Bender (3 page)

“Keegan, can you take that stack of papers and file them in the records that I left out last night? I’m so behind!” Marsha asked from her desk.

I worked part-time at a doctor’s office in their medical records room. It was usually only Marsha and me that occupied this space. She had been here for almost ten years, and she was the one who hired me to help her out. When Doctor Hill increased his number of patients and hired a physician’s assistant, Marsha’s workload doubled. She was technically my boss and who I asked for time off or when I needed to cut out early to take care of stuff at home. I was thankful for that because she was nice to me.

“Sure, no problem!” I answered as I grabbed the papers and started the filing. “Ugh, when is Dr. Hill going to move to an electronic system?”

She looked up at me over the top of her leopard print glasses. “Probably never. He’s old-school and likes to have a paper trail.”

I grumbled as I moved between two tall shelves that housed stacks of medical records. While I filed I asked Marsha, “Hey you don’t mind if I head out a bit early do you? My mom needs me to pick up my sister from practice.”

“You know I don’t have a problem with it.”

We continued working for another hour before I needed to leave. I gathered my things and said goodbye before I stepped out into the bright sun. I shivered a little as I walked to my car. It was the middle of fall here in Georgia, and today it felt every bit of crisp and cool. The leaves hadn’t started changing yet, but they would soon. This was my favorite time of year. Next month I’d be taking Sarah to the pumpkin patch out in the country so we could pick our own pumpkins for Halloween.

After picking Sarah up, I drove back to campus and met up with the TA so I could get the study notes for class. He went through a few things on the sheet to help me understand it better, but honestly I was more confused and deflated by the time I got back to my car. Sarah had been skipping along happily beside me, and it was unfortunate I couldn’t mirror her enthusiasm. My A&P class was very important. The sciences held more weight on your academic record than say, sociology, when it came time to turn in your nursing application for the program. If I didn’t walk away from this class with an A I would have to retake it. Looking at Sarah in the backseat bouncing around, I missed the days of being carefree. No worries, or cares other than deciding what I would have for a snack after school. Something needed to change. I was starting to think that maybe Macie was onto something. Could moving out be my answer to getting my life under control? How would my mom take the news? The guilt of leaving her and Sarah to fend for themselves was creeping up my throat and making my eyes sting. The fact that I felt that responsible for the both of them spoke volumes. Well, in my head it did, but the guilt in my heart was what led to me stay. When I pulled up at the house, Sarah unbuckled and went running inside. I sat in my car for a few more moments. My pocket held at least ten ripped pieces of papers with phone numbers on them. The mere idea of calling any of them made me leery. I’d never lived on my own. I knew I could take care of myself if I left, but I worried about what would happen with Mom and Sarah. Maybe I could just call a few of them to see what they were offering and make my decision after that? Who said I would have to commit to any of them just because I called to ask? Yeah, that was what I’d do. I got out of the car and walked inside. The problem: I knew as soon as the thought crossed my mind that I would find an excuse for each one of numbers I called. No matter how perfect they would sound, they just wouldn’t work out for me.

Mom came home an hour later than she said she would. When she walked through the front door, the air from outside blew in past her, and I smelled men’s cologne wafting around her. I narrowed my eyes at her, and she knew I knew.

“Don’t start with me Keegan, I’ve had a bad day.”

“Hmmm… yeah,
smells
like it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She came in and set her purse on the table by the door.

Sarah was in the other room watching television, so I knew she wouldn’t hear us. “What it means, is that you are later than you told me you’d be, and I had to make dinner for Sarah.”

“You cook all the time Keegan, what’s the big deal?” She spun around and walked into the kitchen. I followed her.

“The big
deal
is that I had to miss out on another study session because you supposedly had to work late. Where were you?” I was trying to keep my voice down so Sarah wouldn’t hear me.

“Jed from the office asked me out for a drink. We weren’t gone that long. Cut me a break.” She bent over in front of the fridge and started digging around. “Where are the leftovers?”

“There aren’t any. I made Sarah a sandwich with chips. If you want something, make it yourself.” I was so mad, I had to leave or I’d say something I’d regret. I marched up the steps, and I heard my mom say something about me being dramatic. Oh yeah, we would see who was dramatic. I was twenty years old and still living at home. Sick of feeling like a loser that was going to fail out of college, the papers in my pocket were a reminder of my possible solution. My mom had just pushed me enough that I was ready to take a leap of faith. Sitting down on my bed, I pulled them all out. Starting with the first one I grabbed, I made the call. Taking a deep breath, I heard someone pick up.

“Hello?”

“Umm, yeah, hi. I’m calling about the ad for a roommate.”

