Bent not Broken (357 page)

“A dance…a celebration dance.” Chris held his hand out to me. “Will you dance with me?”

“Uh,” I took his hand, allowing him to pull me up off the bed. “Okay,” I said nearly in the form of a question, ignoring the fact that my stomach was turning somersaults inside of me.

Chris grabbed his phone, chose a song, and placed it into the dock on the desk. Then, pulling me against his chest, he held my waist and we began to dance. The music softly began playing through the speakers—a song I immediately recognized, which warmed my heart. The song,
Thank You for Saving My Life
featuring Brian McKnight, poured through the speakers. I hadn’t danced with anyone since senior prom. I wasn’t sure my feet knew how to move properly to the beat. I gulped down my nerves and tried my best to sway along with him, enjoying the feeling of being in his arms again.

He smiled at me, a bit of embarrassment in his breathy tone. “I downloaded this song just this morning. I took a chance on getting to see you tonight. Couldn’t think of a better way to thank you for everything,” Chris admitted.

I cocked my head to the side and smiled. “You could have sung it to me,” I flirted.

He stared at me intensely. I wondered if he was thinking of the time he sang in the cafeteria, and the bond we shared that prompted him to write that song for me. “Oh. Yeah, I guess I could have done that…maybe later…” his voice trailed.

Later?
There would be a later? Butterflies awakened in my stomach while a blush crept up my neck.
Stop it, Salem. Later doesn’t mean anything.

Chris pulled me close, wrapping his arms tightly around me. We swayed silently back and forth to the beat of the music. I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heart pounding deep inside. Running my hands over his sculpted pecs and across his rippled abs, I couldn’t help the feeling that was welling up inside of me. Chris whispered into my ear, “Listen to the words. They say everything I want to say to you.”

Through the lyrics, I heard him thanking me for saving his life. But there was more. They also hinted that love was in the air and he’d just been waiting for me to come back into his life. Just as those lines were sung, I pulled away and our eyes met.

Glassy with tears, his expression spoke emotions he’d been reluctant to show me before now. He was bearing himself for me…becoming vulnerable for me. I didn’t know what to say, or how to respond. He stared down at me with those dark, sultry eyes—a look that exuded hunger…an aching desire that turned my insides into mush.

“I’m so glad you’re here with me, Salem,” he whispered. Cupping my face in his hands, he rubbed his thumbs across my cheeks, staring at my lips as he leaned forward.

I froze.
Oh crap! Is he going to kiss me?
I never tore my eyes away from his gaze. Our lips literally inches from each other, he paused. Staring into his dark eyes—irises speckled with hints of chocolate and caramel—I could almost feel the thoughts that were swirling around in his head.

“Thank you, Salem. Thank you more than words can say,” he whispered, then tilted my head down.

I waited. My eyes slipped closed, and I waited for that soft pressure to touch my lips. But it didn’t come. Instead, he pressed a tender kiss on my forehead, and I tried to stifle the disappointment that strangled me.

His lips were soft and supple against the delicate skin of my forehead. I could still feel the tingle of my nerve endings as he pulled away. I imagined what they would feel like on my lips, and felt an urge deep inside me too strong to ignore.

“You saved me too,” I reminded him. “You didn’t know it back then, but you did. So, thank you…”

I didn’t know what I was thinking. I didn’t even try to stop myself. With every ounce of courage I had, I leaned in fast and crushed my lips against his. He seemed shocked at first, unmoving and frozen stiff. Those sexy lips that I had imagined touching mine were as delightfully delicious as I knew they would be. Instinctively, I pressed myself against him and reached up to grab the back of his head. Immediately, Chris’s stiff posture dissolved and his control snapped as he entangled his hands in my hair, hungrily kissing me back. His urgent kisses shot darts of desire zinging throughout my body. Chris pressed his hips into me, rocking against me as his tongue delved for a deeper connection. Our tongues wrestled, twisting and turning in our mouths, hungry for each other. I melted into his body, allowing him to explore my shoulders, back, and face with his hands. He ran his strong, capable hands over my body, making my stomach quake. Every nerve ending was ignited with energy, and the strangest sensation overcame me. A feeling of pure euphoria—the kind of euphoria that felt so good it hurt.

