BENCHED (36 page)

They think I would be a good fit for the cheerleading squad, which seems like a peculiar thing to say. I remember seeing the cheerleaders at the games before. Those outfits would look silly on me.

Jason asks if I can skip joining but get one of the uniforms, and I glare at him but suppress a smile.

The second movie starts, and again I almost fall into a trance. Jason seems amused when I instinctively hide my eyes from some of the imagery on screen.

"We're going to have to stop with
Return of the Jedi
," he sighs. "If we watch all the way through, we'll be up until the wee hours of the morning."

By the time we watch the third film, I'm yawning and my head is resting on his lap. He leans back in the seat, slunk down on the couch, and idly strokes my hair with his hand. I hope he does not turn it orange.

Eventually he goes from stroking my head to resting over my hip, protectively touching my stomach. I shift closer to him, almost lying on top of him, and eat chips.

I sit up toward the end of the final film, staring, engrossed in the drama of Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader.

When it's over, Jason puts his arm around me.

"What did you think?"

"That was amazing," I gasp. "There is more?"

"Yeah, there's more," he says, a little warily. "We better get you home. It's after one o'clock."

"Yes," I agree sadly. "We should go."

As the others drift away, Jason takes my hand, and we walk together through the dark, passing under streetlamps. It feels like walking into another world. When we near my house, we must part ways. I stop on the corner and rise on my tiptoes to kiss him.

He waits, leaning against the lamp, until I climb the fence. I wave to him one last time, crouched on the porch roof, before I swing my legs back through the bedroom window and slip inside.

The paper crown has somehow remained on my head all this time. I carefully remove it and give it a place of honor atop my dresser, and smile at it like a fool for half a minute.

I roll into bed, still smiling, and manage to fall asleep without reminding myself that tomorrow is Wednesday and the week will be halfway over.

Almost.

I
dread going
to Grandolf's morning class. I am exhausted even when I wake up and skip my morning run to instead drag myself to class half-dressed, still wearing pajama bottoms.

Her course is the worst, because Jason is there and I can't speak to him, not in public. I am still nervous that he brought his team and their friends in on the secret. More than a dozen people now know what is happening between us. More people to let it slip to the wrong person.

Again, I sit far away from the front. Jason sits in his usual seat, far back, and doesn't look at me. He sends a text instead.

J
ason
: You ok?

A
nastasia
: I am well.

J
ason
: Leave if you need to I'll catch you up on the notes.

A
nastasia
: She is not making me run away.

J
ason
: As you command, Princess.

G
randolf sends
out the TAs again. This time my assignment has received an actual A. I was very careful with the grammar and spelling, and triple-checked everything. I stare at the paper in shock, turning it over to make sure there is no trick, verifying that I wasn't handed someone else's.

The professor hardly spares me a look, no more than she would any other student. Or so I think. The closer I look, the more I catch her glancing from the corner of her eye, glancing at me first when she turns the page of her lecture notes, glaring at me for a moment when she turns around.

I try to convince myself it's in my imagination, but that simply can't be true. I feel a sense of menace from her, like I'm sitting above a predator's cage, watching a panther pace back and forth, eyes always on me, hungry to know what I taste like.

Today I pay extra careful attention, typing notes so comprehensive they border on unnecessary. I catch myself typing "um" because she says it. I will not let her beat me, I swear. My average in the course is a B- again, and if I work hard on the final exam, I can still pull an A.

Besides, I have Jason to help me. I glance back at him a few times. Slouched in his seat, he looks as though he would rather be anywhere else.

When class finally ends, I fight the urge to go to him, as usual. When I walk by, it pains me not to look at him so much that I finally spare him a glance. He smirks when he sees me looking, and I will myself not to blush, and hurry on out to the hallway and away from the lecture hall.

My day goes as normal, and I grow anxious thinking what surprise Jason will spring on me tonight. When I climb down from my room and clamber over the fence, he is waiting by the corner. I sprint over to him and tuck up beside him.

"Grandolf failed me on my last set of review questions," he says with a deep, sad sigh.

I stop in my tracks. "What does that mean? Will it hurt your scholarship?"

He sighs again. "It could. I'm doing better on the math, but midterms are coming up and I'm not sure."

"We can take time to study."

He gives me a sad look. "Next week, huh? Let's have fun. Listen, I think we should ditch class on Friday."

My heart skips at the thought of willfully missing one of my classes. Jason sees the look on my face and laughs.

