Best for the Baby (17 page)

“Damn it, that’s nobody’s business!” The words came out harshly, and louder than he intended. A couple of senior citizens nearby looked his way. He sighed heavily and turned toward Will so they could talk without anyone overhearing. He gave his friend a small nod. “Yes. I’m crazy about her. Always have been.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I’d explain it, but you wouldn’t understand—”

Will laughed again. “I’ve got news for you, pal. I
do
understand. Know why? Because I’ve been where you are. I know all about keeping secrets and being afraid to risk getting hurt. But sometimes you just have to.” He polished off the last of his champagne. “I don’t consider myself to be a stupid man, but I lost a lot of really wonderful years with my wife and child because I was too stubborn, too afraid to look like a fool about love. Now I’m making up for lost time, and let me tell you, life is pretty damn sweet.”

“I’m happy for you,” Zack said with a touch of sarcasm. This was one of the most embarrassing conversations he’d ever had in his life. “Are you finished?”

Will didn’t seem to take offense. He just grinned even more. “Almost. One last piece of advice. Take a hard look at the situation and ask yourself how long you’re willing to be miserable just because you won’t take a chance.” His eyes connected with Zack’s, completely serious for a moment. Then he placed his empty glass on a nearby table and clapped Zack heartily on the back. “Well, mission accomplished. Now I’m going to find Maggie and see if I can talk her into sneaking off somewhere and being naughty. She owes me.”

Zack watched his friend blend into the crowd. On the far side of the room he caught sight of Maggie, still talking to his mother. As though she’d guessed she was being glared at, she cut a glance toward him, then had the audacity to lift her brows hopefully and give him a broad smile, as if to beg forgiveness. He shook his head at her.

Great. Just great. Now he was getting lectures on love from his friends. How pathetic was that?

Suddenly he needed to move. To pace away the frustration that bubbled within him. Zack deposited his empty glass on a waiter’s tray and headed for the door that led out to the bridge.

Nearly everyone who planned to admire the reconstruction results had already done so. Very few people were strolling along the bridge, although it was close to sunset and one or two couples had stopped along the span to enjoy the view. He moved past them, offering a tight smile, and stopped when he got to the gazebo.

Even though Thanksgiving was only a few weeks
away and the weather was still warm, there was a fair breeze off the water. To celebrate the coming season, the homeowners’ association had placed yellow mums at various points along the railing. They offered a pleasing contrast to the rich, dark wood Zack had used to reconstruct the gazebo.

He tore the knot out of his tie and dropped down on one of the benches, letting his head rest against the framework. Closing his eyes, he tried to refocus his thoughts.

He had to find a way to keep going. He needed to channel his energy into hard work and good deeds, and forget about Alaina. He couldn’t go on this way, thinking that he had lost all that was valuable—the possible chance for real happiness—and had been left with the dregs of a life bitter with disappointment.

Feminine laughter drifted toward him, and he opened his eyes to find the source. Farther along the bridge’s walkway stood a casually dressed couple. He couldn’t see their faces, but their body language couldn’t have been clearer. They were touching each other, teasing—young and in love.

He remembered the times he’d been on this bridge, long before the restoration had begun. With Alaina, lying on a blanket in this gazebo late at night. Two teenagers whispering in the dark a thousand dreams and wishes, their imaginations painting a future together that would never stand the light of day.

Alaina…

Ah, hell. He didn’t need to go down that path again.

He turned slightly to stare out across the lake through one of the gazebo openings. The sun was melting into the water now. The sky had become an artist’s palette
of pink and lemon-yellow and purple, drenched in color and light. He tried to let the peacefulness of his surroundings penetrate his taut nerves.

When the light was almost gone, he blew out a sigh and decided it was time to return to the clubhouse. It would be dark soon, and his mother was probably wondering where he’d gone.

He swung up off the bench, brushing at his trousers. When he straightened, he saw that Alaina stood at the entrance to the gazebo.

Instantly he froze as shock ripped through him. How could she be here? But a moment later he told himself it didn’t matter, and drew himself up in tight control.

