Bending Under Pressure (20 page)

Plenty is ten dresses. Ten! When Mom drags us clothes shopping, we’re in and out in an hour tops. Cameron and I probably try on ten items total. Keira disappears into a stall while Natalie and I sit outside of it on an uncomfortable wooden bench.

“Thank you for being so nice to her,” Natalie says quietly so Keira won’t hear. “She’s always known about you and has always wanted to get to know her big brother. You’re making her dreams come true.”

“She’s cool,” I tell her, because I have no idea what I’m supposed to say. Is it odd that I feel closer to Keira than Natalie? Or that if I could ease her out of this equation, I would? Keira steps out in a yellow dress that is just above mid-thigh. How did these things end up in the junior section?

“No,” Natalie and I say simultaneously.

Keira pouts. “But it’s so cute!”

“You won’t be allowed into the dance, Keira,” I tell her, figuring our schools have the same policy. “It’s too short.”

“Okay, fine. Whatever.”

She steps back into the dressing room to try on the next one. She had to have slipped that one into the pile underneath another one because I would have seen it otherwise.

“Will you tell me about your childhood?” Natalie asks.

“Um, it was good. My parents gave us everything we needed, instilled good values, and they let me keep my brother.”

“What do you mean?”

“They were only looking to adopt one kid, Cameron, but we were best friends. We had already claimed to be each other’s brother. Mom and Dad saw us together, saw how he reacted when they told Cam was told he was getting a family, but I wasn’t coming with him and vice versa. They didn’t want to separate us, so they adopted us both.”

Natalie is quiet for a moment. “I didn’t know that.”

Keira steps out in a red dress, but Natalie tells her she doesn’t like it. Back into the dressing room she goes.

“Mom would probably be able to tell you stories like you want to hear. I don’t really know where to start or what to say other than they were the best parents I could ever ask for and I wouldn’t trade them for anyone.” Is it harsh for me to say that? Even though it’s the truth?

“I’m sure you’ll still enjoy meeting your real family.” I clench my jaw at
real family
, but don’t say anything as she continues, “Whenever you’re ready, that is.” Keira shows off another dress that we both agree is a bad choice. Once she’s back inside, Natalie asks, “Is there anything you would like to know about your father?”

“No,” I answer curtly, but then I worry about having to deal with another parent. “Is he still in jail?”

“Yes, and he will be for a while.” When I make no move to speak more about it, Natalie decides to. “He knows I found you and am getting to know you again. One day, he would like for you to visit him.”

Visit him? In
jail
? I don’t even know what he did and have no desire to know. No way am I going to a prison to visit my long lost biological father. I shake my head.

“Just think about it, Keelan.”

“No,” I answer firmly. “I’m not doing it, and I’m not sure my parents would want me to either.” Surely, they wouldn’t send me into a prison, even to visit someone who shares my DNA.

“Well, I’m sure I can talk to them—” she begins.

“They aren’t going to make me do anything I don’t want to do, and I don’t want to do it.” Annoyed with her, needing some space, and wishing I were with my parents right now, I stand. “I’ll be outside.” Mom would be upset that I’ve walked away from a situation that was stressing me out, but I can’t help it. Does anyone not understand that this is difficult? That no one should be pushing me into meeting someone, into having a
relationship
with her?

Needing to do something other than pace outside the store, I call Haley. I don’t think she had anything planned for today.

“Hey,” she answers. “Why are you calling? Is everything okay?”

“With Kiera, yes. Natalie, no. I needed a break while Keira tried on dresses.”

There’s a short pause. “And you called me?” I can hear the happiness in her voice.

I laugh. “Yeah, I called you, Hales.”

“Well, what’s going on? Or do you not want to talk about it?”

With a deep breath, I begin explaining things. “It was going okay. She asked me about my childhood, Keira and I were getting along, and then Natalie tells me my dad would like me to visit him.”

“What’s so bad about that?” Haley hesitantly asks.

