Bent not Broken (103 page)

“God, you’re beautiful.” He brushes his hand over my shoulder and down to my breast.

“Mmm,” I moan as his hands explore me.

Living up to his promise, he takes me on the bathroom counter, up against the wall, on the desk, and then he makes the sweetest, softest love to me on the bed. Lying here with my sweet man napping, I reflect on the past year. I truly feel like my life has settled, and it’s all because of Gabe. While he sleeps, I gently kiss his cheek, whispering to him as I do every night when he’s home with me, “I’ll never love anyone as much as I love you.”

I’m glad I packed a change of clothes as we walk into an exclusive restaurant on the property. Even in a dress and heels, I feel underdressed. Everything here is exquisite from the paintings on the walls to the linens on the table.

Our server brings the glass of sparkling water I ordered and Gabe’s vodka tonic. We order the same meal: pecan-crusted sea bass.

“This place is beautiful,” I say, taking a sip of my water.

“You’re beautiful.”

I can feel my cheeks flush at his compliments.

“Thanks.”

“It’s amazing how much has changed in the last year,” he says, sipping his drink. “I’ve got a new job, you’re in college and almost done.” He winks at me, knowing how much this topic of my accelerated college career bothers me.

“I was thinking the same thing this afternoon. It doesn’t seem that long ago when we were just kids playing at the park and going to Disneyland.” I smile at the memories.

“Speaking of Disneyland,” he says, his voice more animated. “Remember when you got lost and we spent an hour looking for you?”

“I was not lost for an hour,” I correct him.

“You were too. I think you were maybe five years old.”

“I remember. You found me in the line to meet Cinderella.” Both of us start laughing.

“I was thinking about that the other day.” He pauses, running his finger around the rim of his glass. “I think that is when I first fell in love with you.”

“What? Really? You were nine years old.”

“I know. But the feeling of losing you, not knowing where you were, if you were okay, or hurt, scared me. I’ll never forget that feeling.” Holding his gaze, I can’t help but feel a sense of comfort in his words.

“You know, I’ve never been back to Disneyland since that trip. I never did get my picture taken with Cinderella. Maybe we should do that with Ava next week,” I say excitedly. “She can bring Adrian, so all four of us can go, a double date.” He laughs lightly as he runs his finger around the rim of his glass.

“That would be fun.” He smiles at me.

“I’m getting my picture taken with Cinderella this time!” We raise our glasses and tap them together as he shakes his head and laughs at me.

“Now if our food would hurry up, I have other plans for you tonight,” he mumbles and looks for our server.

****

Back in the room, I see Gabe rummaging through his bag, pulling out a full plastic grocery bag. I kick my heels off and remove my dress, hanging it up in the closet.

“What’s in the bag?” I ask.

“Grab your jeans and a sweatshirt.”

“Why? I thought we we’re going to bed.” I smirk at him. “I’m ready for round four,” I tease.

“We’ll get to round four, five, and six in a little bit. I have something else I want to do first.”

“This better be good,” I mumble, pulling my jeans and my sweatshirt out of my overnight bag. Once we’re finished dressing, he grabs the bag and the keycard for our hotel room.

“Ready?” he asks, taking my hand and pulling me out of the room and into the hallway. Waiting for the elevator, I ask him again, “So are you going to tell me what’s in the bag?”

“Maybe.” He smiles and leans in to kiss me.

Crossing through the lobby, we take the back doors out to the beautiful outside patio that leads to the resort pool and beach. Walking down the stone steps, we finally hit the sand. He leads me across the private beach until we come to a bonfire pit.

Setting the bag down on the sand, all the supplies are waiting and ready to start a bonfire. The wood is already in the pit, and there is a starter log waiting along with a multi-purpose lighter.

“Need some help?” I joke with him.

“I can do it.”

“You may be a firefighter, but you’re not very good at starting them.”

He laughs at my joke as he looks up at me, still fighting to keep the lighter lit against the wind. Finally getting the starter log going, the rest of the wood quickly ignites. Sitting down in the sand, he grabs the bag and some long sticks and plants himself next to me.

