Bent Not Broken (A Cedar Creek #1) (32 page)

“I bet she did,” I murmured under my breath. I was again facing the town. Looking at him and seeing all the beauty that I thought for a short period of time had been mine, hurt too much.

“Shut it, baby, and listen for fucks sake! I can see you’re hurting over this and it pains me, baby. Pains me to see you like this. You trying to mask your hurt by being indifferent, trying to convince yourself and me you don’t give a shit. But you can’t bullshit me. I told you before, baby, I see you, so you’re not fooling me. It’s written all over you.” I clenched my teeth, deciding it was better not to say anything at all. Let him get it all out without interruption, so he could leave.

Cal growled low in his throat, but continued his explanation.

And I listened.

Even though I didn’t want to.

“I agreed to meet and looking at you now, I realize that I made a colossal mistake in not sharing that with you. I should have called you, given you a head’s up. And I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry, I didn’t think and hurt you in the process.”

That, I didn’t expect. Stupid and useless excuses, definitely. An apology, absolutely not. I didn’t know what to do with this, so I did nothing. Cal kept speaking.

“I wanted to talk to you about it tonight when I knew what she was up to. It was never intended to be a secret, baby. I would never do that you. I wanted to fill you in tonight, so we could figure out our next move.
Our
next move, Ivey. You are a part of this family now. I would not screw that up for anything, and if you looked beyond that hurt, you’d know that that’s the goddamn truth.”

I had to swallow. He was getting to me. Part of me wanted to believe him so desperately, I had to fight the impulse to jump into his arms. The other part of me was just too hurt and on guard to trust and believe anything he was saying. The words that came out of his mouth next changed that.

“I love you, baby, and I would never betray you like that.” My head swung around, my lips trembled and tears shot to my eyes.

He loved me?

“Yeah, baby, that’s right. I love you. I love you and I want to build a life with you. A life that includes a honeymoon and baby showers. And I want that soon. You want it, too. I know you do. Tommy and I, we’re already yours. You’re just too damn scared to take what already belongs to you.”

I stared at him. Completely dumbfounded.

He loved me.

He loved me and he wanted to build a life with me.

A life that included a honeymoon and baby showers.

The part of me that so desperately wanted to believe him won out, and the tears that had been blurring my vision started running down my cheeks. Cal came closer to my chair and crouched down, resting his hand on the side of my neck and wiping at the tears with his thumb. His eyes were soft on mine as he whispered, “You believe me?” I nodded, unable to say anything. Yes, I believed that he loved me and that was the most beautiful feeling I had ever experienced, but he still had a lot of explaining to do, because seeing him with another woman still hurt. Relief washed over his face, and he pressed a soft kiss to my still trembling lips. When he moved his head back an inch, I took a deep breath in an effort to control my tears and was mildly successful.

“Explain,” I whispered.

He got out of his crouch and moved me up with him with his hand still at my neck, then turned me, moved in behind me, sat in the chair and pulled me down onto his lap. He pressed my cheek to his chest and held me. Only when I was cozied up in his lap with his arms around me did he start talking again.

“I agreed to meet with Stacy, because she told me on the phone that she wanted to make amends, that she realized leaving was the biggest mistake she had ever made. For Tommy, I had to take the meet and talk things out with her. Believe me, I wasn’t all fired up to see her after what she has done and I’m still not convinced that she’s gonna keep her promise, but I figured I owed it to Tommy to at least talk to her about it. You and I will sit down with him, explain things to him, and let him decide if he wants to pursue this. She’s his mother and ultimately, it’s his decision whether I like it or not.” I tensed in his arms. Judging by how he had looked and smiled at her he had been more than happy to see her. And he had let her touch him.

Cal felt me getting tense and asked, “What, baby?”

“When I saw you, it didn’t look like you were unhappy to see her. You were smiling at her. And your eyes were soft. And she was touching you and you let her.” My voice told him exactly just how much seeing that had hurt. He gave me a squeeze.

“Ivey, the only time I smiled at her was when I told her about how well Tommy is doing. What a great kid he is and how proud I am to be his dad. You’re right, though, I shouldn’t have let her touch me. I’m sorry. It didn’t mean what you think it did. She was excited to hear me talk about him. That’s all. But you’re right, and I promise you that won’t happen again.”

I looked at him, not convinced by that promise, and needing him to understand.

“How would you feel if you caught me meeting an ex behind your back and watched me letting him touch me?” Cal closed his eyes as I watched pain and anger cross his face.

“Exactly,” I whispered.

He opened his eyes and touched his forehead to mine.

“I get it, baby. You’re right. It would hurt like a son of a bitch and I would lose my mind. You’re mine, and nobody but me is allowed to touch you. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” He cupped my face in both his hands. His eyes were serious on mine. “I’m sorry I let her touch me. It won’t happen again.”

“Okay,” I whispered, happy that he understood that was important to me.

“I told her about you, you know? About how great you are with Tommy, and how much he loves you. She didn’t like that too much at first, but I made it very clear that if she wants a chance to get to know her son, she is not ever to interfere with us. She either gets over it or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t, I figure she won’t get very far with Tommy. He is almost more protective of you than I am.” I smiled at that. Cal was right. Tommy was protective of me. He had proven that a few times already and I loved it. Seeing my smile, Cal kissed me softly.

“You know what Tommy asked me yesterday on the way to the farm?” I shook my head on his chest.

“He asked me if I thought you’d mind if he called you
Mom
after we got married.”

My body froze. Wow. That was big.