“He’s in prison.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. I told her no and she keeps telling me to think about it or that she can talk to my parents to get them to let me, but I told her I didn’t want to do it. On top of that, they are supposed to come back home with me for dinner.”

“I’m sorry,” she sighs. “I wish I could help.”

“You’re listening to me vent, aren’t you?”

She laughs. “Yes, I’m listening to you whine.”

“I’m not whining,” I scoff.

“I was joking, Keelan,” she laughs. “I think you should hang up with me and go make sure your sister picks out a pretty dress. If you want and if it’s not too late, text me when they leave and I’ll come over for some hammock time.”

I grin. “You just want to lay against me again,” I tease.

“Or maybe I’m taking advantage of your hammock since I don’t have one. We’ll never know. Bye, Keelan.”

“Bye, Hales.”

Feeling better, I walk back into the store and over to the dressing room in time to see Keira looking at herself in a mirror, wearing a green dress. She looks beautiful in it. It goes down to her ankles and she is covered where she needs to be.

“I like that one.”

Natalie and Keira whirl around at the sound of my voice. Natalie seems thankful I’ve returned, but doesn’t say anything.

“Really?” Keira asks with excitement.

“Yeah, you look beautiful.”

Her grin widens. “I want this one.”

Natalie nods and Keira disappears behind the door to change out of it. “Shoes are next,” she tells me.

The rest of the day goes more smoothly. Natalie doesn’t bring up any more family members. She lets Keira do most of the talking. The girl loves to talk, so there’s never a lull in conversation. I like her though. What does that mean? Is she now a part of my family? Do I need to answer how I have a brother and a sister if someone asks? What does this mean for my family? Can I invite her over, but not Natalie? Or are they a package deal? Keira wouldn’t really threaten the life I have now. Cameron could gain a sister, too.

They follow me back to my house, and it’s weird to have them there.

“You grew up here?” Keira asks in awe as she stares at the house.

“Yep.”

“It’s so nice.”

“Yes, it is,” Natalie agrees.

“Thanks.”

I lead the way into the house. Mom and Dad stand to greet them, asking how the shopping trip went.

“We found me a dress,” Keira answers with a smile.

“We had a blast,” Natalie adds.

“Can I see your room?” Keira asks me.

“Sure.”

She and Natalie follow me up the stairs. As we pass Cameron’s room, I wonder how things are going for him. They admire my trophies and glance around my room. Keira seems to be soaking it in, while I feel like Natalie is assessing it. Or maybe I’m looking for a reason not to like her even more. They comment about how they like my room, and then we’re back downstairs with my parents. Luckily, Mom takes over.

She shows them pictures of when I was younger, telling stories of my childhood, and I’m so grateful she’s doing it instead of me. In nearly all the pictures, Cameron is by my side. We’re the best of siblings. When Keira asks where he is, Dad answers, “He’s spending time with his girlfriend today.”

I raise an eyebrow at him.

“I’m going to put the chicken on the grill.”

“I’ll help,” I offer. We grab the chicken from the kitchen and walk to the back porch. “What’s going on with Cameron?” I ask. I texted him earlier, but he didn’t reply. I want to ask if he’s still planning to have sex with Jess, but that’s not really the kind of question you ask your dad.

Dad sighs as he begins to lay the chicken on the grill. “Sometimes, I wish I knew what was really going through his head. He’s supposed to talk to her, figure out if there’s something more to it, and tell her he isn’t ready. Something more is bothering him, but he won’t tell me what.”

“He’s scared of losing her.”

Dad shakes his head. “I don’t think that will happen, and I think it’s more than that. I’m just hoping he won’t give in because he’s worried about losing her if he doesn’t. I’ve never seen him like he was this morning.”

That makes me worry. Cameron is the calm, cool, fun guy. I’m going to be really pissed if Jess freaks on him or makes him feel bad for not having sex with her yet.

Dad, wanting to change the subject, asks, “How was shopping really?”

