Betrayal (29 page)

'I find that very sexy, it's like undressing a nun! Lisa, about marriage… 'She didn't speak. 'You said you'd thought about it.'

'So I have, all night to be accurate.'

'And?' He stopped eating and was unable to look at her face as he waited for an answer.

'If you honestly don't mind that I'm not in love with you, then yes, I'd like us to be married.'

Relief flooded his features as he stood up and took her in his arms. 'You'll never know how happy you've made me. I only hope you'll never have cause to regret it. I promise I'll do everything possible to make sure you don't.'

She leant her head against his chest and felt his heart racing. 'I'm sure I won't. I can have Jessica here and try the holding therapy once we've got a son?'

'Yes.'

'But she can't come before that?'

'Darling, we've been through this and… '

'In that case I'd like her to stay in the mews cottage. She's used to living there with Nurse Anthony and she'll be fine.' She tried not to dwell on the fact that she wouldn't be able to see that for herself. 'I can always visit her when I'm in town, can't I?' she added quickly. She felt his arms tighten for a second. 'Surely you're not trying to cut me off from her entirely? If you are then I can't possibly marry you.' 'I was just surprised, that's all. Obviously it would work out very well. Once the baby's nearly here you won't be going to town very often in any case.'

'I don't intend languishing here alone,' she retorted.

'I can't imagine you languishing anywhere alone, darling. There'll always be someone anxious to keep you company. Even that Italian spent an entire evening monopolising you!'

'Don't tell the girls until I've gone,' she said, suddenly anxious to change the subject.

'Why ever not?'

'Because I don't think it would be right.'

'Very well. Now I'm going to ring for some champagne.'

She could never remember how they passed the afternoon. All she knew was that now she was totally committed and there could never be any turning back .

They drove to London after tea and he made love to her in his Chelsea flat before taking her back to the cottage. Afterwards, as he slept silently beside her, she stared at the ceiling, her breasts slightly sore from his enthusiastic lovemaking, and prayed that she was doing the right thing and could make Neal as happy as he deserved. But most of all she prayed that Jessica would be helped, because it was on her that Lisa lavished her true love and affection.

Chapter Eighteen

Having made her decision, Lisa fully expected to feel relieved but instead found she felt guiltier than ever over Jessica because she'd agreed temporarily to abandon her. Every time she watched her climbing on to furniture and diving head first off—her latest obsession was with climbing—or studied the way she walked on tiptoe, her arms spread out like a tightrope walker, Lisa began to cry. It was as though Jessica's world was becoming increasingly bizarre, and all these rituals were designed to make it more bearable. Jessica had also learnt to laugh, but at the most inappropriate things. Once started she couldn't stop and would giggle wildly until distracted by the sight of some silver paper, the glint of sunlight on a mirror, or similar trivia.

Neal was going to Sicily for a week and it was agreed that when he returned their engagement would be formally announced. After that they would only wait another two months before the marriage because now the baby was beginning to show.

'Take care,' he cautioned as he kissed Lisa goodbye at the airport. 'Try and get plenty of rest. Janice says you 're still doing too much for Jessica. That's not your job, darling.'

'Soon she won't have me around. I want to do all I can while I'm still there.'

'You've got two children to think about. This isn't fair to anyone. Won't Jessica miss you more if you don't start to let go now?' 'She's my daughter and I want her to know that I love her.'

Bishop, who was accompanying Neal on his flight, gave a thin smile.

'What's so funny?' she demanded.

'Nothing at all; it's admirable the way you rush to claim responsibility for her!'

'That's enough!' snapped Neal. Bishop walked away. He couldn't think what his employer saw in the girl. If he'd ever been stupid enough to marry and his wife had produced an imbecile like Jessica, he'd have packed her off out of sight straight away. Animals knew best, he reflected sourly. They deliberately killed any deformed offspring.

Lisa clung to Neal for a moment. 'I'll miss you,' she murmured.

His eyes softened. 'It won't be for long. Once I'm back and the engagement's announced we won't have to be parted again. You can even come on business trips, if you like, although they're pretty boring.'

'Ring me when you arrive. I'll want to know you're safe.'

'I will. Mike's going to take you back. He'll be around keeping an eye on you while I'm gone, just in case you need any help.' Giving her one last, lingering kiss, he turned quickly away. Lisa could guess how Bishop would be smirking if he were watching them.

'Back to Chelsea?' asked Mike cheerfully when she returned to the car.

'Yes please.' She wondered why she suddenly felt so lost and when she'd become dependent upon Neal's presence.

'You know the number to ring if you need help?'

'I can't imagine what kind of help I'm likely to need, unless it's with changing Jessica's nappies, and that can't be what you all mean!' 'Any odd phone calls, strangers at your door, that sort of thing.'

