Best for the Baby (6 page)

He swung into the driveway at Heron Cove. As expected, the cottage was nothing more than a dark lump, surrounded by even darker trees and shrubbery badly in need of trimming. He sat quietly for a moment, glad the trip was over. His ankle ached from the long hours of driving.

Grabbing his suitcase, he limped up the porch steps. To the right he saw the two-seater swing that his father had hung there years ago. His parents had loved sitting out here on cool summer nights, drinking iced tea or coffee, swatting at an occasional mosquito.

After his father’s death, his mother had asked Zack to take it down. She couldn’t bear to think of it hanging there, as empty as her heart now felt. Maybe that was one of the things he should take care of on this visit.

As he let himself into the cottage, the moonlight
revealed that the glass panel beside the door had been replaced. Alaina’s break-in might never have happened.

Fleetingly, he wondered where she was at this moment, if she was safe and happy, looking forward to a life with Jeffrey and the baby. How long before Zack saw her again? Months? Years? If she was determined to avoid her family and their loving interference, she might never return to Miami. That was fine with him, but he’d hate to see Maggie and her folks so estranged.

He had no sooner entered the hallway and lowered his suitcase than he noticed that a light had been left on. At the far end of the central hallway, an eerie, flickering glow came from the living room.

A night-light, perhaps? Then he heard the muffled sound of conversation. Laughter. And a woman’s soft voice, rising and falling. Nothing he could make out. When Alaina had left, had she forgotten to turn off the television?

He stopped in the doorway of the living room, surprised.

Alaina sat a few feet away on the floor, cross-legged, her back to him. She appeared completely absorbed in the program, and didn’t seem to realize she was no longer alone.

The television
was
on, but it wasn’t a sitcom babbling into the room. She’d evidently popped one of his father’s videos into the VCR to watch home movies. The tapes might be considered antiques by now, but back when Zack had been a teenager, Tom Davidson had carried his camera everywhere, capturing even the most mundane of family adventures.

He recognized this footage. The night of Lake
Harmony’s Fourth of July celebration. It was the year he and Alaina had turned sixteen, and the day they had their first real argument.

They’d been having such a wonderful summer. The usual fun—just the four of them—although Zack was already in love with Alaina and couldn’t have cared less about spending time with his sister, Sandy, and Maggie. Over the years, he and Alaina had grown so close. They were well-suited for one another. Like two halves of the same person. It had never crossed his mind that Alaina might not feel the same way.

But that July, she was enchanted with the idea of exploring her budding womanhood. Even though Zack had thought it was a foregone conclusion she would go with him to the town dance, she’d informed him that he had dragged his feet too long. She’d already agreed to be Whit Russell’s date. She’d chided Zack for assuming too much about their relationship, taking her for granted.

Stunned and hurt, he took refuge in insults. “Whit Russell is a liar and a cheat,” he told her. “How can you be so stupid?”

“At least he doesn’t have an ego the size of Mount Rushmore,” she’d snapped back at him. “He’s always been nice to me, and he actually listens to what I have to say. He’s cute. And he says he’s a good dancer.”

“A good dancer? If that’s all that’s important to you, then you deserve each other.”

The argument got worse from there, but neither of them gave an inch, of course. They spent the rest of the day in sulky silence. Maggie and Sandy were mortified by their stubborn behavior, by this blip that seemed to destroy the complete harmony the four of them had
always shared. They’d all cringed when Zack’s mother had hustled them to line up for pictures, and his father, manning the camera, had insisted they link arms.

His poor, clueless parents. Hadn’t they noticed the way Zack and Alaina eyed each other with mutual disgust? As Zack watched that old footage now, his mother straightened his tie, then admonished him to smile. He remembered that he couldn’t wait to be out of her sight so he could rip off that stupid tie and throw it into the lake. He couldn’t have given her a more frosty response if he’d been frozen solid, but she didn’t seem to notice.