I sigh. “I like Keira more than Natalie.” Dad laughs, but stops as I go on to explain what happened when she mentioned my birth father. “I’m tired of people pushing me, Dad.”

He closes the grill top and throws an arm around my shoulders. “I know you are. Mom is trying to be better about it. I think she does it because she knows what you’re afraid of, and she doesn’t want you
not
to do it because of that. As for Natalie, maybe she is trying too hard, but it’s only because she wants to get to know how amazing you are.”

“Would you be okay with me visiting a man in prison? Even if he was my birth father? Honestly? Not the parent-encouraging-child answer, the real answer you can tell me when Mom isn’t around.”

I watch as his white eyelids blink a few times as he thinks it over. Dad knows whatever it was my parents did to land in jail and I’m wondering if that will affect his answer. He clears his throat. “No, I wouldn’t want you to go.” My shoulders sag with relief. “However, if you wanted to go, I think Mom and I would have to discuss it before we gave you the green light or not. It won’t be like how we were with Natalie.”

Whatever my birth father did must have been bad. Obviously, if he’s still in prison, but I don’t know if what he’s in for now is the same as when I was a kid.

“We need to get back inside, son, before they come looking for us.”

We return to where the women are still in the living room. Mom seems to have just finished sharing recipes with Keira.

“So, what does Keelan do to get in trouble?” Kiera asks my parents. “He seems like a good guy, but he’s probably not good all the time, right?”

“Hey,” I mock offense. “I never get in trouble.”

Dad laughs. “Do we need to remind you that I found you and Haley asleep in the hammock at six the morning earlier this week?”

“Are we sure this girl is good for him? He seems to get into a lot of trouble with her,” Natalie says. What is it with her and the use of the word we? Doesn’t she know she has no say so over my life? She isn’t my mother. She didn’t raise me.

“Oh, Haley is a good girl,” Mom jumps in. “Keelan doesn’t really get into too much trouble.” Looking to Keira, she adds, “You’ll have to ask him what he does, but hasn’t gotten caught doing yet. He’s a sneaky kid.”

“I am not,” I protest as any good kid in denial would.

Mom’s retort is cut off when we hear a door slam shut. Dad and I glance at one another because it can only be Cameron. He storms past us on his way to the stairs. Mom stands.

“Cameron,” she begins.

He swivels on his heels and yells, “
What
?”

Oh, shit. This isn’t good. His eyes are red around the edges, and I’ve never seen him so upset and angry before.

“Cameron Wayne Giddings,” Dad starts with a deadly tone. “Don’t you dare yell at your mother like that.”

Cameron seems to realize then that we have an audience. He holds up his hands. “Sorry, Mom. I just...” He shakes his head and turns to go upstairs without another word, defeat sounding with every heavy footstep.

“I’ll go check on him, Mom,” I tell her. She nods, looking as worried as I feel. We can all hear his door slam closed again.

“Tell him that stops,” Dad adds.

“Yes, sir.” I take the stairs two at a time, knock once, and then enter his room. He’s fallen backward on his bed and is staring at the ceiling. “What happened?” I ask quietly, lying next to him.

“I couldn’t do it and she went hysterical. I took Dad’s advice and tried to ask her why she wanted to do it now after all this time. She kept saying she just wanted to. That it was because she loved me and felt ready.” He takes a shaky breath. “She was so pissed when I told her I wasn’t ready. I’ve never seen Jess get so mad at me before. She didn’t get why. I don’t even know if I know why and then I started feeling like a dick, thinking maybe I was pressuring her into it.” He groans. “I think I lost her. I lost her over something I
want
to do with her, but am too fucking scared to do.”

Wow. If she does break up with him, it’ll crush him. “You didn’t lose her. Give her time to cool off.”

He shakes his head. “You didn’t see her face, Keelan. I’m never going to get that look out of my head.” He starts rubbing his knuckles against his jaw. “Go back downstairs. Ask Mom to leave me alone for a while.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

“As soon as Jess answers my texts.”

I nod, stand, and leave him alone.