Better Than Okay (9 page)

 
His
eyes traveled over her face. She felt it like a touch and she bit her lip,
struggling to get herself in check. She felt like crying. This wasn’t supposed
to be happening. She shook her head as if she was trying to physically reject
the situation she’d got herself into. He sighed and ran a hand over his head
again.

“I’m sorry,” she said again.

“Stop apologizing,” he said forcefully. He
shook his head, standing and pacing to the other side of the room.

She blinked, surprised again at his anger. She
didn’t understand why he was so mad at her. She stood up suddenly, bracing
herself with her palms on the wall behind her. She needed to leave. Now. The
tension between them was so thick she could barely breathe and she felt like
she was going to be sick.

“I need to go,” she said, refusing to meet his
eyes.

She was scared of what she might see there.

“We need to talk about what’s going on with us,
Destiny.”

She shook her head, still refusing to look at
him. She turned and practically ran from the room, ignoring him when he called
her name.

“Hey, I’m gonna go, I’m not feeling very well,”
she told Dorian as she entered the living room, searching around for her bag.
She found it on the couch between two pillows and quickly grabbed it, slinging
it over her arm.

“What’s up?” Dorian asked her, frowning.

“I just… I’m a little nauseous,” she explained
quickly. “I’m gonna go lay down.”

She met his eyes then looked away again. She was
a terrible liar and everything she ever felt always ended up on her face. If
anyone could see right through her, it was Dorian. He eyed her, then looked
back towards Brian’s bedroom.

“Call me and let me know you got home,” he told
her after a long minute.

 
He
picked at the skin on his cuticles, still studying her contemplatively.

“Okay,” she said, her hand already on the
doorknob.

She was glad he wasn’t going to press her
tonight. She looked back toward Brian’s room then stepped out the door.

Chapter
6

Two days. She hadn’t talked to him in two days
and she missed him. But she still couldn’t bring herself to talk to him. She
stared blankly at her computer screen. She was supposed to be transcribing an
interview she’d done with a new R&B group she’d interviewed a couple of
days ago, but she couldn’t concentrate.
 
It didn’t help that the group was mediocre at best, but somehow believed
they were God’s solution to soul music. Listening to them drone on and on,
spouting clichés about their vision and originality was slowly draining
whatever life she had left in her.

 
She
tossed her recorder onto her cluttered desk and leaned back in her chair,
sighing. She’d really screwed up. Brian was one of her best friends. One of
only two guys in her life that she actually trusted. And now things were so
weird between them, she couldn’t even talk to him.

She was ignoring his phone calls and texts. She
felt stupid and immature for doing it, just like she felt stupid for running
out of his room like a petulant twelve year-old, but she didn’t know what to
say. What could she say? The first time was maybe excusable. They were both
drinking, they were in a different city, and the music was intoxicating. But
this time they were completely sober. And the fact that it’d happened again,
under any circumstances meant something. She pushed her chair back and stood,
then went and plopped on her unmade bed, studying the ceiling.

Her phone rang and she reluctantly got up and
grabbed it off of her desk. It was Brian. Again. This was easily the fifth time
he’d called her in the past day and a half and it was easily the fifth time
she’d ignored him. Her phone started vibrating in her hand as she sat there
staring at it.

“Destiny.
Call me.”

She couldn’t bring herself to respond to his message.
Just looking at it made her ache and she tossed the phone on her bed, and lay
down because she didn’t know what else to do. She rolled onto her side and
stared at the wall.

She always tried to be honest with herself,
always tried to analyze her actions. Her mom thought she did it to a fault but
she never wanted to be one of those people who shucked responsibility and made
stupid-ass decisions under the guise of “finding themselves.”

 
So,
yesterday at lunch while she sat in Marsita’s, half-listening to Nathan and
Dorian argue about whether the Phoenix Sun’s defense was better than the Miami
Heats’, she’d finally admitted it to herself. She was attracted to Brian. She
couldn’t even think about him without her face heating, without remembering in
detail what his hands felt like on her body, and what his stubble felt like
against her skin.

Honestly, she was very attracted to him. That
was the only logical explanation for her reaction to him. And Brian was
attracted to her, too.

