Bending Under Pressure (9 page)

She hands me a package of PopTarts. “We’ll be here when it’s over.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I kiss her cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Keelan.”

My classes pass in a blur. I poke at the food on my Styrofoam plate at lunch. What will she be like? Will I look like her? Will I like her? What if she wants to try to be my mom now? What is she hoping to accomplish by meeting me?

A hand rests on my knee, and I hear, “Keelan?” I look over at Haley. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Just thinking.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“I’m meeting with my birth mom today.”

Her eyes widen as she removes her hand from my knee. “Oh, that has to be nerve-racking. Where are you meeting her?”

“At Elsie’s after practice.”

“Are you going by yourself?”

“Yeah, it would be weird if my parents or Cam went. When’s your next match?” I ask to change the subject.

Thankfully, Haley goes on to tell me about their upcoming match and how they’ve been doing in practice. She’s a nice distraction from my thoughts.

The rest of the day speeds by, and soon I find myself freshly showered, tired, and starving while I sit in the diner, waiting for Natalie. I want to order something, but I’m too nervous to eat. My phone buzzes in my pocket and my lips automatically lift a little when I see a text from Haley.

Haley: Hope things go well

Me: Me too. Waiting for her to show up right now.

Haley: Well, I’m sure she’ll show. Text me later if you want

I push it back into my pocket as a woman comes up to my table.

“Keelan?”

I nod and stand. This is my mother. She’s shorter than I am, so I guess my height comes from my father. It’s so odd to see this virtual stranger and to see bits and pieces of myself in her face. Clearing my throat, I dumbly motion to the table and we sit.

“Thank you for meeting with me. You look—” She stops, looking me over. “You look great, exactly how I imagined you would.”

Unsure how to reply, I mumble, “Thanks.” This is beyond awkward and I wish I were at home with my family.

“How have you been?”

I frown at the question. “Since I was adopted? Since I turned ten? Since I last saw you? Or how I’ve been today?”

“All of it,” she answers.

“Good.” One word to inadequately wrap up my life. “My parents are wonderful and they’ve given me a good life.”

Sweet Mrs. Elsie stops by our table for our order. My stomach grumbles, but I can’t imagine having a meal right now. Natalie orders a sandwich while I ask for a drink refill.

“I’m glad.” Natalie seems sincere. “Do you remember anything?”

I shake my head. “Not really.” My memories are vague, but mostly good. However, I don’t want to tell her that for some reason.

“You look a lot like your father.”

While I know they were in jail, my parents never disclosed why. I’m thinking it’s for the best because they are part of my past and I’m not sure I want any part of her in my future. “Why did you want to see me?” I blurt out.

“I wanted to see how you turned out. I’ve cleaned up my act completely; I have a stable job and a place to live. I have for the past year. I’ve thought about you all the time,” she adds.

The ring of the bell on the door briefly drags my attention to it as someone enters the restaurant. It’s Haley. She gives me a small reassuring yet nervous smile, and I wonder why she’s here. I focus on Natalie and the last thing she said, trying not to notice Haley taking a seat at the counter. I feel a little more at ease with her here though. Mrs. Elsie drops off Natalie’s sandwich.

“Well, I turned out fine. What do you want from me, Natalie?”

She seems taken aback, but I’m not sure if it’s from my question or at calling her by her first name. She’s disturbing the normalcy of my life, and I don’t like it. I don’t know if I want her here and honestly, I just want to go see my mom.

“I...I...what do you mean?”

“I have a nice life here with my parents and my brother.” I suddenly stop as a thought hits me. “Do I have siblings?”

She nods. “I had a daughter three years after you were born. When I was sent to jail, my sister, who was my only family, couldn’t care for you both. We decided it would be best to put you in the system. We hated to separate you two because you were so protective over her, even at your age. When we were told someone wanted to adopt you, your father and I both gave up our rights because we figured it was best for you. Your aunt has been taking care of your sister until about six months ago.”

I have a sister and an aunt? I don’t remember either of them and for a moment, I feel guilty. It’s hard to picture myself being protective over a sister I didn’t even know I had.

Natalie doesn’t give me time to process everything. “I want to get to know my son. I want you to know me, your sister, and the rest of our family.”

“I already have a family.” I didn’t miss how she now takes care of my sister. Is she hoping she can somehow get me back, too? Can she do that? Is it possible? My stomach knots up with the thought. Do I want to get to know them? I hate this indecision and feeling as if I’m being pulled in two different directions already. “What’s her name? My sister?” I blurt out again.

“Kiera. Think about it, okay, Keelan? I would really love for you to know your real family.” When I open my mouth to object, she quickly adds, “I don’t want to take you away from the Sandersons. Will you think about it?”

I nod, unsure if I’m being honest or not. Natalie takes the last bite of her sandwich, waves Mrs. Elsie over to pay for her meal, and says goodbye. I watch her leave, sitting in the booth feeling as if my world just got way more complicated. I’m not prepared for this at all.

“You okay, dear?”

My gaze moves to Mrs. Elsie. I simply shake my head. She pats my shoulder.

“Well, smile because you have a beautiful girl waiting to see you.”

Ah, yes. Haley.

T
wo hands appear on the counter on either side of me and I shiver when lips brush my ear as I hear him whisper, “And what do you think you’re doing here?”

I tense. Is he mad? “You said you were nervous, so I thought since you didn’t want your family here, maybe I could come as support. I’m sorry, Keelan. I thought it was a good idea.”

He surprises me with a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, Hales.” He takes a seat next to me. “Decided to try a milkshake?”

“Yeah, but I should have stuck with a banana spilt.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know why, but I can never finish a milkshake. I get about halfway through and I don’t want anymore, even if I order a small. Want to share?” I push it toward him.

