Beneath an Irish Sky (Choc Lit) (4 page)

Back in the bedroom, he stood by the window, watching worshippers leaving the church across the street. Sunday was almost over. How would he have spent the day in Baronsmere? A workout, the newspapers, lunch with the family at Edenbridge, an afternoon walk with the dogs, a drink or two in the evening with friends. No romance, although that flicker of hope he’d find someone special hadn’t yet gone out. It had been his choice to end things with Sarah a couple of months ago, so he had no right to complain about being lonely. They’d broken up so many times over the years that the villagers were probably placing bets to see how long it was before they were back together. It was final this time, though. She hadn’t made a big fuss when he’d broken things off, and had made no attempts to win him back, although she’d been a bit quiet of late – it was hard to know what she was really thinking.

He could guess what his parents would think, though, if he brought Luke back to Baronsmere. His would-be son, the thorn in his side. They’d think Jack had lost his mind. Emer had no idea what she was asking. Damn her. Damn Annie. And damn Luke. It had taken Jack so long to get over the shock of Annie leaving, but he’d survived and got his life back on track. The last thing he needed right now was a constant reminder of all that trauma in the form of a twenty-year-old with an attitude. And what the hell was all that about not being wanted because he was a
gypo
? Jack had never used that insult in his life, and he and Annie had wanted a child of their own, a brother or sister for Matt.

Matt! He’d have to tell him in case Luke got it into his head later to phone – or even worse, turn up on the doorstep. Then there would be some explaining to do. Jack took out his mobile and dialled his son’s number.

‘Dad!’ It was good to hear Matt’s voice. ‘What’s going on? Maggie said you’re in Ireland.’

He hadn’t given his housekeeper any details. Didn’t want her weeping all over the place. ‘Matt – I’m here because of Annie.’

‘Annie?
Our
Annie?’

‘There’s been an accident …’

‘Shit! Is she okay? Where’s she been all this time?’

Jack had expected anger or indifference. How could Matt sound so concerned after Annie had abandoned him?

‘Dad?’

‘Matt, I’m sorry … she’s dead. A car crash. I had to identify her.’

‘Oh my God! Why didn’t you tell me? I’d have come with you.’

‘You had the stag night.’

‘Fuck that! This is more important than some piss-up. Look, I’ll come over …’

‘No!’ That was the last thing Jack wanted. Things were complicated enough.

‘But what about the funeral? I should be there. And Maggie. We’ll—’

‘Stop! Just stop. There’s something else. She had a son. He was with her in the car.’

‘Is he dead too?’

‘No, but he’s injured. He’s in hospital.’

‘Poor sod,’ said Matt. ‘So his family are there, yeah? That must be tough for you.’

Jack was tempted to leave it there. Say Annie’s family were taking care of things. But what if the truth came out later? Matt would know he’d lied. ‘Well, that’s the thing, Matt. Luke seems to think we’re his family.’

‘Come again.’

‘Luke’s twenty. His birth certificate says he’s mine.’ Jack hated doing this over the phone. He wished he could see Matt’s reaction. ‘Matt? You still there?’

‘Yeah.’

‘What are you thinking?’

‘For starters – why the hell didn’t Annie tell you?’

And now the questions would start. The last thing he needed. ‘It’s complicated. Too much to go into right now. I’m still trying to get my head round it.’

‘I can imagine. So what’s he like?’

Hostile, stubborn, unforgiving, throws things. That about summed it up. But he didn’t have the energy for that now. ‘He looks like Annie,’ was all he said.

‘I want to see him.’

Jack knew that tone of voice. Matt, determined to get his own way. ‘It’s not a good idea. He’s not strong enough yet …’

‘All the more reason to see him, then. He’s my brother, and it sounds like he needs us.’

Matt’s anger sparked Jack’s own temper. ‘You don’t know he’s your brother! That could have been the reason Annie left.’

He hadn’t meant to say that. Instantly regretted it. He’d never told Matt that Annie had found another man.

‘You can’t believe that, Dad! Not Annie! No way!’

Matt sounded really upset. Jack was botching this badly. ‘I don’t know what to believe. This whole thing has been a nightmare, and I’m shattered. Please – just give me a bit more time to talk to Luke, to see what he wants to do.’

‘You’ll be bringing him home, though?’

Now Matt was suggesting it! And any attempt by Jack to dismiss it as a bad idea could bring Matt over on the next flight. Would Luke want to come back to Baronsmere anyway? Maybe he’d refuse and Jack could offer him start-up money for his move to Wales. Matt could visit him if he wanted. Win-win.

