Bent not Broken (346 page)

I glanced at it, wondering what could be in it. My fingers itched to open it, but I said, “Okay, I promise.”

A knock at the door jolted me from my thoughts. Officer Blevins stood in the doorway. “Ready to go, Chris?” he asked. “Your mother is waiting out front.”

Chris looked at me, hopeful. “Walk me out?”

“Absolutely.” My voice still wavered with repressed tears.

Following Chris out, I tried not to think of the inevitable. This may be the last time I would ever see him again. I willed my feet to move…to shuffle one foot in front of the other. I demanded the tears that were pooling in my eyes to stay put until the right time to fall.
I can do this. I can, and I will.

Chris’s mother sat with her purse on her lap in the waiting area. She hopped up the moment we walked through the door. Her mousy brown bob bounced when she rose from her seat. The wrinkles around her eyes and smile proved she’d seen some hard years in her young life. She looked to be about forty or so.

Handing the guitar to me, Chris shouted, “Mom!” as he quickly ran into her awaiting arms.

“Chris, I’m so happy to see you! I’m so glad I can finally take you home.” She squeezed her son, swaying him back and forth.

Barry and I made our way over to their reunion of hugs and tears.

Blinking back his tears of joy, Chris said, “Mom, I’d like you to meet Officer Blevins and Mrs. Honeycutt.” He flashed me a private smile.

Chris’s mother extended her hand to each of us. “It’s nice to you meet you both. Thank you for taking care of my boy.”

“It was our pleasure,” I told her sincerely as I shook her hand. “Your son sure is something special.”

Chris looked at me and grinned. “I wouldn’t have made it without Mrs. Honeycutt, Mom. She helped me get through some pretty rough days.”

I smiled warmly. Keeping the conversation light, I said, “Thanks, Chris. It’s what I do.” I winked and pointed at the badge on my shirt with title ‘counselor’ under my name.

Chris laughed—a deep, hearty laugh I knew I’d miss echoing down the halls of Fairbanks.

But, I couldn’t allow myself to think of that. The lump in my throat immediately returned.

“Good luck, Chris,” Officer Blevins gave Chris a firm handshake. “Now go out there and make us proud.”

“Yes, sir,” Chris said, giving him a quick salute.

“Well, honey, are you ready to go home?” his mother interjected, pulling the strap of her purse across her shoulder.

Chris nodded at her, taking a deep breath. “More than ever.”

He glanced back at me sorrowfully. We shared one last pensive stare, knowing the moment we’d both been dreading was upon us. “Thanks again, Mrs. Honeycutt…for everything.”

My lower lip quivered as I held the guitar out to him. “You’re so very welcome. Take care of yourself, Chris.”

His jaw twitched with hindered emotion. Looking down at the guitar as I handed it back to him, he said softly, “I hope I earn this.”

We all stood in silence for another moment. Then his mother curled her arm around his waist and led him out the door. Just like that, he was gone. Like the dew that vanishes in the mid-morning heat, he was disappearing from our lives.

I walked to the door, watching them walk down the stairs. As soon as they reached the bottom, I stepped outside, watching them turn and walk down the sidewalk
.
I took a deep, staggering breath.
He’s leaving. This is it.

Goodbye, Chris.

****

CHRIS

Besides my dad, I’d only had to say goodbye to someone I truly cared about once before. And I guess we all know how that turned out. Kaitlyn was no longer a part of my life and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. Now here I was again, having to say goodbye to yet another important person in my life.

I was beyond ready to go home. I couldn’t wait to sleep in my own bed. I was eager for my life to get back to normal. But, there was one thing I wasn’t prepared for…I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Mrs. H. This woman had been a bright spot in my darkest days. She helped me get through a lot of ridiculously long and miserable days. Saying goodbye to her was the hardest part of leaving Fairbanks.

My mom looked so happy. I couldn’t wait to get home and shoot some hoops with my little brother. I was even excited to see Murdock, my mom’s annoying, little wiry-haired terrier. But saying goodbye to Salem…I just didn’t want my time with her to end. I needed her. I know she needed me too, but I needed her more than she could ever imagine. How would I deal with being back home again, knowing my father was still locked up in prison? How would I cope with bumping into Kaitlyn for the first time? I wanted to be able to go to her any time I needed to talk to someone about something.

