Better Than Chocolate (Sweet Somethings Book 1) (16 page)

He makes a low sound in his throat, like he’s trying to think. “I know. There isn’t a good way to explain it. She’s—flash and sizzle. You’re a constant.”

Moxley lets out a soft mew, and I ease my hold on him. “That’s kind of how I always thought of you.”

His chuckle rumbles over the line. “People can’t help seeing Sadie. But the thing is, I saw you first. I saw you standing up to a guy almost twice your size, getting between him and your best friend. And I admired you for having that kind of courage and loyalty, and you probably never even knew you had it.”

“Ryan, that’s not really what happened.”

“Maybe not. But it’s what I saw. And when he put his hands on you, I lost my mind. I never even saw him go at Sadie. All I saw was you flipping over a bush, and there was no way I wouldn’t take him down for it.”

I have to laugh a little myself. “You know what? I always thought you tackled him because he was about to go after Sadie.”

Now it makes sense, why he manhandled Josh at the wedding. He thought I was being threatened.

The laughter fades, and my heart feels a little hollow. “I had no reason to think a guy like you would even see me when Sadie was around.”

“Why the hell would you think something like that? What you do mean, a guy like me?”

My breath catches in my chest. Tears stir again. “Tall, handsome, thoughtful, smart. Do I have to keep going?”

“I wouldn’t mind it if you did.”

A new realization hits me. “You know what? I think you’re the reason I’ve never dated anyone since college for more than a few weeks at a time. Nobody else could measure up.” I bite my lip hard enough to wince. “Nobody else was you.”

Chair legs scrape on concrete again. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

I cover my eyes with my free hand, fighting the burn there. “Here’s the problem, though, Ry. You did pick Sadie. You did love her, and she loved you. And even though I never knew it, I was always between you. Your relationship never had a chance because of me. It’s just as bad as if I’d had an active role in it.”

He tries interjecting. But between the pounding of my heart and the shudders as I hold back my sobs, I can’t listen to him.

“Right now, I can’t see around the fact that Sadie knew it. She fought it, and I know you fought it, too. And the shitty thing is, it could’ve all been avoided if you’d just told me nine years ago that you loved me, that you wanted me, not Sadie. We both betrayed her.”

“Don’t say that. At least not about yourself.”

Tears leak from behind my fingers, trailing down my cheeks and dropping onto Moxley’s head. “So it doesn’t matter if you love me and I love you.”

He falls silent for a moment. “You do love me.”

“Way more than a friend,” I admit. “I think I always did, I just didn’t know what it was.”

“But you do now. So now we can figure this out.”

“No, we can’t. At least I don’t see how. Not when knowing this is so new, and I feel so totally guilty for what Sadie’s had to live with all these years. It doesn’t make any difference whether she blames me, or forgives you, or is married and moved on.” I sniff, rubbing my nose on the back of my hand. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear. But I think I need time.”

“What?”

“We should take time. You should figure out what you’re doing with your house and your job, and you should date somebody who isn’t me or Sadie.”

“I don’t want―”

“And I should be researching grants and fellowships,” I plunge on, “so I can go to grad school and find a way out of this holding pattern I’ve been in since college.”

“Don’t ask me to let you go. Not now, not when I’m finally free to have you.”

Desperation tinges his words. I picture his eyes, the melted semi-sweet chocolate gaze that almost brought me to my knees two days ago.

“Carmel-cakes―”

“I don’t think you should call me that anymore, Ry.” I squeeze my eyes shut and briefly press my palm over my lips to stifle a sob.

A thud echoes over the line, as if he dropped something or slammed his hand down on a table. “I’m not giving you up.” His voice shakes.

“I’m sorry.”

“Please, Carmella. Don’t hang up. I love y―”

Moxley crawls out from between my legs and rubs his head against the back of my hand. I stare at my phone, my thumb hovering over the screen, the display blinking,
Call ended
.

Dropping it onto the bed, I flop over, dimly aware of my door swinging open. I twist around, meeting Tess’s concerned gaze as she and MaMére hover in the doorway.

“You need anything, Yankee-girl?”

My lower lip quivers as I shake my head. “Nothing I can have.”

“Only because you won’t let yourself have it.”

Overwhelmed and exhausted, I give in to my tears, burying my face in the bedspread. MaMére murmurs something indistinct, then Tess swoops down, hugging me from behind.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s okay,” I blubber. Pushing myself up, I turn to her and scrub my hands over my face. “I’ll be fine. It’s not like I actually had a real claim on him or something.”