She didn’t know when or how their friendship
had transformed into more. Obviously it was around the time she’d been
hoodwinked into drinking that damn deceptive daiquiri in New Orleans. Either
way, it was there now, looming, hanging between them like thick fog before a
storm. Because that’s exactly what it would be if their attraction went any
further—a shit storm. Attraction turned into feelings and feelings turned
into relationships and relationships inevitably turned into shit. And who
enjoys being in shit? No one. Not even babies.

Her phone buzzed again.

“
If Clark
Kent and Bruce Wayne had an arm wrestling contest who would win? I personally
think Peter Parker would interrupt and kick both of their asses.”

What the hell? Destiny frowned, reread the
message then laughed. She hit the dial button.

“Ray, you gotta get back on Twitter, or
Instagram, or SnapChat or whatever form of social media is acceptable right now
because I can’t take anymore of these crazy texts,” Destiny said the second
Raven picked up.

Raven was going through social media withdrawal
and had decided about two weeks ago that whenever she wanted to post anything,
she would text Destiny instead. So now her inbox was bursting with random
pictures of Raven’s pedicures and food, subliminal messages aimed at her on and
off boyfriend Mark.

“Grasshopper, you know I can never, ever go
back to the Matrix under any circumstances,” she replied with an exaggerated
sigh. “What would my kids say?”

Like most teachers who were in the classroom
for more than the check and summer vacations, she referred to the seventh
graders she taught as her “kids.”

“Probably that you’re unstable,” Destiny said
wryly, pressing the speaker button so that she could talk to her without
holding the phone. She laid it next to her cheek and stared at the ceiling
again.

“That is correct, which is why I shan’t ever
return to the land of social media and all of its self-indulging,
exhibitionist, narcissistic, passive-aggressive glory,” she announced in a
terrible British accent.
 

Destiny laughed. “You’re so strange.”

“True story,” Raven replied, unfazed. “So do
you have all of our summer fun mapped out?”

“Yep,” Destiny lied. She had no idea what they
were going to do, honestly. But she was never worried about it. Raven was
always game for pretty much anything.

“Fabulous,” she said easily, mostly because she
probably knew she was lying. “So, what’s up with you? You sound like you
swallowed a pitiful pill.”

Destiny sighed audibly. “I did something
terrible.”

“Yeah, right.” Destiny could practically hear
her rolling her eyes.

“Seriously, Raven,” she said earnestly. She sat
up and leaned against the headboard.

“What happened?” She sounded concerned now.

Destiny hesitated, not sure how to tell her
that she’d basically ruined her relationship with Brian. Raven knew him pretty
well from his regular trips to Tallahassee when they were all in school
together. Raven and Brian immediately clicked.
 

“Me and Brian…”

“Had sex?” she interrupted wildly.

“Um, no,” Destiny said, frowning at the phone.

“Okay, sorry, I sometimes forget how precious
you are, Grasshopper,” she said, not sounding sorry at all. “Made sweet,
passionate love?! He finally de-flowered you?”

“No!” Destiny interjected, her cheeks heating.
“We just kissed… and stuff.”

“Oh.” She sounded disappointed. “Well at least
you kissed. It’s about freakin’ time. I was hoping something was going to
happen in New Orleans.”

“Actually…”

“What!?” she exclaimed into the phone.

“We just kissed then, too, Ray,” she said
dryly, rolling her eyes.

Raven was one of the many people who had
trouble believing that her and Brian had never crossed the line of friendship.
She said he was way too fine to be around so often and not have slipped up even
once.

“This is so terrible.” She felt dread settling
over her again.

“Oh God, Destiny. You’ve got to stop being all
unnecessarily dramatic.”

“
You’re
seriously calling
me
dramatic?” she
snorted.

“It’s not terrible, Grasshopper,” she
continued, ignoring her. “It’s great. He’s great. You’re great. Ya’ll are great
together.”

“Brian is my friend,” she countered, shaking
her head.

“Yes, and how cool would it be for you to end
up with your other best friend?” Raven said, unable to hide her excitement.
“What did he say? Like, what happened after you… kissed?”

Destiny hesitated, biting her lip.

“The first time we were both kind of drunk so
we just kind of played it off. This time he didn’t say much of anything. Just
that he didn’t mean for it to ‘happen like that’ or something. You know him.
He’s always so hard to read. And then I kinda… well, I just left.”

Raven huffed loudly. “So, you haven’t even
talked to him about it?”

