Bessie (28 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

“Up, my lady! I know Roberta said to allow you to sleep, but it’s the middle of the morn and your fest starts at dusk. Up! We’ve still the drive ahead of us. I can’t believe how difficult you are to awaken this morn.”

“I didn’t sleep. That’s why.”  Dirt filled her eyes. No matter how she blinked, her tears didn’t clear it.

“Of course you slept. How could I awaken you, if it wasn’t so?”

“I tell you I didn’t. I’ve been crying since sun-up. I was not sleeping.”

“Crying? Oh, dear. Oh, my. Roberta said you’d mended all your seams with his lordship and the problems were over. She wasn’t right?”

“Yes, she was! That’s the problem!”

Bessie covered her face in her hands. She’d thought all her tears spent already. She also couldn’t believe she’d slept. She’d thought herself incapable of it. Especially after creeping through the connecting door like a thief, locking it, and then tossing the key under her bed.

She didn’t want Devon to ever know she’d been there. It was going to be hard enough to face him. If he knew she’d spent the night in his room, waiting for him...?

Oh!
That would be too much to bear.

“Roberta was right...and you sob? I think I’ll go find her and shake some sense into her. What could she have been right about that causes such a reaction?”

“Oh, how am I to bear it?”

“It will be difficult, but she’s got to be right sometimes. The odds are in her favor, you know.”

“Close the shutters, Augusta, please? The light hurts.”

“Oh, you poor child. I’ll just cover you with your weeds.”

“What do I want them for?”

“You’ve got to get up. Prepare. You are traveling to Stansbury Hall. The Hildebrand ladies are waiting. The baggage left at sun-up. The men have already departed. Why, I was told if I didn’t fetch you, Miss Olivia was going to march in here and do it.”

“Did...Devon go with them?” 

Her voice lowered on his name. Fresh tears threatened. Augusta looked even more concerned.

“I am not at all sure, but if they said the men-folk departed, then he must have. Why would he wait about to travel with the ladies? So. What say we get you ready?”

“I’m not traveling anywhere. I refuse.”

“You are not going to your own gala? What faery has stolen your wits? It’s all you’ve been talking and dreaming of for days now.”

“I can’t go, I can’t! He’ll be there!”

“The master? Of course he’ll be there. Wasn’t that what you wanted?”

“Not anymore! I never want to see him again!”

“If this is an example of Roberta being right, I am for banishing her back to Crump Castle, I am.”

“Oh, Augusta! What am I going to do?”

“You are going to attend your fest at Stansbury Hall, that’s what. Even if you’ve had a falling-out with his lordship, you still have the sisters and brothers waiting. And they are counting on you.”

“I don’t want him to see me, though. Ever.”

“That shouldn’t present a problem. We’ll just fix you up in the gray gown with the off-white veils. He’ll not spot you at all. Never you fear.”

“How could he have done something so...degrading?”

“I...think I’ll just step out and call for Roberta. She’s a bit handy to have about at such a time. Don’t you move.”

“I already told you I’m not moving. I’d rather die than meet him at the costume ball. I would.”

“You’d rather die?”  Bessie heard the sound of her door opening. “Quick! Send someone for my sister. Now, go!”

“Who was that at the door?”

“Just that Amanda. Going about her duties. I sent her for Roberta.”

“Dismiss her immediately!”

“Roberta? I can’t do that. Surely you can’t ask it of me. Just because she was right once, doesn’t mean—”

“Not her! Amanda. I will not put up with her under the same roof. I’ll not.”

“Now, Amanda may be a bit rough with the laundry, but surely that’s excessive? Just you sit in that bed and I’ll fetch you something to drink. We’ll have everything put to rights in no time.”

“It’ll never be right. Never! I’ve lost, Augusta. I’ve lost everything! And it’s my own fault!”

“This is what Roberta was right about? I’ve had it with her doom-and-gloom predictions. Just look at what it’s done to you. We are going to need more lemon salve.”