Releasing my hair and once again cupping my face, he softened his kiss. The eager frenzy of lust slowed down to a sweet, tantalizing tease of yearning instead. I welcomed this passion—a passion that had been absent from my life for quite some time. I relished the moment of Chris’s lips on mine, giving into my aching desire. Running my hands across his chest, I felt those sculpted pecs that were beckoning me earlier under that fitted shirt.

“Mmmm,” Chris moaned. Within a moment, he pulled his lips away from mine, leaving me breathless and craving more. He stared at me, drinking me in with his eyes. “What…what is this?” he struggled to say.

“What is what?” I asked innocently, though I knew what we’d just done was anything but innocent.

“This?” he asked again, clasping my hands and taking a step back, indicating the space between us.

My face flushed hot.
Oh god, I overstepped my bounds. What an idiot! Why did I kiss him? What was I thinking?

“I’m sorry…I…I’m sorry,” I stammered, starting to blush.

“No,” Chris rushed. “No, don’t be sorry. I just. Wow. I…” He grimaced, fumbling for words as badly as I was.

I pulled away from him and pressed a hand to my forehead. “Oh, god. I’m so embarrassed. I don’t know what I was thinking,” I said, too humiliated to look him in the eye.

He reached for me, pressing me close to him. I took a ragged breath, inhaling the cool, woodsy scent of sandalwood and cedar. “Salem, don’t. I mean, don’t be sorry. That was…that was amazing.”

He sounded so sincere. I relaxed a little and smiled, glancing back up again.
Thank God.

“I thought you were going to have me escorted out by your bodyguards right about now,” I said sheepishly, staring at the floor.

“Are you kidding me?” He smiled, laughing softly. “Wow. I just…well, I didn’t know you felt that way about me.” He voice got quiet at the end, like he was admitting something he never intended to admit to me—that he’d been thinking about me and wondering if I did.

My eyes shot up. “Oh, I didn’t!” I said, embarrassed, assuming he meant I’d felt like that about him since I’d known him. “I didn’t, I swear. It was nothing like that.”

He lowered his eyes with disappointment. “Oh.”

I cringed and continued, “I mean, I didn’t feel like that about you years ago or anything, but seeing you here now…I don’t know…something changed. I can’t explain it.” He gazed down at me, and I tried to convey the truth with my eyes, hoping he’d believe me.

He exhaled, his shoulders drooping a little. “Trust me, I get it. I felt it too. I’m just glad you made the first move.” A shy grin spread across his face. Then without warning, he crashed his lips into mine, coming back for more. I melted into him, allowing him to encapsulate me in his arms. He pulled me tighter, moving his lips in rhythm with mine, just as the next song began to play. The lyrics to Parachute’s
Kiss Me Slowly
couldn’t have been a more perfect fit at that moment, especially with the city lights and the skyline in the background.

He ran his hands over my back and shoulders, caressing the bare skin on my arms. Pulling away once again, he whispered, “Let me stay with you, Salem.” The look in his eye told me he wanted more than I could offer.

“I can’t,” I said, shaking my head. I wasn’t ready to let myself be that vulnerable with him yet.

He frowned with disappointment. “Please. We don’t have to do anything. This…” he said, waving his hand around us as if he were outlining our aura, “this just feels so fucking amazing, being here with you. I promise nothing you’re not ready for. Just talking. And maybe some more kissing,” he said with a wink.

There was such a boyish hope on his face. In that hope I saw both versions of Chris—my Chris, the hardened, broken boy that I knew so many years ago, and the rock god Chris, confident and sexy, able to get anyone he wanted—converging into one.

I considered his offer. He’d always held a small piece of my heart, not in the romantic sense, but I cared deeply for him. He was right. Being there with him like that did feel amazing. I nodded, “Okay,” I whispered. “You can stay.”

Chris flashed his signature sexy as hell half grin. He gripped my hips, giving me an intense stare that fluttered my insides somewhere down deep. “By the way, Sarabeth’s makes a mean French Toast.”

****

I suddenly woke up, alone and breathless. Somewhere deep within me, my insides still fluttered while my stomach rumbled, craving breakfast.
Damn, that was just a dream!
I silently cursed fate, but then again I felt relieved.
Whew, that was just a dream.
Although something told me that if the situation were real, it would have happened exactly like my dream. And that made me smile.