‘Okay, Matt, I’ll ask him, but just don’t get your hopes up.’

Next morning rain had settled in, and Jack turned on all the lights in his suite to dispel the gloom. He spent an hour answering e-mails. They never stopped, not even for a family crisis. Then he phoned his secretary, saying he’d been detained in Ireland on business and she could leave messages on his mobile.

‘And if Sir Nicholas needs to speak to you?’ she’d asked.

‘He can’t. Not today, anyway. I’ll be busy.’ That would go down like the Titanic. He’d take the flak for it when he got home; right now he had different priorities.

After coffee and a Danish, Jack walked the short distance to the hospital. Dublin looked like any other big city with its shops and office buildings, a myriad of umbrellas adding colour to the grey streets. The traffic was bumper to bumper, as bad as Manchester’s. He passed a building and recognised the name of the funeral home where Annie had been taken. He hadn’t been there when they’d transferred her and he tried to ignore the guilt.

Pushing open the swing doors of the hospital, he was hit by the pungent smell of disinfectant. Why couldn’t they use cleaning stuff that smelled of flowers? Might cheer people up a bit, and God knows everybody in St Aidan’s looked like they needed that.

When he entered Luke’s room, only a nurse was there, changing the sheets. ‘Where’s Luke? Has something happened?’ Perhaps he’d discharged himself. Problem solved.

The nurse smiled. ‘He’s taking a walk to the day room to try out his crutches.’

Jack pushed aside a small kernel of disappointment and asked where he could find the day room.

Luke was heading slowly down the corridor, a nurse beside him. Jack was reminded of Matt’s halting first steps all those years ago. He’d missed Luke’s first steps. And so many other firsts.
But he’s not my son.
Again, he’d forgotten this. Lulled into acceptance by the desire he and Annie had shared for a child, a desire he could still remember like it was yesterday.

They reached the day room at the same time and Jack held the door open. Luke glanced at him briefly before being helped into a chair by the nurse.

‘Well done, Luke,’ she said. ‘You’re making grand progress. You’ll be dancing again in no time. Just rest here a bit. I’ll get a wheelchair so I can take you for your scan.’ She bustled out, leaving father and son alone, silent like strangers in a waiting room.

Jack sat in the chair next to Luke, staring at the wall as he spoke. ‘Scan?’

‘To check my head.’

A response at least. And bordering on polite. ‘How are the crutches?’

‘Okay. Not easy with the ribs, but at least I’ll be able to get out of here soon.’

Another sentence without expletives. Definite progress. ‘So where will you go when you get out?’

Luke sighed. ‘What d’you care?’

‘I’m guessing you won’t be going back to your uncles. Is there someone else …’

‘Jesus!’ Luke slammed his hands on the arms of the chair. ‘What’s it to you?’

That was more like the Luke he’d come to know. He’d have to choose his words carefully. ‘Luke, whatever you think, I do care what happens to you. We should try to get to know each other a bit better.’ He hesitated, knowing he was about to say something that could change his life and the lives of everyone dear to him. ‘Come home with me.’

It was out now. No taking it back.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Luke’s head turn towards him.

‘Why would I want to do that?’

‘I don’t suppose you
would
want to,’ Jack replied, avoiding eye contact. ‘But what’s your alternative? You need looking after. You can’t manage on your own yet.’ He’d made it sound like some kind of business proposal. Sign here. Agree to all terms and conditions.

‘You don’t want me.’

That was the truth, but Jack would never say it. He knew what rejection felt like and whatever the temptation, he wouldn’t punish Annie through her son. ‘Until you’re fit,’ he said. ‘After that, do what you like.’ Take it or leave it. The final offer.

‘I don’t think so.’

Well, he’d tried. Hadn’t he?

He’s my brother!
Matt’s voice was inside his head, like a reproach. He’d want to know everything Jack had said. Would probably criticise him for sounding too cold. He had to try again, for Matt. Jack took a photo from his wallet, holding it out to Luke.

‘Matt,’ he said. ‘Your half-brother. He’s twenty-five. Your mother took him everywhere with her – told him Irish stories, taught him Irish songs, which he’ll still sing on drunken St Patrick’s nights. He loved Annie. She was his mother for a year. The only one he remembers. He wants to meet you.’

Before Luke could respond, the nurse reappeared with a wheelchair. ‘Time for your scan, Luke.’