T
HE
NEXT
DAY
I
MET
UP
WITH
M
ACIE
for lunch at a local deli. She was going to shit when she found out that I really called and scheduled to see some of these places. What she didn’t know was that she was going to come with me to all of them. No way was I walking into a possible crazy person’s lair alone and never coming back out. This was my best friend’s idea, and by God she was going to die with me if that were the case.

When Macie came in, she ordered her food and slid in the opposite side of the booth. I must have had a look on my face because she immediately said, “What?”

“I called,” was all I said.

She took a sip of her sweet tea and said, “Called what?” I sat there staring at her, waiting for her to catch up. I could practically see the light turning on in her head. “Oh my gosh you called!” She started bouncing around in her seat. “So what did they say? Anything sound promising?”

“Well, I don’t know yet. I have three places lined up to visit today and I’ll see if any of them work out. You’re coming with me by the way.” A worker came over and set our sandwiches in front of us.

“I am?”

“You are,” I repeated. “I need you to come back me up so I don’t look like some lonely girl who can be taken advantage of. And considering that two of these places are with a guy, I will need you.”

“I thought I only tore off one who was a dude.” She took a big bite of her tuna sandwich.

“Nope, but that’s okay. I gave it a lot of thought last night. I almost cancelled them both this morning, but I think I’ll be fine regardless. I never considered having a male roommate. Who knows, this could be a good thing.”

She tilted her head to the side. “Aww, look at my little Keegan, being all grown up and not pessimistic.” I rolled my eyes. “So what did they say? When are we meeting them? What spurred you to be all gung-ho about it?”

I sighed. “Honestly Mace, my mom came home late again last night.”

“Oh honey, again? I’m sorry. What was her excuse this time?”

“She didn’t need one. She reeked of a man, and I snapped. I’m never going to end up in nursing school if she keeps forcing me to take care of
her
responsibilities.” I cringed at my own words. Sarah was never a burden on me. It was my mom pushing her off on me was. “I hate that I’m twenty years old and more mature than she is. Maybe me not being in the house for her to constantly depend on will make her realize that Sarah isn’t my kid, and she needs to step up as the parent.”

“I think I like this new Keegan.”

I chewed my food before I responded to her. “This isn’t a new Keegan, Mace. I’ve always thought this way but have never been brave enough to take the leap. Last night I had been studying before she walked in the door, and all I wanted to do was pound my head into the wall because I didn’t understand the material. Then my mother waltzes in and acts like I was being ungrateful. I can’t even be a sibling to Sarah, because I’m constantly playing the role of mom. It’s time that I get myself out from under her so I can get my degree and get my life together.” I paused to ponder saying this next part out loud. “I’ve been thinking that when I’m done with school, I want Sarah to move in with me.”

Macie had been sitting there studiously listening to me ramble. My last sentence made her pause with her sandwich up to her mouth and look at me like I was nuts. “Are you kidding me? Keegan you can’t take her. Your mom will never let you.”

“It’s not like I want custody or anything, I just want to give her a more stable living environment. I know what it’s like living in a house where you have to raise yourself. And truthfully, I think my mom would take me up on it.”

She shook her head. “So you’d rather make yourself live the same life, and play parent to your sister, than make your mom deal with the cards she was dealt in life? No, that’s just crazy. I understand that you want something better for Sarah, but she’s not your child, and you have your own life to live.”

I pushed away my half eaten sandwich and leaned back against the cool plastic seat. I’d never really thought of it that way. If I took Sarah in after I got myself settled, was I just following in her footsteps? It wouldn’t technically be the same. I would at least have graduated high school and furthered my education so I could take care of both of us. I closed my eyes and breathed in deep. The smell of fresh baked bread permeated through my nose. I think I needed to think about this some more. Maybe Macie was right.

“Change of subject. Where’s the first place we are going to go check out?” she asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“It’s a few blocks over, near all of the frat houses. The guy’s name is Seth. We’re meeting him in about thirty minutes,” I said looking at the screen on my phone.

“Oh, Seth, me likey already.” She wagged her eyebrows at me.

I laughed and balled up my napkin, tossing it at her face. “You’re hopeless!”

We both got up from the table and threw away our trash. “Let’s take my car. I’m not sure we’ll survive the journey in your old rust bucket.”

“Hey, you leave Nelly alone. I’ve had that car since high school, and she’s gotten me through some really rough times.” I stroked a hand down my fifteen-year-old silver Camry as we passed by it on our way to Macie’s brand new Beamer.

“Yeah, yeah, shut up and get in.” We laughed as we made our way to the first house.

By the time we pulled into the single car driveway, I was a ball of nerves. I apprehensively climbed out of the car and walked up to the front door. If first impressions meant everything, mine wasn’t good. The house was a single story with dirt for a yard and cracked pavement leading up to the steps. The yellow paint on the house was peeling and gave it an old dilapidated look.