENTS

W
hen someone asks if this is my first book, I don’t even know how to answer. It is, but as many revisions as it took to get this story right, I feel like I’ve written at least five books under this title. I wouldn’t have kept going if it weren’t for my incredible support system.