Benjamin (9 page)

“Why are you the man who made me remember I’m a woman?” Beneath the calm, husky voice, he heard the pain. Whatever drove her to weep alone wasn’t gone, it had simply retreated.

He didn’t know how to answer her. Truthfully, she was the first woman to make him remember he was a man. The pull between them was strong, much as he wanted to deny it. They were on a mission of incredible importance to find her son, they couldn’t be distracted by this attraction.

Yet they were. Both of them.

He shook his head. “Damned if I know.” He sat beside her, his palms sweating.

What was he doing?

He leaned forward so slowly, he wondered if he was moving. She watched him, her eyes wide. By the time he reached her, his heart pounded hard enough to make his ears hurt.

Ben kissed her.

Her lips were softer than he expected, like flower petals that hadn’t fully opened, sweet and new. He shook as he kissed her with infinite slowness. A sweep of his lips from one end to the other of hers and he forgot how to breathe.

A warmth began to spread through him from the middle of his chest and outward. He pressed his lips to hers fully and something inside him shifted. He leaned back and opened his eyes. Every part of his body ached and throbbed. He didn’t know it would feel like this.

He didn’t know.

Her eyes fluttered open. “You kissed me.”

“I did.” He licked his lips, tasting her. Her gaze dropped to his mouth and his body jerked as though she’d touched him.

Instead of yelling at him, hitting him, or shooting him, she nodded and got to her feet. As she took her bedroll and settled into camp, he sat there, vibrating as though he’d run the length of the state. And back.

Ben wouldn’t admit this to anyone, especially his brothers, but that had been his first kiss. He’d not come close enough to kiss any woman before now. Grace had something about her that called to him, that made him break every rule he’d established more than a decade ago.

He ran his hands down his face and tried to stop shaking. Instead of disgust and fear, Ben felt elated and excited. He wanted to kiss her again, and more. His brothers had done their job to educate him on how to pleasure a woman, not that he’d had any occasion to use that information. He wasn’t even sure he would but he would be forever in Grace’s debt. She had unlocked a piece of his soul he had thought didn’t exist.

By the time she’d finished doing whatever she needed to do, he heard her eating a quick supper and then she snuggled down into her bedroll.

Ben hadn’t moved, still shocked by the fact he’d kissed Grace. And it appeared she enjoyed it as much as he did. He managed to chew a piece of jerky and wash it down with water from his canteen. As he crept into his bedroll, he doubted he would sleep that night. The feel and taste of Grace’s lips would haunt his dreams.

*

Grace woke some
time in the night with the blanket of stars above her. She shivered and hugged the bedroll around her, but the night was cooler than it had been. It seemed that she had barely fallen asleep, plagued by thoughts of Ben’s kiss.

She had no idea why it had happened, but she did know that kiss had changed her. It had changed their relationship, such as it was, from two people traveling together to something else. What that was, she didn’t know, either.

The cold seeped into her bones and the bedroll wasn’t keeping her warm. Perhaps it was because she was wearing the feminine clothes instead of trousers. The skirt and blouse were a lighter weight fabric, but it was more than that, and she knew it.

Grace wanted to sleep beside Ben and be close to him. It wasn’t sexual, at least not yet, but it was a need. One that drove her to pick up her bedroll and walk toward where he slept. It was too dark to see him and she trembled with the cold. She reached out and found a leg, then pulled away, afraid she’d wake him. Her heart pounded with uncertainty but she couldn’t stop now.

Need to be near him compelled her to keep going.

She placed the bedroll on the ground beside him and lay down. Grace listened to his even breathing and moved a bit closer, then a few more inches closer until the heat from his body permeated between the blankets.

Only then did Grace close her eyes. She had slept lightly for a year, her stomach always jumping as though anticipating the next danger to present itself. Unaccountably, lying beside Ben put that fear to rest. Somehow.

She found herself drifting to sleep, then dreams filled her. When warm lips pressed against hers, she opened her mouth. Sweet wet dancing of tongues. Large hands touching and caressing her curves. She was drugged by the pleasure coursing through her.

Grace felt safe. She felt treasured. She felt loved.

Holy shit.

She realized what she thought was a dream was, in fact, real. It was Ben she was kissing. It was Ben who was running his hands up and down her body. His scent filled her while his breath replaced her own.

She wasn’t frightened. On the contrary, Grace felt alive. The blood sang through her veins and she felt like a desirable woman. Ben was hard beneath her hands, all muscle and sinew, a man in his prime. Her nipples hardened to aching points and she pushed them against his chest.

When his mouth slid to her jaw, he nipped and kissed his way to her neck. Grace moaned and her fingers dug into his shoulders.

He stiffened and his mouth stopped a hair’s breath from her ear.

“What’s wrong?”

He let out a choppy breath. “Grace?”

“You expected some else?” She wasn’t hurt by his question, not really. After all, she thought she was dreaming at first. Perhaps he did, too.

“I didn’t expect anyone.” He moved his hands away from clutching her body and she almost asked him to put them back.

Almost.

“How did you get next to me?” His voice had lost some of its husky confusion.

“I was cold so I moved closer.” She wanted to go back five minutes to where she’d been happy and cherished, pleasured and treasured. Right now she felt rejected.

