Bette Midler (67 page)

1995
—Bette founded the New York Restoration Project.

1996
—American Comedy Award for funniest supporting role in a motion picture for
Get Shorty
.

1996
—Bette stars in
The First Wives Club
, her first movie to break $100 million at the box office.

1997
—Women in Film Crystal Awards (trio of
The First Wives Club
received this award).

1997
—Honored by the United Nations as an “Influential Woman Leader in the Environment.

1997
—Emmy for Outstanding Performance in a Musical/Variety Program for
Diva Las Vegas
.

1997
—Cable Ace Award for Best Performance in a Musical/Variety Program for
Diva Las Vegas
.

1998
—American Comedy Award for funniest female in a television special for
Diva Las Vegas
.

2000
—Bette’s CBS sitcom,
Bette
, premieres; it’s canceled after 18 episodes were filmed, and 16 were aired in America.

2001
—
TV Guide
Award for “Actress of the Year in a New Television Series” for
Bette
.

2001
—People’s Choice Award for “Favorite Female Performer in a New Television Series” for
Bette
.

1. “The Pilot”

Co-starring: Danny DeVito

First Broadcast in America: October 11, 2000

Synopsis: Bette is established as a sitcom replica of the Bette Midler the public has come to know over the past four decades. When her fictional husband, Roy (Kevin Dunn), falls asleep in bed before making love to her, Bette does a Lucy-like meltdown in the self-confidence department. She consults a plastic surgeon and invests in a sophisticated exercise machine that she can’t seem to figure out how to use. Bette further loses her grip on her family life when she tries in vain to act “hip” in front of her thirteen-year-old daughter Rose (Lindsay Lohan).

2. “And the Winner Is . . .”

Co-starring: David James Elliot, George Segal, Sharon Lawrence

First Broadcast in America: October 18, 2000

Synopsis: When Bette wins an award, she thanks everyone BUT her husband, Roy. Roy couldn’t care less, but Bette obsesses of ways to make it up to him. Finally, she drives her manager, Connie (Joanna Gleason), to seek out ANY sort of award that can be presented to her, so that she can thank Roy. She thinks she is getting an award from the American Film Institute, but she is getting something quite different at the end of the show.

3. “Halloween”

Co-starring: Dolly Parton

First Broadcast in America: October 25, 2000

Synopsis: Bette guest stars on Dolly Parton’s TV special, and she is thrilled with how well they both get along together. However, her feelings are hurt when she finds that Dolly has lavished wonderful gifts on Midler’s family, manager, and accompanist, Oscar (James Dreyfus). Simultaneously, it is the Halloween season, and Bette is dismayed that her daughter Rose (Marina Malota) feels she is too old to trick or treat. As a joke, Bette dresses
up as Dolly and does some devilish pranks in the neighborhood. When her prank gets the real-life Dolly in trouble, Bette repeats the ploy—this time dressed as Barbra Streisand.

4. “Silent but Deadly”

First Broadcast in America: November 1, 2000

Synopsis: Stricken with a problem concerning her vocal cords, Bette is rendered speechless for twenty-four hours. Bette is determined not to let her mute condition disrupt her day. Roy thinks that she is mad at him and giving him the silent treatment to get even. This is the episode with the famous fart joke that neither Jack Nicholson nor Candice Bergan would perform. In the set-up gag, Bette takes the blame for someone else “cutting the cheese.”

5. “Two Days at a Time”

Co-starring: Oprah Winfrey

First Broadcast in America: November 8, 2000

Synopsis: Bette is invited to be part of one of Oprah’s televised book club discussion groups. It seems that Bette has overbooked herself for personal appearances that particular week. She shows up for Oprah’s book club and tries to mask the fact that she hasn’t read a single word of the book and has no clue what anyone is talking about.