“Dessert,” he says proudly, pulling out a bag of marshmallows, chocolate bars, and graham crackers.

“I love s’mores.” I beam, opening the package of marshmallows. Gabe slides them onto the sticks while I get the chocolates and graham crackers ready.

“Did you think of this all by yourself?”

“Are you doubting my romantic skills?” he says through his laughs.

“No, I just would never have thought of this.”

I slide the soft, golden brown marshmallow off the stick and onto the graham cracker, assembling the first s’more.

“I saw it in the brochure.” He laughs, and I smack his arm.

“Well, regardless, I love it. This is better than any dessert in that stuffy restaurant.”

“This is dessert, part one. Part two is going to happen upstairs in just a little bit.” He wags his eyebrows at me.

Reaching out, I offer him a bite of my s’more. Noticing some marshmallow on his bottom lip, I reach out and wipe it off. Catching my hand, he pulls my finger into his mouth, sucking the sweet marshmallow off of my finger. The movement of his tongue around my finger sets my body on fire.

“Let’s go,” I whisper.

“Mmm hmm,” he responds.

Chapter 16

Gabe

Throwing the last bag in the car, she looks up at me with her arms crossed and her bottom lip pushed out.

“I’m not ready to leave yet.” Grabbing her face, I kiss her and gently suck her bottom lip in between mine.

“I know baby, but you have school tomorrow, and we have to call Ava to tell her about our plans for next weekend.”

“We can do that from here,” she pouts.

Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, I wrap my arms around her. “I’ll bring you back here again. I promise.”

Settling into the truck, the drive home is quiet. Jess has dozed off, and we’re only a few miles from home. This weekend was confirmation of everything I knew I was feeling. I can’t live without her. I’ve been busting my ass working overtime and picking up shifts at the fire station to save all the money I can for an engagement ring and a house.

I know that I’m bringing her back to Santa Barbara; this is where I will propose to her. I will do whatever it takes to make her mine forever. I want to build my life with her: marriage, house, kids.

“Shit. Oh my God!” she screams. I swerve my truck, reacting to her sudden outburst.

“What? Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me,” I yell. A look of panic crosses her face, and she’s dumping her purse all over the car seat. Shit is flying everywhere.

“Settle down. Whatever it is, you’ll find it. Just please, calm down.”

“Calm down? I haven’t taken my birth control pills in three days.” My heart stops.

“What did you just say?”

“You heard me.” Her eyes are filling with tears, and she’s still flinging shit all over the seat. Turning down our street, I pull up in front of Jess’ house.

“Babe, this is going to be fine. It was just a couple of days. You’ll find them at home. Just take them immediately, okay?” She nods her head at me, but I can see she’s scared. Shit, so am I.

“I’ll get your bags. Go find your pills, then you can cook me dinner, woman.” I wink at her, trying to lighten the mood. I toss her bags in her room, then I sit on the edge of the bed. She went straight to the bathroom, and the sounds of her rummaging through drawers frantically fill the silent house. Kicking off my shoes, I lie down, curling up with her pillow. I love how everything smells like her.

“I can’t find them anywhere,” she shouts, walking into her room. I can tell she’s reached a panicked state.

“Babe, calm down.”

“You calm the fuck down, Gabe!” Jesus Christ, she’s pissed!

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Just call your doctor tomorrow morning and see if they’ll call you in a new prescription.”

She’s biting her lip, and I can see her brain working. I know how she operates; she’s retracing every day and trying to remember when the last time she took her pill was and where she was.

“I think it might have been more than three days ago,” she whispers. Okay, that got my attention.

“How many days?” I hiss.

“Four or five. I’m not sure, to tell you the truth. What if…” I cut her off.

“No matter what happens, nothing will change my feelings for you. Please try to not stress about this until you call your doctor, okay?” Nodding her head, she comes to sit down on the bed with me.

“I’m scared,” she whispers.

“I know.”

Pulling her down, I wrap her in my arms and snuggle with her. I can feel her heart beating rapidly, and her body is tense. I know she’s worried as hell. The rest of the evening is full of strained silence. We’re both thinking about the “what if’s.”

“Thanks for making dinner, babe,” I whisper to her and gently kiss her ear.