She shakes her head, a half-smile playing on her lips. “If you keep telling yourself that, you’ll end up getting over him. And that might not be what you want in the end, Sannarelli.” She runs one hand over my hair to smooth it down. “I’ll clean up and head home. MaMére will lock the door. I’ll stop over tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“Okay.” She peers into my eyes, a little skepticism in hers. “Call me if you need anything tonight. You hear me?”

Lips twisting into a wry grin, I give the Girl Scout salute. With a hug and a pat to the shoulder, she returns to the living room. I lay down again. To the arrhythmic lullaby of Tess and MaMére’s conversation, accompanied by the clank of aluminum cans and the rush of running water, I fall asleep.

Chapter 18

Better Than Chocolate

Over the next few weeks, Tess buries me in cakes, cookies, and other confections in an attempt to distract me. It helps that we’re smack dab in the middle of wedding season, and I barely have time to breathe, let alone wallow. At least during the day. To her credit, Tess also tries to keep me busy at night and on days when the bakery’s closed. But when it’s just me and Moxley at home, my thoughts find their way back to Ryan, Sadie, and St. Croix.

I never have the guts to call him again, and I almost go so far as to delete him from my phone. But I can’t sever that last tie. It’s as if my heart is saying,
Wait. Just wait. You might want that number someday
. But as time goes by, it gets harder to believe I’ll come out on the other side of this with any connection to Ryan still intact.

Before I know it, summer begins to let go of Savannah, and Sadie arrives at my apartment with her new family at the end of October. Nelson seems out of place in my living room while I give them the ten-cent tour, but he’s gracious enough not to let on if he feels uncomfortable.

Katrina, without meaning to, starts to raise Moxley’s hackles as she teases him with the fuchsia feather boa she wears around her neck. I don’t particularly care to deal with scratches, and I doubt Katrina or Nelson would appreciate them either.

“Why don’t we walk down to the river?” I suggest.

At the picture window, Rose spins around. “Can we, Dad?”

“Can we get ice cream or something?” Distracted from my poor cat, Katrina pops up off the floor.

Nelson agrees and ushers Sadie and his girls into the hallway while I grab my purse.

The afternoon is pleasant and sunny, and while the girls skip ahead of us down State Street, I point out my favorite landmarks. It takes about forty-five minutes to reach the steps down from Bay Street, and after the girls are settled with chocolates from one of the best candy shops in town, Sadie and I stroll away from Nelson.

She links arms with me. “I wish I’d come to visit you here a lot sooner. You fit in here so well. Way better than you did in Atlanta. It’s . . . slower here. Relaxed.”

“Well, I didn’t want you to move here. Just be a tourist. You and Nelson should take the girls out to Tybee Island before you leave. The water’s cold, but the beach is fantastic.” I smile at her, and her expression piques my curiosity. “You love the beach. What’s with the frown?”

She shakes her head. “Oh, nothing. We’ll definitely take them down to Tybee, maybe tomorrow morning before we head back to Atlanta to catch our flight home.” She rolls her eyes. “I brought Nelson to meet Grandma Berkley.”

“I’m sure she loved him.”

“Oh, she did. My dad wasn’t as enthusiastic, but I think he’ll come around.” She sighs. “I had to see Kate. But whatever. I won’t let her stress me out. I’m too happy.”

I pull her to a stop. “Are you? Promise?”

A soft smile spreads on her lips, and she steps back to turn a pirouette, arms lifted. “Carmella, I’ve never been this happy. Ever. I thought nothing could top my wedding, but Nelson and the girls make me a little happier every day.” With a laugh, she spins back and hugs me tight.

Something feels different. Jerking back, I grab her shoulders and survey her from head to toe. Her flowing tunic top isn’t an unusual fashion choice for her. But the breeze off the river presses the light fabric against her in a way that makes it obvious what she’s trying to disguise.

“Sadie! Are you . . .”

“Yes!” She bounces and clasps my hands. “Yes, I know, it’s crazy and stupid, and it was totally unplanned. But I’m pregnant, and I’m so excited.”

When she called me to tell me she was eloping with Nelson, I didn’t think I could ever be more stunned by anything she might say or do. But I have now been proven wrong.