Jack moved to help him get up. Luke’s body stiffened, so Jack left it to the nurse. He held the door as she wheeled the chair out. ‘Just think about it,’ he said, but Luke left the room without looking at him.

Emer’s phone alarm beeped at five minutes to one. Lunch time. And possibly Jack Stewart time. He might have forgotten her line to him yesterday about being in the hospital cafeteria, but she’d be there just in case. Last night, she’d admitted to herself she found Jack attractive.
Don’t lie to your hormones.
One of Maeve’s favourite sayings.

As usual, the lifts were packed to the gunnels with nurses, doctors and relatives. It was as bad as Grafton Street on a Saturday night. When the third lift arrived full, Emer gave up and took the stairs.

Clattering her way down to the first floor, she glanced at her watch. Almost ten after. In her experience, men didn’t hang around long if they thought they’d been stood up. Still, she’d have a chance to see Jack another day, with Luke …

‘Emer!’

She smiled when she spotted Jack, hovering outside the cafeteria. A brownie point to him for waiting. Now why hadn’t she remembered to brush her hair? Even in a ponytail, her curls needed a lot of strict attention or they’d spring free, up and round her head like a wispy red halo. Still, perhaps the special-occasion amber drop earrings she’d spent five minutes looking for this morning would distract him.

She greeted him with a smile and said, ‘Let’s go in. I’m starving.’ She could check the state of her hair in the glass of the food counter.

Jack hesitated, his expression uncertain. Emer felt a small stab of disappointment. Perhaps she’d jumped the gun and he wasn’t staying for lunch after all. She should know better by now than to build castles in the air …

‘It’s really crowded in there. Is there somewhere quieter we can eat?’ Jack asked, and the castle and clouds floated back into Emer’s view.

They couldn’t eat in her office. Never a minute’s peace there. Outside was cold and damp, even if you wanted to combat the clouds of tobacco smoke from both visitors and patients who couldn’t fight the nicotine cravings.

‘There is a place,’ she told him. ‘You’re not afraid of heights, are you?’

Jack blinked nervously. ‘No, not really – why, what did you have in mind?’

‘It’ll be a surprise. C’mon, let’s grab some sandwiches.’

He held up a carrier bag. ‘Already got them.’

Another brownie point for him, only … ‘I don’t eat meat. Did you get a vegetarian option? Or fish is okay.’

‘I bought one of everything,’ he said solemnly, not seeming to think there was anything out of the ordinary in that.

‘Oh.’ Emer resisted the temptation to laugh, not wanting to hurt his feelings. ‘Good for you, Jack. Right, onwards and upwards. Follow me.’

Some of the nurses cast appreciative glances at Jack as he stood chatting to Emer beside the lift. Even if it wasn’t true, it still felt good to be thought of as part of a couple again.

Emer pushed open a door and Jack felt a cool breeze pluck at his hair and jacket. The rooftop lay ahead of them and now he understood her question about heights. He’d wanted more privacy and now he’d got it, because surely only the desperate and the bold would come out here. The clanking and echoes of the hospital behind him faded away and were replaced by the sounds of city traffic. Luckily, it had stopped raining.

‘Well, thank you, Emer – I was hoping to see the sights …’ he joked, peering over the edge. They were seven floors up and there was a reasonable view of Dublin. A park spread out on the left side, and the river glinted a steely grey through the heart of the city. In the distance, there seemed to be a giant knitting needle piercing the sky. ‘What’s that huge spike?’ he asked Emer, who came over to stand beside him.

‘That’s the Millennium Spire,’ she told him. ‘The locals have given it ruder names than that, though. Four million euro to build and a million plus so far to keep it clean. Nobody knows what it’s supposed to be, but it does make a grand meeting place.’

‘Like this rooftop. Do you come here often?’

‘I used to, when I still smoked, but I’m a clean-living girl now.’ Emer winked and smiled, and the sight of her dimples made him smile back. ‘C’mon over here, out of the wind.’

Jack followed her to a stone block sheltered by a large heating vent and they settled down side by side. He rummaged in the plastic bag and plucked out a sandwich. ‘Cheese and pickle?’

‘Grand,’ she said, accepting the sandwich and a bottle of apple juice.

Perhaps he’d better not munch away at beef in her presence. He selected an avocado and prawn half baguette. About to unwrap it, he suddenly noticed Emer was shivering slightly. Standing up, he took his jacket off and draped it over her shoulders.