Alaina hadn’t behaved much better. As he watched the video, she acknowledged his mother’s compliment about her party dress. But she was so quiet and listless, she might as well have been wearing a burlap sack.

Zack remembered that dress vividly. All lavender and blue, with wispy sleeves that made Alaina look like an exotic princess. Later, she had come to him in tears, showing him where Whit had ripped one of those sleeves when he’d clumsily tried to seduce her.

Zach had been clutching a piece of that material in his fist when it eventually connected with Russell’s jaw.

It had been a messy, ungraceful fight in one of the boathouses, but there had been no way to keep it from happening. Whit had ended up with two black eyes—the one Alaina had already landed, and the one Zack had added for good measure—and two loose teeth. Whit’s version of the story had, of course, conveniently omitted his caveman antics, and Zack ended up grounded by his horrified parents. Unpleasantness all around.

But in the end, Zack and Alaina had reconciled, and at the time, that was all that mattered.

He shook his head now as he watched his younger self on the screen. A guy could twist himself up pretty good over a girl. Had he really been that foolish?

Yes. Because that girl had been Alaina Tillman, and for so long, he had loved her.

His gaze slid from the television to the floor as Alaina moved, unwinding her legs and drawing them up to her chest. He heard her sigh heavily. She dropped her chin to her knees and wrapped her arms around them. The droop of her shoulders spoke volumes.

Without warning, she snatched up the remote control and killed the sound. The figures on the television marched silently to the front of the cottage, where his mother herded them to sit on the porch steps while the camera rolled. The four kids in that film had never looked so miserable.

The cottage was old, constantly settling into the red Georgia earth. Tiny creaks were common, or maybe Zack made some small sound. Whatever the reason, Alaina turned her head to look over her shoulder. Right at him.

Her face, bathed in the light of the television, seemed etched in silver, but he saw the faint trace of tears on her cheeks. He felt his breath catch in his throat.

“You were always there for me, weren’t you?” she said simply, a soft, choked sound that cut through the silent room. “Even when I didn’t deserve you.”

He knew she was remembering that day, too. The way it had started off badly between them, ending with anger and fists, and Alaina weeping in the circle of his arms while fireworks exploded over their heads. That night he had kissed her gently on the mouth, even though his lips stung from where Whit had managed to get in one weak blow.

After that, things were different between them. They’d gone home from that vacation thoroughly in love, and that’s the way it had stayed. At least until the end of high school, when it had come time to finalize decisions about college. By the time they’d both turned twenty, a thousand miles separated them, and any ridiculous ideas they’d entertained about building a life together had evaporated like morning mist.

Now he looked at her and knew he was as big a fool for her as he had ever been. He didn’t know why she had decided to watch these old movies, or why she wasn’t gone from the cottage as she had told Maggie she would be. But he didn’t care.

A saner, more practical man might have called up all the grievances he had against this woman and found a way to stay right where he was. But he was not that saner, more practical man tonight. Instead, he crossed the room.

He held out a hand to pull her to her feet. She rose in one fluid motion and came into his arms without hesitation.

She stared up at him with stricken eyes. “Zack,” she said, her voice cracking. “Oh, God—Zack. I’ve missed having you in my life. So much…”

In the dim light, he was aware of her tracing his jaw with her fingertips, tentatively, softly, barely grazing his skin. She smelled wonderful, as though she wore some delightful cologne, but he knew it was just her. A scent he had carried in his mind for years.

His chest expanded with excitement as he pulled her even nearer. He searched her face for some sign that he should turn her loose. He couldn’t see one.

“Zack—”

“Shh.”
He brought a finger to his lips. “Don’t say anything.”

It shocked him how little conflict there was inside him at this moment. Swept by desire that was as swift and hot as it was untimely, Zack lowered his mouth to hers. All the pain and frustration and longing of years past were channeled into his kiss.

Alaina’s lips were warm, welcoming. Sweet. A craving for more of her, for all of her, roared into his head, blocking out everything else.