I lifted my head off his chest and stared at him with wide eyes. Cal’s eyes locked with mine.

“He knows what he’s missing, not having a mom who loves him, who’s interested in what he does, who bakes with him, who teaches him how to eat
Tim Tams,
which, baby, it’s fucking crazy to use a cookie as a straw,” he said through a smile. “He wants a mom, who tells him it will earn him brownie points with the ladies if he knows all about cookies, who is a goof and not embarrassed about it, who laughs with him and is openly affectionate. And he wants you to be that person for him. Hell, you’re already that person to him. He is a complete goner for you, just like his dad.”

“Shut up. You’re making me cry,” I breathed. But it was already too late for that. The tears were running freely again.

God! Since when was I such a crybaby?

“I love it that he feels that way. I love it, because I’m a goner for him, too.” I said softly.

“And what about his dad? You a goner for him?” Cal asked.

I looked up at him, looked into those beautiful dark eyes of his that were soft and loving on me, and whispered, “Total goner.”

“Good, baby,” he whispered back before he kissed me long and deep. When he stopped the kiss, he lifted up his head until his eyes were again intense on me.

“We want you, Ivey. You are it for us. And you’ll fucking well let us have you. You can’t show us the beauty that is you and then rip it away, because I misjudged a situation and fucked up. I’m sorry I hurt you, baby, and swear to God, I will do my damned best to not let that happen again. But next time something happens, you are not running away from me. You are not shutting me out and disappearing into your head. That shit is not happening again, Ivey. You are ours and we won’t let you go. Mark my words. You try that shit again, I’ll hunt you down again just like I did today. No matter where you go, I’ll hunt you down and drag you right back here.”

He was back to being bossy, and judge me all you want I kinda liked it.

No.

I loved it.

I absolutely freakin’ loved it.

I loved it that he loved me like that. That he wanted me that much that he said it straight out he wouldn’t let me go without a fight.

It felt great.

Chapter Twenty-two

Happiness

Ivey

True happiness.

What does that really look like?

Up until now, I’d had no idea.

I thought I had been happy in my own little world that I had built to keep me safe. Sure, I was lonely a lot, but I owned my house, ran my own business, had a handful of real friends, and got laid when I wanted to.

I surrounded myself with things that couldn’t hurt me and that I was in complete control of. No landlord, no boss, no man who had a say in anything I did.

I had complete control over every aspect of my life.

It had been necessary for survival.

So yes, in my own way, I had been happy.

But not truly happy.

Now, everything had changed.

I was in love with a man who loved me back, whose son loved me and whose parents welcomed me into the family fold.

A man who showed me that I was worth the effort, who didn’t give up, who gave it his all until he had all of me.

A man who loved me just the way I was.

A man who had a temper and could get angry, but who I knew would never lay a hand on me.

A man who protected me.

A man who I could trust.

And that was what being truly happy meant.

To find someone who wants you to be who you truly are, who wants you whatever way you come.

With whom you can let go.

If you’re lucky, you don’t just find that in the man you love, but also in the friends you chose.

And seeing as I had both and more for the first time in my life, I realized what a lucky girl I was to be given this kind of true happiness.

Chapter Twenty-three

Settled

Ivey

Over the next few weeks, Cal and Tommy and Stella and I settled into a routine.

Actually, it wasn’t only us who had settled into our relationship. The whole town had settled into us being a couple. Though, it was more than that. Almost everyone who saw us, treated us like we had known each other since kindergarten and had dated since we were five.

It was freaky.

In a good way.

The thing that worried me about that was the fact that they treated me like I was Tommy’s mother. It’s not that I didn’t want to be thought of as his mother at all. To me every day it felt more and more like Tommy was my son. But it worried me for him.

I hadn’t talked to him about what Cal had said to me about Tommy wanting to call me
mom
when we were married. I wanted to wait and see first how the situation with his birth mother would turn out. If he knew I knew, he might feel obligated to stick to that, and I didn’t want that pressure on him.

The day after Cal had met with Stacy, we had sat Tommy down and told him that his mother had made an approach and wanted to build a relationship with him. Tommy hadn’t shown much of a reaction at first, other than giving me worried sideways glances every few seconds. That had concerned me. He shouldn’t be worried about what I thought or how it would make me feel if he wanted to get to know his mother. That was totally up to him. I wouldn’t love him any less if that was what he wanted. He needed a mother. Though I was more than willing to fill that role, I also knew that having that was different from having your “real” mother in your life.

So throughout Cal’s explanation I smiled at Tommy encouragingly, hoping he would understand that whatever decision he made, we would support him. Cal was very gentle, but also didn’t sugarcoat things. He gave Tommy his take on it, namely, that he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to forgive his mother for abandoning him, but that she seemed genuine when he had talked to her. That he was under the impression that she was serious about wanting to get to know her son and be a part of his life. Cal also made it clear that what was going to happen from here on out would be Tommy’s decision, and we would support and give him guidance with whatever he decided to do.

Tommy had been quiet and contemplative for a few minutes after his dad had laid it out for him. We gave him that time and waited. It was a lot to take in and he had a big decision to make. A decision that would affect him for the rest of his life. After staring into the fire for a while, he made up his mind.

“You’re right, dad. I’m not sure I can forgive her for not wanting me, either. If I let her back into our life now, who can guarantee me that she won’t just disappear again?” He was shaking his head. My heart broke for him. “I don’t know, dad. And that’s what’s telling me that maybe accepting her back might be the wrong choice. Shouldn’t I be happy and excited she wants to know me and spend time with me?”