6. “Color of Roses”

Co-starring: The Harlettes

First Broadcast in America: November 16, 2000

Synopsis: Bette invites her faithful accompanist, Oscar, to produce a song for her new album. However, always-in-control Bette won’t quit insisting on changing the proceedings. The song she is recording is the cut from her current Bette album,
The Color of Roses
. Along the way, she performs the song in a disco version, a rap version, a Jamaican reggae version, and even a gospel version. Finally, she decides to go with Oscar’s original concept, the simple ballad version of the song.

7. “In My Life”

First Broadcast in America: November 22, 2000

Synopsis: Bette presents several flashbacks of her fictionalized TV life, including how she and Connie met, how she and Oscar met, how she and Roy met, and the birth of her daughter Rose.

8. “I Love This Game”

Co-starring: Kobe Bryant, the Laker Girls

First Broadcast in America: November 29, 2000

Synopsis: Bette promises Roy floor seats to a Los Angeles Lakers basketball game at the Staples Center. She has to scramble to get the seats and finally gets her hands on them through star player Kobe Bryant. However, when she gets to the seats, Bette finds that she doesn’t like their positioning
in the audience. In a comedy of errors, Bette dislocates Bryant’s finger and ends up swept into formation with the team’s cheerleading squad, the Laker Girls.

9. “. . . Or Not to Be”

Co-starring: Tim Curry, the Harlettes

First Broadcast in America: December 13, 2000

Synopsis: Bette wrangles her way into a production of
Hamlet
, starring Tim Curry. However, she has an anxiety attack, worried that she doesn’t have what it takes to cut the mustard with Shakespeare. Once she has the confidence, she turns her Shakespearean debut into a Divine Miss M production, complete with Harlettes.

10. “Diva Interrupted”

Co-starring: The Harlettes

First Broadcast in America: December 20, 2000

Synopsis: When
US
magazine announces its special issue, “The 50 Most Powerful People in Hollywood,” Bette is aghast to find that she is not on the list. She hires a new publicist to get her some press. Everything backfires in her face when she tries to stage a fake nervous breakdown, so that she can make a miraculous recovery.

11. “True Story”

Co-starring: Joy Bahar, Lisa Ling, Merideth Vierra, and Star Jones

First Broadcast in America: January 9, 2001

Synopsis: Bette gets caught in a little white lie, which mushrooms into a nightmare, when she claims that she saved a drowning boy. The four hostesses of
The View
TV show want to have Bette on their show as a guest, along with the saved boy. Bette has to “cast” a boy into the role of the rescued lad, and neither Bette nor the kid can keep the story straight.

12. “Of Men and Meatballs”

Co-starring: Tony Danza

First Broadcast in America: January 10, 2001

Synopsis: Bette and her manager, Connie, leave town to have some fun. Bette wants to hook Connie up with a nice single guy, but they end up with twenty-something boys instead of men. Connie has her pick of a “Mama’s boy” and an overanxious stuntman.

13. “Big Business”

Co-starring: Fred Willard

First Broadcast in America: January 24, 2001

Synopsis: Caught up in the idea of having a product to sell on one of the home shopping TV networks, Bette decides to design an outfit to sell on the air. She insists on doing the designs herself, and the result is a hideous disaster of bad taste, which no one wants to purchase.

14. “The Invisible Mom”

Co-starring: Olivia Newton-John and her daughter Chloe Rose

First Broadcast in America: February 7, 2001

Synopsis: Bette decides to volunteer at daughter Rose’s school. However, when she is snubbed by another mom (Olivia Newton-John), she does everything she can to endear herself. Connie, meanwhile, stakes herself out in the girl’s lavatory, where she ends up giving relationship advice and talking frankly about boys.

15. “Poltergeist”

Co-starring: Jon Lovitz

First Broadcast in America: February 28, 2001

Synopsis: Bette’s new neighbor is comedian Jon Lovitz. However, his house is being remodeled, and he asks if he can stay with Bette. Wanting to appear generous, Midler lets him stay, while he slowly drives her nuts. He tries to convince Bette that there is a “black cloud” of misfortune over her house, and that she should sell. Lovitz has the best line; basting a turkey in Bette’s kitchen, with turkey baster in hand he announces, “Gobbles needs a bath.”