"Don't go so pale. There's something I'd like to show you and it closes for the year on Friday. We'll borrow the brothers' car and go for a nice road trip, huh? Sneak out of here in the morning."

I bite my lip and huff. "I do not know how I would get past my guards."

"Tell 'em you're sick." He shrugs. "You need to stay in your room. Then sneak out. Come on. You agreed to one week. What does it matter if you get caught at the end of it?"

"I would be sent home. I don't want to go home."

Jason puts his arm around me. "I can't believe they'd really do that to you. What if you told them you wanted to stay together with me? It's 2016, Ana. People don't arrange marriages anymore, no matter who they are."

"They do if they are royalty," I sigh. "Please, can we not speak of this? I don't want to think of how this must end. What are we going to do today?"

"I didn't have anything in mind. We can get the car if you want, go for a ride."

"You drive?"

"Yeah, I just can't afford my own car."

I nod. "We'll drive on Friday. Tonight let's walk. Perhaps we can find a restaurant."

After we are away from town, Jason has an idea.

"You know what quintessential part of the American experience you're missing? Chinese food."

I look at him and blink a few times. "What?"

"Come on."

He takes my hand, and we quicken our pace. When we reach the Great Wall Chinese Buffet, he leads me inside and buys our way in. Jason loads up my plate with a dozen foods I can't pronounce, and we take a table in the corner. I don't dare lower my hood. I am facing away from the door, though, so I feel comfortable taking off my sunglasses.

"Dig in," he says.

I hold up the peculiar sticks they gave me and look at Jason. He smiles and takes them from me, demonstrating how to use them. It still takes me five minutes to eat an actual bite of food. I'm so hungry, I grab the finger foods first, the spring rolls and won tons. It's all hot and greasy and feels a little heavy, but good.

Like everything about this country, it's a little overwhelming.

"Do you miss home?" he asks.

I want to say no, but instead I say, "I do miss my country. It is where I grew up. It is a part of who I am."

"Tell me about it."

I shrug. "The beaches are all pebbles. There is no sunbathing. Most of the island is all rocky coast, so sheer that few people can climb it. There is one safe harbor where the ships come and go, but the rest of the coastline is impassible."

"That sounds like a geography textbook, Princess. What's it like? I want to feel it."

I chew a slice of chicken thoughtfully.

"It is beautiful. It seems dreary until you come to know it. Half the days of the year it threatens rain, and the other half it does rain. The storms can be terrible, hail and lightning that splits the sky like the anger of God. The seas around the island rage and thunder, but it is glorious. When the storms come into the east side of the island, the waves slam into the rocks and cliffs and great pieces shear off."

He looks rapt. "Go on."

"The water bites holes in the cliffs. In some places the caves reach all the way through to the interior. The streams flow down into the sea through them. They all originate from the mountain slope, and when it rains, they become floods. The castle has such a stream that flows straight through it, through cisterns in the walls to keep flowing down to the valley below.

"When the sun does shine, it is incredibly beautiful. The whole island is dark green grass from one end to the other, except for forests on the slopes of the mountain that my ancestors kept as a hunting reserve."

"I'd like to see all this someday," he says.

"Jason, you—"

"I know I can't," he says bitterly. "I know, I know, I'm not good enough for you, really. This can only be a fling."

"I did not mean it that way. You know that. You are good enough. More than good enough."

"Am I?"

I bite my lip, trying to find the words to soothe him, but all I can say is

"Jason. I've been royalty all my life, but only you make me feel like a princess."

He looks genuinely shocked. "Do you mean that?"

"Yes." I nod. "If things were different, if they were…."

"You're right." He takes my hands. "We shouldn't do this. Do you like your food?"

"Yes, but there is too much. I cannot eat all this."

He nods. "Yeah, me either. They feed you in these places, no denying it."

As we leave, Jason takes my hand. We start back toward town, and I slow my steps, extending the walk. He has practice in the morning; he will need his sleep.

"I do not want to go back," I sigh.

"Home?"

"To the house. To the old ways. I want it to be like this now."

His grip tightens on my hand.

"You have to decide what you're going to do."

"It would be easier if we could just be ourselves. If I could just be me and you, you. If we could go where we want, do what we want. I no longer wish to hide. I would like to walk down the main street with you."

"Let's do it. Throw back your hood and let's just walk and let everybody see us."

I stop in my tracks. "You jest."

"I don't. What are they going to do?"

"I told you, I will be sent home by morning. They'll take you away. I already wonder if I should even be here. I can't keep you."

His expression is blank. "You wonder if you should be here?"