Once I’d gotten my wits about me, I realized that it was my day to leave New York
and Chris
behind. I wasn’t ready. One weekend just wasn’t enough time. My phone beeped on the nightstand beside me.

Chris: Good morning, beautiful. Meet me downstairs in thirty. Can’t wait to see you.

I hopped out of bed and headed for the shower. I knew as soon as I met Chris downstairs that it would be time to head to the airport. In no time at all, I’d be on a plane heading away from the man who had me falling—no, tumbling—head over heels.

****

He stood with me in the airport near the security check point. The influx of busy people reminded me of my grandfather’s honey bees in their beehives, everyone moving around quickly with a specific task at hand; some groups of people were congregating while others zoomed around with a purpose.

Chris and I stood beside each other, knowing our weekend together had all too quickly come to an end. We huddled together, not moving, watching all of the other bustling travelers anxiously skitter around us.

“I’m gonna miss you,” Chris said softly into my ear with his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. “I had such a great time.”

“I’m gonna miss you too,” I said, already feeling it as I nuzzled against his chest. “This weekend has been wonderful.”

The warmth of his body against mine reminded me of the amazing dream I’d had the night before. I pulled him closer, relishing every detail, steamy and sweet.

He grasped the back of my head in response, cradling me against him. “This weekend has been amazing. I can’t wait to see you again in a couple of weeks.”

Suddenly reminded, I smiled. “That’s right. You’re coming through Charlotte on your way from Cleveland to Atlanta.”
How could I have forgotten?

“Yep.” He grinned with longing in his eyes as he took a deep breath. “And that day can’t come soon enough.”

I nodded. “I agree.”

“Salem.” My name was so gentle on his lips and his tone so sincere. “Thank you for taking a chance and coming to see me this weekend. It’s been the best weekend I’ve had in a long time. Something I’ve needed more than you know.”

I smiled up at him, pressing down the sadness that wanted to swallow me. “Thank you for inviting me, and yeah, this weekend was a much needed break.”

“You take care of yourself, okay?” He reluctantly pulled away from me. “Text me when you make it back safely.” A group of teenagers walked by, following a lady in a red T-shirt. Chris pulled his sunglasses off the neck of his shirt and stuffed them onto his face. “I guess I better sneak out of here before I get recognized and mobbed,” he whispered, tugging his beanie down a little lower on his head.

An ache in my heart immediately began to throb.
It’s just a couple of weeks, Salem. Hold it together.
I nodded. “Okay. Thank you for everything. I’ll text you soon.”

He gave me another tight squeeze and a peck on the cheek, and before I knew it, he was leaving. I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that the deeply satisfying kiss we shared in my dream was replaced by a mere brush of his lips on the cheek. Nevertheless, the tingle on my skin lingered as I stared at him while he trudged toward the exit. Watching him from behind, I was reminded of the last painful goodbye we endured at Fairbanks. After he released me from that monumental hug, I’d stood on the sidewalk completely shattered—he’d never even looked back.

But this time, just before he disappeared around the corner, Chris spun around. With sad, wistful eyes, he held my gaze. It took everything within me to keep from running straight back into his arms. Standing in the middle of the busy airport, I felt as though someone had sucked all of the oxygen out of the air. Lifting his hand for one more sad wave goodbye, he headed out the door.

He’s amazing, but he’s not mine. He belongs to everyone else…the greedy, clamoring, screaming fans who have no idea that behind that guitar and that spectacular voice, there is more than just a sexy man. There is an honorable man with a heart of gold who would give the shirt off his back for anyone. A strong man who has overcome obstacles in his life that nearly broke his spirit, but who walks tall with a beautiful, perfectly flawed soul—the one soul that very likely holds the key to my heart.

It took several seconds for me to turn around and walk toward security. As I numbly boarded the plane, I placed my bag in the overhead compartment and settled into my seat. Before the airplane pulled away from the gate, I slid my fingers across the screen of my phone, reliving every moment from the weekend that I could from the pictures we’d snapped along the way.

“Hard to say goodbye, huh?” A raspy voice spoke up beside me.