16. “Brand New Roy”

Co-starring: Robert Hays

First Broadcast in America: March 7, 2001

Synopsis: Roy seems to be acting odd, and he actually seems to have some comic chemistry with Bette, unlike Kevin Dunn. Could the reason be that Roy is now portrayed by a brand new actor? Robert Hayes, of
Airplane!
fame, takes over as Bette’s fictional husband—in his first and only episode of the series. New Roy and Bette try to leave Los Angeles for a romantic trip to Paris; however, they cause havoc at the airport, and never get off the ground.

NOTE: The previous episodes were broadcast in America on the dates noted. CBS-TV pulled the plug right before the last show was broadcast. The ratings were so low on the show that the network never put the show in “reruns.” However, two more episodes were filmed, which ran in several overseas markets. They are as follows:

17. “The Grammy Pre-Show”

Synopsis: Bette is scheduled to perform on the Grammys, and the whole family is invited to join her. Oscar’s grandmother is in town visiting, Connie starts a fashion trend with her new earrings, and Bette keeps trying to destroy her diet—and her ability to fit into her gown—by nibbling constantly.

18. “Method to Her Madness”

Synopsis: Bette sets out on a quest to find the perfect movie role, by doing some real-life research. She ends up in a truckstop, doing her research.

The index that appeared in the print version of this title was intentionally removed from the eBook. Please use the search function on your eReading device for terms of interest. For your reference, the terms that appear in the print index are listed below

A&M Recording Studios

Aalon

ABC-TV

Absolutely Fabulous
(film)

Academy awards

Ace of Base

“The Acid Queen” (song)

Adopt-a-Highway

Adult Contemporary chart

advertising

African Room, New York City

After Dark

AIDS

album chart rankings: Broken Blossom

Divine Madness

Experience the Divine

For the Boys

Live at Last

Some People’s Lives

Songs for the New Depression

Album Reviews
bulletin

Alda, Alan

Alice through the Looking Glass
(play)

All Girls Productions

“All I Need to Know” (song)

Allen, Peter

Allen, Woody

“Am I Blue?” (song)

America

American Musical & Dramatic Academy

“An Intimate Evening with Bette” (tour)

And the Bank Played On

Anderson, John

Andrews Sisters

Animal House
(film)

Ansen, David

appearance

bust size

hair color

in
Outrageous Fortune

in
Ruthless People

weight loss.
See also
clothing and dress

Architecture Digest

Arizona Daily Star

Arnold, Eddie

“Around the World” (song)

Art or Bust!
(HBO special)

Art or Bust!
(video)

Arthur, Brooks

Artists Entertainment Complex

Ashford & Simpson

Ashford, Nicholas

Asner, Ed

Associated Press

“At Seventeen” (song)

Atlanta Journal

Atlantic Records

audiotape of “Depression Tour”

Bette of Roses

Broken Blossom
album

Dylan on label

Gypsy
soundtrack

initial contacts with

Thighs and Whispers

unreleased Midler tracks

audience reactions: concert tours

Continental Baths

Diva Las Vegas

Divine Madness

Downstairs at the Upstairs club

New Year’s Eve shows

Schaffer Music Festival

Tonight Show

autograph sessions

Avedon, Richard

Average White Band

awards and distinctions

Academy Award nominations

Billboard Music Awards

Cable ACE awards

Emmy awards

German Record Award

Gold certified

Golden Globe awards

Grammy awards

Hasty Pudding Award

listing

People’s Choice Award

Platinum certified

Ruby Award

Tony awards

TV Guide Awards

VH1 Honors

Aykroyd, Dan

“Baby Mine” (song)

Baca Designs Unlimited

Baca, Dorothy

Bacharach, Burt

Backstreet Boys

Balanchine, George

Ballet Musicians’ Union

“Bang, You’re Dead” (song)

Barnes, Clive

Barracuda, Johnny

Barrow Street apartment

Barry Manilow I
(album)

baseball games

Basil, Toni

Bates, Alan