He smiles and grabs the extra straw Mrs. Elsie left with a wink earlier. “Thanks.”

“So, how did it go?”

He loses his smile. I tried not to glance in their direction because I didn’t want to intrude anymore than I already had.

“I don’t want to talk about it yet.”

“Okay.” He looks relieved that I’m not going to push him about it. “How was practice?”

“He was a slacker as usual,” Cameron says from my other side.

“What are you doing here?” Keelan asks.

“You weren’t answering your texts, so I came to check on you. How’d it go?”

Keelan repeats what he told me. “I don’t want to talk about it yet.”

That is apparently not a good response. “Mom has already texted me three times since I left the house.” When Keelan groans, he adds, “That bad?” His eyes widen. “Or that good?”

“Both.”

We’re both wearing confused expressions as we look at Keelan.

“Tell Mom I need time before I go home, so I’m going to hang out with Haley.”

I glance at Cameron. He wants to argue, I think, but he nods instead. He says goodbye before leaving. I swivel on the barstool to face Keelan again. “What do you want to do? Go for a drive or to my house? Mom and my stepdad went out for date night.” I roll my eyes to cover my awkwardness at calling Walter my stepdad.

“Let’s go there then.”

After I pay for my milkshake, we head toward my house in our separate cars. After the other night and my inability to stop kissing him, I’m nervous about having him over to my house. This will be the first time he’s seen it. The first time we’ve really been alone, too. Keelan parks behind me and we walk up to the front door.

“I feel like I should have already seen this place as many times as I’ve been in the driveway,” he says as we enter.

I laugh. “Well, I’ll give you a tour.” We walk through the living room, kitchen, and down the hallway to the bathroom, Mom’s room, and finally my room.

“Wow, I didn’t know you were a bookaholic,” Keelan says as he stands in front of my three bookcases, full of books. He scans my titles and I feel self-conscious, almost as if I’m standing naked before him.

“Yep.” I’m not sure if me loving to read is a good thing or not in his eyes. I usually only read at home because at my old school, I got sick of people telling me I read too much. Like really? How is that even a bad thing? Once, I got in trouble for reading because I wasn’t watching the video the substitute was playing. We weren’t going to be quizzed on it and it had nothing to do with the class. It was a last-minute way to waste time since our teacher hadn’t shown. I sit on the edge of my bed, thankful I cleaned my room yesterday as Keelan continues to look around. I lay back, my legs dangling from the knee down.

When he’s satisfied, he sits down next to me, mocking my position. “I like your house and your room.”

“I like yours better.”

He laughs. “Why?”

“Feels more homey.” What are we supposed to do in here? I mean I’ve never had a boy in my room before. I’ve never had a boy over without one of my parents’ home. “Why do you race?” I ask, needing to fill the silence.

“I love the rush, the power of my car, and the way it feels when I drive over the hills.” I know exactly what he’s talking about. Your stomach drops; it’s such an odd sensation to start with, but it’s addicting. Keelan turns his head toward mine, so I do the same. “Why do you love it?”

Honestly, I hadn’t considered my reaction to riding with him and why I enjoyed it so much. I remember sitting in the passenger seat, feeling the lurch of the car as he took off, and watching everything fly by so fast while we were so close to Alan’s car. “The speed,” I answer quietly. Even though I wasn’t driving, it was incredible. “I felt invincible.” The headiness of that caused me to feel confident enough, powerful enough, and brave enough to lean over and do the only thing I could think to do at the time—kiss him—because the moment was too incredible to let it simply end when he stopped the car.

Keelan’s lips stretch into a grin. “It’s even better when you’re driving. Maybe Friday after my game, I can give you your first lesson.”

“You were serious?”

He props himself up on an elbow, angling toward me a little more. “Yeah, I was. Unless you don’t want to learn?”

I prop myself up as well because I want us to be on even ground without him towering over me, but it only puts our faces so close together. “I want to learn.”

“So, Friday?”

“Yep.”

Keelan smiles’ it distracts my eyes and causes them to drop to his lips. I stare for a moment too long because they move, whispering, “I want to kiss you.”

My gaze snaps up to his and my heart starts pounding like a horse galloping at full speed.
This
is why you don’t invite boys into your bedroom! They will want to kiss you and God knows what else. I’m near panic as I gulp, but I barely nod my head; part of me trusts Keelan to just kiss me. His hand feels impossibly warm as he slips it underneath my hair and grasps the back of my neck like he did in the car after the race.

His head tilts as he brings me a tad closer. Am I still breathing? Suddenly, I feel lightheaded. Keelan presses his lips to mine, my eyes falling closed. I wonder if I’ll pass out while he’s kissing me and if he’ll go tell Cameron about it. When our mouths part and I taste his tongue, I forget how to think, how to breathe, and
oh my God! I’m making out with Keelan Moore!

All of a sudden, I’m too aware of our breathing, his mouth, his hand, and how his knee is touching mine now. Dizzy at his kiss, the arm holding me up collapses, and I’m lying flat on my back. Holy cow, his torso is on my torso and I think I’m going to pass out soon.

“Haley! Who is here with you?”

Keelan jumps back and sits up at the sound of my mom shouting from down the hall. I sit up, my lips feeling swollen, and try not to laugh as Keelan scoots to the other end of the bed.

“A friend,” I answer as she appears at my bedroom door.

She frowns when she sees us.

“Hey, Mrs.—” Keelan falters, realizing he doesn’t know my mom’s new last name.

“Mrs. Rita is fine,” she tells him with narrowed eyes, and I have to refrain from rolling my eyes. “What have you two been doing in here?”

It’s not like I can say we were watching TV because it’s turned off.

“Talking,” Keelan answers for me. “I had a rough day, met my birth mom and all, and Hales was letting me get it off my chest before I have to go home and answer my mom’s bazillion questions.”