Bessie didn’t answer. She simply held her breath and tried to keep the tears in. She didn’t have the choice. She had to attend the fest. She had to pretend as if nothing had happened. She had to introduce Alicia to Sir Geoffrey. She had to make certain James kept his word about his baroness. She had to keep Olivia’s tongue at bay and make certain Regina didn’t betray her wild streak. Furthermore, Bessie had to keep Byron enthused about something besides his books. She had to find out what Will had been up to. She also had to pretend she knew nothing about Devon’s absence from his own bed chamber. And hide how much that hurt.

The last thing she could do was lie abed and weep all day. Her heart wasn’t listening, though.

“Sip some of this mead, my lady. It will help.”

“Nothing will help, Augusta.”

“Yes, it will. You’ll see. Time has a way of fixing things. Those it can’t fix, it makes livable.”

“That will be worse! Oh! I’d rather die.”

“Dear me. I am not a good one for advice. Where is my sister when I need her?”

“I know I have to attend...but how? How am I going to face anyone when I can’t stop crying? They’ll know something’s wrong! They’ve all ferreted out my secret and I didn’t tell anyone!”

“You were outnumbered. That’s why. You just drink up. Where is that sister of mine? Roberta!”

Augusta had opened the door to the hall and hollered the name.

“If you shout like that, it won’t be a secret long, Augusta.”

“Oh. I’m ever so sorry, my lady. I’d not give you away for anything. I wouldn’t. What am I keeping secret, now?”

“That I’m unable to get out of my bed because my heart is broken.”

“Oh, dear. Where is the woman? I’m not certain I can help you with that.”

“No one can!”

Bessie lifted her knees to her chin, lowered her head and cried the words into the space between her knees. She wasn’t wearing the gossamer gown. She was wearing her own, thickly-woven, muslin one. The sheer nightgown was in tatters atop her dressing table. She’d taken the sewing knife to it, while wishing it had been every emotion she felt for Devon Hildebrand.

“This is so distressful, my lady. You’ve got to try, though. We have got to get you dressed and down in the traveling carriage. The entire family needs you, not just his lordship.”

“Oh, Augusta. You are wrong. He does not need me.”

“Very well, the master’s done lost his mind. I believe the others still need you.”

“They do not. They were fine before I came.”

“They were not. You’ve changed things. You have. I’ve seen it. You found hidden talents in each of them and brought it out. How could they have managed without you?”

“Have I really done...that?”  Bess looked up, and shuddered through a breath.

“You know you have. You don’t need me to point it out. Why, before you came, that nasty tempered uncle ran the entire keep, and not very well at that. Just look what you’ve accomplished in less than a fortnight. It’s quite impressive, truly.”

“You really think so?”

“Of course I do. The family would all agree with me. Excepting his lordship. I’ll never speak of him that way again. I promise.”

“Thank you, Augusta. You have helped me, I think.”

“Well, you’re no longer clutching your covers to your breast and sobbing your eyes out. Oh no! Don’t start that again. What did I say?”

Bessie swiped at fresh tears. “I can’t help it! I can’t go to Stansbury! I just can’t. He will be there!”

“Think of it as just one night. That’s all it’s for, truly.”

“It’s for an entire lifetime of nights!”

“We’re moving to Stansbury Hall, then?”

“No, that isn’t it at all! Oh, how will I manage? It’s so unfair! How I wish I’d never met him!”  Bessie mumbled the words into the nightgown over her knees as she clutched at them.

“You are going to have to stop that, my lady, or I’ll not say another word. I’ll just clean up a bit behind your dressing screen here.”

Bessie wiped at her eyes and lifted her head. “Forgive me, Augusta.”

“There’s naught to forgive, so cease that nonsense. My lady? What are all these candles doing here?”

Bessie wiped at her eyes. “I don’t know. Ask Roberta. She probably hoarded them for her stay with me.”