Sadie-ated, yet again, I plunk down onto the nearest bench. “But when?”

She grins as she sits down next to me. “I’m due at the end of April. I hope Tess will give you some time off to come down for the christening.”

“I’m sure she won’t mind, given the circumstances.” I take her hand. “But I thought you didn’t want to have kids of your own.”

She’d told Ryan the same thing, and I know from the sudden downward cast of her eyes she remembers.

“I guess it wasn’t meant to be before. I really believed it myself. But with Nelson, it’s so different. We weren’t planning this by any means, and he was as shocked as I was. But once I wrapped my head around it, I knew it was something I wanted.” She straightens, placing one hand on her stomach. There’s just a little roundness there that’s only discernable because she’s so slender. But then she lowers her hand to her lap and winks at me. “But between you and me, I think it’ll be just this once. You know how I am about my figure.”

We share a laugh, then I lean back. “How are you settling in?”

“It’s been pretty smooth. Nelson’s handed a few enterprises over to Josh, so that’s freed him up a little more.”

I lift one eyebrow. “And how’s Josh?”

“Honestly, the same as ever. I think Nelson’s trying to knock a sense of responsibility into him. The accounts he’s handling require some long-term travel, where he has to stay in one place for at least six months. It sucks for the girls, but it’ll be good for him.” She stretches her left hand out, admiring her rings. “I’ll tell him you asked about him.”

“By the way,” I say. “Why were you so stuck on pairing me up with him at your wedding?”

“Like I told you, I thought you might have fun with him. He’s a good guy. Plus, given how oblivious you were about Ryan, I figured it was worth a shot to set you up with Josh.”

“But you knew how Ryan felt. You admitted to trying to make our paths cross to see if he’d speak up.”

“True. But I didn’t know how you felt. And I didn’t know for sure if he’d have the guts to say anything.”

We sit in silence for a couple minutes, watching the boat traffic on the river. Then another aspect of my curiosity bubbles up, and I venture to satisfy it.

“So, you flew in and out of Atlanta?”

She glances at me in that knowing way of hers. “Yeah.”

“Did you have to take care of any business while you were there?”

“If you’re asking whether or not I met up with Ryan, the answer’s yes.” She sighs, straightening her legs in front of her and crossing her ankles. “We had to settle up over the house and everything. Nelson took the girls to the aquarium while I dealt with that.”

I fiddle with a lock of hair, blown into my face by a gust of wind. “You didn’t say anything to him about being pregnant, did you?”

“No, but I think he guessed it.”

I clear my throat. “Do you know if he’s . . . seeing anyone?”

“He mentioned going on a few dates. Nothing that stuck.” She turns, hooking one arm over the back of the bench. “What about you?”

“I’ve gone on a couple dates. I haven’t had a lot of free time this summer.”

“Not that. You and Ryan, I mean.”

My heart plummets, and I keep my gaze on a little fishing boat. “No such thing.”

“Carmella, come on.”

I shrug, trying to appear nonchalant and probably failing miserably. “It’s the truth. I called him the day after I got back from St. Croix, and I haven’t talked to him since.”

“Well, why the hell not?”

“Because I can’t, Sadie.” I brush off the comforting hand she extends and stand up, crossing my arms. “He’s your ex. You’re my best friend.”

Behind me, she groans. “Oh, for the love of God, would you quit that already?”

“Quit what?”

She stands, hands on her hips. “Quit putting me first. Ryan and I are done. Over. Buried. I have no hard feelings toward him, I don’t blame you, and you’re being stupid for not taking your second chance with him.”

I frown. “What second chance? I never had a first chance.”

“Because you didn’t realize he was asking for one.” She steps forward and presses her fingertip into my chest, over my heart. “Stop ignoring this.”

“Sadie . . .”

“Do you still love him?”

Her question catches me off guard. I haven’t thought about it, and I’ve been trying to forget it. But if I have to stop and consider it, the answer is yes. And I’m dying to know if he still loves me.

Sadie must see it in my eyes, because she pulls her hand back with a grin.

Katrina sprints over, her last piece of chocolate extended. “Sadie! I saved this one for you.”

“Thanks, sugar.” Sadie pops the chocolate into her mouth and winks at me as she chews. “Nothing better. Right, Carmella?”

Nelson and Rose join us, and I force myself to act cheerful again. “So, what do you think of my adopted hometown?”