He deepened the kiss. He did not want to stop. He couldn’t.

There was no other woman in the world he wanted to kiss more than Alaina Tillman. And this moment would be a fair price to pay for whatever came later.

A
LAINA COULDN’T FIGHT IT
. She didn’t even want to try.

Zack’s arms were tight around her, a warm haven. It felt so good to be held, to be cherished. He always made her feel so safe. There was no one like Zack, and there never had been. How
could
she stop touching him?

She felt him wanting her. Eager for more than kisses, eager to draw her to a place without restraints or regret.

His fingers caressed her face, tilting her chin upward so he could find her eyes in the darkness. “Do you know how long I’ve waited for this?” he asked, as though he had found a deep dream, a hidden hope.

There had been a riot inside her, but suddenly, she was calm. She had been traveling to this exact moment all of her life. Unbelievably, she and Zack had never been lovers, but that was about to change. The sweet anticipation of it was enough to leave Alaina short of breath.

He kissed her again, and her blood heated to a dangerous degree. He slipped her sweater from her shoulders, sliding it down her arms until she could shake it free. He helped her pull her blouse over her head. She yanked at the buttons of his shirt, clumsy in her haste to feel his bare flesh against hers.

His hands rubbed along her back with slow, ardent
strokes, and moments later her bra had been tossed into a chair. She pressed her breasts against his chest, enjoying the soft, tickling feel of her nipples against his hair, the way it left them erect and sensitive. Under her palm, his heartbeat was like a fist, pounding to be heard.

Zack lowered her to the rug. Alaina wasted no time in wiggling out of her jeans. When he didn’t immediately lie down beside her, her eyes sought his. She didn’t want him to stop. She didn’t want the world to come back.

She rose on one elbow and realized he was favoring one foot as he tried to slip out of his khakis. He cursed, then he was free.

“What’s wrong with your foot?”

“Later,” he said.

“But—”

She lost her train of thought as he came down on top of her, deftly stripping away her panties with one hand. He was so much broader than she remembered, and yet there had always been a tantalizing mix of strength and gentleness about him. A sliver of sound escaped her as he slipped his tongue into her mouth at the same time that his hand found the juncture of her legs. His fingers, hard and clever, went deep, and she pushed against that pleasure, hearing her breathing change, feeling her own trembling response. He stroked, soothed, finding her inner warmth until Alaina wanted nothing in the world but to go on like this forever.

A sensual thrill went through her, lighting up every part of her. Zack sensed her response. She knew he did, because he growled low in his throat and shifted his body so that his erection lay hot and pulsing against her thighs. Then he slid inside her.

He began to move, slowly at first, effortlessly, then with increasing haste as she followed him, raising her hips to meet every thrust. It was embarrassing how quickly her body became liquid, wanting nothing more than more. Tremors built within her, a wonderful, agonizing tension that wouldn’t turn her loose, and made her want to scream.

Above her, Zack was clearly no better off. For just one second, the meeting of their eyes was as close as a kiss, then he was going over the edge, taking her with him. This feeling of being turned inside out and upside down was one they shared, as though they had melted together and re-formed into a single being.

“Zack…” she gasped out.

“I know.” He surged harder. “I know.”

Just when she thought they could stand it no longer, Zack jerked against her. His release triggered hers. She cried out, shuddering beneath him as sensation after sensation swamped her uncontrollably. She had a momentary feeling of floating, of becoming unmoored from herself, but an instant later Zack’s arms were pulling her close, gathering her into his embrace as though he would never let her go.

“Just give us right now,” he whispered against her ear.

She knew she should get up, put some distance between them if she was ever to regain her senses. But it felt so wonderful here, nestled against his chest. How could she let this go? How could she let
him
go?

What they had just experienced together was the fulfillment of a fate that had been chasing them since childhood.

I
F ONLY SUCH A STATE OF
bliss could have continued indefinitely.