She was as beautiful as always, wearing a short, flowing dress the blue of wisteria blooms. Her pregnancy was still barely obvious. She seemed healthy, her skin the color of apricots. The dying sunlight had spun a hundred different shades of gold into her loose hair.

Her features gave nothing away—the mouth tight-lipped, her chin lifted in determination. Her hand on the banister revealed uncertainty, however. It was bone-white. She looked both familiar to him and different. She looked, he realized, the way she had when he had walked into Lake Harmony’s police station and seen her in that cell. Lost.

Something warm unfurled in the pit of his stomach. Annoyance, he told himself. Why had she come? Where was lover-boy? And what more could she possibly want from Zack?

“You did a wonderful job on the bridge,” she said softly.

He stiffened even more, unwilling to fall under this woman’s spell again. “You came all the way from Georgia to tell me that?”

“I also came because I wanted to thank you personally for the cradle you made. I couldn’t have imagined anything so beautiful. You really do have a gift, and I’ll always treasure it, Zack.”

“It seemed like something you could use. There’s no need to make a big deal about it.”

He saw her swallow hard at his brisk, unemotional response. “It
is
a big deal to me.”

He resisted the urge to mutter a rude obscenity. He couldn’t help it. Being around Alaina was a risk to his heart he felt he could no longer afford. “If you’ve come to give me an invitation to your wedding, do me a favor. Don’t. It won’t matter if Jeffrey single-handedly reverses global warming. I can’t stand the guy.”

“I’m not marrying Jeffrey.”

She’d ditched Mr. Do-gooder? While the news that she wasn’t a complete fool was welcome, he didn’t feel inclined to cut her any slack. “Wonderful. Glad to hear it.” He started to leave the gazebo. “If you’ll excuse me…”

She crossed the distance between them quickly, to grasp his arm. “Zack, please. Just give me ten minutes.”

He swung his head around, his patience ebbing fast. “Why? What more could we possibly have to say to one another?”

She gave his arm a hard shake. “Damn it, Zack! It’s taken me almost three days to get up the nerve to come see you, so sit down. You’re making me angry.”

“I’m making
you
angry? Lady, you don’t know how close you are to getting tossed over the railing of this bridge.”

“You wouldn’t do that.”

He huffed out a short laugh. “Don’t bet on it.”

“You wouldn’t,” she said again. “You’d never hurt me. Not intentionally.”

The sudden, strained silence between them was suffocating. He pulled away from her, raking a hand through his hair distractedly. “What do you want, Al?” he asked, going for cool indifference and falling far short. He flicked a deliberately dismissive glance toward his watch. “Your ten minutes have started.”

She chewed the inside of her cheek for a moment, then took a couple of steps toward him. “Well, for one thing, I want to tell you why I’m not marrying Jeffrey. When it came right down to it, he didn’t love me any more than I loved him, and once I convinced him I was all right with that, we were able to reach a reasonable arrangement for the future. I’m going to raise the baby alone. We’ve contacted an attorney to make it official.”

She’d
made the decision not to marry that jerk? The knowledge pleased Zack far more than it should have, but he hardened his heart against the feeling. He didn’t need or want a postmortem on that relationship. “Anything else?”

She seemed determined not to be chased off by his attitude. He watched her square her shoulders. “Yes. I wanted you to know that I’m finally getting my act together. I’ll be out of Maggie’s house and into my own apartment by next week.” When he said nothing to that news, she swiped her tongue across her lips and drew another deep breath. “I’ve been applying for jobs with design firms, but of course, when I tell them I’m pregnant, I’m not sure I’m that marketable right now. But as soon as the baby’s old enough, I think I’ll be able to find
something. In the meantime, I’ll have to live off the last of my settlement from the divorce. But that’s all right. I’ll like having time with the baby.”

He made a point of looking at his watch. “Great news.”

A little line of worry cropped up between her brows. “My relationship with Mom and Dad has been much better since I came back. We don’t always agree on things, but when they push, I push back just a little, and they’ve started to respect that. For the first time, I feel comfortable with them, and with myself.” She gave him a weak smile, and when she spoke her voice was hoarse. “So I think…” She stopped and cleared her throat. “So I think that’s progress, don’t you?”