"Nothing I've done with you is a mistake. I regret none of it, except that I cannot keep you. Do you not see?"

"Who says you can't keep me?"

I cry out in frustration. "You refuse to listen!"

"Yeah, I refuse to listen to nonsense. Run away with me."

"I cannot do that."

"Yes, you can. We'll just run. Disappear. Nobody will look for me, it'll be you that's the problem. Get a haircut and dye your hair. I'd hate to see it, but I'd hate to lose you."

"I want to," I whimper. "I wanted to as soon as you said it, but I can't. Don't make me think about it ending."

I throw myself at him, and he wraps his arms around me. We stand for a while before we begin to move.

"I'm going to make Friday really special, I promise."

"I believe you."

"Come on, let's get you back to your castle."

Resigned, I walk with him, hand in hand.

"Tomorrow we'll just hang out at the house. I'll tell the boys to get lost for a while, give us our space. We can study or watch TV or just sit together. Whatever you want, Ana."

"Thank you," I sigh.

We kiss deeply before I return to the house. Once I'm back in my bedroom, I close the window and sulk, sitting cross-legged on my bed, eating a fortune cookie.

I flop back and stare at the ceiling. It offers me no answers.

One floats into my mind.

I could abdicate.

I chew my lip, and send a video-call request to Konstantin. It's midafternoon back home, so I may not reach him at all. I wait for a minute and nearly give up before he answers.

"Sister!" he says, beaming into the camera. "What troubles you at this late hour?"

I sigh. "Konstantin, how would you like to be king?"

He starts laughing. "No thank you. I've seen enough of what Mother goes through to want to chafe my ass on a throne. I have important philandering to attend to."

Huffing, I scowl at him. "I'm serious. I just had a thought…."

The blood drains from his face. "Don't you dare."

"I could."

"You can't."

"I should."

"You mustn't."

I smirk. "Why, afraid you'll come down with a case of responsibility?"

He snorts. "No. If you abdicate the throne, then I'll have to abdicate the throne, and poor Illiana will have to abdicate the throne, and it'll just be anarchy. We can't have anarchy, sister. Sorry, you were born into the top spot. I'm just the spare, and I like it that way."

I fold my arms over my chest and give him a sharp look.

"You look so queenly. The subjects will just love you."

"Konstantin, this isn't a joke. I…"

His smirk fades. "What?"

"I think I'm in love with him."

"It'll pass," Konstantin sighs. "Trust me, I've seen it pass many, many times."

"When I am queen, I will be putting an end to your womanizing, brother. You're going to settle down."

"I changed my mind, you should abdicate."

"It's different with you," I snap. "You want them to leave you."

"I always make it clear I'm only interested in a temporary arrangement."

"Oh, I know. I'm not the only one who sells lots of copies
of The Royal Exposé
, brother."

He quirks an eyebrow. "You've been reading back in the archives, I see."

"I wouldn't be reading such trash if they didn't have a fixation on taking pictures of my rear end. Also yours, for that matter. Among other things. I saw the pictures of your Ibiza trip. You should be ashamed of yourself."

"I'm proud of myself. I'm sorry fate has dealt you such a poor hand, sister, but why should I not enjoy my freedom?"

I sigh. "It reflects poorly on the royal family."

"God, you sound like Mother."

The regret is written plainly on his face as soon as he says it. I can feel the color draining from my own, as though my skin is freezing. At the same time, I feel a burn in my eyes.

"Don't say that," I choke out. I mean to yell at him, but my throat strangles the words.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that, Ana. You're not like her at all. You're kind and gentle and… loving. I think when you were born, all the warmth in Mother's heart flowed into you."

I can't help it. I beam at him.

"Thank you."

"I wish for your happiness, Ana. I don't want to be king any more than you want to be queen."

"Someone has to do it."

"You were born for it. You are kind and gentle and wise. I am a womanizer and a hedonist. I don't deserve a crown."

"You're better than you think you are," I sigh.

"Yes, yes." He waves his hand. "I've heard it before." He clears his throat. "I have something I should tell you," he sighs.

"What?"

He shifts from side to side and scrubs his hands through his hair, the way he always does when he's nervous.

"Mortimer has been visiting the castle more frequently lately. Thrice this week, and his father too."

I feel a cold, queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"For what purpose?"

"If only I knew, but I'd rather see him gone. You should banish him from the island when you're crowned."

"I should banish him to the moon," I sigh. "Let him sniff after me all he likes. Mother will never force a marriage on me."