“Roberta never carries candles in a knapsack. What would she do that for?”

Bessie’s eyes widened and the blood rushed into her face so quickly it made it hard to breathe. “What did you just say?”

The door opened. Roberta rushed in, took one look and closed the door firmly behind her. “What’s the problem, you two? I am just finishing the loading, and then Amanda sends me willy-nilly about the halls.”

“Roberta! Thank heavens! I’d given up all hope. Here. Hold your candles.”

“I don’t have candles. What’s wrong with my poor babe?”

“She’s crying her eyes out and disowning the entire family, especially his lordship. It’s your fault, too.”

“My fault? How could it be mine?”

“And what’s this goatskin for? Whew! Spoiled cream? What fool packs such? I’ve a mind to march right to the kitchens and give them what for!”

“Here, give me that. You’re wrong, it’s not spoiled. It is just clotted. Oh! That smell!”

“Cease this, and let me see!”  Bessie tossed the covers and stood up onto her mattress in order to look. Roberta was holding a goatskin flask at arm’s length, while Augusta had a burlap bag hung over her arm by two shoulder-sized straps. Bessie’s eyes filled with new tears as she saw the dozens of candlesticks in it.

“Oh yes! Oh, thank you, God! Yes! Yes! Oh, yes! Yes!”

She was jumping and dancing with each word, and ignoring the women looking at her open-mouthed. The day was suddenly glorious.

“Good grief, Augusta. You should have called me sooner. What have you given her?”

“I didn’t give her a thing. She has been sobbing her eyes out and naming you the cause. She even decided not to go to Stansbury Hall today. I sent for you because I need your help.”

“Not a moment too soon.”

“Don’t you see?”  Bessie interrupted them. “Here. Give me that.”

“Give you what?” Roberta asked.

“The bag...oh Devon, yes! Yes! I was blind.” 

Augusta handed up the entire knapsack and Bessie hugged it to her. It was impossible to hold anything in. She radiated happiness. New tears washed away the gritty feeling and she felt like she could light each and every wick without a flame.

“She may be crying, Augusta, but it doesn’t look like she’s at all sad. I’ve enough experience to spot that.”

“She was sobbing her eyes out, and refusing to go to Stansbury at all. She was disowning the entire affair. I don’t know what—”

“That wretch!”  Bessie screeched it and jumped from the bed to the floor. Candles scattered across the wood.

“You see?” Augusta pointed. “There she goes again.”

“He knew! He’s known for...I don’t even know how long! He knew and he never said a word! Oh, how am I going to face him after my behavior at the stable?”

“I already told you, we will have you covered in your veils. He won’t spot you.”

“Why would I want to wear those? I’m appearing in the blue-green dress, you are weaving a waterfall of pearls through my hair tonight, and I can’t wait! Oh! Why didn’t you wake me earlier? We’ve got to hurry.”

“This is what you call disowning the entire affair?” Roberta asked.

“She was. I swear. She was sobbing her eyes out, wanting her servants dismissed, and hoping to die. I’m confused, I am.”

“There’s nothing confusing about it. She’s in love. We’ve just got to get her to him.”

“I can’t believe that man! He has played me for such a fool! What am I saying? I
am
a fool! I’m going to give him the biggest piece of my mind anyone has ever seen. Oh. He’s in such trouble. Don’t just stand there, help me!”  Bessie tossed off her nightgown as she spoke, unfurling stockings at almost the same time.

“I might just be in the way. I think I’ll check on the other ladies. I might need a bit of mead first. I think that would be best. I do, truly.”

“Yes, run along. I’ve got it well in hand, now.”  Roberta shut the door on Augusta’s blank expression. “That sister of mine. Sometimes, I just don’t know—”

“This is all your fault!”  Bessie shook a candle at her and stomped her foot.

“My fault? Mine? What did I do?”

“I could have been in my own chamber last night being wooed by that man of mine.”

“But I was here. There wasn’t a man in sight, remember?”