'I've never had any strange phone calls before!' 'Mr Gueras hasn't been away before.'

'Who would want to… ?'

'Forget it! Just ring day or night if you want me for anything at all; even Jessica's nappies!'

Back in the cottage it was blessedly peaceful. Janice was busy preparing a moussaka for supper while Jessica slept on the floor in an untidy heap. She slept so badly that Lisa never tried to move her. She was left to sleep wherever she dropped off they were so grateful for any respite from her frantic energy.

It was the nurse's free evening. She offered to stay in 'but Lisa refused. 'I can cope perfectly well. This cold of hers is acting like a sedative. Have a good time.'

She was quite genuine in her assurances but when Jessica suddenly woke and began screaming and kicking the wall, she realised that she no longer knew how to handle her own child. The frustrated tantrum was so violent it was impossible to approach her to try and find out what she wanted.

'Would you like a drink?' asked Lisa. The screams continued. 'Are you hungry?' Jessica turned her head. 'Hungry?' she repeated, miming eating with a spoon. This plainly didn't mean anything and Jessica began kicking at the emulsioned walls, then scratching with her finger nails so that flakes of paint dropped off.

'Stop it!' shouted Lisa. Immediately Jessica howled louder, her hands clasped over her ears. 'Are you hungry?' she repeated slowly. Jessica stopped kicking and turned her body towards her mother.

'Are you hungry?' she said clearly.

'I'm not, but are you?' persisted Lisa, shaking with excitement. 'Are you hungry?' demanded Jessica again, then she grabbed Lisa's hand and led her towards the kitchen door.

'You are!' Lisa couldn't believe it. For the first time, Jessica had managed to communicate. 'Clever girl!' she said proudly. 'Jessica very clever girl.'

'Clever girl,' she echoed, tugging her mother towards the fridge. Lisa opened its door and Jessica grabbed a lump of cheese and began to chew on the entire slab. She'd now let go of Lisa and wasn't even looking in her direction but she'd succeeded in getting what she wanted and Lisa was so excited she didn't know what to do.

She needed to tell someone but there wasn't anyone to tell. She also wanted to know what this meant. Perhaps by some miracle Jessica was improving, or possibly this was a normal step forward in autistic children. It could, of course, just be a one-off occasion to which she was over-reacting. If only Janice were here, she thought. Significantly she didn't wish Neal were in England, knowing very well that he wouldn't have been in the least interested.

Leaving Jessica with the cheese, she went and poured herself a drink, and had just sat down when the doorbell rang. She remembered Mike's warning about strangers at the door. It was nearly nine o'clock and no one ever visited her in the evenings except Neal.

The bell went again, urgent and insistent. Slowly she walked across the room and looked through the spyhole. The tall figure of the Italian almost blocked her vision but his silk suit was unmistakable.

'What do you want?' she demanded.

'Quickly, let me in,' he whispered. 'I should not be here.'

She knew that; knew very well how furious Neal would be should he ever get to hear of it, but with a pounding heart she fumbled with the safety chain and then stepped back as he hurried through the doorway.

He glanced round the small living-room, taking note of the expensive velvet curtains and the collection of Meissen figures on the shelf over the fireplace. 'Very nice. I hope Jessica appreciates such luxury!'

'What do you want?' She was pleased to discover her voice sounded quite calm.

'One last chance to talk to you. I hear that you are soon to be married.'

'Who told you?

'Your husband-to-be of course.'

'He told me no one was to know before the engagement announcement.'

'But I am different. I am a business colleague, the rules are not the same in all the games your lover plays.'

'I assume you're pleased?'

'Pleased for you, yes. It is what I suggested.' 'You were quite right.'

'For myself… ' He shrugged and raised an eyebrow. 'Let me say that for myself, I am not too happy.'

'I can't imagine why not,' she lied.

Reaching out he ran one finger lightly down the side of her face. 'Then you underestimate your powers of attraction. If things had been different here I would… '

'Have added me to you list of conquests? No thanks. I'm afraid Jessica needs a stable background, not flying visits from strangers.' 'Always you retreat behind your daughter. You too need stability and that, I think , I could have given you. However… ' He smiled ruefully. 'It was not meant to be.'

As he spoke he moved towards her. Abruptly she was overwhelmed by terror. He was too big, far too similar to Toby, and all at once the room seemed to shrink in size. His features blurred and changed so that she was again backing away from her former husband, terrified of what torment lay ahead of her this time. When she backed up against the sofa she realised that this powerful man was almost on top of her and her scream tore through the room as her face twisted with terror.

Renato Bellini couldn't believe his eyes. One moment he was walking casually into the room and the next Lisa had disintegrated from a polished, elegant hostess into a terrified child, now whimpering senselessly as she stared blankly at his face.