 
“No, not really.” Destiny shook her head.
“Actually, not at all, honestly. He wanted to but I just…
 
I can’t.”

“Why not?” Raven asked in a way that made
Destiny feel even more immature.

She frowned. “I’m just...”

“Scared?” Raven inserted for her.

Destiny sighed. “We both know that things fall
apart.”

She winced and quickly shut her mouth. She
hadn’t meant to say that. Raven had just broken up with her on and off again
boyfriend of three years less than a month ago. This time for good, she hoped.
Mark was an asshole of epic proportions and used every unwarranted chance Raven
gave him to prove it.

“Things do fall apart,” Raven agreed after a
long minute. “But not everything.”

“Name one couple that’s been together for more
than two years that is actually happy.” Destiny didn’t wait for an answer
before she continued. “Better yet, name one married couple that isn’t absolutely
miserable.”

She waited a beat. “That’s what I’m saying,”
she sat up, running her fingers over the flower patterns on her yellow and
purple comforter. “I mean I know that some couples make it. But the odds are
like one out of every two thousand or something. If me and Brian act on
whatever this thing is I can lose him. Forever. And I can’t handle that.”

Raven sighed. “Oh, Destiny. You think too much
sometimes. Don’t out-think your life and miss it. Brian is good for you. You’re
good for him.”

It sounded like she had already given this a
lot of thought, which for some reason pissed Destiny off.

“Why are we so good for each other?” she
argued. “Because we’ve known each other forever? That doesn’t automatically
mean we need to be together.”

 
“No, it doesn’t,” she admitted. “But you
two are good for each other. You’re a lot alike, but you balance each other
too. A relationship needs balance.” She paused. “What does Dorian say?”

“He doesn’t know,” Destiny admitted.

“Yeah, right. He knows, trust me.”

Destiny frowned. “No, he’d probably kill us for
messing up our three amigo status.”

Raven sighed. “You need to talk to Brian,
Tweety. You’ve known each other for way too long to let something as simple as
a kiss make you avoid him.”

Destiny bit her lip and remained quiet. She was
tired of arguing about it, tired of thinking about it period.

“So, Mark texted me earlier, talking about how
he missed me,” Raven said, abruptly switching subjects. She knew her friend
well enough to know she needed to drop it for now.

“Did you reply?” she asked, grateful for the
subject change. She was praying she’d ignored his dumb ass.

“Nope,” Raven replied, confidently. “You should
be proud.”

“I am.”

And she meant it. She couldn’t stand seeing
Raven questioning herself the way she always did whenever she let that asshole
back into her life.

They talked for a few more minutes, mostly
about Raven’s student, Olivia. Olivia’s mom was an addict and Raven was scared
she was going to end up dropping out of school. She usually vented to Destiny
about whatever was going on with her students, which was unfortunately always a
lot. She didn’t bring up her drama with Brian again, although Destiny knew that
wouldn’t be the end of it.

After she hung up she laid there, thinking. It
was funny how one day something couldn’t be further from your mind and the next
it could be consuming you. That’s what this whole thing with Brian was doing.
Consuming her. And she didn’t like it at all.

* * *

Someone was beating on her door. She rolled over,
kicking at her comforter, which was tangled between her legs and got up,
wondering who it could be. She must have dozed off. She glanced at the time on
her phone as she quickly made her way to the door. It was eleven-thirty.

She peered through her peephole and opened the
door, her heart immediately thudding in her chest. Brian stood there for a
second after she opened it, staring at her. He was wearing a pair of gray
sweats and a sleeveless t-shirt. His eyes were tired.

She released a breath and he stepped in, making
his way to the futon, as she closed the door and turned to face him. He’d
seated himself on the edge of the cushion and was studying her. She could lie
and say she was surprised to see him, but she wasn’t. He’d never had a problem
facing things head on. His life demanded it of him. She was the one with the
confrontation issues. She felt stupid, and immature.

“Hey,” she said lamely, leaning her back
against the closed the door.

He didn’t respond immediately, just continued
studying her, his expression unreadable. “You disappeared on me,” he finally
said, breaking the awkward silence.

She bit her lip and looked away, releasing
another breath. There wasn’t any disappointment or anger in his tone. He said
it the same way you’d tell someone that the sky was blue. It was a fact.
Nothing more. Nothing less.