Bennett (On the Line Book 2) (23 page)

I closed my eyes as he opened his door and got out of the car. I’d hurt him. My throat was tight with emotion. Bennett had never made me feel anything but amazing, and I’d hurt him.

He opened my car door and I met his eyes as I stepped out. I wanted to say something. Something that would make all this awkwardness disappear and bring the warm glimmer back to his eyes.

But I couldn’t. I’d been honest; I wasn’t ready to talk marriage. And he’d asked me not to tell him I loved him unless I knew it was true. As crazy as I was about him, I wasn’t yet sure it was love. It was getting there; that was for sure. But I wanted to know it with my whole heart when I said it. And I would
not
be like my mother—forcing every relationship into a quick marriage out of fear of being alone.

A display of baby blue, yellow, and pale green sleepers caught my attention as soon as we walked in. I drew in a breath as I ran my fingers over the soft material of one.

“Oh, Bennett . . . look how tiny they are.”

There were baby jean jackets, loafers, and newsboy caps on another display. I grinned with excitement as I checked out sizes and piled baby clothes over one arm.

“Charlotte,” Bennett said from behind me, “slow down. How much is all this gonna cost?”

I shrugged and grinned even wider. “It doesn’t matter. This is one of the happiest days of my life, and I feel like splurging on our little boy.”

He didn’t respond and I turned to look at him. His expression was distant.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t afford to go into a place like this and buy everything you like,” he said stiffly.

“I wasn’t asking you to,” I said, taken aback by his sudden change in mood. “I’m paying for it.”

He nodded slightly. “So that’s how it’s gonna be?”

“How
what’s
gonna be?”

A saleslady approached with a mesh bag. “Can I help you find anything?” she asked, holding out the bag for me to put the clothes in.

“No,” I said dismissively. “We’re just looking.”

“Well, let me know if you need anything,” she said, leaving us.

“I don’t understand what’s going on, Bennett,” I said softly.

“I don’t understand why I’m even here. You’ve already made my role in this whole thing pretty obvious, and
clearly
I can’t afford you. That’s probably what it all comes down to anyway.”

My face heated with frustrated anger. “What the hell are you talking about?”

He turned for the door. “I’ll just wait for you in the car.”

I folded and restacked the clothes I’d chosen onto the display, my happiness now just a pile of smoldering ashes. By the time I got back out to the car, I was ready to do battle.

“So you think I’m put off that you don’t make much money?” I asked bitterly. “What have I ever done or said to make you think that?”

“You may not even realize you’re put off by it. And believe me, I don’t like it any more than you do.”

“It doesn’t matter. I have enough to take care of the baby. I have savings.”

“And you think that’s what I want?” He gripped the steering wheel and exhaled deeply. “The clock’s been ticking for almost three months now and the pressure’s fucking intense.”

“What pressure?” I touched his arm gently.

“To move up. Make more money. Be able to support you and the baby.”

I sighed softly. “Bennett, I don’t need that.”

“And you never fucking fail to mention it.” He started the car and backed out, not looking at me. “You tell me at every available opportunity how little you need me.”

“That’s not true.”

“Like hell.”

“Bennett, I
do
need you.”

“For what, moral support?”

I furrowed my brow, considering. “I wouldn’t characterize it that way, but—”

“You just have to keep control of everything.”

“What’s so bad about being in control of everything?” I challenged. “It’s gotten me this far in life, hasn’t it?”

He laughed bitterly. “You’ve got it all figured out, as usual.”

“I don’t know where this is coming from.”

“You wouldn’t even give me the time of day if it weren’t for the baby. You threw my fucking number away, remember?”

I balked at his mention of the morning after we met. “And what did you want from me, exactly, Bennett? Besides more sex?”

“Just
more
.” He parked in front of the courthouse and gave me a dark look. “The same thing I’ve been trying to get out of you for three months now. But you’re too damned resolved not to turn into your mother. I’m never breaking through.”

“Okay,” I said in my calmest tone, “I’m going back into work now. I think we should talk some more later when you’re not so angry.”

He just stared out the windshield, his jaw set tensely. I got out of the car, still confused about where all this had come from. Wasn’t
I
the one who had irrational emotional outbursts?

Apparently today was his turn.

Bennett

I’d been a douche to Charlotte. I realized it about a minute after she got out of the car. Of all the days to unleash my pent-up insecurities on her, I’d chosen the one she’d said was one of the happiest of her life.

It had been looking like one of the happiest of mine for a while. When I’d seen our son on that sonogram monitor, my feelings had come into clear focus for the first time. Being next to her in that moment had made me realize I wanted her by my side permanently.

I loved her for her, but the fact she was the mother of my son added an intensity to my feelings that was almost unbearable. Her swelling belly was the most beautiful sight in the world to me. The three of us were already a family in my mind.