I don’t know what I would have done without her the night I found out about Kaitlyn. Salem, who I now saw as less of a counselor and more as a friend, was the one who was there for me. She listened to me. She understood me. She was my rock.

And at the same time, I knew she needed me too. I hadn’t so quickly forgotten about the cut on her wrist and the dark circles around her eyes. I also hadn’t forgotten the story about her trip to Italy with her father and how broken she seemed over it. Or what about the tears that she’d cried privately in her office, but wiped away the moment I walked in? I knew I would worry about her too. I wanted to be able to make sure she was okay. But I couldn’t, and I knew that.

Walking away from her that day was going to be one of the hardest moments of my life, but I had to play it cool. I had to be strong, but seeing her lip quiver as she spoke completely shredded my heart.
Damn, I want to make her proud.

My mother curled her arm around my waist, eager to get out of there, but I was having a hard time walking away. I wanted her to understand my resistance, but how could I make her comprehend what Salem meant to me? How much I needed her? How I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and thank her again for being there for me?

If I’d said any of those things to my mom, she wouldn’t have understood the depth of our connection without twisting it into something ugly. So instead, I let her pull me away from the only other person, besides Kaitlyn, I’d ever opened up to—the only other person who knew me inside and out, good and bad.

I trudged down the sidewalk toward the exit gate in the worst fucking mood I’d been since that night Salem let me blubber on her shoulder. I was walking out of Salem’s life and leaving her behind. I knew I may never see her again. I could feel her presence in my life diminishing with every step I took. I didn’t want to need her so much. I couldn’t understand what it was about this woman that made me feel so attached to her. I knew I needed to forget her, but I couldn’t let her go that easily.

I put one foot in front of the other, and right before the guard unlocked the gate to let us out, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Ripping myself away from my mother’s grasp, I sprinted back toward Salem for the hug that was long overdue. I needed to wrap my arms around her and let her know that I’d never forget her for everything she’d done for me…for everything she meant to me. I wasn’t sure I could move forward without her.

When I reached the top step where she was standing, I saw her tear-streaked cheeks and the redness around her eyes. This was just as hard for her as it was for me.

I held my arms out for her, and she barreled into them. Clasping the back of her head with my hand, I clutched her against me. My heart slammed in my chest. I would never forget this woman who picked up the pieces of my shattered heart and helped me mend them back together one piece at a time. She encouraged me to go after my dreams, sat by me in my darkest moments, and was there for me when I needed someone the most. I loved her for everything she was to me. We both whimpered with stifled tears, wallowing in our sorrow just a moment longer.

“I believe in you, Chris,” she whispered against my chest.

I held her close as her warm tears dampened my shirt. For a few earth-shattering seconds, we lingered in each other’s embrace, trying to suppress our emotions. Everything about that moment was devastatingly perfect.

Pulling away slowly, I released her. I slid my hands down the length of her arms, hoping she’d understand my reluctance to leave.

“Go,” she urged me. “You’ve planted your roots, now go spread your wings.”

This was it. I knew I had to flick these broken fragments of my heart off my sleeve and walk away. I tried my best to keep my lip from trembling as my voice cracked, “Thank you for believing in me.”

Goodbye, Salem Honeycutt. You’re one of the best fucking things that ever happened to me. I hope you know that.

I quickly dropped her hands and sprinted back to my mother who was waiting for me near the gate. I couldn’t turn around to wave goodbye to her, knowing she’d see how utterly shattered I was. But I also couldn’t bear the thought of driving away from her, knowing I’d left her heartbroken on the sidewalk.

I walked out the gate, sank into the car, and turned up the volume on the radio while I listened to my mom chatter on and on about nothing important. Restraining my tears, I kept my eyes glued to the road ahead of us. I refused to look back. It was just easier that way.