By midnight, Alaina had slipped back into her clothes and retreated to the kitchen, while Zack still slept on the living-room rug. She made a couple of telephone calls, then stood over the sink, drinking the last of the orange juice from the fridge.

Pearly shafts of moonlight streamed through the window. The view from the kitchen was lovely. The lake sparkled as the moon’s glow danced on the rippling water, as though spreading a carpet of diamonds.

Alaina hardly noticed. She was too busy trying to figure out what had happened to her better judgment. Trying to piece together a plan. What could she do now? What
should
she do?

It was just sex, Alaina. Don’t make a big deal out of it.

She supposed there were some women who could sleep with a man and not think a thing about it an hour later. But in spite of her wild, unplanned flight with Jeffrey, she’d never been that kind of girl. What she and Zack had shared had been so special, and she knew she’d remember every gasping, heated, erotic detail forever. Even now, it made her stomach tighten to think of some of the things they’d done. But the problem was, none of it should have happened.

All her fault, of course. Zack might have pulled her into his arms, but she hadn’t resisted for even a nanosecond. If anything, she’d welcomed his touch.

How could she have been so foolish? By now, he must think she was certifiable.

Being able to stay at the cottage these past two weeks had been a huge relief, but her personal situation hadn’t
improved much. She still hadn’t worked up the nerve to tell her family about the baby.

As for Jeffrey, his two weeks to adjust had come and gone, and not a single word from him. None of his friends had seen him, and though she’d left Lake Harmony’s general post office address with them, nothing had shown up. Not even her wallet. She’d been so miserable last night, filled with despair.

And instead of cheering her up, popping in those video tapes from happier times had only made her despondency worse. When she’d realized Zack was in the room, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to walk into his arms. And to stay there.

But there were plenty of reasons why she mustn’t let it happen again. She had to find a way to stop this now without damaging her relationship with Zack. A relationship that was already shaky to begin with.

Damn, damn, damn.
Why hadn’t she gone into town when she’d originally planned? Better to have slept on a park bench than to end up in the arms of the one man she never,
ever
wanted to hurt.

Would he understand? Suppose he didn’t…?

“Al?”

Alaina nearly dropped the glass of juice as she realized that Zack had entered the kitchen. She turned quickly, offering a small smile.

Oh, God. How was it possible to look that attractive in the middle of the night? Bare-chested, those long legs once more encased in khakis. A dark lock of hair had fallen over his forehead, giving him a sweetly boyish look that made something flutter in her stomach all over again. Not good. Not good.

She dragged her attention away, extending her nearly empty glass. “I’m afraid I cleaned out the fridge yesterday, and this was the last of it. There might be some coffee in the pantry if you’d like me to make a pot….”

“No, thanks. I’m fine.” He yawned and scrubbed one hand over his bare chest. He didn’t look as if he had a care in the world.

She turned on the tap, fussing as she cleaned the glass. It was so much easier to concentrate on that than to think of spoiling everything between them.

She felt Zack’s warmth as he came up behind her. His hands cupped her shoulders and he nudged aside her hair to nuzzle her neck. His touch sent shivers down her spine, and she tried not to notice.

“You smell nice,” he said. “Like a wildflower meadow warmed by the sun.”

That soft, rumbling voice near her ear threatened to melt her resolve. To keep from dissolving completely, she slipped out of his embrace and leaned against the counter. “Did you have dinner on the way up?” she asked, trying not to sound as nervous as she felt. “Are you hungry?”

He grinned and lifted one brow. “Yes. But what I’m hungry for isn’t in the fridge. What I’d really like—”

She licked her lips as she felt a hot blush rise up from the collar of her blouse. “Zack, about last night…”

He frowned and held up one hand. “Stop. Surely you’re not going to turn what we did into a romantic cliché?”

“No. Of course not. But I think we should talk about it.”