“Oh.” He cupped her cheek in his big palm. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”

She leaned into the callused paw, relief coursing through her. “You didn’t scare me at all. I liked it.”

“I liked it, too,” he whispered. He sounded as though enjoying their pleasure had surprised him. She shared in the surprise. Unrestrained passion was still new to her.

“Does this change anything?” She wasn’t one to mince words. It served her well when she was pretending to be a man. Most women had been put of by her forthrightness. Sliding back into who she’d been as a woman wasn’t possible. Grace would never be her again. She was discovering whom she was now and that person enjoyed the physical closeness with Ben. A lot.

“Maybe. Yeah, probably.” His warm breath caressed her cheek.

“We’re still going to the compound. To find Henry and Dominic Cunningham.” She might be in the haze of lust, but she couldn’t forget why she was here and what her ultimate goal was. Grace also knew at the end of the road they traveled, she might die. The stolen moments with Ben would become a precious memory.

“Yes.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “I don’t know that I can do this, though. Whatever it is.”

A thought raced through Grace’s head and she almost blurted it aloud. “You—I don’t think we should make rules. We do what we want and nothing more.” She didn’t know if he’d been with a woman before and it didn’t matter. Life was too short to get wrapped up in what she should do. She wanted to focus on what she wanted to do and what she must do.

Perhaps they were the same thing.

‡

T
hey reached the
Sabine River the next morning. She’d been across it on the ferry but had never crossed it by swimming. Since they were too far from the ferry, their only choice was to swim across since the river was deep.

She wasn’t a person who shied away from challenges, but swimming across a river hadn’t been something she’d intended to try in her lifetime. There was no choice now.

The rode up to the bank of the river in the middle of the afternoon. The current seemed gentle but she knew that could be deceiving. The summer had been abnormally dry so the water level was down a few feet.

“This is the narrowest place to cross.” Ben gestured to the bank on the other side. “There aren’t any cypress there to block the horses from climbing up.”

She peered into the depths of the water and tried to see how far down the bottom was. Grace wasn’t one to back away from a challenge, but she wasn’t the strongest swimmer.

She sure as hell hoped Swift was.

“Do we ride the horses or lead them?” she asked.

“Paladin will swim with me on his back. He’s crossed it before.” He looked at the other gelding. “Your horse is at least one hand shorter but he’s got strong lines. Do you know if he can swim well?”

“Don’t know.” She patted the horse’s neck. “He’s got heart, so I think he’ll do his damnedest.”

“We don’t have a choice. Unless we ride a week out of the way to the ferry crossing.” Ben frowned at the river as it moved past them. “Tie everything down tight and put your saddlebags across your lap so they are sandwiched between you and the saddle horn. Rifle and pistols should be kept dry so keep them over your head.”

They spent the next couple of minutes securing everything on their saddles. Grace’s stomach danced with fear as they headed into the water. She held the rifle with one hand against her shoulder. The other held the reins and the saddlebags.

The first few feet were no problem from either horse. When Swift’s belly hit the water, he shied a little but she tightened her knees to keep him on course.

“Easy, boy.” Her mouth was cotton dry and her pulse pounded hard enough to make her ears hurt.

They were halfway across when the water was up to her hips. Swift’s gait changed and she realized he was swimming. Instead of the solid ground beneath them, the water had its own strength and the eddy could carry them away.

Grace wasn’t used to feeling out of control or frightened. The water hit her waist and she nearly lost her grip on the rifle.

“Are you all right?” Ben called from ahead of her.

“No, but I will be.” She hung onto the saddle horn with a wet hand and gritted her teeth.

There had been many challenges in her life, some rife with danger. This experience was nothing like she’d done before. Swift twisted his body and Grace found herself in the water, sputtering as the river entered her mouth. She lost her grip on the rifle and then things became very, very real.

She knew the river was strong but so was she. Grace focused on the riverbank in front of her. Each foot she swam forward was a struggle but she didn’t give up. Her arms burned and she swallowed more water than she wanted to.

Then Swift appeared from her right and slammed into her as he found his footing under the water. She went under and she couldn’t find her way back up. Her lungs screamed for air and she fought against the plants, sticks, and fish around her. Panic clawed at her and stars danced in front of her eyes.

A strong arm grasped her about the waist and pushed any remaining air out of her lungs. She fought against the hold as her body screamed for air.

When they broke the surface she sucked in a breath and then promptly vomited up river water, choking her.

“Dammit, Grace. Stop fighting me,” Ben growled in her ear.

She felt the hot tears sliding down her cheeks as the ground appeared beneath her. Grace fell into a heap on the riverbank and breathed like a bellows. Her throat and chest ached from the experience and the terror that had gripped her.

She was aware of Ben taking care of the horses and setting things to rights. Grace wasn’t a woman to rely on a man. She prided herself on being independent, but she wouldn’t have made it across the river without Ben. She owed him her life.

She managed to sit up to find Ben squatting beside her.

“How do you feel?”

“Wet and embarrassed.” She frowned at her clothes. “I hope I haven’t ruined these.”

“Nah, the water isn’t too silty. The fabric should dry quick.” He held up her rifle. “This is going to take some work to dry out, though.”