****

SALEM

I stood in silence, covering my face in my hands. I had completely forgotten about Barry standing behind me in the doorway until he walked up beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, gently pulling me toward him. “It’s okay to cry, Salem,” he whispered. “Some kids touch our lives deeper than others.”

With his permission, I curled into his arms and sobbed. He held me and gently swayed me back and forth until I was gasping for breath against his chest.

“You did your job, Salem. He’s a good kid. He’s gonna be fine,” Barry assured me.

“Thank you,” I somehow managed to say. “Thank you for everything.”

“One thing is for sure. You have found your calling. These kids love you as much as you love them. I’ve never seen such reform in all the years I’ve been at Fairbanks. Sometimes working in this field can make you calloused. Don’t ever let go of that compassion you have. Don’t lose yourself. Don’t let yourself get burned out. These kids need you. That much is obvious.”

Filled with emotion, I simply nodded. What I didn’t tell him was that I needed them as much as they needed me.

“Come on,” he said, pulling me toward the door. “Let’s go change some more lives.”

****

The first thing I saw when I stepped into my office was the light brown envelope resting on the corner of my desk. Chris’s handwriting sprawled across the front:

To Salem Honeycutt: For always being there...Thank you!

Carefully I opened the envelope and removed the small gilt-edged journal from it. Gently opening to the first page, I realized something—
all
of the pages had been unfolded. I gasped when I realized the monumental meaning behind this gesture. He trusted me enough to share his innermost thoughts with me. Snapping the journal shut, I held it to my chest, silently thanking him for trusting me that much. That alone was enough.

I cracked it open again and found a letter tucked inside the first few pages.

Dear Mrs. H,

Words can’t express my thoughts. I’m sitting here on my bed on my last night at Fairbanks imagining what it will be like to have to say goodbye to you tomorrow. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. You have been my rock these last few months. I came into this place alone and hurting. I had just watched my first love drive away in her car the night before I came here. I could barely think straight, much less function doing anything else. I sat down in your office that first day wishing I could just die and never have to face another day without her. But, you helped pull me out of that depression. In this journal you gave me, I was able to write myself through some dark days. Inside it, you will find some lyrics, some poems, and some long strings of words that barely make sense, but through it all, I was healing. I have you to thank for all of that. You were there when I needed you. You talked when I needed you to talk. You listened when I needed you to listen. I can’t thank you enough for the influence you’ve had over my life. You were the light in my darkness. I will never forget you.

Love always,

Chris

I’d never really considered myself a praying woman, but that day in my office, I prayed to God that He would watch over Chris. I gave myself a few moments to gather myself, but I knew it was time to move forward. Without reading any of the other entries, I closed the journal and found a place for it high on my bookshelf. Then I picked up the phone and called Officer Blevins at his desk to summon my next scheduled client.

Chapter Fourteen

PRESENT DAY

SALEM

It was getting close to eight o’clock. I sat at a tiny table for two at Acropolis Grill, anxiously waiting for Chris to arrive. My mind retraced our shared past as my hands wrung in my lap. While I’d wondered about him from time to time and hoped that someday I’d see him in concert, I never imagined I would actually be meeting him like this.

I’d spent the night before thinking about our backstage encounter and his amazing performance at the concert. It was exciting to see that Chris had finally fulfilled his dreams of becoming a musical sensation. I was curious to see how much time had changed him or how much stardom had transformed him.

So many people had misjudged him as teenager. Sure, he’d made some mistakes, but I’d never discredited his talent, his thirst for success, or his tenacious drive to reach his goals. There was just something about Chris that drew people to him…his spirited enthusiasm, maybe? Either way, I was as proud of him as I could possibly be and was about to get my chance to tell him so.

Wondering if his entourage of personal assistants and protection agents would be escorting him to the table, I checked and rechecked my phone to make sure he hadn’t cancelled on me. When he finally walked in alone, I barely recognized him in the coat and sunglasses, but there was definitely a distinguishable air about him. I recognized the familiar smile on his face as he walked toward me. When he removed his sunglasses, his eyes glinted in the candlelight of the restaurant.