Without hesitation he reached gently for her, pulling her effortlessly against him and keeping his arms around her, murmuring the words he usually reserved for little Luciano after a nightmare. Soothing her with his soft voice and hands. For a brief moment she resisted, as rigid as steel in his arms, then she seemed to crumple, her legs sagging and her head falling against his chest as she began to sob. When the sobbing ceased he placed her gently on the sofa and sat beside her. 'What is it? What made you this way? I would never hurt you. Did you imagine… ?'

She felt utterly ashamed. What must he think of her? she wondered. Where was all the sophistication and polish now? In a few minutes he'd be gone, grateful he hadn't tried to make such a neurotic woman his mistress and probably pitying Neal as well.

'I'm sorry,' she said at last, pulling away from the blissful reassurance of his body. 'It was ridiculous. I'm afraid I once had a bad experience and for some reason it all came rushing back to me. You're built like a man I once knew.'

'What did this man do to you?'

She shivered. 'I don't want to talk about it. You really ought to go. I appreciate your calling but Neal wouldn't.'

'Does he know how frightened you still are? Has he found help for you?' The Italian was shaken by the intensity of her fear.

'I'm not like this with him!' She managed a shaky laugh. 'He did get me some psychiatric help, but it didn't do a lot of good. Just the same, he understands. He must do, otherwise he wouldn't be willing to marry me.'

For a son, thought Renato cynically, Neal would be willing to marry a psychotic, but this girl needed help. Before he could discover any more her daughter came into the room. Her eyes were huge and thick lashes brushed her cheeks when she looked down at the floor. Dark hair curled round her head and her skin was creamy white with a delicate pink flush on her cheeks. She looked utterly exquisite.

Disturbed by Lisa's screams, Jessica moved sideways towards the sofa, still walking on her toes with her arms outstretched and her hands flapping strangely in the air as though impersonating a bird. When she got near her mother she stopped. Having shot a brief sideways glance at Bellini and registered his presence, she wasn't quite sure what to do.

Renato sat perfectly still, ignoring her entirely. He fixed his gaze on a point half-way up the wall and studied it intently. This reassured Jessica who edged nearer to him, reached out and made a grab for the large watch on his wrist. When she failed to remove it she spat at him, kicked his shins and then scurried away on all fours into the corner of the room where she started pulling off her clothes.

'Neal's taking on quite a lot, isn't he!' said Lisa, still shivering from a mixture of shock and the strange excitement that his touch had caused over her entire body. An excitement that Neal never managed to arouse.

'He has agreed to take on this little one?'

'Once I've given him a son,' she said with a note of embarrassment.

'Ah, yes. Once that is done then doubtless you can blackmail him into keeping his word.'

'I won't have to blackmail him, he's already promised.'

Renato stood up, the sudden pain he was feeling proving too much for him to control. There'd been many women, many sexually sophisticated and stimulating women, but he'd never wanted any of them except in his bed. It was a terrible irony that it should be the prospective wife of his family's enemy who brought to the surface emotions of tenderness and protectiveness previously engendered only by his young son.

He knew that he had to leave quickly before he gave himself away and made her future marriage harder for them both. 'I forgot!' he said with a smile. 'He has promised, and being a gentleman his word is his bond, is it not? Then you are doubly blessed. Now I will go. I look forward to seeing you at your wedding. No doubt it will be one of the social events of the year.'

'I sincerely hope not,' she exclaimed, wondering why she felt so peculiarly alive. 'I want a quiet register office service.'

'If you succeed in that I shall know you will be wearing the trousers in your marriage, which I think is most unlikely! I wish you health and luck, Lisa.'

'Not happiness?'

He hesitated, lifting her hand to his lips. 'Why should I wish you that? You are quite confident of your happiness, are you not?'

'It's still usual to say it.'

'I am a foreigner, I do not know these things!'

'You do now.' Suddenly it was imperative that he said it.

'I will remember this. Your daughter is very beautiful, even more so than when I last saw her. If happiness should elude you, always remember that you are doing it for her.'

'Plus the lifestyle he can offer me!'

'If that is sufficient to help, then remember that too.'

She shivered. 'I'm going to be blissfully happy, Renato. I can't think why you're being so pessimistic.'

'Because he found you first and I am consumed by jealousy!' His tone was light. They both laughed, but didn't look each other in the eye and when he left they were careful to keep their bodies well apart. Outside the mews cottage, Renato pulled the collar of his fur-lined suede coat up round his neck and slid into the Ferrari. As he reversed out into the main road he was aware of a small red Mini parked on the corner and knew that he'd been spotted.

He cursed fluently in both Italian and English. It had been stupid to come, a terrible error of judgement, and should his father learn of it he'd probably recall him at once. But he'd had to see her once more, to prove to himself that she wasn't special at all and that his advice to her to marry Neal had been right.