“You’re welcome,” she whispers back with a fake smile.

I just want to ease her fears, but I know nothing I say will make her feel better.

“Let’s go to bed,” I say, gently tugging at her arm. Taking a deep breath, she pushes herself off the couch and into my arms, squeezing me tightly.

“Gabe.” I can hear her voice break. I pull her back from me so I can look at her, and she stumbles slightly. “Please tell me, that if I am pregnant, you won’t leave me? I don’t think I could do this on my own.”

Tears leak from her eyes and run down her cheeks. Cupping her round cheeks with both of my hands, I wipe her tears with my thumbs. When I pull her back into me, her body is trembling with sobs. All I can do is hold her while she cries and reassure her that it’s not even an option.

“Listen to me.” I tip her chin up, drawing her eyes to mine. “I will never leave you, ever. Do you understand me?” My tone is firm and aggressive. I’m not mad at her, but it hurts a bit that she’d question my commitment to her. “There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that will come between us. You are mine forever. When the time comes that we have babies, whether that’s now or in the future, don’t you ever question my love for you or them. Do you understand? There is no leaving. Ever.”

With a big inhale, Jess squeezes me tighter and nods her head.

“I love you,” I whisper into her hair.

“I love you too,” she says, pressing her lips to my chest and kissing me through my t-shirt.

“Now stop stressing about this, please,” I beg her. “Let’s go to bed.”

When I wake in the morning, I notice she is already gone. She has an early class on Mondays, but I usually see her out the door. We both went to sleep with a lot on our minds, and I know I was tired, but I’m just surprised I didn’t hear her at all this morning. Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I see that I have a message from Jess.

Coffee is in the kitchen. I’ll be home around 2:00. I love you.

I miss you when I don’t wake up next to you :( Love you more.

Waiting for her to get back from class, I go home to unpack from our trip. I plan to hit the gym, in hopes that I will relieve any lingering stress from the missing birth control saga. We normally run on Mondays after Jess’ class, so I’ll get my cardio in with her. That’s the
only
cardio I’ll be doing with her until we figure out our little problem. Where the hell did the pills just disappear to anyway?

Making quick work of the gym, and laundry, I’m waiting at home for her to arrive. I love being here when she gets home. As I’m thinking about her, I hear her car pull into the driveway. The front door opens, and my beautiful girl bounces through, looking happy and confident, and not at all scared like she was yesterday.

“Want to go for a run in a bit?” she asks, walking by me and tossing her bag onto the floor.

“Sure. You look happy.”

“I am happy.” Her eyes twinkle. “Let me get changed and we’ll go.”

She hurries off down the hallway. Grabbing my tennis shoes, I lace them up while waiting for her. My phone rings and I check the screen. “Shit,” I mumble to myself.

“What’s up, Chief?” I answer, already knowing why he’s calling. He wants me to pick up a shift. Hanging up, I know she isn’t going to be happy.

“Babe,” I call out.

“Almost ready,” I hear her respond.

Walking down the hallway, I open her door.

“Chief called.” It’s not hard to ignore the giant eye roll she does.

“Let me guess,” she says sarcastically. “You’re picking up a shift?” And that happy girl that bounded through the door just vanished.

I pull her into me. “It’s just half a shift, twelve hours,” I grumble. But I know the extra money will help me get a ring on her finger faster, so I agreed to pick up the shift, knowing that it might upset her.

“I know you love your job, but when will you ever say no? I don’t want to live like I did growing up, never having my dad around. I want a man that’s going to be around for my family and me. I feel like you’re turning into my dad,” Jess spits out, pushing away from me and reaching down to grab her tennis shoes.

“I’ll never be your dad,” I snap at her, pissed at the insinuation.

“Kind of looks like you already are,” she fires back at me, tying up her tennis shoes and not making eye contact with me. A rush of guilt rolls over me. She thinks I’m choosing work over her.

“I will call you later,” I mutter. She still won’t even look up at me. “I love you.” Getting no response, I step it up. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“Sure you will.”

“Jess, please stop acting like this.”

“Just go,” she says quietly. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Chapter 17