Bette Midler (52 page)

Her bitter older sister Ethyl (Whoopi Goldberg) complains loudly about how Jackie’s career should have been hers. Julie Haggerty, of
Airplane!
fame, plays Pammy Dunbar, a ditzy pitchwoman, selling “Essence of Jackie” hair relaxer with Washington on a TV infomercial gone
bad. It is directly followed by country star Dolly Parton complaining on camera that it was “Essence of Jackie” that nearly killed her dog.

And, amidst it all, along comes Bette. Playing herself, she is interviewed on camera and doesn’t miss a chance to “dish” legendary soul singer Jackie. She relates a story about how she had to share a dressing room with Jackie at an industry event. Jackie supposedly recoiled at being hugged by Bette. Midler called her a “racist,” who thinks that white people all smell like white potato chips. “A fucking nightmare,” is how Miss M describes the dressing room debacle. “I was devastated!” she claimed, “I don’t smell like white potato chips. I have always prided myself on, on, on, on smelling flowery.” According to Bette, the revenge came when she next ran into Jackie. This time it was Washington who was stinking—drunk, that is—“She was reeking of gin!” proclaimed a gloating Midler.

Jackie’s Back
was directed by Robert Townsend (
The Five Heartbeats, B.A.P.S
.), and the musical director was Marc Shaiman. It was a funny and amusing film, enlivened by Miss M’s presence.
Jackie’s Back
originally ran on USA Cable network and was later released on DVD (2002).

In her third 1999 big screen appearance, Bette was one of the stars to be interviewed for the real-life video documentary
Get Bruce
. The film was produced and directed by Andrew J. Kuehn; the subject of the 73-minute video portrait was Bette Midler’s long-time joke writer Bruce Vilanch. In the two decades since he first worked with Miss M, he had moved from Chicago to Hollywood, where he wrote scripts for Donny & Marie Osmond’s 1970s TV series,
The Brady Bunch
’s musical TV specials, and a host of stars in need of carefully tailored jokes for their live acts, movies, or TV show appearances.

Several of the media stars whom Vilanch has closely worked with appear on camera, chatting, reminiscing, and making jokes to and about Vilanch. In addition to Bette Midler,
Get Bruce
also features a glittering cast of subjects, including Raquel Welch, Nathan Lane, Lily Tomlin, Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Rosanne, Shirley MacLaine, and Paul Reiser. Even Ann Margaret gets into the act, as she sings the film’s theme song, “Get Bruce.”

The premise of the movie is that whenever they are invited to say something witty in public, they all come to the same solution: “Get Bruce!”—he’ll write the jokes.

An unlikely star, thanks to his frequent TV appearances on the twenty-first-century version of
Hollywood Squares
(produced by Whoopi Goldberg), Vilanch has become a nationally noted media star. For the most part, Bruce looks like a rotund, gay teddy bear with a beard, who has what looks like unkempt and curly mop-like blonde “Tina Turner” hair plopped on his head. In this documentary portrait, he proves to be as good a stand-up comic as he is a writer. Bruce always seems poised and ready to deliver his stream-of-consciousness schtick.

Bette played a raving harpy of a wife in the 1986 comedy hit
Ruthless People
. She played Barbara Stone, a woman who is kidnapped. However, her husband doesn’t want her back, and she is such a terror that her kidnappers have to keep lowering the ransom.
(Courtesy of Laurel Moore for Touchstone Pictures / MJB Photo Archives)

When a captive Midler is locked in a basement with gym equipment, she puts herself on an exercise regime, and turns the table on her captors in
Ruthless People
. The 1986 film was part of a cinematic winning streak for the actress.
(Courtesy of Laurel Moore for Touchstone Pictures / MJB Photo Archives)

Lily Tomlin and Bette Midler teamed up to play two sets of mismatched twins in the 1987 comedy
Big Business
. Two Midlers and two Tomlins spelled double trouble and double laughs for the pair.
(Courtesy of Laurel Moore for Touchstone Pictures / MJB Photo Archives)

Midler and Woody Allen played a battling husband and wife in the 1991 film
Scenes from a Mall
. While shopping for their anniversary party, they each learn that the other is having an extramarital affair.
(Courtesy of Brian Hamill for Touchstone Pictures / MJB Photo Archives)

The film
For the Boys
was a dream project for Bette. Starring with James Caan, she was also the producer of the film. Although the role gained her a second Academy Award nomination, the movie was a huge box-office disappointment.
(Courtesy of Francois Duhamel for Twentieth Century Fox / MJB Photo Archives)

Playing USO entertainer Dixie Leonard in
For the Boys
, Bette really threw herself into the role. It was the perfect movie to let her sing several classic Johnny Mercer songs from the 1940s. She won a Golden Globe for her starring role in the film.
(Courtesy of Francois Duhamel for Twentieth Century Fox / MJB Photo Archives)

Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton, and Bette Midler play three women out for revenge when they are each dumped by their husbands in the 1996 comedy hit
The First Wives Club. (Courtesy of Andy Schwartz for Paramount Pictures / MJB Photo Archives)