“Sure. Are you done?” he asked gruffly.

“How much time do I have?”

“Three minutes,” he said.

“Okay.” Her jaw flexed, and he saw the way her fingers tightened on the clasp of her purse. “I came here to tell you all those things because I think it’s important you know how far I’ve come in getting my life on the right track.” She came up to him. Her blue eyes never wavered from his. He wished he could just walk away, but while his head might know she was bad news, his heart didn’t seem to be listening. “But I still have one last thing to take care of, and that’s you.”

“Alaina, don’t,” he said tersely.

“I know I’ve been very careless with your feelings. I know I’ve taken advantage of your kindness and generosity. I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I know that I need to leave you alone, to let you get on with your life while I get on with mine. You deserve to be happy.”

Damn this woman! Why couldn’t she let him be?
Was he supposed to stand here now and listen to her tell him one more time how much she valued his friendship and wanted to keep it? He had to get away before he lost control completely.

He shifted his feet. “I don’t need this—”

She grabbed his arm with surprising strength. “No! Please. Let me get this out before I lose my nerve.” She glanced at her own watch. “I still have two minutes, and you promised.”

He realized that tears glistened in her eyes. He cursed his weakness but gave her a short nod, hoping that this could be over and done with in another moment.

“I want you to be happy,” she said again. “But I can’t help it. I’m trying to face up to a lot of things in my life, and selfish as this is going to sound, I want you to know the truth. I love you. I will never stop loving you. Whether that matters to you or not, I don’t know. I’d like to believe that the man who made that lovely cradle for my child could care about me more than as a close friend. That’s why I had to tell you.”

“What are you—”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with the great sex we shared,” she said quickly. “Or the fact that I think of you as my best friend. I just love you. I don’t expect you to love me back. I just…I just wanted you to know how I feel.”

Her chin trembled and tears spilled down her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I have to get out of here.”

“Wait just a minute!” he ordered, his hand closing over her wrist as she swung around to hurry away. He pushed her against one of the gazebo walls, blocking her in with a hand on either side of her. She wouldn’t look at him, but he saw her pulse jumping in her throat.

“Zack—”

“Be quiet,” he told her. “Give me time to think.”

He ducked his head, drawing a deep breath. None of this seemed real. And yet some ridiculous hope inside him refused to die.

After a long moment he lifted his head. “So that’s it?” he said levelly. “You’re done now that you’ve told me how much you love me?”

She nodded, clearly wanting to escape, but unable to.

He turned his arm so he could see his watch. “There’s still one minute left.”

“I—I’ve run out of things to say.”

“Well,
I
haven’t.”

Her eyes flew up to his then, full of confusion. He tilted his head at her. “Do you really like the way this bridge looks?”

She blinked, not expecting that question. “It’s beautiful, Zack. It’s just the way I remember it.”

“Do you know why?”

She shook her head.

“Because every time I came out here, all I could see was the two of us, sitting in this very place. We spent so many hours here that there isn’t a single board or bracket that I can’t visualize in my head when I close my eyes. The memory of it was imprinted in my brain years ago.”

Her face was just inches from his hands. He let his fingers wander along her cheek gently. A part of him was almost afraid that this was all an illusion and it might vanish at any moment. Alaina sucked in a breath, but didn’t move.

“There are some memories I don’t think I can ever dislodge,” he confessed in a husky whisper. “Like
memories of you. For every time you drove me crazy, there were a dozen times I just wanted to hold you or kiss you. You’ve given me laughter and whimsy and madness. I can’t get away from those memories.”

“I’m sorry,” she said softly.

“Don’t be. I’m not.” Tenderly he ran his finger along her cheek, wiping away a tear. “You think you love me?”

“I
know
I do.”

“Well…I guess you’re out of luck then, because I have it twice as bad for you and always have. It scares the hell out of me, because you’re the only woman I’ve ever known who can hurt me.”