“Okay. Here’s my take on what happened. I think it
was long overdue. I think we both enjoyed it. And I
don’t
think we should overthink it.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It doesn’t have to be complicated, Alaina. We’re two healthy, perfectly normal adults who—”

“That’s just the problem. We
are
adults. We shouldn’t have…” She moved farther away, putting the kitchen table between them. She should have known this wasn’t going to be easy, and Zack’s scowl made her fear that nothing she said would sound right.

She sighed heavily and scraped a hand through her tousled hair. “This isn’t coming out the way I wanted it to. But I…I don’t want you to think that I blame you in any way for what happened. I don’t. I’m the one who should have stopped things before they got out of hand, but I didn’t.”

“So why didn’t you?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I don’t know. Last night, before you showed up, I was feeling so alone and unhappy. I thought watching those old movies would make me feel better. They didn’t. They just made me realize how much I’ve missed having you in my life. And then suddenly, there you were…and it just…it just seemed so right.”

“Damn it, it
was
right.” He stepped forward, planting his balled fists on top of the table so he could lean closer. “Don’t, Al. Don’t ruin this because you’re afraid. We can work something out.”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry. Please don’t make this any harder than it already is. I’m trying to be sensible. I have to be. I’m pregnant with another man’s baby, a man who may or may not want to be involved
in his child’s life. I have no job, no home—at least, not one I want to go back to—and very limited resources. The future is just one big question mark.”

“Then let’s sit down and see if we can come up with some answers.”

“You’ve always been willing to help me, and I’ve always relied on that, but not this time.
I
have to come up with the solutions. I don’t know how to fix things yet, but I do know that I can’t complicate
both
our lives right now by having an affair. No matter how lovely that might be, it wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

He straightened as she watched her words strike home. “So we’re going to retreat back to discussions about the weather and the price of gas?”

She hated that tone in his voice, the way he was already distancing himself from her. But this had to be done.

“No. I don’t…I don’t think I can do that.”

“Then what do you want from me, Al?”

“I want our friendship back.” He shook his head. She wondered how she could manage not to hurt him any more. “What we shared, Zack…It was as wonderful as I’ve always dreamed it would be. But for both our sakes, it can’t happen again.”

“So we’re just supposed to remain friends. Nothing more.”

She nodded. “I’ve called a cab. It should be arriving any minute.”

“To do what?”

“I’m going into town. I was scheduled to check in to a hotel yesterday, but they accidentally gave my room away. That’s the only reason I was still here when you
showed up. But I’ve made arrangements with another place that can get me in right off.”

She had stuffed her things into her backpack. As she reached to take it from the table, Zack came around and caught her arm. He turned her quickly to face him, and she saw that his eyes had lightning in them. “Don’t do this, Alaina. Don’t run away from us.”

“There is no ‘us’.” She whipped the word back at him in desperation. That jumping sensation was in her stomach once more.

“Of course there is. There’s always been a connection. Don’t deny it.”

“That was a long time ago, Zack. Things change.
I’ve
changed. It isn’t you and me anymore. It’s me and the baby. That’s the only ‘us’ there can be in my life.”

He stared at her. They spent several long seconds studying each other in strained silence. The twist to his mouth was not pretty, and his features were full of reproach.

Then, luckily, she heard the cab’s horn, letting her know it had come. Alaina grabbed up her backpack and hurried out the door without looking back.

Z
ACK’S TEMPER LASTED
all the way through the day, right into dinner and three beers at Merle’s Hideaway Bar on the lake.

But by the time he finished his fourth Dos Equis, he’d come to the conclusion that anger was a wasted emotion that never brought a person one moment of satisfaction. Picking a fight with the jerk sitting on the bar stool next to him would probably get him tossed out. Snapping at
the bartender wasn’t going to get him anything but poor service. Nothing was going to change the situation.

Finally, by the time he paid his bar tab, he was left with just a bellyful of self-loathing. He’d made a fool of himself. Once again he’d allowed Alaina Tillman to get to him. Only this time, he’d let it go way too far. Wild, uninhibited sex on the living-room rug, for God’s sake. What had he been thinking?