“Lovely, it really is,” Nelson says. He tucks one arm around Rose. “I’d love to see this bakery Sadie’s told us so much about. She’s never quite stopped bragging about your abilities.”

“My boss is the one who deserves the praise. It’s her bakery, remember.” I blush anyway, pleased at the compliment. “If all goes well, I may not be at the bakery too much longer. At least not full time. I’m looking at some grants and scholarships, hoping to find a reputable online graduate program in history.”

Sadie catches the ever-in-motion Katrina and hugs her from behind. “Still looking to be a curator somewhere important?”

“To start. I have my sights aimed a little higher.”

She nods. “If I know Tess, she’ll have a thing or two to say about you ditching her.”

“Well, I won’t ditch her until she has someone to pick up the slack. She’s hoping to take out another small business loan after Christmas to expand. Might be able to take on more employees if she does.”

Nelson perks up. “Pardon my asking, if it seems rude. But how much of a loan would she need?”

His investment senses must be tingling. “I don’t know the exact amount. Depends if she decides to find a new location or renovate her existing space.”

Katrina starts yawning, and we still have the walk back to my apartment before the Mattinglys can call it a night. By the time we reach their car, the streetlights have turned on.

“Hey, Sadie-lady,” I call before she climbs into the passenger seat.

Signaling to Nelson that she’ll be right back, Sadie returns to my side. “What’s up, honey?”

“I just . . .” Pursing my lips, I try to find the right words but can’t. “Keep in touch, okay?”

With an understanding smile, she wraps her arms around me, squeezing tight at the last. “You keep your chin up. And remember what I said.”

“I will. Promise.”

One last squeeze, and she hurries back to the car. I wait until they pull away from the curb before I go up to bed.

My phone rings early the next morning, startling me out of a sound sleep. Incoherent, I almost fall out of bed reaching to answer it.

“Carmella?”

Tess. “What time is it? Am I late?”

“No. It’s eight-thirty. Sadie Miller—Mattingly, whatever—and her husband just left my bakery.”

“So?” Not following, I slide out of bed and search for my slippers.

“Nelson Mattingly wants to invest in my business.”

I trip over the blankets at the foot of the bed. “What?”

“He said you told them about my plan to get a loan and expand in the spring. He said it would be a better idea for him to invest, because then I won’t have to worry about paying the bank back. And then he started talking about offering assistance to employees who might need to be trained or take pastry courses. And what’s this about you going to grad school? Not planning to desert me, are you?” She takes an exasperated breath.

Sinking back onto my bed, I sigh. “Okay, first thing, yes, I’m looking at grad school. And second, they surprised me yesterday and started asking about the bakery. So there you go.”

“Huh.” Pans rattle in the background. “Just so you know, I took him up on the offer.”

I rub the heel of my hand into my eyes. “Good.”

“But there was a condition.”

“Which was?”

“You have to become my business partner.”

If I wasn’t already sitting down, I would fall down. “Are you serious?”

“Completely serious. And honestly, Yankee-girl, you’d better say yes. Because the proposition he outlined makes way more sense in the long run than if I have to keep taking out loans. Plus, it’s probably the only way I’ll ever get access to your chocolate cream pie recipe.”

A content smile creeps across my face. “Don’t count on it. But I promise to make as many as you can sell.”

I can hear the smile in her voice as she answers, “You got a deal, Yankee-girl.”

Six Months Later

“Order up!”

From my prep station, I watch Tess slide three large plates through the serving window. A hand flashes in and out of view. By the gauntlet of friendship bracelets, it must be the new girl, Lily, a student from Savannah College of Art and Design who picks up hours during Saturday brunch.

The expanded kitchen gleams with new state-of-the-art appliances and cookware. As I put the final royal icing rose on top of the wedding cake before me, I mentally applaud the way Tess utilized her investor’s money. Nelson will be arriving in a few days to check out the new space, and I have a week scheduled at the end of May to fly to Christiansted.

On my own dime this time around.

Brushing confectioners’ sugar from my hands, I hurry through the kitchen doors to help out at the counter. Tess is right behind me, a tray of croissants in hand for the case up front.

“Remind me to express my humblest thanks when Nelson gets here,” she says. “We’ve been crazy busy since we reopened, and while I’m not complaining, I can’t wait to get the rest of the new hires trained.”

“It’ll all come together.” I step up beside Lily to help her cash out a customer.