Moving past my guilt over Kelly enough to fall in love with Charlotte had been hard. Admitting it hadn’t been easy, either. And then she’d rejected me.

She didn’t love me and she didn’t want to marry me. My drive home was spent in pensive thought about it.

I’d never had trouble attracting women. Kelly had been the first and only one besides Charlotte that I wanted more than a casual thing with. Her death had crushed me for a long time. With Charlotte, I’d started to finally heal. I’d let go of the guilt over how happy I was with her.

But for what? To be Charlotte’s on-call fuck buddy and baby daddy? I wanted much more than that from her.

I passed the turn onto my street and headed to the ice rink instead. No one was there, so I laced up my skates and took a bucket of pucks and a net out and shot for practice.

There was no giving up on this. With every puck that slid home into the net, I realized I’d just have to be patient. Her mother had set such a shitty example that Charlotte had gravitated to the other extreme. Her rejection of me wasn’t actually personal. She had a wall up against all men.

But after five years of certainty that I’d never love a woman again, there was no wall I wouldn’t scale to get inside the fortress Charlotte had set up around her heart. It was like my goal of getting called up to Chicago—I’d just have to work harder.

Charlotte

J
ames and Brian couldn’t keep their eyes off each other. I could see where James’s transformation from annoying asshole to decent guy had come from.

Brian was a soft-spoken, dark-haired man with a great smile. He’d complimented the spaghetti I cooked several times, refilled my water glass and shown genuine interest in my answers to every question he asked me. He was truly a nice person from everything I could see.

And James soaked up his attention, returning every smile and kindness. When Brian commented about liking James from the moment he saw him, he’d blushed a bright shade of red and grinned happily.

They seemed to be in love, which I couldn’t even fathom after less than two weeks of knowing each other. It had to be that they were both completely smitten, which wasn’t the same thing as love.

I was smitten with Bennett. All he had to do was look at me and I felt heat and longing for him. I adored his sweet, easygoing personality. He was the first man I’d been with who didn’t make me feel like a moody bitch for my occasional bouts of temper.

And when he held me, the whole world disappeared. When I sank into his strong embrace, I felt a blissful sense of being protected in every way.

Not that I needed it. I could take care of myself. But still, I liked the way it felt to be with a man I knew would protect me not just physically, but emotionally. Even yesterday, when he’d gotten so upset, he’d just been hurt. I understood why, too. I’d texted him asking him to come over after his game tonight so we could talk.

“Any baby names picked out yet?” Brian asked me.

“Not yet.”

“James Holloway has a nice ring to it,” James said with a wink.

I smiled. “Well, I do know his last name will be Morse.”

“Speaking of your hockey hunk, where is he tonight?” James asked.

“He has a game.”

“Oh.” Brian’s eyes widened. “Are you missing it because of this?”

“No, it’s fine. We had kind of a . . . discussion yesterday so I think it’s best that I’m not there.”

“Oh, no,” James said, refilling his and Brian’s wineglasses. “You want to talk about it?”

I traced a finger from my left hand over the pearl ring on my right. “I guess it was mostly me being me.”

“How so?”

“He mentioned getting married.” I sighed softly. “It scared me. I don’t know where it came from. Why can’t we just be what we want to each other?”

“Maybe that
is
what he wants,” James said, sipping from his wineglass.

“What, because society says you shouldn’t have babies out of wedlock?”

“Is that what he said?”

I shook my head and looked down at my plate. “Actually, he said he loves me.”

There was a pause before James spoke again. “And you said . . . ?”

I gave him an aggravated glance. “I don’t remember exactly what I said.”

James made a face. “Then it definitely wasn’t
‘I love you, too.’
”

“I don’t even know what love is. I was raised by a woman who thought love was any man who’d have her.”

“You’re much smarter than she is.”

“I’m crazy about him, don’t get me wrong.”

James arched his brows in agreement. “As well you should be. He’s like a mythical creature. Hot, sexy, and sweet. That’s a tough combo to achieve.”

“Not hard for you,” Brian murmured. He leaned over and kissed James softly.

“You two are adorable,” I said, smiling. “I guess what I’m saying is I don’t want to rush things. I love things between Bennett and me. We’re happy. We need to enjoy this.”

“Did you tell him that?”

“No. But I guess I need to.” I stood and started collecting dishes from the table.

“You sit down,” Brian said. “We’ve got the cleanup. It’s the least we can do after you made us such a great dinner.”

“She made apple pie, too,” James said.

Brian smiled and finished off his wine. “You’re too much, Charlotte. I adore apple pie.”

They loaded the dishwasher together, trading kisses every minute or two. A sudden pang of longing for Bennett made me pick up my phone and check the game score on his team’s page.

They were down 3–2. I wished I was there watching. It felt awkward to fangirl over my own boyfriend, but I really, really wanted to. I typed out a message to Bennett.