She looked surprised but murmured, ‘Very gentlemanly of you.’

The sandwich had virtually no taste and Jack soon set it back in its plastic packet. Emer was gamely working her way through the cheese and pickle. Jack had been looking forward to seeing her again, but it was hard to get a conversation going when you were sitting side by side on a breezy rooftop, eating. Emer had less than an hour for lunch, though, so Jack would have to get things started. Best to begin with something she’d approve of.

‘I saw Luke this morning. I asked him to come back with me.’

‘Mmm.’ Emer hurriedly swallowed her mouthful and half-turned towards him. ‘What did he say?’

‘He didn’t seem to think it was a good idea.’ Understatement of the year. Emer looked disappointed so he added, ‘I showed him a photo of Matt, my son. Said he really wanted them to meet, which is true. I phoned Matt last night. Luke didn’t say he’d come, but he didn’t say no, either.’

Jack was painting his offer to Luke in a better light to get Emer’s approval. If she’d been a fly on the wall in the day room, she’d likely have given him a low mark for effort.

‘He’ll need some time to think about it,’ Emer concluded. ‘But well done you for asking.’

Jack was surprised how much he needed that small sign of approval. He’d felt so very alone here in Dublin, not knowing what to do for the best.

They chatted on – about Luke, about Emer’s job, about Ireland. She was close to finishing her sandwich. Time was ticking by so Jack risked a personal question. ‘Do you have any children, Emer?’ Hardly a subtle way to find out if someone was married or not, but it was the best he could come up with at short notice.

‘No, I’m not married. I was nearly engaged once, but it didn’t work out.’

She sounded sad and he wished he hadn’t asked. Always putting his foot in it.

‘What about you, Jack? Is there someone special in your life?’

He glanced at Emer and was sure he saw a spark of interest in her eyes. He could just imagine his mother telling him he’d fallen for one Irish woman and it hadn’t worked out so it surely wasn’t wise to risk it again. Pushing that thought aside, he surprised himself by answering Emer truthfully. ‘I
was
in a relationship with the local hotelier, Sarah, but I ended it a few months ago. I hadn’t been feeling any real emotion for some time, and I don’t think she had either. I guess we both kept going because it was comfortable and convenient.’ But empty. He’d never quite reached the level of emotion he’d had with both Caroline and Annie. And if Annie could leave their perfect relationship, what hope was there? Maybe that’s why he’d never divorced her on the grounds of abandonment – because it was an excuse not to get married again, with all the risks that involved.

‘Sarah and I have been friends since we were children.’ Jack continued. ‘I think maybe it was just easy because it didn’t involve all the effort of getting to know each other – and it was without all that “first flush” stuff that can leave you drained when it goes wrong.’

He looked down at his hands, feeling a bit embarrassed and vulnerable at his revelation. Was he coming across as pathetic?

Emer spoke, quietly. ‘My last relationship was a disaster. He was two-timing me. Seems like everyone else knew but me. Hard to hold your head up high after that. And it’s made me a bit afraid of trying again.’

Jack had felt like that after Annie left. All the good memories soured and nothing left but a broken heart. ‘He must be blind. Or stupid. Or both,’ he said. ‘You’re well shot of him.’

Was there a hint of a blush on Emer’s face? She pushed some escaped curls behind her ear and then yelped in pain. He could see her earring caught in a strand of hair. ‘Let me …’

He carefully disentangled the earring and put it gently back in place, his fingers brushing her skin ever so slightly. She seemed to tremble, but perhaps she was still cold.

‘Thank you, Jack. I’m such an eejit,’ Emer said, folding and refolding the sandwich wrapper. ‘I shouldn’t wear dangly earrings with this hair. Who’d have thought curls could be so dangerous, eh?’

‘I love curls.’ The words were out before he could stop them. So uncool. He couldn’t have been more embarrassingly obvious if he’d tried. Matt would be groaning if he could hear his father now. ‘How was the sandwich?’ he asked, grasping at any diverting topic.

‘It filled the spot well. If you like, I can put those extra sandwiches in the Relatives’ Room.’

‘Good idea.’ He passed her the carrier bag.

Spots of rain began to patter on the rooftop and they stood up.

‘Well, that was at least twenty minutes without any rain,’ said Emer. ‘It’s a miracle.’

As they headed to the door, Jack asked, ‘Could we meet again tomorrow? If you don’t have other plans, that is. You mentioned you had a half-day off.’